Unexpected item in baggage area

Pighead

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

Mai oui, bien sur Monsier Pighead, just as when Mrs Piggy calls me to tell me she is coming to stay a few days on 'holiday' - it's because she isn't satisfied due to her vajayjay being broken and not due to the fact that Mr Pighead doesn't fully know what to do with his todger - just stands there, sctraches his chin and says "Hmmm, the fuse must be broken ...";)

P.S. By 'holiday' I mean 'sweaty sex'.

Liar. You know how Pighead knows you're a liar?

Miss Piggy would never in a million years have sweaty sex with a spanner who used the term vajayjay to describe her love glove.

Banned Account

Pighead wrote: »

Liar. You know how Pighead knows you're a liar?

Miss Piggy would never in a million years have sweaty sex with a spanner who used the term vajayjay to describe her love glove.

Love glove ?

Pighead must have very large hands;)

tony1kenobi

Pighead wrote: »

So whats your opinion on the self service checkouts? Are they friend or foe to the modern consumer?

I only tried to use it once.I had a cold and went to get lemsip. I picked up the bargain 12 pack of classic lemon but then spotted a blackcurrant alternative.Feeling daring (possibly due to the 14 hot whiskeys rolling around my gut) I went with 5 blackcurrant and five lemon. When I tried to scan them I got that message "wait for assistance"...and some old bint came over to inform me I couldn't buy 2 packs because they have paracetamol.I highlighted that my purchase amounted to 10 lemsips and that I could have bought 12 in one pack.She wasn't getting it and wasn't helpful.So I suggested she see if they would fit up her hole and headed for the off license instead.

The guy in the off license had no issue selling me three bottles of whiskey either.

Toto Wolfcastle

Korvanica wrote: »

self service checkouts are grand, unless theyre in tesco... the tesco ones are so s**t...

i cant understand how the superquinn ones run properly while the tesco ones takee forever to do everything.. and they both run the same software.... different hardware underneath maybe?

Yeah the Superquinn ones are fine as are the B&Q ones but the Tesco ones are just so slow.

Hells Belle

I don't mind the ones so much in Tesco Pighead as long as the procedure goes ok, I agree about the size of the places though. My oh does all the shopping now because I go in and get mesmerised by the array of stuff, spend €200 and we have only condiments to eat 2 days later. I get the shakes when I go to an Aldi, too much stuff everywhere.

I must berate the self serve ones in B & Q though. The woman in the computer is the uglier, fatter sister of the one in Tesco. I'm only a small person and I have to scan huge bags of compost, put them on the extra baggage area place, then have to put it back in the trolly without crushing everything else - like the flowers they sell that go with the compost... :rolleyes:

Also nearly de-eyballed one of my kids trying to scan 8 foot canes. :mad:

Furp

And you know whats even more hell bent on turning a customer into a fiery ball of anger then the normal Tesco automated checkouts.

The automated Tesco Checkout with an Automated belt that feeds down to the packing area.

You see nearly every item goes onto the first section of belt gets weighed and moved onto the next section of the belt. This is really great for any item that is not cuboid in shape. example any number of bottles. Usually just as the item is about to go onto the second belt and down to be packed. The disembodied voice announces "unexpected item on belt" at which time the belt reverses to bring you already scanned item back to you. You either pick it up and put it back down or because the item has now shifted position the belt will once again change direction in its merry little dance, if this happens enough times you get the statement no one wants the hear. "Please wait for assistance"

They can also be great fun :mad: when you have your kids with you as no matter how many times yo tell them not to, they just love resting their hands on the weigh belt or bag area on the normal self service checkout, "unexpected item in bagging area" Why yes, its my child.

Earthhorse

Pighead wrote: »

They should change it's name to the self congratulating smug condescending piece of crap checkout.

Aw, you're not that bad.

johnny_knoxvile

Earthhorse wrote: »

Aw, you're not that bad.

haha, razor sharp.

Pighead

What happens if you use a credit/debit card to pay for the goods but the transaction is declined because you don't have enough money?

Does the evil robot woman shout out that you're a peasant to all and sundry or is it a tad more discreet than that?

CreepingDeath

Pighead wrote: »

"How the hell is it unexpected? It's a fcuking Tesco bag.

It's not rocket science.
You scan the item and put it on the shelf, which is a sensitive weighing scales.
As you scan one item, it expects 1 item to be placed on the scales.

If you put more items on the scales than you have scanned, then you are quite clearly a shop lifter or over 80 years old and have escaped your home helper.

Pighead

CreepingDeath wrote: »

It's not rocket science.
You scan the item and put it on the shelf, which is a sensitive weighing scales.
As you scan one item, it expects 1 item to be placed on the scales.

If you put more items on the scales than you have scanned, then you are quite clearly a shop lifter or over 80 years old and have escaped your home helper.

Rubbish! You only have to breath on the plastic bag to set off the stupid cow and her unexpected baggage nonsense. And the barcode scanners are about as receptive as the North Korean tourist board. The whole set up is a farce.

Carroller16

Pighead wrote: »

What happens if you use a credit/debit card to pay for the goods but the transaction is declined because you don't have enough money?

Does the evil robot woman shout out that you're a peasant to all and sundry or is it a tad more discreet than that?

Boy did I laugh at that!

chickenchaser

Pro-tip, I always take the time to mute the instructor on the self service machines..
But it's true, you're left waiting ages to get assistance from staff on the machines and the bagging areas throws a sh** fit when you try to put a bag in it.

I do prefer self service to staff who tell me at the mature age of 27 that I look too young to buy alcohol.

OutlawPete

chickenchaser wrote: »

Pro-tip, I always take the time to mute the instructor on the self service machines..

How does one do that?

Earthhorse

OutlawPete wrote: »

How does one do that?

