The Fathers Thread

Digs

Toots wrote: »

When I was in Holles St there was one particular midwife and God help you if you were a bloke and didn't give your seat up for a pregnant mum! Jaysus she'd reef them up and let a roar at them. :pac: in fairness one guy she did it to looked like he really needed a boot up the hole. He sat down and left his own partner (who was massive) standing up! He was like a scolded child when the midwife had finished with him!

Haha two babies in Holles Street and I know the midwife you're talking about, gas lady

Toots

She was hilarious! In fairness to her, she kept the queue moving well but was always very thorough. I'd always know whether she was on or not before I checked in because if she wasn't on that day, the queue for the semi private clinic was nearly back out through the arch to the street!

I'm in the Rotunda this time around and one thing I noticed was there was plenty of seating in the waiting rooms in the semi private clinic - plenty of blokes there but everyone had a seat. It's a different time of year though, so not sure if that makes a difference.

circadian

Toots wrote: »

When I was in Holles St there was one particular midwife and God help you if you were a bloke and didn't give your seat up for a pregnant mum! Jaysus she'd reef them up and let a roar at them. :pac: in fairness one guy she did it to looked like he really needed a boot up the hole. He sat down and left his own partner (who was massive) standing up! He was like a scolded child when the midwife had finished with him!

Rightly so.

boardsuser1

Toots wrote: »

When I was in Holles St there was one particular midwife and God help you if you were a bloke and didn't give your seat up for a pregnant mum! Jaysus she'd reef them up and let a roar at them. :pac: in fairness one guy she did it to looked like he really needed a boot up the hole. He sat down and left his own partner (who was massive) standing up! He was like a scolded child when the midwife had finished with him!

I need to move to Dublin with the wife the next time she's preggers :pac:

Toots

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

I need to move to Dublin with the wife the next time she's preggers :pac:

Next time??? The poor woman hasn't even finished baking the twins yet, give her poor lady bits a chance! :pac:

Calhoun

Personally i think the whole maternity interaction thing needs to be looked into, when my wife was in Portlaoise there is one toilet in the hospital for men on the bottom floor and thats it.

Not only is it giving off the message that men aren't really wanted around but its also a security risk. The amount of times you need to go in and out of the secure area just so you can go to the toilet is crazy.

As for men behaving badly, i would class the guys who don't give up there seat as the old school blokes from yesteryear, the midwife shouldnt have to tell them anything but it should also not be used as an excuse to exclude men from the whole process.

When my daughter was in the SCBU, some neanderthal (the only word i would use) brought a sandwich and otherfood into the SCBU. In that case he should have been banned off the ward as contamination in a sterile environment has a huge risk to the preemie babies.

boardsuser1

Toots wrote: »

Next time??? The poor woman hasn't even finished baking the twins yet, give her poor lady bits a chance! :pac:

We didn't hang around very long after our son was born a year ago last week, she was pregnant within about 3 months of his birth, i won't go there

As for the twins, we'll have 3 under 18 months, 5 in 7 years and she still wants more :P

The wife can't see herself going full term with twins that's only natural, she is looking to have a natural birth, so how early is early with that

The_Conductor

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

so how early is early with that

Anything under 37 weeks is 'early'.......

boardsuser1

The_Conductor wrote: »

Anything under 37 weeks is 'early'.......

Neo-natal?

boardsuser1

Question for anyone looking in here who has been to the C.U.M.H

Have you been to Marion Cunningham & Keelin O'Donoghue?

No experience at all of those 2, they are in the twin clinic.

seamus

Calhoun wrote: »

Personally i think the whole maternity interaction thing needs to be looked into, when my wife was in Portlaoise there is one toilet in the hospital for men on the bottom floor and thats it.

Not only is it giving off the message that men aren't really wanted around but its also a security risk. The amount of times you need to go in and out of the secure area just so you can go to the toilet is crazy.

The problem really is that all of these buildings are very old, coming from a time when the only men allowed in the building were the doctors (and the only doctors in the building were men).

So the space available for toilets is limited, and therefore use of toilets has to be prioritised for patients and staff over visitors. If that means sending male visitors halfway across the campus then so be it.

If you go into any modern hospital building (even the private clinics in the Rotunda), there are far more toilets available for everyone.

Obviously it would make more sense to have unisex visitors toilets, and that's probably where we'll go. But while we're stuck with segregation, the men, none of whom are pregnant, just have to make the trip.

boardsuser1

seamus wrote: »

The problem really is that all of these buildings are very old, coming from a time when the only men allowed in the building were the doctors (and the only doctors in the building were men).

