Urgent advice needed

CDfm

kdak wrote: »

well considering you just think im 'repeating his excuses'il leave it at that.
thanks for your opinions and advice on the matter, il let him know.
and i appreciate your honesty. dont necessarily agree with it but i appreciate it!

No probs - I have tried to be fair and honest here.

From what you have said he is a nice guy but he is a man now and should be encouraged to see things from a grown up/mans perspective..

Best of luck to them both.

kdak

Thanks, il let them know. he is a great guy and is trying his best!
sorry i got a bit defensive!

CDfm

Hey its boards - you can.

Being defensive is allowed & it may be the first time he is being treated like an adult/man and that quite a big thing for a guy.:)

kdak

well im already hooked so there'll be alot more where that came from! :P

Stheno

kdak

I don't mean to be rude, or offensive, but given all of the different options that have been posted in the thread, all of the budgets, educational opportunities etc that have been given, maybe the couple involved are just too set in their ways? And unwilling to look at ANY alternatives?

Or maybe one of them wants to play the victim? And blame the fact they work three hours too many on the fact they are not entitled to benefits?

One point you posted about the bf being good at woodwork, but it being a job taking away the joy, that's like me saying 15 years ago that I love taking apart computers and making them work better, but working at it would take away the joy.

I'd be the opposite example of that tbh, seems to be a bit of a negative/entitlement attitude around the whole situation, the couple concerned either need to work with what they have now, and choose to struggle on, or proactively work together to maximise their opportunities in life.

kdak

no offence taken at all!
well im just posting the reasons why they havent so far done any of these things. for all we know they could be looking at any number of these alternatives now that their situation has changed. maybe i should have been clearer about that. like ive passed on all the suggestions and they were very appreciative of all the help. i just stated why they hadnt done these things before but obviously with their change in circumstances they're gonna have to change something!
and it was me that was asking if there was a way around their lack of entitlements because i fully support their situation as it is, not them, you know?

LegacyUser

Hey. You're mate is in a tough position. Rock and hard place with the way benefits operate in this country.
You say he's been to the CWO and no luck. Get him to write to them. Explain everything in black and white to them. It can be pretty hard sometimes to get your point across in person and he might have more luck if he explains his situation fully and coherently to them. That said, I don't know if he will/won't because I don't know about the situation as regards maybe having to already be claiming SW.

kdak wrote: »

in a way i agree but if hes in education as well, where does their money come from?? hes not entitled to any benefits if hes in education as hes not 23.

I'm with the others on the need to get into education. Most definitely. If he puts it off until his girlfriend finishes then that's another few years down the line and then there will be something else and something else. The child will be starting school, a Communion perhaps, not enough money, not the right time. He needs to go for this and start aiming towards a qualification now.
How about an apprenticeship? Sorry, I don't know too much about this but something like carpentry/plumbing/mechanic etc. This way he's working & earning while learning his trade rather than doing a degree and then starting at the bottom rung of the ladder.
*Please correct me if I'm wrong, this is the way you can do it in the UK so I presume its similar.
I know things have dried up at the minute but hopefully there's something somewhere.


College
Now, he's under 23 so as it stands he applies under his parent's income. The situation is closed as far as his mother I presume? How about his Dad? I don't know what his Income band is, but I presume that his Dad is unable to help him out financially just on what you're saying so I would then assume he should be able to qualify for a grant is he was to go to college. Check out www.studentfinance.ie The grant is low but it is manageable and he should be able to get some sort of a part time job beside it to have enough to live off and give his girlfriend money towards maintenance.
Just with that as with the point of a trade, the position he is in is that he can't spend years in college. He needs to look at a course that will get him into a paying job very quickly after graduating ie without having to do a Masters or loads of ad on courses.

The Dept of Education has some flexibility as regards issuing grants. Explain the situation entirely. Since he is only 20 the chance of being classed as an Independent is virtually zero. Plus the fact that he is living with his Dad. I really can't remember what the application for the grant is like but I know it looks for a lot of info. He will need to explain the situation with his mother and ideally need proof of this but as I said, there is flexibility there he just needs to be a genuine case. People process these forms not machines.

The overdraft.
I presume he gets paid monthly? Right, easiest thing is to open another Account. Transfer €50/€100 a month into this Account strictly for paying off the O/D and pay it off then in 5-10 months.

CDfm

Sociologists have theories for this behavior with great sounding names.

The Self Fullfilling Prophesy Theory fits him.

