Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Call Me Jimmy

Do ye not ever feel like your getting somewhere though? For me, all the pain has made me wiser and stronger. I got a lifetime of it condensed into 10 years, knocked on death's door went in for a cup of tea. But I can feel I have an old head on my shoulders in a good way. I've matured faster and I'm fumbling my way slowly out of it I think.

Has the pain not brought you to a point where it's just so bad and so relentless that it almost just disappears (obviously not, but even in short bursts?).

For my mind and my body just snapped under the weight and I just started seeing things a bit more clearly. I think about death a lot but in the most positive way imaginable. Once ye get to a place of accepting death and how brief this all is (on a feeling-level) it helps during bad times or at bad times during the day.

Call Me Jimmy

yea ryan, and as cliche as it sounds the cycle if it only it could be broken (imo it can be for everyone, what it takes to do that differs from person to person). But it's as if your a hamster on a wheel and if ye could just put a piece of cheese (or whatever hamsters dine on) right into the cogs and stop it once ye'd never get stuck again.

The key is just throwing the spanner (or cheese) in the works.

Gremlinertia

Not sure where I am at to be honest, it hasn't stopped happening long enough for me to have time for my mind to accept things and my feelings to settle.. Think I'm just still punch drunk from one after another after another shocks to the system..

Gael23

Sometimes I feel as if I'm in a cycle of negative thought, as in why has this happened to me and as if I'm on that wheel that you describe and it's spinning so fast you can't jump off.
Just yesterday I was talking about it to someone who I felt fully understood how I feel, and that helped. What I got from that was that the intention in this mess I've got mixed up in was not specifically just to hurt me, even though it is what's happened it wasn't intentional and also that it's in my interests to try to move on and put it behind me.
Sorry if I'm being a little vague in my posts but some people on here know me in real life and know what I'm talking about so want to be a little careful.

Gremlinertia

Ryanf1, I'm guessing that because you work with the people you've spoken of you won't be able to take a break from them to let the wound heal so to speak. I think you need to put a plaster on it (to stay with metaphor) so that you can move through this.. Your colleague seems like a reasonable sort - if you can stick with them for the time being it might be helpful.

Gael23

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Ryanf1, I'm guessing that because you work with the people you've spoken of you won't be able to take a break from them to let the wound heal so to speak. I think you need to put a plaster on it (to stay with metaphor) so that you can move through this.. Your colleague seems like a reasonable sort - if you can stick with them for the time being it might be helpful.

Exact opposite. I don't want to break from them, but I have been forced to by this persons doing and and not mine. There's a chance may never get a chance to reconnect as we might not see one another again or for a long time.

Gremlinertia

ryanf1 wrote: »

Exact opposite. I don't want to break from them, but I have been forced to by this persons doing and and not mine. There's a chance may never get a chance to reconnect as we might not see one another again or for a long time.

Ouch.. I hope you can get through this without to much pain..

InReality

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I sometimes think people in our situations sometimes really need a shock (not of the traumatic kind).

I think I kinda exist in a "half-life" or stagnent for years now. Feel lots of parts of my life are pretty much on hold for something. Having an interesting holiday the odd time is about all I've done life wise the last 5 years.

Its like im waiting for some outside event or shock to get me up to 100%

What sort of non traumatic shocks did you have in mind ?
I know seeing a counsellor on and off has helped me a lot and was a kind positive shock in realizing how difficult my family life had actually been.

Gael23

Sometimes things just have the weirdest ways of working themselves out.

I just met someone who knows us both and what happened etc. Ive given her my contact details and she's going to try and put us in touch.

Im not sure this will happen or not but its a massive step forward.

Hugo Stiglitz

ryanf1 wrote: »

Sometimes things just have the weirdest ways of working themselves out.

I just met someone who knows us both and what happened etc. Ive given her my contact details and she's going to try and put us in touch.

Im not sure this will happen or not but its a massive step forward.

Fingers crossed it'll all get sorted out there

Gael23

He hasn't contacted me yet but I guess it might take a day or two.
If not I might check with her to see if he actually got the message

Gremlinertia

I hope it works out for you Ryanf1..

I'm still down, lacking motivation to move at all.

handbagmad

Feeling the need for big everything is gonna be ok hugs tonight.
Feel very lonely

Hugo Stiglitz

handbagmad wrote: »

Feeling the need for big everything is gonna be ok hugs tonight.
Feel very lonely

*hugs*

Gremlinertia

handbagmad wrote: »

Feeling the need for big everything is gonna be ok hugs tonight.
Feel very lonely

Hope you're ok today.

Gremlinertia

ryanf1 wrote: »

Still nothing and my hopes are slightly fading but I'll wait a few more days.
It could be a case he wants to keep his professional life separate but the person doing this is fairly sure he will understand that in my eyes its not like that.

Since I've no idea what's going on all I will say is I really do hope that whatever way it turns out you will be ok with it..

Gael23

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Since I've no idea what's going on all I will say is I really do hope that whatever way it turns out you will be ok with it..

I'll PM you if you want. Just don't want to say too much on the public forum

Gremlinertia

ryanf1 wrote: »

I'll PM you if you want. Just don't want to say too much on the public forum

Can if you like.. Either or I hope it all resolves for you.

writer_lady170

handbagmad wrote: »

Feeling the need for big everything is gonna be ok hugs tonight.
Feel very lonely

^ditto:( lots of anxiety and feeling a bit down

Gremlinertia

smiler_lady150 wrote: »

^ditto:( lots of anxiety and feeling a bit down

Hugs for you too so lady..

handbagmad

Im ok today grem. Just lonely. Human contact something I can't remember

Temaz

Withdrawing from Stilnoct at the moment after a few years of using it along with coming off another medication and I feel like crap.

Shakes, headache and very wound up.

ugghhhh

neemish

Temaz wrote: »

Withdrawing from Stilnoct at the moment after a few years of using it along with coming off another medication and I feel like crap.

Shakes, headache and very wound up.

ugghhhh

Someone else in the same boat! Coming off cymbalta. Reduced my dose last week and have been so sick all weekend- i don't know which end of me is up. Have two more reductions to go and am just dreading it.

Gremlinertia

Still so down.. Worst bit is that I'm acting happy or at least not as distressed as I feel when in the company of others.. It makes how I feel when alone so much harder to bear..

handbagmad

Tomorrow the start of a new week. Decided today to put dating finding a partner/ someone to spend time with on the back burner.
Can't risk a no show like last week.
Start clean again tomorrow

Hugo Stiglitz

Best of luck to us all for the week ahead! :)

handbagmad

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Best of luck to us all for the week ahead! :)

its all we can do Hugo. Day by day I've found only way to live through this black dog

Gremlinertia

The thoughts of having to face another day. I don't even know what to do or where to start.

cloudatlas

I have a long day of assessment and interview tomorrow. Trying to keep the nerves under control even now as I sit here. I have become comfortable with panel interviews but group assessment is totally new to me. I know this is probably my last chance to stay in my profession so the pressure is on. :(

handbagmad

5k walk done thought id feel better