Urgent advice needed

kdak

ok so im new here (been on for a while but not really posted before)
i need some advice but its a long story so please stick with me!

my friend has recently been thrown out of his mums house and is temporarily living with his dad. he cant stay there for long as his job, family, child, girlfriend (lives with parents) friends are all a two hour drive away.

he cant afford rent for a house (his child stays with him a few days a week and a flat wouldnt be suitable) and has nowhere close to stay.

trouble is he has talked to a number of community welfare officers and basically hes not entitled to rent allowance.
he may be if he puts his name on the housing list but even then he may not be accepted. and even if he is he'll have to wait for his application to be processed etc.

he was told he might also be entitled if he claims some sort of benefit but
he works one day too many to sign on for the days hes not working and doesnt need/ isnt eligible for any other benefits.

surely there must be a way around this as he genuinely needs it! at the mo hes spending his weeks wages on petrol to get from his dads to work! and even this wont be an option soon as the new nct rule comes in and his car may not pass the test.

everyone is passing him round and telling him to claim so and so but when he tries hes not entitled.
is there anywhere he can go to get this sorted? or any way around it? hes really getting desperate at this stage, please help!

thebouldwhacker

Tell your buddy to go to his local (or largest) citizens information centre they will talk him through his entitlements and options and can help him apply for them...:D
Best of luck

kdak

he tried this and the guy there just read the info on the screen (the exact page from their web page) and then said hes not entitled to anything.
thanks though!

Suaimhneach

Tell him to go back and be more insistent!

thebouldwhacker

Well tbh there is a good chance he will not qualify for anything... hes working so this means no benifits, and the main issue here is caused due to his mum kicking him out, unfortunatly for him the social welfare system is not designed for this kinda prob...
This really looks like something hes gonna have to work out for himself, work a second job, change jobs, make up with his mum and move back in (not piss her off again)

Not to impose but it sounds like your friend might need to get things in order... he has a kid, cant afford to get his own place etc?!?

If he puts his back into it he will sort this out, when it is he will need to take steps to make sure it cant happen again.

If he thinks he is entitled to a social welfare payment and no one will help him then he needs to sit down and TRAWL through the social welfare website and the citizens information website and identify his own entitlements.

CDfm

Put him in touch with this bunch -the unmarried and seperated fathers group

http://www.usfi.ie/

they will have a lot more sucess with dealing with social welfare issues for dads

kdak

thanks for all your replies.

em i cant remember who said what so il just deal with the points made:


about him having a kid and not being able to afford a place...
its because he has a kid that hes not able to afford a place! he had his child young and was not settled beforehand and has been paying maintenance, bills etc. and now with the recession he cant get more work or more hours. tbh hes lucky hes not been let go yet.

getting things sorted with his mum is out of the question as its a huge ongoing family matter that i wont get into but basically its 100%out of the question!

the problem is hes not officially entitled to anything but cwos are generally allowed to give SWA and rent supplement "if circumstances warrant the payment" or something along those lines but they wont give him the time of day to explain. i read somewhere that he can appeal a decision made by a cwo to the superintendent cwo but i cant find a contact anywhere.

(sorry if it seems that im rejecting all the advice given its just him and everyone else have been going round in circles with it for days now and getting nowhere)

CDfm

kdak wrote: »

about him having a kid and not being able to afford a place...
its because he has a kid that hes not able to afford a place! he had his child young and was not settled beforehand and has been paying maintenance, bills etc. and now with the recession he cant get more work or more hours. tbh hes lucky hes not been let go yet.



the problem is hes not officially entitled to anything but cwos are generally allowed to give SWA and rent supplement "if circumstances warrant the payment" or something along those lines but they wont give him the time of day to explain. i read somewhere that he can appeal a decision made by a cwo to the superintendent cwo but i cant find a contact anywhere.

CWOs have discretion to pay money out in certain emergencies - his is not an emergency no matter how sad.

He is a single seperated father and is not in a category for help. If he was an unmarried mother he would be.

He should contact the people at Unmarried and Seperated fathers group and the could give him advice and help on what he can apply for. www.usfi.ie

They will also explain the legal issues such as access and maintenance etc and the rules.

