Unexpected item in baggage area

Pighead

"How the hell is it unexpected? It's a fcuking Tesco bag. And this is fcuking Tescos!" Pighead screamed at the smug female voice hiding behind her computer screen in the supermarket last night.

Honestly, Pighead doesn't know how you women do it. Was forced to go shopping last night as Miss Piggy has rather selfishly gone away on a holiday leaving her man to fend for himself all week. Can honestly without a hint of hyperbole say it was the most distressing, frustrating and traumatic half hour of this posters life thus far.

First off the supermarkets are far far too big. They're like airports except instead of planes there are loads of useless food items. No need for 90% of the crap they sell.

They should just have two aisles. One isle with meat and drink and the other aisle with fruit and veg. Absolutely no need for "Microwaveable Indian Poppadoms" or "Cheese flavoured ice-cream".

Pigheads shopping list comprised of six measly items yet it took him about a half an hour and roughly seven miles walking to complete his task. Wasn't sure if baked beans were a fruit or a vegetable so decided to look in both sections. Nowhere to be found. Eventually found them several miles South West of the fruit and veg area sitting beside the rice and pasta. Again, ridiculous positioning by management. It's like waking up and putting a sock on your head.

Eventually got to the checkout and it was about 4 miles long. One of the Tesco people could obviously see the angry steam pouring out of Pigheads ears and tried to calm him down by bringing him over to the self service checkout. They should change it's name to the self congratulating smug condescending piece of crap checkout.

Pighead looked like some sort of karate expert as he made various unsuccessful efforts and pulled various karate like poses to get the barcode of the Sugar Puffs to scan in. Then the bitch started banging on about "Unexpected item in the baggage area" That was when Pighead fell to the floor and cried and screamed "Why did you leave me Miss Piggy? Why, why, why?"

Can't remember much after that but pretty sure somebody politely told Pighead that he wasn't welcome back in their store anymore. No problem buster.

So whats your opinion on the self service checkouts? Are they friend or foe to the modern consumer?

easyeason3

a friend once an old person doesn't try to use them when I'm in the queue behind them.
Then they get confused on how to use it so my blood begins to boil at being held up.

Fratton Fred

I find them a real pain in the arse, but generally friendlier and more helpful than the check out staff.

IvySlayer

'Unexpected item in bagging area'

'Please wait for assistance'

AHHHH!!!!!

:mad: If that happens, everyone behind you facepalms. I do it too

Mostly useful but can have their moods.

MarkR

I find them pretty easy to use. And no people waving buckets at me looking for money.

thehomeofDob

I always go self checkout unless their all closed. Tesco staff are the most unfriendly and I've only twice had problems with the automated ones.

Hasmunch

Self service checkouts are great.

As long as the persons in front of you doesn't take out a change purse to pay.

Pighead

IvySlayer wrote: »

'Unexpected item in bagging area'

'Please wait for assistance'

AHHHH!!!!!

:mad:

Mostly useful but can have their moods.

Yes. "Please wait for assistance" That was another one alright. Pighead waited and waited and waited but no assistance was forthcoming. Looked around and all he could see was 29 angry eyes burning a hole right through him (One eyed Jimmy was in the queue, lost his eye in a tragic juggling accident back in 2005). Honestly, a computerised checkout is acting the complete maggot and these fcukers in the queue behind Pighead somehow decide this is all his fault!

Hasmunch

Pighead wrote: »

these fcukers in the queue behind Pighead somehow decide this is all his fault!

Its always the fault of the person in front of you.

alwaysadub

They can be a bit annoying at times,but they're better than checkout operators at times.
Again,i avoid the one where there's a little ould one with a purse full of change.

thebigbiffo

thebigbiffo wonders why pighead speaks about himself in the third person



(please dont answer that pighead, i saw what you di to the last guy...traumatic...)

i love the self service checkout...there's normally some fat, depressed bird looking at ya like ya just shat in her till in these cavernous kips so anything form of detachment is welcome

goose2005

When they say "Approval needed" I like to think that the machine is judging the customer's personality.

Banned Account

easyeason3 wrote: »

a friend once an old person doesn't try to use them when I'm in the queue behind them.
Then they get confused on how to use it so my blood begins to boil at being held up.

I think they are a bit of a con to be honest. It's like going to a restaurant and being asked if you want to prep your own food - I think anyone using them should get a discount.

The only workable solution is to set up a heavy machine gun and mow down anyone too useless or slow to use them properly or anyone who has more than six items.

Of course this step would mean an absence of third person posts.

Another possibility is to load the software with a camera and an assortment of catty quotes in the voice of Alan Carr - Oooh, sorry darlin' but you are too fat to eat that, why not try some celery.

