Faking religon for church wedding

kiffer

lostexpectation wrote: »

... i don't think the church allows for putting it off.

Um... ? What are they going to do? Come round and baptise them by force? Just don't get it done and when it becomes an issue at first confession, communion or confirmation ask them if they want to be involved and then baptise them or not as the case maybe... I remember being told that if we couldn't find our baptism cert. We'd have to be done again before we could get first communion or confirmed (one or the other, don't remember exactly)

Zillah

Gambler wrote: »

I had the option of taking a blessing if I wanted instead of communion but I was also given the option of waving it.

I really doubt they would let you wave the host around instead of eating it.

lostexpectation wrote: »

baptism afaik is pretty essential to bringing up children catholic and i don't think the church allows for putting it off.

You can get baptised when you're 90 on your deathbed if you want.

Gambler

lostexpectation wrote: »

baptism afaik is pretty essential to bringing up children catholic and i don't think the church allows for putting it off.

My point was that she didn't have to swear that she would bring the children up as catholics. That means we can choose if we are going to have them baptised or not. I was replying specifically to your suggestion that she lied and never intended to have the children baptised at all.

johnnyskeleton

hobochris wrote: »

HI all,

Just a quick question I just want to get peoples views on:

Would you fake being catholic or even get baptized If your partner wanted to have a church wedding?

Personally, I have no religious belief's (I'm a man of science; I'll believe when there is concrete proof), But having been thinking about this for a while and I'm not sure if I would go through the notions of pretending to be religious to get married In a church. But, at the same time I love my GF, so If she wanted a church wedding I'm not sure what Id do...


I was never baptized, My mother wanted me to have the choice of religion or none. so its not a case of being a fake catholic as alot of people are..

I would need to go through the baptism thing as I believe you have to produce a baptism cert.


Has anyone any thoughts or opinions? or has anyone been in a similar situation? All opinions welcome religious or not.

I suppose the equations are something like this:

Husband (Agnostic) + Wife (Devout Christian) = Church wedding
H(Atheist) + Wife (Vague Christian) = Debate about Civil/Church Ceremony
H(Atheist) + Wife (Atheist) = Civil ceremony
H(Christian) + Wife (Jewish) = Debate about Christian/Jewish Ceremony
H(Atheist) + Wife (atheist) = perhaps no wedding at all.

lostexpectation

kiffer wrote: »

Um... ? What are they going to do? Come round and baptise them by force? Just don't get it done and when it becomes an issue at first confession, communion or confirmation ask them if they want to be involved and then baptise them or not as the case maybe... I remember being told that if we couldn't find our baptism cert. We'd have to be done again before we could get first communion or confirmed (one or the other, don't remember exactly)

of course you can get baptised later, but i don't think

make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church

includes putting off the baptism.

Gambler

lostexpectation wrote: »

of course you can get baptised later, but i don't think

includes putting off the baptism.

OK, you appear to have decided that what you think of the church is truth and you don't want to hear what I am saying but let me try one more time with some bold put in to some of my quotes for emphasis of the point I have already made several times:

make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church

She had to swear that she would make every effort as long as it didn't jeopradise the marriage.

And again we haven't made a firm decision not to baptise them, we are still discussing it but we are leaning towards not getting them baptised till they are old enough to decide for themselves if they want to be christians.

What it comes down to is this. The RC church used to have a rule that both parents had to swear to raise the children as catholics, this is no longer the case.

Someone posted

You have to promise the church you'll bring your kids up Catholic

and I posted to clarify that as an Atheist I had to make no such promise. Also my partner had to go through a procedural step to say that she would make every effort to raise our children as catholics as long as this would not jeopradise the marriage. As part of this discussion the priest explained that when it came down to it this was a decision that we would have to come to as a couple.

My wife at no stage lied or misled anyone about our intentions when it comes to raising any children we might have and the church made no effort get me to swear that I would allow our children to be raised as catholics.