Its very difficult for single Dads to get help from the system and its a specialist area.

username123

Post this query on www.askaboutmoney.com - you will get good financial advice over there plus advice on welfare/benefits.

One unpopular point I will raise is - if he cant afford maintenance payments then can he not discuss this with his childs mother and see if they can come to some arrangement until he sorts himself out?

Also - if petrol is costing so much can he not use public transport OR trade in the car and get a little vespa or something that will cost less to run? Or cycle to work?

I also dont agree that a flat wouldnt be suitable because he takes his child a few days a week. Plenty of people were raised in cramped circumstances, my own fathers family had 12 children in a 2 bed house.
A flat doesnt have to be a life long home, but in this particular period of financial strife I dont see why he cant rent a flat and have his child stay there.

He may also need to look at getting a second job, like delivering pizzas or something - just to pull in a few extra quid.

He needs to analyse exactly where his money goes (make a spending diary) and cut out everything that is not a life essential.

Overheal

kdak wrote: »

getting things sorted with his mum is out of the question as its a huge ongoing family matter that i wont get into but basically its 100%out of the question!

(sorry if it seems that im rejecting all the advice given its just him and everyone else have been going round in circles with it for days now and getting nowhere)

Try Me.

You need to have an open mind. The more we know about the situation the better we will be able to assist you and your friend.

kdak

i cant really go into the reasons about his mum but it really is past sorting it out. locks are changed and all ties have been cut.

about a flat not being suitable- its not that hes taken it out of the picture- hes tried loads of places within his price range and nowhere will allow his child to stay because there are people sharing and they dont want kids moving in. he cant afford just a single flat with noone sharing.

where hes staying is two hours away so he needs the car (and cant afford a 'cheap' one anyway).

hes in a relationship with the mother so the maintenance isnt a problem at the mo but thats only a short term fix that doesnt really make much of a difference.

thanks for that link to the other website, il post up a link to this and see how it goes.

CDfm

Does he regularily stay there ?

It seems to me that the CWO are not buying his story and wont pay 2 lots of benefit for ! kid.

Overheal

hes in a relationship with the mother so the maintenance isnt a problem at the mo but thats only a short term fix that doesnt really make much of a difference.

Whos dating what now?


You aren't going to like hearing this and neither will he but his child is acting like a Dead Weight. Realistically he needs to find accomodation closer to work and that will be much easier if the baby is left with his Dad (or girlfriend) for a while. I wouldn't like to part with a child either but when his situation is clearly quite dire he needs to consider the option as viable.

kdak

the mother and father of the child are together as a couple but not living together (she lives with her parents). they cant afford to move in together as a couple.
it is complicated!

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

the mother and father of the child are together as a couple but not living together (she lives with her parents). they cant afford to move in together as a couple.
it is complicated!

Could he do any of the following:

1. Move in with his gf and her parents for a short while to allow him build up the money for a house/flat?

2. Ask the gf if they could agree to reduce his maintenance payments (via court if it's a court agreement) short term with a time frame for it to end?

3. Rent a room in a houseshare, and arrange to visit his child with his gf, rather than having his child stay with him, again short term to allow him to build up the funds to rent a place where his child can stay?

4. Speak to his employers about potentially going from 4 days a week to 3 days a week, so that he is then eligible for some benefits?

5. See if any of his family could loan him some of the money he needs to sort a deposit and first months rent on a house/flat that would be suitable for his child?

Do you mind me asking what part of the country he lives in and where he works?

syklops

Yea, it would be nice to know roughly what he earns, where he lives, where his work is and what he does. That way one of us might be in a situation to help him.

Did you say he is still with the mother of the child? And she lives at home but cant let him stay with her? If thats the case then he does not need to pay maintenance. His child has a roof over his head and is safe. Stop giving herself money for the moment, until he gets things sorted.

