Unexpected item in baggage area

Pighead · 10-06-2010 10:02am #1

"How the hell is it unexpected? It's a fcuking Tesco bag. And this is fcuking Tescos!" Pighead screamed at the smug female voice hiding behind her computer screen in the supermarket last night.

Honestly, Pighead doesn't know how you women do it. Was forced to go shopping last night as Miss Piggy has rather selfishly gone away on a holiday leaving her man to fend for himself all week. Can honestly without a hint of hyperbole say it was the most distressing, frustrating and traumatic half hour of this posters life thus far.

First off the supermarkets are far far too big. They're like airports except instead of planes there are loads of useless food items. No need for 90% of the crap they sell.

They should just have two aisles. One isle with meat and drink and the other aisle with fruit and veg. Absolutely no need for "Microwaveable Indian Poppadoms" or "Cheese flavoured ice-cream".

Pigheads shopping list comprised of six measly items yet it took him about a half an hour and roughly seven miles walking to complete his task. Wasn't sure if baked beans were a fruit or a vegetable so decided to look in both sections. Nowhere to be found. Eventually found them several miles South West of the fruit and veg area sitting beside the rice and pasta. Again, ridiculous positioning by management. It's like waking up and putting a sock on your head.

Eventually got to the checkout and it was about 4 miles long. One of the Tesco people could obviously see the angry steam pouring out of Pigheads ears and tried to calm him down by bringing him over to the self service checkout. They should change it's name to the self congratulating smug condescending piece of crap checkout.

Pighead looked like some sort of karate expert as he made various unsuccessful efforts and pulled various karate like poses to get the barcode of the Sugar Puffs to scan in. Then the bitch started banging on about "Unexpected item in the baggage area" That was when Pighead fell to the floor and cried and screamed "Why did you leave me Miss Piggy? Why, why, why?"

Can't remember much after that but pretty sure somebody politely told Pighead that he wasn't welcome back in their store anymore. No problem buster.

So whats your opinion on the self service checkouts? Are they friend or foe to the modern consumer?

easyeason3 · 10-06-2010 10:06am

a friend once an old person doesn't try to use them when I'm in the queue behind them.
Then they get confused on how to use it so my blood begins to boil at being held up.

Fratton Fred · 10-06-2010 10:07am

I find them a real pain in the arse, but generally friendlier and more helpful than the check out staff.

IvySlayer · 10-06-2010 10:08am

'Unexpected item in bagging area'

'Please wait for assistance'

AHHHH!!!!!

:mad: If that happens, everyone behind you facepalms. I do it too

Mostly useful but can have their moods.

MarkR · 10-06-2010 10:11am

I find them pretty easy to use. And no people waving buckets at me looking for money.

thehomeofDob · 10-06-2010 10:11am

I always go self checkout unless their all closed. Tesco staff are the most unfriendly and I've only twice had problems with the automated ones.

Hasmunch · 10-06-2010 10:13am

Self service checkouts are great.

As long as the persons in front of you doesn't take out a change purse to pay.

Pighead · 10-06-2010 10:14am

IvySlayer wrote: »

'Unexpected item in bagging area'

'Please wait for assistance'

AHHHH!!!!!

:mad:

Mostly useful but can have their moods.

Yes. "Please wait for assistance" That was another one alright. Pighead waited and waited and waited but no assistance was forthcoming. Looked around and all he could see was 29 angry eyes burning a hole right through him (One eyed Jimmy was in the queue, lost his eye in a tragic juggling accident back in 2005). Honestly, a computerised checkout is acting the complete maggot and these fcukers in the queue behind Pighead somehow decide this is all his fault!

Hasmunch · 10-06-2010 10:17am

Pighead wrote: »

these fcukers in the queue behind Pighead somehow decide this is all his fault!

