Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

luckyfrank

f/ucked again took recreational drugs while on lexapro was feeling normal for months before that, feel ive damaged myself CANT BELEIVE IT just so depressed again im always doing this to myself keep sabotaging my life, feel like f/ucking myself off a cliff

Gremlinertia

Drink drink drink, panic panic, stress rattle insomnia - my day... Sorry for rant, hope ye all are better..

da_shivsta

Having a really **** couple weeks. Last week was up & down, real high then smack, back to bed for three days. OH noticed I wasn't just fluctuating between happy/sad but also through different emotions... anger, motivated, tearful, excited. this week has been going between meh, ok, and kinda happy. I've been bad with taking my medication, but partially because I feel like they aren't helping me as much as at the start/right after I had my dosage upped. I feel I'm getting immune to them after just a couple months. Is this normal?

Considering returning to counselling. As my friend pointed out, with my medical card it's free so I might as well see if it helps. I'm unsure if it will help, when I was younger I went to a couple different ones(when I was a teenager who did need to talk) and they just talked about/told me things I already knew. It didn't help. I am quite aware, and at the moment I think it's more a cause of my problems rather than effect of - as somebody else said. I don't think it's coming from my crap childhood. The stress of college usually makes it worse, though I'm doing quite well considering I'm in the middle of deferred exams.It's just seeming completely random, waking up either good or bad and being really snappy with my OH. every little thing that isn't in the place I feel it should be - it drives me crazy and becomes his fault and his job. I'm so difficult and I don't know how to stop taking it out on him! i don't want this to become habit now.......

LegacyUser

Hey, bipolar guy here. Six months ago my life was great, I was in a happy relationship and had an interesting after-work life. I was relatively symptom free for around two years (longer than ever before), I was in a really good place. Then my symptoms returned, I flew into a massive high. I behaved recklessly. I cheated on my girlfriend, who I have now lost. I then started to flick between mania and depression. I have been drinking for the wrong reasons. I have basically returned to the world where I was a few years ago. I was in my 20s then, I had cause for optimism, reasons to live. But I have grow so bloody weary of it all. I am running out of drive and "fight". For the first time in my life, I feel like a victim of this disorder, like it is beating me. I have been toying with the idea of cutting myself, even rubbing knifes on my arm, testing the boundaries. I have been attending psychiatrists and the choice seems to be to stay this way or to drug myself to the eyeballs and become a zombie. Both are equally unappealing. I don't know why I am writing this, just need to vent I guess. I just want it to stop.

Hersheys

When the demons get you, they get you

Currently in discussions with my gp about coming off some of my meds, between him
& my counsellor they reckon I'm making decent strides and if I continue he'll take me off one.

Cue major panic episode Thursday, out Friday with friends & major drink depression yesterday & today. Tonight I'm panicked & just want it to end.

I want to cut. I also saw a suicide attempt on tv earlier so that's also playing on my mind. Stupid I know but it's just how my brain is programmed.

Deep down I want to come off the meds in the long term. I'm not keen on the side effects, am gaining weight & lost my sex drive. I'm in a stable place right now but one bad thing & it all spirals out of control. Sadly with me it's all or nothing.

I could take a lexotan now but I'm trying not to take them too much. Addictive and whatever. I need sleep though. Have a few stillnoct here, considering one. Bad sleep last night & the sandman is nowhere near tonight.

jammstarr

I'm not a nice person at times. I feel entitled and try to use my depression to hide behind. I don't want to be this person any more.

darkhorse

jammstarr wrote: »

I'm not a nice person at times. I feel entitled and try to use my depression to hide behind. I don't want to be this person any more.

Hi,
Well, I think you're a nice person, so I am sure that people that know you think that you're a nice person. So, please don't put yourself down.:)

jammstarr

darkhorse wrote: »

Hi,
Well, I think you're a nice person, so I am sure that people that know you think that you're a nice person. So, please don't put yourself down.:)

Thanks man. It's just something that has been bothering me and I want to change.

RubyXI

Feel really alone right now. Guess it's my own fault. But I'm past the point of rescue now.

Chazz Michael Michaels

phi3 wrote: »

Feel really alone right now.

Have you ever tried Aware meetings? They are useful in the way that you are exposed to people who are going through what you are. You feel less alone. They are also free.

http://www.aware.ie/help/support_groups_map

phi3 wrote: »

Guess it's my own fault.

Blaming yourself is often the easiest choice to make. It can become a bad habit. Have you heard of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Again, Aware can provide this.

phi3 wrote: »

But I'm past the point of rescue now.

What makes you think this?

RubyXI

I've been to the aware online groups before. It's my fault because back when I had friends I did nothing to keep them and drove them away. I'm past the point of rescue because now there's no way to make friends. I have no-one to go out with so I can't go anywhere to make new friends.

Chazz Michael Michaels

phi3 wrote: »

I've been to the aware online groups before.

