Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Temaz

The valium is just about keeping my head above water, still have a very low mood.

nesf

Paranoid the past few days.

Gremlinertia

Well, final straw time. Went and lost it completely with two best friends last night. Seriously badly. Then marched myself off to hospital (had 'injured' my arm) and after getting bandaged up the psych doctor on duty spoke to me for ages and then let me out the door. A bit stunned by that. Anyway, needless to say i was of course drinking yesterday, so plan as of now is one, drink goes out the window, and two get back to my doc and see can i see anyone any sooner, psych appointment still two weeks away.

Anyway reason i've spouted all that is this one question - i've hurt two friends very badly. What hopes are there to repair this do ye think? (i know they can't forget, but maybe cope with it.)

cloud493

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Then marched myself off to hospital (had 'injured' my arm) and after getting bandaged up the psych doctor on duty spoke to me for ages and then let me out the door. A bit stunned by that.

Yeah they do that. I've been the same hospital 4 times now here for 'injuring myself' been sent on my way everytime.

Gremlinertia

cloud493 wrote: »

Yeah they do that. I've been the same hospital 4 times now here for 'injuring myself' been sent on my way everytime.

And i'm the effing crazy one... :mad:

cloud493

I dunno. Not sure what else they could do you know.

Gremlinertia

Maybe, i reckoned i was so off yesterday that i should have been kept. Maybe i'm being dramatic, actually really i'm just confused, hell but this is painful.

cloud493

The injury, or how your feeling is painful? I don't know how serious it'd have to be to be kept in really

Gremlinertia

cloud493 wrote: »

The injury, or how your feeling is painful? I don't know how serious it'd have to be to be kept in really [/Q

Well i was talking mentally but yeah injury feckin sore too. I don't know why i'm so surprised i was let sail out really.

Anyway, enough, i don't tend to ask how others are here, so, yourself Cloud, how are you of late?

cloud493

Gremlinertia wrote: »

cloud493 wrote: »

The injury, or how your feeling is painful? I don't know how serious it'd have to be to be kept in really [/Q

Well i was talking mentally but yeah injury feckin sore too. I don't know why i'm so surprised i was let sail out really.

Anyway, enough, i don't tend to ask how others are here, so, yourself Cloud, how are you of late?

What's up? And I'm here. Still not done something 'injuring myself yet' but its only a matter of time right now./

Gremlinertia

Oh dont know where to start. Raging at myself for mucking about with friendships is primary at the moment. All i can say about injuries is be careful. It's easy get yourself in trouble - now of course i don't know your history so in fairness you probably know all this, so maybe aswell i'll say if you want to talk i'll be around pm if you want either, i don't mind. Is there something happening that is making you feel this way or do you just feel it 'coming on' as it were?

cloud493

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Oh dont know where to start. Raging at myself for mucking about with friendships is primary at the moment. All i can say about injuries is be careful. It's easy get yourself in trouble - now of course i don't know your history so in fairness you probably know all this, so maybe aswell i'll say if you want to talk i'll be around pm if you want either, i don't mind. Is there something happening that is making you feel this way or do you just feel it 'coming on' as it were?

Oh dear. Can you fix your meddling, so to speak? And I know. Had stitches 3 times My historys a little complicated, I'd prefer to pm you. I just really, really want to. I've spent all day thinking about it.

Gremlinertia

I've spoken to both, but i fear that we'll never be the friends we were, they definitely not looking at me the same. Gutted, mainly because why did i have to go so far before i give in and admit needing real help. Sigh.

cloud493

It'll heal? It can always heal, might just take some time. Rebuilding trust, and all that.

Gremlinertia

Oh how i hope so, feeling more than a little ashamed

cloud493

Whats done is done, for good or bad All we can do is learn from our mistakes, and strive to be something more, the next time.

Seren_

Gremlinertia - just explain to them that you really regret what you said, and that you didn't mean to. It might take them a while to get over it, but at least explain it to them and tell them you're sorry. Do they know you're not well?

I acted really badly towards some of my friends when I was at my worst too. They were hurt, but we all sat down and talked about it for a while and things were okay after that. Just make sure they know you're sorry.

Hope you're okay cloud too!

I had a pretty bad weekend. Was very close to doing some stuff, which is weird because it's something I've never done that much (as my therapist says, all my scars are on the inside :rolleyes:) but I managed not to. Still feeling a bit delicate atm, but hopefully it'll get better when I get rid of some of the stress that's been following me around.

degausserxo

Had a house call from the new psych nurse - lovely woman, really knows her stuff and is straightforward with you which is refreshing. Reiterated psych's insistence to go back to pieta and leave where I am atm, which is more of a counselling than therapy place. Called em now, just waiting on a call back for a time. Actually looking forward to going back! Weird upswing at the minute, feels like energy is literally radiating from me. Getting weirdly fidgety, touching things in an ocdesque way.

midlandsmissus

can I ask people how often suicidal thoughts cross their mind: i.e. every day, every few days, every now and then, the odd time?

I suppose by suicidal thoughts I mean: 'Life's too hard I don't know if I can go on anymore', rather than actually having a plan to do it.

Thanks. I'm wondering how normal/bad my own thinking pattern is.

I would have above thoughts nearly every day.

midlandsmissus

cloud493 wrote: »

Oh dear. Can you fix your meddling, so to speak? And I know. Had stitches 3 times My historys a little complicated, I'd prefer to pm you. I just really, really want to. I've spent all day thinking about it.