How old is he?

kdak

hes not paying maintenance at the mo, she doesnt mind this but she does need him to contribute to things like nappies, food, etc. in the long term. he never really pays a set maintenance amount just gives the mother money to get by like.
they've got a good relationship and shes happy to just let him get himself sorted while she looks after the child.
hes in dublin 15 and working 28 hours a week in store opperations.
hes almost twenty.
he cant stay with the gf.
he said there'd prob be able to get his hours reduced but he cant apply for the jobseekers if he has no proof of address (or in this case, an actual address!) and hes wary of gettin the hours rduced as if he gets refused benefits he wont get them hours back. once they're reduced thats it.

thanks again for all your replies, its a case of the more advice the better, so its appreciated.

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

hes not paying maintenance at the mo, she doesnt mind this but she does need him to contribute to things like nappies, food, etc. in the long term. he never really pays a set maintenance amount just gives the mother money to get by like.
they've got a good relationship and shes happy to just let him get himself sorted while she looks after the child.

Well that's a start at least.

hes in dublin 15 and working 28 hours a week in store opperations.

And where do his dad and girlfriend live?

he said there'd prob be able to get his hours reduced but he cant apply for the jobseekers if he has no proof of address (or in this case, an actual address!) and hes wary of gettin the hours rduced as if he gets refused benefits he wont get them hours back. once they're reduced thats it.

Why couldn't he use his dad's address to claim the benefits from?

Are the 28 hours four 7 hour shifts?

Do you mind me asking roughly what he earns pw?

kdak

his dads near enough to laois and the gf and child in clonsilla.
i think its roughly about 320 a week, give or take.
he has no proof of his dads address as all his post goes to his old house.
would a letter from his dad do as proof?
he works three 8 hour days (i think) and then a few hours on the fourth day so if he was to drop hours he'd just stick to working the 3 8 hour days.
(as silly as it sounds im a bit wary of puttin up all his info so il prob delete it in a while)

syklops

kdak wrote: »

hes not paying maintenance at the mo, she doesnt mind this but she does need him to contribute to things like nappies, food, etc. in the long term. he never really pays a set maintenance amount just gives the mother money to get by like.
they've got a good relationship and shes happy to just let him get himself sorted while she looks after the child.
hes in dublin 15 and working 28 hours a week in store opperations.
hes almost twenty.
he cant stay with the gf.
he said there'd prob be able to get his hours reduced but he cant apply for the jobseekers if he has no proof of address (or in this case, an actual address!) and hes wary of gettin the hours rduced as if he gets refused benefits he wont get them hours back. once they're reduced thats it.

thanks again for all your replies, its a case of the more advice the better, so its appreciated.

Ok, so he is 19, working in Blanchardstown, doing store operations. I assume that means he stacks shelves etc in a supermarket for minimum wage?

I would say under no circumstances should he reduce his hours just to get benefit. Social welfare for the under twenties was halved in the budget, so I doubt it would be worth anything to him, and as you said he will have major difficulty getting the hours back. Minimum wage is about 8.65 an hour which for 28 hours a week comes to about 242 euro's a week or 968 euro's a month.

I just had a quick look on daft and you can get rooms in houses in Blanch for as little as 250 a month.

Also, he needs to get rid of the car, or at the very least stop using it. Alot of my friends in the 18-27 age bracket still live at home and have a nice car, and have what I call 'virtual independence'. Sure, they can go anywhere they want, whenever they want to, but in my opinion, unless you live in the country, you have no business having a car, until you can afford it, and on 28 hours a week, minimum wage, you can not afford a car. He could probably barely afford it when he lived at home. Working in blanch, living in blanch, he probably wont even need the bus to get to work, and can then use the bus to go see his child.

For blanch, read clonsilla. You said Dublin 15, and I wanted to put a name to it. Clonsilla should even be cheaper.

Stheno

ok I'll not quote it then.

If the 320 is net then he shouldn't be spending all of that on petrol just to get to work.

I live in Portlaoise and have commuted to Dublin in the past petrol at most (when prices were 1.40 a litre) cost €80 a week.

He can change his address with his bank etc once he goes in with his id, and then use a bank statement etc, as proof of his address in his dads.

Are his shifts normal hours (like 9-5)? If they are then there are a fair range of bus services from Portlaoise to Dublin, including one to the airport, which would potentially work out cheaper than driving, and there is a bus from the airport to blanch too, timewise it probably wouldn't be any more than he's doing as he's not got the bus lanes that the bus services have.

