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Should I tell my girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Was recently away in the Med. for a mate's stag weekend, 10 of us in total staying in this villa so things got pretty messy, basically drinking the entire time. The saturday night, one of the lads had hired a stripper who turned out to be stunning, we were all buckled an all of us touched her at one stage or another, being a total boob man I couldn't resist a grope of her tits and I sucked her nipples a bit when she sat on my lap. none of the other lads were bothered and reckon what goes on at a stag party stays there but im feeling a bit guilty as ive a girlfriend of 2 years. She asked me was there a stripper and I said yes, but didnt mention touching her. i think it would hurt her and do more harm than good?!

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LegacyUser

if i were ur girlfriend id want to know - the guilt will eat away at you - which will prob lead to rows etc. so in my opinion - id be honost. i think ur girlfriend deserves more than being lied to - especially when all ur mates know what u did!

zxcvbnm1

Man - i dunno what you are feeling guilty about.

There was a stripper - it was a bit of harmess fun.
No big deal.

I wouldn't feel one tiny bit guilty iof i was in your shoes.

King of Kings

nah don't tell
what is to be achieved by telling her,
it wasn't like you shagged her.
you were in the wrong but on a scale of 1 to 10 - it was a 1.

unless you make a habit of this type of carry on - chalk it down to stag night shenanigans.

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I wouldn't feel one tiny bit guilty iof i was in your shoes.

have to say I'm with this guy on the guilt thing.

Jumpy

Unregistered wrote: »

if i were ur girlfriend id want to know - the guilt will eat away at you - which will prob lead to rows etc. so in my opinion - id be honost. i think ur girlfriend deserves more than being lied to - especially when all ur mates know what u did!

No you wouldnt. Unless you enjoy drama.

It wasnt a nice thing to do OP, but peer pressure can be a powerful thing. You really want to be the pansy that didnt want to touch etc etc?
Very minor infraction on the relationship part, but an infraction all the same.

LegacyUser

no god damn way is this minor - i bet if his poor girl friend found out - you'd be dumped mate! why all the secrecy??? if it's ok to touch a strippers tits when your in a relationship- then why are you on boards feeling guilty! go figure!

Silverfish

Normally I'm in the 'tell' camp, but in this instance, if you're absolutely positive your mates won't say 'Remember when you did x,y,and z with the stripper' in the pub in front of her, or if you're positive nobody took any pictures of it, then I would say maybe let it slide.

She asked was there a stripper, you said yes, she didn't ask 'So... did anything happen?', she may already have guessed and doesn't think its a big deal.

zxcvbnm1

Unregistered wrote: »

no god damn way is this minor - i bet if his poor girl friend found out - you'd be dumped mate! why all the secrecy??? if it's ok to touch a strippers tits when your in a relationship- then why are you on boards feeling guilty! go figure!

This is very very minor.

I'd be surprised in fact if the girlfriend had any issue with it.

If my girlfriend did something similar with a male stripper i wouldn't care one bit.

LegacyUser

im the poster that said no its not ok - its amazing how everyone here said its ok for this guy to do what he did - has everyones standards gone down or what??? im a 26 year old female and im not a prude or anything - but if i found out my boyfriend did this id never forgive him.

fabbydabby

Yeah right? If she sucked his.... you know... you wouldn't mind?

OP, Don't tell her dude. Your punishment for being a trollop is to have that guilt gnaw at you when you are being intimate with your GF.... FOREVER!

VaioCruiser

Telling our partner when something happens like this is absolutely wrong - and people only do it to salve their OWN conscience. I think that the fact that you feel guilty, which I don't think you should by the way, shows how much you like your gf and that you are a decent guy.
But telling her will only hurt her and give her all kinds of anxt and worry. For what ? does she have anything to worry about ? are you going to do it every week ? No, I think not.

We all have little secrets that we carry. Moments of weaknesses, mistakes we make. We keep them to ourselves and don't burden the people we care about with them.

Silence is golden.

Adamisconfused

The poster above just hit the nail on the head.

You would be admitting something in order to alleviate your own guilt. I’m not sure why you should be feeling any guilt at all. When I first started reading the opening post, I was expecting you to say that you had sex with another woman.
Get on with your life and don’t do it again if you feel guilty so easily.

Whatever you say, say nothing.

LegacyUser

OP I totally agree with the others - SAY NOTHING!! I was in totally the same situation except I am a female and it was the male stripper. A few of us sucked off the stripper, it was completely harmless fun. I did feel a bit guilty and went through the same as you but all my friends put me right. What goes on a hen/stag stays on the trip. Personally I now know I did nothing wrong, it was just sucking him off. SAY NOTHING!!

D rog

I don't agree silence is golden.

Who would want to move on in a relationship with a partner who had infidelities but thought you shouldn't worry your little head about it?
Better to be honest and let your partner decide how they want to move things forward, their decision.

Adamisconfused

Me too wrote: »

OP I totally agree with the others - SAY NOTHING!! I was in totally the same situation except I am a female and it was the male stripper. A few of us sucked off the stripper, it was completely harmless fun. I did feel a bit guilty and went through the same as you but all my friends put me right. What goes on a hen/stag stays on the trip. Personally I now know I did nothing wrong, it was just sucking him off. SAY NOTHING!!

I hope you went for an STI screening since what you did was much more serious than what this guy did.
Oh.....you weren't just being sarcastic were you?:eek:

herya

If my bf did this and told me I'd forgive easily (maybe even had a laugh) - but I'd still prefer to know.

BTW peer pressure is the worst reason possible to do naughty things, it just shows you're really weak.