Or - Oooh darlin', you'll need more than make up to cover that puss,

Or - Oooh darlin' lookin' at the gee on you, I'd go for the super flow

Etc Etc

orourkeda

speaking of unexpected in the baggage area

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20100609/tuk-man-survives-undercarriage-flight-6323e80.html

easyeason3

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

I think they are a bit of a con to be honest. It's like going to a restaurant and being asked if you want to prep your own food - I think anyone using them should get a discount.

The only workable solution is to set up a heavy machine gun and mow down anyone too useless or slow to use them properly or anyone who has more than six items.

Of course this step would mean an absence of third person posts.

I wouldn't mind prepping my own food to be honest, have you seen some of the gimps that wander out of some kitchens?

But I do like the machine gun theory

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Damn ****ing useful things, sorry to go against the rant.

Pighead needs to grow balls.

Pighead

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

The only workable solution is to set up a heavy machine gun and mow down anyone too useless or slow to use them properly or anyone who has more than six items.

Of course this step would mean an absence of third person posts.

Back up a second here pal. Pighead is a billion miles away from being slow and useless. You've got the wrong man buddy. In Pighead's house it is he who is in charge of all the complicated electrical stuff (Changing batteries in the remote controls, scratching the old chin and saying in a knowing voice "Hmmm, looks like the fuse has blown" whenever an electrical device doesn't work etc etc)

Definitely not at fault here. It's the stupid self service checkout that's in the wrong. That robotic woman had it in for Pighead.

Abi

Pighead wrote: »

"So whats your opinion on the self service checkouts? Are they friend or foe to the modern consumer?

I like not having to interact with the sour faced staff, or having to deal with the chugger at the end who is waiting for my change from the fore-mentioned sour faced member of staff.

If something doesn't work out a sour-faced member of staff swipes something to make the problem go away then pisses off, which suits me just fine.

lucylu

As a rule I don't shop on Tesco & the only reason I would go there is to use the self service checkout to empty the handbag of coppers and torn notes that shopkeepers are reluctant accept.

johnny_knoxvile

thebigbiffo wrote: »

thebigbiffo wonders why pighead speaks about himself in the third person



(please dont answer that pighead, i saw what you di to the last guy...traumatic...)

i love the self service checkout...there's normally some fat, depressed bird looking at ya like ya just shat in her till in these cavernous kips so anything form of detachment is welcome

I love the self service check out too. Mr. Piggy must be of the older generation (his name being an anagram of "aged hip" gives the game away), and maybe he struggles with new technology.

Mr. Presentable

If I encounter an error at the self service (oooer missus!) I wait 30 seconds, and if help has not arrived I either start again at the next one, or, if none is available, leave my purchases and go to another shop.

I always try to use a human operator because I object to the job loss facilitated by the SS

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Pighead wrote: »

Definitely not at fault here. It's the stupid self service checkout that's in the wrong. That robotic woman had it in Pighead.

FYP

Still getting ****ed I see

Korvanica

self service checkouts are grand, unless theyre in tesco... the tesco ones are so s**t...

i cant understand how the superquinn ones run properly while the tesco ones takee forever to do everything.. and they both run the same software.... different hardware underneath maybe?

Quality

I was in the shops with my boys yesterday and the 4 year old had the groceries in the kiddies trolley. taking his time as usual. We got to the self service check out and I told him to "hurry up". But there was an old dear in front of me who thought I was talking to her!! She apologised to me for being so slow!!

thebigbiffo

johnny_knoxvile wrote: »

(his name being an anagram of "aged hip" gives the game away)

owned by an anagram pighead, shut the door on yer way out :P

Mr Benevolent

Pighead is back on form. On an unrelated note, the word 'clunge' is echoing around my head this morning.

Pighead

Abigayle wrote: »

I like not having to interact with the sour faced staff, or having to deal with the chugger at the end who is waiting for my change from the fore-mentioned sour faced member of staff.

If something doesn't work out a sour-faced member of staff swipes something to make the problem go away then pisses off, which suits me just fine.

Ah c'mon Abigayle. They're not all sour faced. Pighead rarely ventures into these food laden hellholes but when he does he often sees kindly old grannies with huge big smiles working the tills.

Actually seen one of the grannies who used to work in Tesco's in a gutter this morning begging for some small change and a ball of wool. Her blood is on your hands.

Banned Account

Pighead wrote: »

Back up a second here pal. Pighead is a billion miles away from being slow and useless. You've got the wrong man buddy. In Pighead's house it is he who is in charge of all the complicated electrical stuff (Changing batteries in the remote controls, scratching the old chin and saying in a knowing voice "Hmmm, looks like the fuse has blown" whenever an electrical device doesn't work etc etc)

Definitely not at fault here. It's the stupid self service checkout that's in the wrong. That robotic woman had it in for Pighead.