Also would he consider renting in Laois possibly? Rents in Laois have dropped hugely this past six months, you can rent a two bed house/flat in Laois from €500 a month.

If he considered that, then on 320 a week, which rounds up to 1386 per month, he'd have 836 after rent, which would potentially pay for transport (max €346) food (150 a month), bills (200 per month should cover esb, gas, car insurance and phone), leaving him €190 which is about 40 a week.

http://www.daft.ie/searchrental.daft?s%5Bcc_id%5D=c8&s%5Bmnp%5D=&s%5Bmxp%5D=600&s%5Bbd_no%5D=2&s%5Bpt_id%5D=&s%5Bmove_in_date%5D=0&s%5Blease%5D=&s%5Bfurn%5D=0&search=Search+%BB&more=&tab=1&s%5Bsearch_type%5D=rental&s%5Btransport%5D=&s%5Badvanced%5D=&s%5Bprice_per_room%5D=

Stheno

syklops wrote: »

Ok, so he is 19, working in Blanchardstown, doing store operations. I assume that means he stacks shelves etc in a supermarket for minimum wage?

I would say under no circumstances should he reduce his hours just to get benefit. Social welfare for the under twenties was halved in the budget, so I doubt it would be worth anything to him, and as you said he will have major difficulty getting the hours back. Minimum wage is about 8.65 an hour which for 28 hours a week comes to about 242 euro's a week or 968 euro's a month.

I just had a quick look on daft and you can get rooms in houses in Blanch for as little as 250 a month.

Also, he needs to get rid of the car, or at the very least stop using it. Alot of my friends in the 18-27 age bracket still live at home and have a nice car, and have what I call 'virtual independence'. Sure, they can go anywhere they want, whenever they want to, but in my opinion, unless you live in the country, you have no business having a car, until you can afford it, and on 28 hours a week, minimum wage, you can not afford a car. He could probably barely afford it when he lived at home. Working in blanch, living in blanch, he probably wont even need the bus to get to work, and can then use the bus to go see his child.

Good point ref social welfare, I forgot about the changes. I've edited my post above to reflect that

kdak

syklops wrote: »

Ok, so he is 19, working in Blanchardstown, doing store operations. I assume that means he stacks shelves etc in a supermarket for minimum wage?

I would say under no circumstances should he reduce his hours just to get benefit. Social welfare for the under twenties was halved in the budget, so I doubt it would be worth anything to him, and as you said he will have major difficulty getting the hours back. Minimum wage is about 8.65 an hour which for 28 hours a week comes to about 242 euro's a week or 968 euro's a month.

I just had a quick look on daft and you can get rooms in houses in Blanch for as little as 250 a month.

Also, he needs to get rid of the car, or at the very least stop using it. Alot of my friends in the 18-27 age bracket still live at home and have a nice car, and have what I call 'virtual independence'. Sure, they can go anywhere they want, whenever they want to, but in my opinion, unless you live in the country, you have no business having a car, until you can afford it, and on 28 hours a week, minimum wage, you can not afford a car. He could probably barely afford it when he lived at home. Working in blanch, living in blanch, he probably wont even need the bus to get to work, and can then use the bus to go see his child.

hes not on min wage, hes in the back doing the stock/ deliveries etc.
he also needs the car now cause hes to get from loais to dublin!
if he finds accomodation he wont be using it but right now he needs it!
and its not a souped up power car its just a basic car to get from a to b.
could you put up a link for the daft page please?
the money he gets from the benefit isnt what he wants, its the fact he'd be entitled to rent allowance if hes in receipt of the benefit.

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

hes not on min wage, hes in the back doing the stock/ deliveries etc.
he also needs the car now cause hes to get from loais to dublin!
if he finds accomodation he wont be using it but right now he needs it!
and its not a souped up power car its just a basic car to get from a to b.
could you put up a link for the daft page please?
the money he gets from the benefit isnt what he wants, its the fact he'd be entitled to rent allowance if hes in receipt of the benefit.

