The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Cheese Wagstaff

auldgranny wrote: »

Mathematically it works out and everything, it's amazing!

Flood

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all,
And I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle. And then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked.. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No,' - excitedly. We drank a bit more, Then she says that tonight
was 'my lucky night'.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mum, you still awake?'

fryup

fryup wrote: »

surely its the other way around?

eamonnq wrote: »

Yeah, a zero looks like an 8 with no belt around the middle ??

no, a zero looks like an eight with a belt around the middle

Buona Fortuna

This woman looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

Michael D Not Higgins

fryup wrote: »

no, a zero looks like an eight with a belt around the middle

lol wut

fryup

^^^^^^^^^^^^

i'm saying the belt around the zero

Wossack

looks like we're gonna need to break out the crayons..

FIN

yellowlabrador

someone is having a blond moment:D

whiskeyman

Good old 8 is looking well, and the belt really show's of their figure.
But 7 is still feeling down in the dumps for putting on too much weight...






7, 8, 9...

fryup

so the joke is ..you put a tight belt around a zero...it becomes an eight in shape ?

Hermy

No - this is the joke.

Cheese Wagstaff wrote: »

What did 0 say to 8?

"Nice belt."

civis_liberalis

There will be a belt soon enough if we don't move on from that shaggin joke anyway!

eamonnq

civis_liberalis wrote: »

There will be a belt soon enough if we don't move on from that shaggin joke anyway!

Why ? It's a belter !!

Cheese Wagstaff

civis_liberalis wrote: »

There will be a belt soon enough if we don't move on from that shaggin joke anyway!

The joke did nothing wrong, you leave the joke out of this

civis_liberalis

Cheese Wagstaff wrote: »

The joke did nothing wrong, you leave the joke out of this

I think you stand alone on that, Cheese.

fryup

fryup wrote: »

so the joke is ..you put a tight belt around a zero...it becomes an eight in shape ?

i am right aren't i ??

MonkieSocks

My dad worked for the National Road Network agency for 30 years before he got fired for stealing!


At first i didn’t believe it............but when i got home, all the signs were there!

rolliepoley

I made a belt out of watches once...
























It was a complete waist of time.

CUCINA

There are three types of people in this world ...those who can count and those who can't. ..

Capt'n Midnight

There are 10 types of people in the world.

Those who understand binary and those who don't.


















And those waiting for a ternary punchline.

Flood

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in- law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in- law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.
He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD,
and laid on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress." she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

TheChevron

My friends were taking the piss out of my dog because he likes to play fetch.

I told them not to be giving him stick.

MonkeyTennis

Just to confirm. These are the best jokes you've ever heard?

tayto lover

MonkeyTennis wrote: »

Just to confirm. These are the best jokes you've ever heard?

You must have a few up your sleeve then yourself.
Go on then, let them rip.

TheChevron

Can we change the name of this thread to "The Joke Thread", for the benefit of the whingers.

blade1

TheChevron wrote: »

Can we change the name of this thread to "The Joke Thread", for the benefit of the whingers.

Or the whinge thread even :pac:

Cheese Wagstaff

The 0 & 8 thread

yellowlabrador

Why was 6 scared of 7?





Cos 7,8,9.

Magico Gonzalez

We could rename it the 1980s joke thread?

The "Frank Carson want's his jokes back" thread?

The funny as a ripped scrotum thread?

ArnoldJRimmer

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

We could rename it the 1980s joke thread?

The "Frank Carson want's his jokes back" thread?

The funny as a ripped scrotum thread?

Just for you, some Frank Carson classics:

My daughter came home one day and told me that she had some good news and some bad news about my car. She said 'The good news is that the airbag works.'

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

A guy walked into the pub with a cocker spaniel and I said: "No dogs allowed". He said: "You allow guide dogs." I said: "Yes but they are either Alsatians or Labradors." He said, "Ah s***, what have they given me?"

A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.