Mai oui, bien sur Monsier Pighead, just as when Mrs Piggy calls me to tell me she is coming to stay a few days on 'holiday' - it's because she isn't satisfied due to her vajayjay being broken and not due to the fact that Mr Pighead doesn't fully know what to do with his todger - just stands there, sctraches his chin and says "Hmmm, the fuse must be broken ...";)

P.S. By 'holiday' I mean 'sweaty sex'.

Abi

Pighead wrote: »

Ah c'mon Abigayle. They're not all sour faced. Pighead rarely ventures into these food laden hellholes but when he does he often sees kindly old grannies with huge big smiles working the tills.

Not in my local Tesco they're not, nosey trolls.

Actually seen one of the grannies who used to work in Tesco's in a gutter this morning begging for some small change and a ball of wool. Her blood is on your hands.

I can live with that.

Fukuyama

Hey PigHead,

I work in Tesco and if it makes you feel any better the staff hate them too. They're boring to be on .... you have to watch for people robbing stuff and the Tesco ones have crap RAM which makes them slow (we're getting new ones in a few weeks though!!:D:D:D:D)

As for people saying all the staff are crap ... we'll thats likely management's fault for treating them like ****. The management in my Tesco are pretty cool which makes everyone happy. I also find that chatting to customers at my till makes the day go in quicker.

Use the tills when you can ... they save Irish jobs

thebigbiffo

Dean0088 wrote: »

Use the tills when you can ... they save Irish jobs

hear hear

Pighead

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

Mai oui, bien sur Monsier Pighead, just as when Mrs Piggy calls me to tell me she is coming to stay a few days on 'holiday' - it's because she isn't satisfied due to her vajayjay being broken and not due to the fact that Mr Pighead doesn't fully know what to do with his todger - just stands there, sctraches his chin and says "Hmmm, the fuse must be broken ...";)

P.S. By 'holiday' I mean 'sweaty sex'.

Liar. You know how Pighead knows you're a liar?

Miss Piggy would never in a million years have sweaty sex with a spanner who used the term vajayjay to describe her love glove.

Banned Account

Pighead wrote: »

Liar. You know how Pighead knows you're a liar?

Miss Piggy would never in a million years have sweaty sex with a spanner who used the term vajayjay to describe her love glove.

Love glove ?

Pighead must have very large hands;)

tony1kenobi

Pighead wrote: »

So whats your opinion on the self service checkouts? Are they friend or foe to the modern consumer?

I only tried to use it once.I had a cold and went to get lemsip. I picked up the bargain 12 pack of classic lemon but then spotted a blackcurrant alternative.Feeling daring (possibly due to the 14 hot whiskeys rolling around my gut) I went with 5 blackcurrant and five lemon. When I tried to scan them I got that message "wait for assistance"...and some old bint came over to inform me I couldn't buy 2 packs because they have paracetamol.I highlighted that my purchase amounted to 10 lemsips and that I could have bought 12 in one pack.She wasn't getting it and wasn't helpful.So I suggested she see if they would fit up her hole and headed for the off license instead.

The guy in the off license had no issue selling me three bottles of whiskey either.

Toto Wolfcastle

Korvanica wrote: »

self service checkouts are grand, unless theyre in tesco... the tesco ones are so s**t...

i cant understand how the superquinn ones run properly while the tesco ones takee forever to do everything.. and they both run the same software.... different hardware underneath maybe?

Yeah the Superquinn ones are fine as are the B&Q ones but the Tesco ones are just so slow.

Hells Belle

I don't mind the ones so much in Tesco Pighead as long as the procedure goes ok, I agree about the size of the places though. My oh does all the shopping now because I go in and get mesmerised by the array of stuff, spend €200 and we have only condiments to eat 2 days later. I get the shakes when I go to an Aldi, too much stuff everywhere.

I must berate the self serve ones in B & Q though. The woman in the computer is the uglier, fatter sister of the one in Tesco. I'm only a small person and I have to scan huge bags of compost, put them on the extra baggage area place, then have to put it back in the trolly without crushing everything else - like the flowers they sell that go with the compost... :rolleyes:

Also nearly de-eyballed one of my kids trying to scan 8 foot canes. :mad:

Furp

And you know whats even more hell bent on turning a customer into a fiery ball of anger then the normal Tesco automated checkouts.

The automated Tesco Checkout with an Automated belt that feeds down to the packing area.