But have you been to the physical ones? Online chatting is too detached, you can't beat actually talking to people who go through everything you do. You feel less alone. Plus it's every week.

phi3 wrote: »

It's my fault because back when I had friends I did nothing to keep them and drove them away. I'm past the point of rescue because now there's no way to make friends. I have no-one to go out with so I can't go anywhere to make new friends.

Why can't you make new friends? I used to go to the Boards Drama Group, I met loads of people (and girls) there. I would highly recommend it, you don't have to be into acting and there is a great social scene.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1089

Seriously recommend it.

ashblag

i feel so alone and trapped in my own self loathing. im empty inside i feel nothing. pressure is overwhelming

jammstarr

phi3 wrote: »

It's my fault because back when I had friends I did nothing to keep them and drove them away. I'm past the point of rescue because now there's no way to make friends. I have no-one to go out with so I can't go anywhere to make new friends.

It's like a vicious circle isn't it: can't make friends because have no friends.

Chazz Michael Michaels

jammstarr wrote: »

It's like a vicious circle isn't it: can't make friends because have no friends.

But there are other social activities that lead to friends, such as a drama group, mountaineering/hillwalking, etc. You have to pull yourself up and get out there. The vicious circle is not getting up, which makes you feel worse.

RubyXI

If I could just get out and do these things then i wouldn't be in this situation. Not sure theres any easy way

Chazz Michael Michaels

phi3 wrote: »

If I could just get out and do these things then i wouldn't be in this situation. Not sure theres any easy way

Yes, it definitely isn't easy, but it's not impossible. Right?

RubyXI

It's proved impossible so far. But who knows

Chazz Michael Michaels

phi3 wrote: »

It's proved impossible so far. But who knows

Think about it this way, the very fact that you came on here to vent shows that some part of you is willing to fight to beat this.

RubyXI

Willing to beat it? I hardly want to keep it!

darkhorse

phi3 wrote: »

Willing to beat it? I hardly want to keep it!

That more like it, fighting talk. Remember, you are as important as anybody out there.:):):)

Captain Graphite

jammstarr wrote: »

It's like a vicious circle isn't it: can't make friends because have no friends.

And when you think you've made friends, they either ignore you completely or just turn out to be not who you thought they were. At least that's been my experience most of the time. I'm not too short of acquaintances, the type of people you might chat to once every three months and have a mad night out with once a year if you're lucky. But when it comes to real, true friends......it's one or two at the very most. Quite possibly zero.

Every year I tell myself "things will be different", not just for friends but for improving my life in general. But things never change drastically enough to actually make me happy, 'cause there's always that little voice telling you that you don't really want to be, or deserve to be, happy.

Hersheys

I detest anxiety & depression & the lack of understanding within society. I'm not lazy, I physically cannot get out of bed

degausserxo

I really thought today would be horrible because of exam results, but it's not. Even though I did better the first time around, I'm more proud of myself today because I haven't taken it to heart like I thoroughly expected.

neemish

degausserxo wrote: »

I really thought today would be horrible because of exam results, but it's not. Even though I did better the first time around, I'm more proud of myself today because I haven't taken it to heart like I thoroughly expected.

Congratulations! Hope you're doing something nice to celebrate

Hersheys

Bad day

Am cutting down one of my meds the past week (gone from 10-7.5-5-2.5 over 6 months or so) so I've stopped the 2.5 & today I'm irritable, unable to sleep, have the shakes, very irrational, and a melter of a headache. Hope it's not withdrawal. I can't take anymore physical pain.

Feeling yuck, I have urges to cut again but I can't tell my friends, they freaked out after the last time

Chazz Michael Michaels

Hersheys wrote: »

Bad day

Am cutting down one of my meds the past week (gone from 10-7.5-5-2.5 over 6 months or so) so I've stopped the 2.5 & today I'm irritable, unable to sleep, have the shakes, very irrational, and a melter of a headache. Hope it's not withdrawal. I can't take anymore physical pain.

Feeling yuck, I have urges to cut again but I can't tell my friends, they freaked out after the last time

If you feel the urge try gripping ice cubes tightly. It gives you the pain without the marks. It works.

Hersheys

I'm more of an elastic band around the wrist girl... But I might give frozen broccoli a go. I've no ice.

Today bad things happened that were completely out of my control yet I feel guilty for them

I need to sleep but I just can't! I know the first step is getting off boards but it's a welcome distraction at times.

Plus that wind outside is so bloody noisy!

Chazz Michael Michaels

Hersheys wrote: »

I'm more of an elastic band around the wrist girl... But I might give frozen broccoli a go. I've no ice.

Today bad things happened that were completely out of my control yet I feel guilty for them

I need to sleep but I just can't! I know the first step is getting off boards but it's a welcome distraction at times.

Plus that wind outside is so bloody noisy!

What is your condition, if you don't mind me asking? I have bipolar disorder, myself.

Hersheys

Depression, anxiety & hallucinations/night terrors.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Problem is my mental health has a huge knock on effect on my physical health too. Stress causes many problems.