I hope this (finally) clears up the misconceptions you seem to have about either the church, my wife or both.

Malari

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

I suppose the equations are something like this:

Husband (Agnostic) + Wife (Devout Christian) = Church wedding
H(Atheist) + Wife (Vague Christian) = Debate about Civil/Church Ceremony
H(Atheist) + Wife (Atheist) = Civil ceremony
H(Christian) + Wife (Jewish) = Debate about Christian/Jewish Ceremony
H(Atheist) + Wife (atheist) = perhaps no wedding at all.

I love this neat little summary, it made me laugh because I probably fit in there

Is there a difference in the capital "A" used in the 3rd scenario and the lower-case "a" used in the 5th?

I think we also need to take into account:

H(Atheist) + Wife (Atheist) + In-Laws (Catholic) = Holy war :eek:

lostexpectation

Gambler wrote: »

OK, you appear to have decided that what you think of the church is truth and you don't want to hear what I am saying but let me try one more time with some bold put in to some of my quotes for emphasis of the point I have already made several times:





What it comes down to is this. The RC church used to have a rule that both parents had to swear to raise the children as catholics, this is no longer the case.

Someone posted and I posted to clarify that as an Atheist I had to make no such promise. Also my partner had to go through a procedural step to say that she would make every effort to raise our children as catholics as long as this would not jeopradise the marriage. As part of this discussion the priest explained that when it came down to it this was a decision that we would have to come to as a couple.

My wife at no stage lied or misled anyone about our intentions when it comes to raising any children we might have and the church made no effort get me to swear that I would allow our children to be raised as catholics.

I hope this (finally) clears up the misconceptions you seem to have about either the church, my wife or both.

make every effort as long as it didn't jeopradise the marriage

clear as mud

Gambler

OK, assuming for a second that you are an atheist\agnostic\any other religion other than RC. Let me ask you this, you meet and fall in love with a christian, you decide you want to get married, then she insists that you must become a christian and raise the children as catholics. Can you see the wedding continuing and you marrying her anyway even though she has forced her religion on you as a condition of marriage?

That right there is an attitude that to my mind would jeopradise the relationship\marriage surely?

franklyshocked

hobochris wrote: »

HI all,

Just a quick question I just want to get peoples views on:

Would you fake being catholic or even get baptized If your partner wanted to have a church wedding?

Personally, I have no religious belief's (I'm a man of science; I'll believe when there is concrete proof), But having been thinking about this for a while and I'm not sure if I would go through the notions of pretending to be religious to get married In a church. But, at the same time I love my GF, so If she wanted a church wedding I'm not sure what Id do...

I was never baptized, My mother wanted me to have the choice of religion or none. so its not a case of being a fake catholic as alot of people are..

I would need to go through the baptism thing as I believe you have to produce a baptism cert.

Has anyone any thoughts or opinions? or has anyone been in a similar situation? All opinions welcome religious or not.

Myself and my wife are both from Catholic families and although we both seperated from the church the minute we left home for college we couldn't find a venue large enough to hold everyone we knew, so I had to sit with the parish priest back at home and have a chat about faith.
I found it easy as he never asked if the faith I was talking about was in the church.
It wasn't until the birth of our son last year that the battle took place between our parents and us when we decided that it was time to come clean so to speak and let everyone know we would not be going down the church route with junior.
Its still a bit of a tricky situation with the grand parents but while I still felt like a bit of a child getting married, and sort of owed my parents a church wedding, I'm a parent now and have to make the decisions that my son will be proud of.

pH

I'll just leave this here ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Zv9AgwKAE0

aidan24326

pH wrote: »

I'll just leave this here ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Zv9AgwKAE0

He is one prize lunatic is our Pat, and yet millions of Americans would hang on his every word. The moron interviewing him was just as bad - 'That is so true, so true'. Yeah, about as true as me being an intergalactic space monster, but there you go.