Its where people cant or wont adapt to the systems for circumstances and situations they find themselves in.THey could be hungry and you have a mars bar and offer it to them "dont want that -I want a snickers".

So lets say Einstein - lets call him Mr E -here goes to FAS and does an interview and aptitude test and they say " Mr E we have a match for you and you will qualify with a City And Guilds in Woodwork" "Dont want that -I like woodwork".

THe Instructor is thinking "Doh" (the guy doesnt have the intellectual ability for anything else I have to offer him)

Or the type of excuse thats most likely- its just around the corner from where your G/fs course is. She can get a flat there under the Unmarried Mothers and there is a creche in X place. And the excuse would be we dont want to move.She wont move cos her Ma does her washing.

AS it is written in the Great Lost Book of the Old Ones - you can lead a camel to water but I aint going to push a straw up its ass and suck.

So you see Mr E's educational and training needs may even decided by laundry.

Poor Mr E the whole world is against him. I know -why doesnt the world change around Mr E.

THe real reason is he ( or they)just cant be arsed doing anything -everything else is an excuse.

I wonder is she -Mrs E (the GF) - as inflexible as he is - it looks like there is a pair of them in it. One as bad as the other.

I wonder if he has had a literacy test and I am being serious here- would he take one. 25% of people going thru the Irish education system come thru without basic skills -like reading the instructions on a paracetemol bottle or a washing detergent box? and they get the JC. Its actually very common.If he would take one and they are available locally-you could eliminate that problem. Some of the excuses point that way and its just a hunch that he hasnt had that support before. I wonder......

kdak

CDfm wrote: »

Sociologists have theories for this behavior with great sounding names.

The Self Fullfilling Prophesy Theory fits him.

Its where people cant or wont adapt to the systems for circumstances and situations they find themselves in.THey could be hungry and you have a mars bar and offer it to them "dont want that -I want a snickers".

So lets say Einstein - lets call him Mr E -here goes to FAS and does an interview and aptitude test and they say " Mr E we have a match for you and you will qualify with a City And Guilds in Woodwork" "Dont want that -I like woodwork".

THe Instructor is thinking "Doh" (the guy doesnt have the intellectual ability for anything else I have to offer him)

Or the type of excuse thats most likely- its just around the corner from where your G/fs course is. She can get a flat there under the Unmarried Mothers and there is a creche in X place. And the excuse would be we dont want to move.She wont move cos her Ma does her washing.

AS it is written in the Great Lost Book of the Old Ones - you can lead a camel to water but I aint going to push a straw up its ass and suck.

So you see Mr E's educational and training needs may even decided by laundry.

Poor Mr E the whole world is against him. I know -why doesnt the world change around Mr E.

THe real reason is he ( or they)just cant be arsed doing anything -everything else is an excuse.

I wonder is she -Mrs E (the GF) - as inflexible as he is - it looks like there is a pair of them in it. One as bad as the other.

I wonder if he has had a literacy test and I am being serious here- would he take one. 25% of people going thru the Irish education system come thru without basic skills -like reading the instructions on a paracetemol bottle or a washing detergent box? and they get the JC. Its actually very common.If he would take one and they are available locally-you could eliminate that problem. Some of the excuses point that way and its just a hunch that he hasnt had that support before. I wonder......

ive already explained that they were the reasons they took this route originally. obviously they're gonna change something now as their circumstances have changed. it seems you're the one with a problem grasping that.
and about the literacy test.. i dunno what you're getting at.
but hes dyslexic and anyone with a child suffereing from the same problem knows that assessment with this is extremely difficult as you've to be extremely bad to get help or else your on your own and you suffer alone. (not an excuse, its a genuine fact) so this is partly why his education so far has suffered, and team that with a lack of parental support you can see why up until now he has seen it as a negative.
(even writing this i know you're just gonna think 'excuses excuses' but i dont care!)

and you know nothing about the mothers family circumstances. anyway she does her own washing etc. so dont be so narrow minded.

i was asking was he entitled to anything, i gave the reasons why he didnt do any of those things previous to their change in circumstances. i dont see why you're continuing to be so judgemental about them. for all you know he could be applying for any of the things you mentioned in the last few days, so id advise you to stop judging them on something that may actually be a figment of your imagination at this stage.

and to the unregistered member- thank you for your help. your points were all extremely helpful. i forgot he may be entitled to a grant if he started college, thank you for that.

CDfm

Lighten up Kdak - I am not trying to be critical - I would like to see the guy get an even break.