You see nearly every item goes onto the first section of belt gets weighed and moved onto the next section of the belt. This is really great for any item that is not cuboid in shape. example any number of bottles. Usually just as the item is about to go onto the second belt and down to be packed. The disembodied voice announces "unexpected item on belt" at which time the belt reverses to bring you already scanned item back to you. You either pick it up and put it back down or because the item has now shifted position the belt will once again change direction in its merry little dance, if this happens enough times you get the statement no one wants the hear. "Please wait for assistance"

They can also be great fun :mad: when you have your kids with you as no matter how many times yo tell them not to, they just love resting their hands on the weigh belt or bag area on the normal self service checkout, "unexpected item in bagging area" Why yes, its my child.

Earthhorse

Pighead wrote: »

They should change it's name to the self congratulating smug condescending piece of crap checkout.

Aw, you're not that bad.

johnny_knoxvile

Earthhorse wrote: »

Aw, you're not that bad.

haha, razor sharp.

Pighead

What happens if you use a credit/debit card to pay for the goods but the transaction is declined because you don't have enough money?

Does the evil robot woman shout out that you're a peasant to all and sundry or is it a tad more discreet than that?

CreepingDeath

Pighead wrote: »

"How the hell is it unexpected? It's a fcuking Tesco bag.

It's not rocket science.
You scan the item and put it on the shelf, which is a sensitive weighing scales.
As you scan one item, it expects 1 item to be placed on the scales.

If you put more items on the scales than you have scanned, then you are quite clearly a shop lifter or over 80 years old and have escaped your home helper.

Pighead

CreepingDeath wrote: »

It's not rocket science.
You scan the item and put it on the shelf, which is a sensitive weighing scales.
As you scan one item, it expects 1 item to be placed on the scales.

If you put more items on the scales than you have scanned, then you are quite clearly a shop lifter or over 80 years old and have escaped your home helper.

Rubbish! You only have to breath on the plastic bag to set off the stupid cow and her unexpected baggage nonsense. And the barcode scanners are about as receptive as the North Korean tourist board. The whole set up is a farce.

Carroller16

Pighead wrote: »

What happens if you use a credit/debit card to pay for the goods but the transaction is declined because you don't have enough money?

Does the evil robot woman shout out that you're a peasant to all and sundry or is it a tad more discreet than that?

Boy did I laugh at that!

chickenchaser

Pro-tip, I always take the time to mute the instructor on the self service machines..
But it's true, you're left waiting ages to get assistance from staff on the machines and the bagging areas throws a sh** fit when you try to put a bag in it.

I do prefer self service to staff who tell me at the mature age of 27 that I look too young to buy alcohol.

OutlawPete

chickenchaser wrote: »

Pro-tip, I always take the time to mute the instructor on the self service machines..

How does one do that?

Earthhorse

OutlawPete wrote: »

How does one do that?

Just put your fingers in your ears and operate the checkout with your nose.

Mint Sauce

then the machine says 'do you wish to continue,' and you think to your self, 'no, i'm still waiting for f**king assistance' because your stupid machine failed to regconise my tescos bag, wont accept the smegging coupon, wont scan the barcode on my box of witabix, authorise the packet of paracetomol, etc etc.

still prefer them to the friendly checkout assistants though

Dublin_Gunner

Whats just as annoying is, you've just gotten your change back after the scanning and unexpected item fiasco, and within two seconds. 'Please remove your items'.

WTF??

Pi$$ off bitch, its after taking me the guts of 20 minutes to get you to work, now I'll take my god damn time packing my stuff. Grr.

Pighead

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Whats just as annoying is, you've just gotten your change back after the scanning and unexpected item fiasco, and within to seconds. 'Please remove your items'.

WTF??

Pi$$ off bitch, its after taking me the guts of 20 minutes to get you to work, now I'll take my god damn time packing my stuff. Grr.

Pighead hears you loud and clear Gunner.

It's about this stage of proceedings when you start to think that maybe the annoying voice you've been hearing isn't a robot at all. Instead it's a woman from your past hiding behind the machine who has held a long standing ill bearing grudge against you and has decided today is the day she wreaks her revenge.

George Orwell 1982

What really annoys me about Tescos is the queues. The Tesco in Rathmines is unbelievable. There is never enough check out staff so you have to wait forever just to check out a few items.

I have stopped going there now its just too annoying.

OutlawPete

My biggest gripe with the things is the way it dispense the 'notes' in your change.

I have walked off a few times after leaving €5 or more in the note chute.

Sure, she screams about not forgetting you change but why the fcuk does it have to be divided to coins in the bagging section and notes hidden back where you started at the scanning end.

I bought a 18 cert DVD last week and the robotic cnut started screaming:

"Approval needed, approval needed, everyone's looking at you, you're holding up the whole store, you porn lover, deviant .."

Nightmare.