Regarding the car, he has potential alternatives in terms of public transport.

Is he paying his dad rent at the moment?

syklops

kdak wrote: »

hes not on min wage, hes in the back doing the stock/ deliveries etc.
he also needs the car now cause hes to get from loais to dublin!
if he finds accomodation he wont be using it but right now he needs it!
and its not a souped up power car its just a basic car to get from a to b.
could you put up a link for the daft page please?
the money he gets from the benefit isnt what he wants, its the fact he'd be entitled to rent allowance if hes in receipt of the benefit.

I am sorry if I belittled his career, and I am glad he is not on minimum wage, but that is good news for his part.

With regard to houses:
Single bed in house share in clonsilla - 290 quid.

Single bed in house share in Tyrrelstown - 250

There are plenty others.

Stheno

syklops wrote: »

I am sorry if I belittled his career, and I am glad he is not on minimum wage, but that is good news for his part.

With regard to houses:
Single bed in house share in clonsilla - 290 quid.

Single bed in house share in Tyrrelstown - 250

There are plenty others.

The problem with that appears to be his need to have his child stay with him.

There are two bed apartments available in Clonsilla/Blanch/Dublin 15 though for €825 per month.

Once he got the deposit together for it, then potentially using the net €1386 figure I used above, he'd pay €825 for rent, his transport cost would go down to approx. €30 for a bus pass, food and bills should be covered by 300 a month, and he'd have €236 left over after that, and his child would be able to stay over a few days a week too.

He does have a few options imo OP.

http://www.daft.ie/searchrental.daft?s%5Bcc_id%5D=c1&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=177&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=189&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=195&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=198&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=200&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=3674&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=204&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=3700&s%5Ba_id%5D%5B%5D=209&s%5Bmnp%5D=&s%5Bmxp%5D=900&s%5Bbd_no%5D=2&s%5Bpt_id%5D=&s%5Bmove_in_date%5D=0&s%5Blease%5D=&s%5Bfurn%5D=0&search=Search+%BB&more=&tab=1&s%5Bsearch_type%5D=rental&s%5Btransport%5D=&s%5Badvanced%5D=&s%5Bprice_per_room%5D=

kdak

sorry shouldve said, his monthly overdraft is 500 so every month thats 500 from his wages to pay it off. dont actually know how he got into the overdraft in the first place but its there. but even without an overdraft their creche alone is 160 a week.
i wasnt saying you were belittling him in any way i was just saying thats what he does and its not min wage (cause if it was he would prob be entitled!)
he finishes work at 10 or 11 each night so he misses the last train. he can get in on public transport just not home.
i know it sounds like im being really stubborn and throwing all your ideas back at you im really not trying to!

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

sorry shouldve said, his monthly overdraft is 500 so every month thats 500 from his wages to pay it off. dont actually know how he got into the overdraft in the first place but its there. but even without an overdraft their creche alone is 160 a week.
i wasnt saying you were belittling him in any way i was just saying thats what he does and its not min wage (cause if it was he would prob be entitled!)
he finishes work at 10 or 11 each night so he misses the last train. he can get in on public transport just not home.
i know it sounds like im being really stubborn and throwing all your ideas back at you im really not trying to!

That doesn't make sense about his overdraft, if he has an overdraft facility for €500 he'd not pay that off every month, but he could budget and pay off 50 a month off it and clear it over 10 months.

As for the creche fees, that's €346 he'd have to pay a month if he splits it equally with his gf, have they looked at a cheaper creche or using a childminder?

Even with that, and using the figures above for living in Dublin 15, if he rented as above, kept his food bill to €100 a month, and his gas/esb to €50 a month each (none of which is impossible) and walked to work, then his outgoings including creche fees (assuming he kept his overdraft)

Rent: 825
Creche: 346
Food: 100
Gas/ESB: 100


Total €1371`

It would be very tight but he could do it.

Is the girlfriend working? If she is, then could she not move in with him and they could share rent/bills etc? That would make renting above much more dooable?

syklops

Does his girlfriend work? Could she help him out a bit?

syklops

nouggatti wrote: »

That doesn't make sense about his overdraft, if he has an overdraft facility for €500 he'd not pay that off every month, but he could budget and pay off 50 a month off it and clear it over 10 months.