Hey . Talk to me. why do you really want to?

thrilledskinny

midlandsmissus wrote: »

can I ask people how often suicidal thoughts cross their mind: i.e. every day, every few days, every now and then, the odd time?

I suppose by suicidal thoughts I mean: 'Life's too hard I don't know if I can go on anymore', rather than actually having a plan to do it.

Thanks. I'm wondering how normal/bad my own thinking pattern is.

I would have above thoughts nearly every day.

Golly could agree with you there, nearly every day, and nearly every hour when things are bad, and I feel really trapped and frustrated in a situation and dont know what to do to get myself out of it, usually the problem at hand is my depression/anxiety preventing me from living/working normally.Then I feel the only solution is the S word, but then as they say nothing is worth doing that...
the pain that person leaves them behind is unbearable for those who loved them....

thrilledskinny

brayguy wrote: »

hi guys, only recently found this thread...wish I'd come across it sooner but...!! so i've suffered from depression for a lloooonnngggg time, have been on medication for..too long, but luckily i've had some pretty good sustained periods when i can just drag myself through the days, in the last year this has become increasingly difficult, have been suicidal on two occasions in the last year and have missed a sh1t load of time from work....i'm now the subject of a complaint from my manager, not over the time i've been missing, but the fact that i didn't/havn't submitted doctor's certs on a weekly basis,which is in breach of the company's sick leave policy. I decided to leave my doctor (who has been my doc since the day i was born) after a consultation in December in which she spoke down to me.made me sound like a nuisance who was just wasting her time.&basically made me feel worse than i felt before i went in for the consultation. so i don't currently have a doc,and have missed some further time from work this month...so don't have sick certs...so my manager made a complaint to hr that i'm in breach of sick leave policy&i got a letter saying disciplinary proceedings would now commence...i'm getting the feeling that they just want rid of me at this stage&this is an easy way to do it...anyone got any advice/opinions?i'd be interested to hear them.

How is this situation going for you ? when i read your post i thought it was so similar a storey to mine i couldnt believe it ??

cloud493

midlandsmissus wrote: »

can I ask people how often suicidal thoughts cross their mind: i.e. every day, every few days, every now and then, the odd time?

I suppose by suicidal thoughts I mean: 'Life's too hard I don't know if I can go on anymore', rather than actually having a plan to do it.

Thanks. I'm wondering how normal/bad my own thinking pattern is.

I would have above thoughts nearly every day.

Once an hour sometimes more.

midlandsmissus

cloud493 wrote: »

Once an hour sometimes more.

How are you feeling Cloud?

I think this thread could work alot better if we take an interest in and help each other, rather than focus on our own problems, as the depressed are prone to do., myself included.

So maybe reach out to some-one on the thread everyone! It would also take your mind off your own problems.

Cloud you happen to be online at the same time as me, feel like talking? Or not? But anything you have felt I can guarantee I have felt it and know what you're on about .

Gremlinertia

midlandsmissus wrote: »

can I ask people how often suicidal thoughts cross their mind: i.e. every day, every few days, every now and then, the odd time?

I suppose by suicidal thoughts I mean: 'Life's too hard I don't know if I can go on anymore', rather than actually having a plan to do it.

Thanks. I'm wondering how normal/bad my own thinking pattern is.

I would have above thoughts nearly every day.

In darker times suicidal thoughts seem to be a constant 'foggy' presence around me, in more usual times the thoughts are there every few hours. I find myself spotting opportunities or sometimes any positivity i have gets flattened by the tiniest of things and i think, well what's the point.

Btw, your idea of supporting each other is great, it won't be for everyone but sure hopefully a few people will connect. Keep as well as you can.

Grem

cloud493

I'm not that good talking to people I don't know well. Thanks for the offer, very kind of you

Kaching

Been suicidal since before christmas

midlandsmissus

Kaching wrote: »

Been suicidal since before christmas

Want to talk? I.e did something happen?

midlandsmissus

Gremlinertia wrote: »

In darker times suicidal thoughts seem to be a constant 'foggy' presence around me, in more usual times the thoughts are there every few hours. I find myself spotting opportunities or sometimes any positivity i have gets flattened by the tiniest of things and i think, well what's the point.

Btw, your idea of supporting each other is great, it won't be for everyone but sure hopefully a few people will connect. Keep as well as you can.

Grem

I think it helps to know why we are feeling suicidal. I have analysed myself and come to to the conclusion that it is because at my worst points I think I am a horrific person, everyone hates me, and I cant live with myself. Trying to overcome this is a work in progress,as the belief is so entrenched in my mind. But knowing why I feel suicidal does give me something to work on.

Do you know what makes you feel suicidal? It can be helpful to really analyse yourself and try to figure out why.

Yes, we're all here for each other, .

IzzyWizzy

Feeling so down lately. I don't tend to harp on about my medical issues at work, so when I mention feeling exhausted or being in pain, I get mocked and called a hypochondriac. The BF reckons it's my own fault for not making it clear I have actual issues, but I hate how people just assume things and it makes me really resentful. Also makes me realise how much most people my age take their health for granted. I really feel like telling them to f**k off but obviously can't do that. Wish I could.

Also really down because my granny is dying and I'm not sure when/if I'll get to see her again. Don't want to bring it up with anyone in case I get accused of self-pity. Have quite a few horrible students as well who seem to think it's funny to make it hard for me to teach. I love my job but sometimes I feel like I'm about to crack. There's nothing worse than having to go into classes of 12 people and be happy and energetic all day when you're feeling low.