Its always the fault of the person in front of you.

alwaysadub · 10-06-2010 10:17am

They can be a bit annoying at times,but they're better than checkout operators at times.
Again,i avoid the one where there's a little ould one with a purse full of change.

thebigbiffo · 10-06-2010 10:19am

thebigbiffo wonders why pighead speaks about himself in the third person

(please dont answer that pighead, i saw what you di to the last guy...traumatic...)

i love the self service checkout...there's normally some fat, depressed bird looking at ya like ya just shat in her till in these cavernous kips so anything form of detachment is welcome

goose2005 · 10-06-2010 10:25am

When they say "Approval needed" I like to think that the machine is judging the customer's personality.

Banned Account · 10-06-2010 10:25am

easyeason3 wrote: »

a friend once an old person doesn't try to use them when I'm in the queue behind them.
Then they get confused on how to use it so my blood begins to boil at being held up.

I think they are a bit of a con to be honest. It's like going to a restaurant and being asked if you want to prep your own food - I think anyone using them should get a discount.

The only workable solution is to set up a heavy machine gun and mow down anyone too useless or slow to use them properly or anyone who has more than six items.

Of course this step would mean an absence of third person posts.

Another possibility is to load the software with a camera and an assortment of catty quotes in the voice of Alan Carr - Oooh, sorry darlin' but you are too fat to eat that, why not try some celery.

Or - Oooh darlin', you'll need more than make up to cover that puss,

Or - Oooh darlin' lookin' at the gee on you, I'd go for the super flow

Etc Etc

orourkeda · 10-06-2010 10:29am

speaking of unexpected in the baggage area

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20100609/tuk-man-survives-undercarriage-flight-6323e80.html

easyeason3 · 10-06-2010 10:29am

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

I think they are a bit of a con to be honest. It's like going to a restaurant and being asked if you want to prep your own food - I think anyone using them should get a discount.

The only workable solution is to set up a heavy machine gun and mow down anyone too useless or slow to use them properly or anyone who has more than six items.

Of course this step would mean an absence of third person posts.

I wouldn't mind prepping my own food to be honest, have you seen some of the gimps that wander out of some kitchens?

But I do like the machine gun theory

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 10-06-2010 10:31am

Damn ****ing useful things, sorry to go against the rant.

Pighead needs to grow balls.

Pighead · 10-06-2010 10:33am

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

The only workable solution is to set up a heavy machine gun and mow down anyone too useless or slow to use them properly or anyone who has more than six items.

Of course this step would mean an absence of third person posts.

Back up a second here pal. Pighead is a billion miles away from being slow and useless. You've got the wrong man buddy. In Pighead's house it is he who is in charge of all the complicated electrical stuff (Changing batteries in the remote controls, scratching the old chin and saying in a knowing voice "Hmmm, looks like the fuse has blown" whenever an electrical device doesn't work etc etc)

Definitely not at fault here. It's the stupid self service checkout that's in the wrong. That robotic woman had it in for Pighead.

Abi · 10-06-2010 10:33am

Pighead wrote: »

"So whats your opinion on the self service checkouts? Are they friend or foe to the modern consumer?

I like not having to interact with the sour faced staff, or having to deal with the chugger at the end who is waiting for my change from the fore-mentioned sour faced member of staff.

If something doesn't work out a sour-faced member of staff swipes something to make the problem go away then pisses off, which suits me just fine.

lucylu · 10-06-2010 10:34am

As a rule I don't shop on Tesco & the only reason I would go there is to use the self service checkout to empty the handbag of coppers and torn notes that shopkeepers are reluctant accept.

johnny_knoxvile · 10-06-2010 10:35am

thebigbiffo wrote: »

thebigbiffo wonders why pighead speaks about himself in the third person

(please dont answer that pighead, i saw what you di to the last guy...traumatic...)

i love the self service checkout...there's normally some fat, depressed bird looking at ya like ya just shat in her till in these cavernous kips so anything form of detachment is welcome

I love the self service check out too. Mr. Piggy must be of the older generation (his name being an anagram of "aged hip" gives the game away), and maybe he struggles with new technology.

Mr. Presentable · 10-06-2010 10:36am

If I encounter an error at the self service (oooer missus!) I wait 30 seconds, and if help has not arrived I either start again at the next one, or, if none is available, leave my purchases and go to another shop.