As for the creche fees, that's €346 he'd have to pay a month if he splits it equally with his gf, have they looked at a cheaper creche or using a childminder?

Even with that, and using the figures above for living in Dublin 15, if he rented as above, kept his food bill to €100 a month, and his gas/esb to €50 a month each (none of which is impossible) and walked to work, then his outgoings including creche fees (assuming he kept his overdraft)

Rent: 825
Creche: 346
Food: 100
Gas/ESB: 100


Total €1371`

It would be very tight but he could do it.

Is the girlfriend working? If she is, then could she not move in with him and they could share rent/bills etc? That would make renting above much more dooable?

Thats what I was trying to get around to in a polite way. If his gf does not work, then why do they need a creche?

kdak

i dunno how it works tbh, he said he went into his 500 euro overdraft once and it was taken from his wages the next month, as a result he then needed to use his overdraft again cause he had less money and the cycle keeps repeating, so basically he used 500 then paid it back but then after paying it back he needed to o/d again if that makes sense??? i think thats it anyway.

shes in full time education and the creche is on campus. i think they're looking into finding a cheaper creche. they cant afford to move in together as she'd lose her benefit which is used on the creche and her college expenses (travel, lunch, books etc) and the childs food, nappies etc. for at her parents house.

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

i dunno how it works tbh, he said he went into his 500 euro overdraft once and it was taken from his wages the next month, as a result he then needed to use his overdraft again cause he had less money and the cycle keeps repeating, so basically he used 500 then paid it back but then after paying it back he needed to o/d again if that makes sense??? i think thats it anyway.

shes in full time education and the creche is on campus. i think they're looking into finding a cheaper creche. they cant afford to move in together as she'd lose her benefit which is used on the creche and her college expenses (travel, lunch, books etc) and the childs food, nappies etc. for at her parents house.

That's how an overdraft works tbh, until you start paying it back.

A cheaper creche/childminder is definitely worth looking into.

kdak

so is there a way of breaking the cycle? just save a bit each month til its enough to pay it off?

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

so is there a way of breaking the cycle? just save a bit each month til its enough to pay it off?

Yeah, e.g. either ask the bank to reduce the overdraft by a set amount each month (could be any amount) or just budget to reduce it.

In your friends situation though, unless he rents a single room like syklops outlined, he won't be able to afford that.

Could he rent a single room and visit the child at his gf's?

kdak

he could but they used to take alternate days in order to work round her schedual (sp?) cause gettin the train in was a struggle for her in the morning with the buggy. so it'd put alot of strain on the mum. also shes in college all day and when she gets back hes in work so by the time hes off the child is in bed. and shes back in college at nine (leaving at half seven) the next day.

Stheno

kdak wrote: »

he could but they used to take alternate days in order to work round her schedual (sp?) cause gettin the train in was a struggle for her in the morning with the buggy. so it'd put alot of strain on the mum. also shes in college all day and when she gets back hes in work so by the time hes off the child is in bed. and shes back in college at nine (leaving at half seven) the next day.

well tbh there has to be a bit of compromise here, if she'd make the effort to take the child into creche every day, it means he gets to rent a place and be close to his child and gets to see him, pay his half of the creche fees, and even have money over to pay off his overdraft and pay her maintenance.

SarahMc

They should apply for a place in a Community Creche .The place will be considerably cheaper than what they are paying.

CDfm

Reading between the lines - they are teenage parents and both sets of parents and probably a few others have gotten sick of their whinging and excuses.Everything would be fine if other people would only behave the way they want them to.

Isnt he lucky his Dad took him in.

Its time for a reality check.

kdak

CDfm wrote: »

Reading between the lines - they are teenage parents and both sets of parents and probably a few others have gotten sick of their whinging and excuses.Everything would be fine if other people would only behave the way they want them to.

Isnt he lucky his Dad took him in.