Just put your fingers in your ears and operate the checkout with your nose.

Mint Sauce

then the machine says 'do you wish to continue,' and you think to your self, 'no, i'm still waiting for f**king assistance' because your stupid machine failed to regconise my tescos bag, wont accept the smegging coupon, wont scan the barcode on my box of witabix, authorise the packet of paracetomol, etc etc.

still prefer them to the friendly checkout assistants though

Dublin_Gunner

Whats just as annoying is, you've just gotten your change back after the scanning and unexpected item fiasco, and within two seconds. 'Please remove your items'.

WTF??

Pi$$ off bitch, its after taking me the guts of 20 minutes to get you to work, now I'll take my god damn time packing my stuff. Grr.

Pighead

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Whats just as annoying is, you've just gotten your change back after the scanning and unexpected item fiasco, and within to seconds. 'Please remove your items'.

WTF??

Pi$$ off bitch, its after taking me the guts of 20 minutes to get you to work, now I'll take my god damn time packing my stuff. Grr.

Pighead hears you loud and clear Gunner.

It's about this stage of proceedings when you start to think that maybe the annoying voice you've been hearing isn't a robot at all. Instead it's a woman from your past hiding behind the machine who has held a long standing ill bearing grudge against you and has decided today is the day she wreaks her revenge.

George Orwell 1982

What really annoys me about Tescos is the queues. The Tesco in Rathmines is unbelievable. There is never enough check out staff so you have to wait forever just to check out a few items.

I have stopped going there now its just too annoying.

OutlawPete

My biggest gripe with the things is the way it dispense the 'notes' in your change.

I have walked off a few times after leaving €5 or more in the note chute.

Sure, she screams about not forgetting you change but why the fcuk does it have to be divided to coins in the bagging section and notes hidden back where you started at the scanning end.

I bought a 18 cert DVD last week and the robotic cnut started screaming:

"Approval needed, approval needed, everyone's looking at you, you're holding up the whole store, you porn lover, deviant .."

Nightmare.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Not that difficult to use, you scan something, place it on the weigher, scan your next item place it on the weigher, etc etc. Get the basics right, understand how the machine works and it's a piece of piss. I see people struggling with them and wonder how they can make a hames of something so simple :P

CreepingDeath

Pighead wrote: »

You only have to breath on the plastic bag to set off the stupid cow and her unexpected baggage nonsense.

You must've been heavy breathing.

Then you've got the ones that actually have a conveyor belt - actually they've two conveyor belts - one long one which leads onto a short one . And only 1 item can be on the long one at any one time, god forbid you put the second item on before the first item has reached the second belt :eek: And then all your items get stuck and the silly woman says "please clear items from end of belt before proceeding" so you've to walk all the way to the end of the checkout and back just so you can scan your next item. Grrr.

Kasabian

Recently , everytime I use the self service I have been getting the " wait for assistance message " so on a particular day I queue up behind a woman who was buying for the end of humanity.

In no particular hurry I waited my turn , contented that I would get through without my temperature being raised by a woman's voice in a machine telling me I needed assistance.

So as a gap appears on the conveyor I load up my few bits from the basket and what happens , a super friendly assisatant appears alongside me and picks up the items I have left on the belt and tells me she would take me to the self service till . I stop her in her tracks and ask her why when I am next in line and had already my stuff on the belt would she do that , her reply " I am only trying to be of assistance ". :mad:

ashyle

I work in a shop and have to 'supervise' them. Every single customer makes one of these suggestions to me: "You know, these things are taking your jobs/I prefer a real person/Remove last item?? What the fck is going on, you and your machines are arseholes, I'm going to Woodies, where's my change, rabble rabble rabble.

I have suffered attacks on my character because of the damn things. They save me no stress, because I have to watch 4 till instead of one. They save no time, because the read flashing lights never stop, and I usually end up having to scan in everything.

I hate my jobbbb

ashyle

Aaden Hot Hyena wrote: »

Not that difficult to use, you scan something, place it on the weigher, scan your next item place it on the weigher, etc etc. Get the basics right, understand how the machine works and it's a piece of piss. I see people struggling with them and wonder how they can make a hames of something so simple :P

Yeah if customers would just listen to the instructions, it would work fine! Having said that, on one of our Self Service machines, when the sliding door opens at the exit, the wind sets off the red light flashing... yes this technology is confounded by wind.

ashyle

Hells Belle wrote: »

I must berate the self serve ones in B & Q though. The woman in the computer is the uglier, fatter sister of the one in Tesco. I'm only a small person and I have to scan huge bags of compost, put them on the extra baggage area place, then have to put it back in the trolly without crushing everything else - like the flowers they sell that go with the compost... :rolleyes:

Also nearly de-eyballed one of my kids trying to scan 8 foot canes. :mad:

ask for help :P but it is ridiculous to have them in a diy store, half the stuff in there you can't fit in your car never mind the 'scale'. And they aren't even 10 items or less, which is redonk, and not 'express' at all.

Toto Wolfcastle

But they're great in DIY stores if you're only popping in for a few small things. We went to get paint samples and a couple of other small things and we used the self-service. We went a few weeks later to buy a large plant and we went to the manned till. If you go to a self service checkout with large items then you need your head screwed on.

Gang of Gin

chickenchaser wrote: »

Pro-tip, I always take the time to mute the instructor on the self service machines..
But it's true, you're left waiting ages to get assistance from staff on the machines and the bagging areas throws a sh** fit when you try to put a bag in it.

I do prefer self service to staff who tell me at the mature age of 27 that I look too young to buy alcohol.

I tend to mute the machine too. But I don't think you can do it on some of them. Either Tesco or Dunnes. Not sure which.

Gang of Gin

And is it not, 'Unexpected item in the bagging area'?

Not sure about all this baggage talk.