I always try to use a human operator because I object to the job loss facilitated by the SS

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 10-06-2010 10:37am

Pighead wrote: »

Definitely not at fault here. It's the stupid self service checkout that's in the wrong. That robotic woman had it in Pighead.

FYP

Still getting ****ed I see

Korvanica · 10-06-2010 10:40am

self service checkouts are grand, unless theyre in tesco... the tesco ones are so s**t...

i cant understand how the superquinn ones run properly while the tesco ones takee forever to do everything.. and they both run the same software.... different hardware underneath maybe?

Quality · 10-06-2010 10:40am

I was in the shops with my boys yesterday and the 4 year old had the groceries in the kiddies trolley. taking his time as usual. We got to the self service check out and I told him to "hurry up". But there was an old dear in front of me who thought I was talking to her!! She apologised to me for being so slow!!

thebigbiffo · 10-06-2010 10:40am

johnny_knoxvile wrote: »

(his name being an anagram of "aged hip" gives the game away)

owned by an anagram pighead, shut the door on yer way out :P

Mr Benevolent · 10-06-2010 10:40am

Pighead is back on form. On an unrelated note, the word 'clunge' is echoing around my head this morning.

Pighead · 10-06-2010 10:41am

Abigayle wrote: »

I like not having to interact with the sour faced staff, or having to deal with the chugger at the end who is waiting for my change from the fore-mentioned sour faced member of staff.

If something doesn't work out a sour-faced member of staff swipes something to make the problem go away then pisses off, which suits me just fine.

Ah c'mon Abigayle. They're not all sour faced. Pighead rarely ventures into these food laden hellholes but when he does he often sees kindly old grannies with huge big smiles working the tills.

Actually seen one of the grannies who used to work in Tesco's in a gutter this morning begging for some small change and a ball of wool. Her blood is on your hands.

Banned Account · 10-06-2010 10:45am

Pighead wrote: »

Back up a second here pal. Pighead is a billion miles away from being slow and useless. You've got the wrong man buddy. In Pighead's house it is he who is in charge of all the complicated electrical stuff (Changing batteries in the remote controls, scratching the old chin and saying in a knowing voice "Hmmm, looks like the fuse has blown" whenever an electrical device doesn't work etc etc)

Definitely not at fault here. It's the stupid self service checkout that's in the wrong. That robotic woman had it in for Pighead.

Mai oui, bien sur Monsier Pighead, just as when Mrs Piggy calls me to tell me she is coming to stay a few days on 'holiday' - it's because she isn't satisfied due to her vajayjay being broken and not due to the fact that Mr Pighead doesn't fully know what to do with his todger - just stands there, sctraches his chin and says "Hmmm, the fuse must be broken ...";)

P.S. By 'holiday' I mean 'sweaty sex'.

Abi · 10-06-2010 10:47am

Pighead wrote: »

Ah c'mon Abigayle. They're not all sour faced. Pighead rarely ventures into these food laden hellholes but when he does he often sees kindly old grannies with huge big smiles working the tills.

Not in my local Tesco they're not, nosey trolls.

Actually seen one of the grannies who used to work in Tesco's in a gutter this morning begging for some small change and a ball of wool. Her blood is on your hands.

I can live with that.

Fukuyama · 10-06-2010 10:48am

Hey PigHead,

I work in Tesco and if it makes you feel any better the staff hate them too. They're boring to be on .... you have to watch for people robbing stuff and the Tesco ones have crap RAM which makes them slow (we're getting new ones in a few weeks though!!:D:D:D:D)

As for people saying all the staff are crap ... we'll thats likely management's fault for treating them like ****. The management in my Tesco are pretty cool which makes everyone happy. I also find that chatting to customers at my till makes the day go in quicker.

Use the tills when you can ... they save Irish jobs

thebigbiffo · 10-06-2010 10:53am

Dean0088 wrote: »

Use the tills when you can ... they save Irish jobs

hear hear

Unexpected item in baggage area

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