Its time for a reality check.

well tbh you know nothing about them.
its only the dad that has nowhere to live, the mothers parents are fine with her 'whinging'.and i also dont see how you came to the conclusion that they are whinging!

i said nothing about other people behaving like they wanted. its nothing to do with behaviour at all so i dont know how you read between the lines and got that.

and theres no excuses being made at all, they've been through all the options and none are viable bar the mother taking the child 24/7 which she is doing at the moment but to be perfectly honest i dont see why the father should have to miss out on seeing/minding his child just because hes not claiming the right benefits. neither of them are cheating the system like other people do, they've been told by nearly all of our mates that the only option is for the mother to claim rent and live with the dad but they want to do things the right way so i dont see why you have to be rude about me asking for some advice to help them out. and before you say 'get a job instead of claiming benefits' he has tried.

thebouldwhacker

CDfm wrote: »

Reading between the lines - they are teenage parents and both sets of parents and probably a few others have gotten sick of their whinging and excuses.Everything would be fine if other people would only behave the way they want them to.

Isnt he lucky his Dad took him in.

Its time for a reality check.

Damn, i didn't realise this was the 'i'm a single parent and I want someone to come along with their preconcieved judgments and tell me I suck' thread... damn

CDfm keep such comments for Joe Duffy, we are trying to help.

CDfm

He could be entitled to a dependent child tax credit worth 1830 per annum if the child stays with him more than one night a year.

kdak

CDfm wrote: »

He could be entitled to a dependent child tax credit worth 1830 per annum if the child stays with him more than one night a year.

i dont think he works enough to get taxed, he may do but i dont think he does.

CDfm

thebouldwhacker wrote: »

Damn, i didn't realise this was the 'i'm a single parent and I want someone to come along with their preconcieved judgments and tell me I suck' thread... damn

CDfm keep such comments for Joe Duffy, we are trying to help.

Im not making judgements - just saying that its a situation that the Dad needs to get used to addressing for the next 18 years (23 if the child goes to third level) so it is worth him and the childs Mum assessing what their plans actually are together or alone.

You are dealing with a child here and 2 teenage parents who need to plan their own lives out too.

Its not as complicated as all that.

thebouldwhacker

CDfm wrote: »

Reading between the lines - they are teenage parents and both sets of parents and probably a few others have gotten sick of their whinging and excuses.Everything would be fine if other people would only behave the way they want them to.

Isnt he lucky his Dad took him in.

Its time for a reality check.

Sorry CDfm, I understand what you are saying but if that isnt judging what is???

nofi

There are charitable housing associations, some deal with the elderly, homeless etc and some help people on low incomes by giving them accommodation at a low rent to give them a chance to save.Theres a list on www.icsh.ie. Also you could try www.threshold.ie

kdak

CDfm wrote: »

Im not making judgements - just saying that its a situation that the Dad needs to get used to addressing for the next 18 years (23 if the child goes to third level) so it is worth him and the childs Mum assessing what their plans actually are together or alone.

You are dealing with a child here and 2 teenage parents who need to plan their own lives out too.

Its not as complicated as all that.

well you are making judgements and incorrect ones at that. they have it all planned. shes in college to actually build a proper career while he works to pay the bills and then when she leaves college and gets a proper job they'll rent somewhere and he'll get an education/ apprenticeship and then when they both have stable jobs they'll buy a home together.
they are both trying the best for their child and right now to you it may seem like they're being a bit irresponsible and not planning long term but they're actually in the process of building a proper future rather than sponging for the rest of their lives and relying on benefits long term, they just need help short term, which is alot more than you can say for alot of 'mature' older parents. not that it was any of your business but just seeing as how you were so judgemental i thought you might wanna be put in your place.

also, her parents are incredibly supportive of their plans, it was just a family matter in his case, nothing to do with his parenting skills so he doesnt really need your negative comments.

kdak

nofi wrote: »

There are charitable housing associations, some deal with the elderly, homeless etc and some help people on low incomes by giving them accommodation at a low rent to give them a chance to save.Theres a list on www.icsh.ie. Also you could try www.threshold.ie

thank you for that, i'll check it out.

and for those of you who gave me advice for them, he has found a sharing house that doesnt mind his child staying and its a reasonable price too so hes gonna call about that tomorrow.