whatdoicare

If yr wife to be has no particular church in mind why not go for a blessing? My fiancee and myself aren't religious but the parents (mothers on both sides for some reason) were putting awful pressure on us for a church wedding which we didn't want. We actually wanted a castle wedding but priests wont do that without this "magic stone" which you need permission to move or something?? We were introduced to a celtic monk by a good friend who had recently attended a wedding by him: http://www.daramolloy.com/index.html who is not part of any church but will do any kind of ceremony you wish, anywhere you want. You have to get yrself registered but thats only a formality.
Problem solved- no religion in a castle for me and fiancee and my mammy and mammy in law seem to be happy about the "monk" part haha.
He also does communions and baptisms or whatever equivalent you want.

loctite

Malari wrote: »

H(Atheist) + Wife (Atheist) + In-Laws (Catholic) = Holy war :eek:

Applies to myself. Having to have a church wedding to appease everyone. But I don't want to agree to bring up children catholic regardless of whether it will affect my marriage or not.

I find it equally intrusive that I have to do a pre-marriage course before being married in the church....Their ceremony, their rules I guess!!

Malari

loctite wrote: »

Applies to myself. Having to have a church wedding to appease everyone. But I don't want to agree to bring up children catholic regardless of whether it will affect my marriage or not.

I find it equally intrusive that I have to do a pre-marriage course before being married in the church....Their ceremony, their rules I guess!!

This thread makes me so glad I'm not getting married.

Gambler

loctite wrote: »

I find it equally intrusive that I have to do a pre-marriage course before being married in the church....Their ceremony, their rules I guess!!

In fairness a pre-marriage course is probably a good thing for everyone to do irrelevant of religious background. The one I did had no religious content beyond a small section that relates to the practical details of the ceremony (order of events etc.) but had a lot of great stuff on conflict management and relationship advise.

Now if only there was some way that we could get people to have a pre-birth parenthood course..

aidan24326

loctite wrote: »

Applies to myself. Having to have a church wedding to appease everyone. But I don't want to agree to bring up children catholic regardless of whether it will affect my marriage or not.

You shouldn't do it. Why should either of you have to 'appease' your parents? They don't own you. What happened to respecting your wishes? Your husband-to-be should stand up for himself and stop being a wuss. Tell the parents he's getting married on his terms, not theirs. Let them like it or lump it.

midlandsmissus

So alot of atheists on here got married in a church?

Very very interesting, if only from a socialogical point of view.

I most definitely wouldnt get married in a catholic church as I dont agree with them. Im a christian.

Why lapse your views to fit in with societal norms?

Zillah

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Why lapse your views to fit in with societal norms?

Because an angry wife is a very bad thing?

Malari

midlandsmissus wrote: »

So alot of atheists on here got married in a church?

Very very interesting, if only from a socialogical point of view.

I most definitely wouldnt get married in a catholic church as I dont agree with them. Im a christian.

Why lapse your views to fit in with societal norms?

:pac: you should check out the sending your kids to school thread!

I would imagine most atheists who have married in a church did so because they married a catholic.

Goduznt Xzst

Malari wrote: »

I would imagine most atheists who have married in a church did so because they married a catholic.

+1 I can't imagine 2 Atheists choosing to get married in a Church. Plus before pen has hit paper, I would never underestimate the influence of the mother of the bride.

Malari

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

+1 I can't imagine 2 Atheists choosing to get married in a Church. Plus before pen has hit paper, I would never underestimate the influence of the mother of the bride.

I think the mother of the bridegroom can be as much of a troublesome prospect.

Dades

I married my RC wife in a church.

Next time will definitely be in a registry office.

Zillah

Dades wrote: »

Next time will definitely be in a registry office.

I'd suggest not telling her that.

Dades

Zillah wrote: »

I'd suggest not telling her that.

It won't be her so the registry office won't bother her.

bleg

i wouldn't really care to be honest. if my other half wanted a church wedding i wouldn't mind saying a few meaningless words.