Astrogeek

If I was your girlfriend I would not see any problem and laugh it off. Personally I would rather honesty and would be happy that you told me.

BUT, you know your girlfriend a hell of a lot better than we do. Girls usually feel one of the two extremes about strippers/stag nights/boys being boys type of thing. If you think she would be disgusted and out raged. It isn't worth it. You don't want her over-thinking this and turning it into something it is not.

LegacyUser

Adamisconfused wrote: »

I hope you went for an STI screening since what you did was much more serious than what this guy did.
Oh.....you weren't just being sarcastic were you?:eek:

God no I am not being sarcastic - he sucked a woman's tits, I sucked a man's kn*b what's the difference? I know what I did was not serious and I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Please don't try and make me. I really don't see a difference between the two and you are being sexist if you do. I know my BF would probably laugh about it but I can't take that chance.

herya

Me too wrote: »

he sucked a woman's tits, I sucked a man's kn*b what's the difference?

Do you know what an STI is?

LegacyUser

herya wrote: »

Do you know what an STI is?

No?

the_dark_side

forget about it man... for gods sake dont tell your girl-friend, not a big deal in the least... so come please ladies and gentlemen, move on, theres nothing left to see here

elle

I wouldn't tell her if I were u. If I was your gf I would prefer not to know. I don't mean that in a really bad way but I just think that's an image she doesn't need in her head. You admit there was a stripper there and I am sure she can come to her own conclusions on stag dos and strippers. If you had slept with the stripper I would be very much in the tell her corner but I think that what happened is relatively minor and saying it could cause more hassle than its worth - u obviously care about ur gf if you are this guilty over it.

Zaph

Me too wrote: »

No?

I'm going to take this at face value and assume you're serious - an STI is a Sexually Transmitted Infection. Here's a list of infections you could catch:

Chlamydia
Gonorrhoea
Genital Warts (Human Papilloma Virus, HPV)
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
Pubic Lice (Crabs)
Non-specific Infections
Thrush (Candida)
Trichomonas Vaginalis (TV)
Molluscum Contagiosum
Syphilis
Scabies
Hepatitis B
Bacterial Vaginosis
HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)
Herpes
Hepatitis A

You'll find more information about them here

Misticles

I wouldnt feel guilty if I were u!

If I was ur girlfriend, id just be raging I couldnt get in on the action lol

Wouldnt worry about, only harmless fun!!

philologos

OP: Do the right thing and let her know. It's not just an innocent event, you got involved with the stripper in a way that you shouldn't have when you claim to be committed to your partner.

Misticles

What??

It is purely an inncocent event.. he had no agenda or no intention of goin further with her!

That wouldn bother me in the slightest if a bf came home and told me that after coming from a stags party!

Men will be men especially with their mates on stag parties!

If its buggin ya-- just tell her-- she might see the funny side!

xxboylarzxx

let her know man!you were locked!ive known people who have came back from alot worse!

you need to get it off your chest if its eating away at you

Wurly

Jakkass wrote: »

OP: Do the right thing and let her know. It's not just an innocent event, you got involved with the stripper in a way that you shouldn't have when you claim to be committed to your partner.

Personally, I hate all this 'boys will be boys shyte'. So because they're 'boys', they can get away with anything?

A lap dance is one thing. Sucking on another woman's nipples is quite another. It doesn't matter if she's a stripper or not. He put his mouth on an intimate area of another woman.

If I was in the OP's shoes, I dont know what i'd do. If I was his girlfriend, i'd be upset about it but i'd admire his honesty. If I found out from other means, i'd be less than impressed and prob paranoid therefore that more happened than actually did.

philologos

Trí wrote: »

Personally, I hate all this 'boys will be boys shyte'. So because they're 'boys', they can get away with anything?

If this happened as the unregistered user "Me too" described concerning sucking the male strippers knob. I'd be seriously annoyed. Likewise I think that the OP's girlfriend has a right to know. If it wasn't so bad, why should it be hard to convince his girlfriend?

Trí wrote: »

A lap dance is one thing. Sucking on another woman's nipples is quite another. It doesn't matter if she's a stripper or not. He put his mouth on an intimate area of another woman.

Totally agree.

Trí wrote: »

If I was in the OP's shoes, I dont know what i'd do. If I was his girlfriend, i'd be upset about it but i'd admire his honesty. If I found out from other means, i'd be less than impressed and prob paranoid therefore that more happened than actually did.

I agree again. But then again I'm probably just a bit conservative

LegacyUser

.....and you friends didn't take any photos? And what about the wedding? Will someone not point you out to their partner as the guy who sucked on the nipples and for that to get back to your girlfriend, or worse still...if you're mentioned in the speeches. Basically it will hurt her a lot more if she sees a picture of this on facebook, or hears about it in the ladies powder room at the wedding. Be honest, tell her in the nicest possible way.

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

.....and you friends didn't take any photos? And what about the wedding? Will someone not point you out to their partner as the guy who sucked on the nipples and for that to get back to your girlfriend, or worse still...if you're mentioned in the speeches. Basically it will hurt her a lot more if she sees a picture of this on facebook, or hears about it in the ladies powder room at the wedding. Be honest, tell her in the nicest possible way.

Agreed. If my boyfriend did this, i'd be majorly p1ssed off. But if he didn't tell me, then any respect I thought he had for me would be right out the window.

You'll be living on your nerves wondering if she'll find out or not. Just tell her. It's better coming from you. Be sincere in your delivery and tell her how silly it was. Also, how regretful you feel.

Best to leave the part out about the stripper being a stunner though!