CDfm

kdak-Im just pointing out that you can make plans alright but the world and the benefit system wont nesscessarily see things your way.

I am going to make 2 observations,

One being that he should be getting on the education training ladder now because in 3 or 4 years time he will be starting out with people 4 years his junior and thats a lot of lost ground to make up and he may not find the transition easy.

The next is that she is at home with her parents and like it or not that does affect the benefits she can claim. If she was my child (and I am a Dad) I would agree to everything provided she goes to college.

Not so sure that I would be so happy as the boys parents. Recession ridden country, benefits and grants being cut and my little hero launching himself on the world with no qualifications.

kdak

CDfm wrote: »

kdak-Im just pointing out that you can make plans alright but the world and the benefit system wont nesscessarily see things your way.

I am going to make 2 observations,

One being that he should be getting on the education training ladder now because in 3 or 4 years time he will be starting out with people 4 years his junior and thats a lot of lost ground to make up and he may not find the transition easy.

The next is that she is at home with her parents and like it or not that does affect the benefits she can claim. If she was my child (and I am a Dad) I would agree to everything provided she goes to college.

Not so sure that I would be so happy as the boys parents. Recession ridden country, benefits and grants being cut and my little hero launching himself on the world with no qualifications.

in a way i agree but if hes in education as well, where does their money come from?? hes not entitled to any benefits if hes in education as hes not 23.
shes on a benefit so thats not really an issue right now, its him that needs them.
they sure as hell know that the benefit system doesnt see it their way but i was just asking if there was a way around it as they're really struggling and they're determined not to scam the system but as you said its a recession riddled country so he cant get more work.
and he will get his qualifications in a few years when the mother has hers.
yes its not ideal but they're trying their best and they really dont need people judging them for this.
and im a mum myself (a young one too at that) so i do know where you're coming from with the fact he should get some qualifications but its a case of making the best out of an awkward situation not 'look back at what they should of done cause they're fucked now'.

CDfm

kdak wrote: »

in a way i agree but if hes in education as well, where does their money come from?? hes not entitled to any benefits if hes in education as hes not 23.

The benefit system for her is adequete to cover her and the child.

shes on a benefit so thats not really an issue right now, its him that needs them.

What he needs is training and education or to get into a trade apprenticeship if he can but its not what he wants. Mind you - its not nice being car free.

they sure as hell know that the benefit system doesnt see it their way but i was just asking if there was a way around it as they're really struggling and they're determined not to scam the system but as you said its a recession riddled country so he cant get more work.

THey and especially him need to take a long term view and get it into their heads that now is the time for both of them to get education and training and part time jobs etc and share the childcare. Not luxurious but it can be done.

AS a couple I see no future for them doing what they are doing.

It is do-able but that takes hard decisions including looking at his training and education needs.

When the recession ends or they emigrate or whatever he needs to be ready. Life doesnt look great if he doesnt do that.
and he will get his qualifications in a few years when the mother has hers.
yes its not ideal but they're trying their best and they really dont need people judging them for this.

and im a mum myself (a young one too at that) so i do know where you're coming from with the fact he should get some qualifications but its a case of making the best out of an awkward situation not 'look back at what they should of done cause they're fucked now'.

They are not in a really bad situation and can do loads to improve it. Its just that their priorities are a bit screwed up.They seem to have a sense of entitlement.

I would be questioning why he is not getting educated etc and saying its not thatt significant where they live until the child is 4 or 5 and while they are getting educated. It does matter that he gets out of this low wage trajectory.

Her parents will be biased towards her and it is evident they are already.

Uphill battle for him though.

kdak

i dont really understand where you're coming from with those points.
its adequate to cover her and her child, what about him (food, shelter, transport (whether it be public or not?) if hes in education he'll have no money.
so she goes to college til 6 (not home til half seven) and then bring the child where while she works?? creches are closed after this time. if hes in college/ school he cant take the child. especially if hes working too.
and how are her parents biased? im not saying they're not (of course they are cause its their child) but i dunno why you think that?
their priorities right now are providing for their child while planning a future and i think they're doing a good job at that.