So the space available for toilets is limited, and therefore use of toilets has to be prioritised for patients and staff over visitors. If that means sending male visitors halfway across the campus then so be it.

If you go into any modern hospital building (even the private clinics in the Rotunda), there are far more toilets available for everyone.

Obviously it would make more sense to have unisex visitors toilets, and that's probably where we'll go. But while we're stuck with segregation, the men, none of whom are pregnant, just have to make the trip.

That's a fairly accurate assessment!

In the C.U.M.H the toilets are unisex in the rooms.

Neyite

Calhoun wrote: »

Personally i think the whole maternity interaction thing needs to be looked into, when my wife was in Portlaoise there is one toilet in the hospital for men on the bottom floor and thats it.

Not only is it giving off the message that men aren't really wanted around but its also a security risk. The amount of times you need to go in and out of the secure area just so you can go to the toilet is crazy.

As for men behaving badly, i would class the guys who don't give up there seat as the old school blokes from yesteryear, the midwife shouldnt have to tell them anything but it should also not be used as an excuse to exclude men from the whole process.

When my daughter was in the SCBU, some neanderthal (the only word i would use) brought a sandwich and otherfood into the SCBU. In that case he should have been banned off the ward as contamination in a sterile environment has a huge risk to the preemie babies.

In the UK some NHS trusts are trialling a shared ward - as in, beds for the men as well as for the women in a 6 bay bed. It's not going down well at all. It could work if families had their own rooms rather than 12 adults in one big room with six newborns all trying to get some scrap of sleep. And There will always be SandwichMan being a dick and ruining it for everyone.

I can't see the HSE spending money on catering for fathers comfort/consideration as long as we have a healthcare system where people line the halls of A&E on trollies awaiting a bed and all the other ways our healthcare is substandard for what's a relatively well of country.

boardsuser1

Neyite wrote: »

In the UK some NHS trusts are trialling a shared ward - as in, beds for the men as well as for the women in a 6 bay bed. It's not going down well at all. It could work if families had their own rooms rather than 12 adults in one big room with six newborns all trying to get some scrap of sleep. And There will always be SandwichMan being a dick and ruining it for everyone.

I can't see the HSE spending money on catering for fathers comfort/consideration as long as we have a healthcare system where people line the halls of A&E on trollies awaiting a bed and all the other ways our healthcare is substandard for what's a relatively well of country.

They struggle to provide a decent service for women in maternity hospital's and patients in general hospitals, so that's not surprising.

Ireland's healthcare is not quite 3rd world standard but is a long way away from first class.

rainbow kirby

Neyite wrote: »

In the UK some NHS trusts are trialling a shared ward - as in, beds for the men as well as for the women in a 6 bay bed. It's not going down well at all. It could work if families had their own rooms rather than 12 adults in one big room with six newborns all trying to get some scrap of sleep. And There will always be SandwichMan being a dick and ruining it for everyone.

Ours (the Whittington in north London) has a reclining chair in each bay on the postnatal ward. Partners can be there whenever they want but the sleeping facilities aren't great so my husband went home around 10pm to get better sleep after our son was born. Birth centre rooms have a double bed, so for the 12 hours or whatever you're there it's a bit more comfortable.

robinph

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Ours (the Whittington in north London) has a reclining chair in each bay on the postnatal ward. Partners can be there whenever they want but the sleeping facilities aren't great so my husband went home around 10pm to get better sleep after our son was born. Birth centre rooms have a double bed, so for the 12 hours or whatever you're there it's a bit more comfortable.

I had an uncomfortable armchair to try to snooze in which was perfectly fine for the purpose and no problem with that. My problem with the system was that after being told not to bring in baby stuff from the car until baby arrives, then it all kicks off with an emergency c-section shortly before midnight, we then get wheeled to the ward at 2am'ish with new baby and I get suddenly landed with the notice that I'm only allowed to stay for one overnight and as she'll be kept in the following night I've got to leave now if I want to stay the following night when I'll be more useful... I then get escorted out of the building by some grumpy nurse immediately before anyone gets a chance to know what is happening.

I'm not then allowed back in until 10am the next morning, and yes I do get a tiny bit of sleep back home. Meanwhile the wife has been getting told off by another nurse during the night for not having any nappies or clothes for the baby which of course are still in the car where we were told to leave that stuff until the kid arrived and the wife having been sliced open a couple of hours earlier can't move or do anything for the baby except press the call bell. :mad:

There is just a bit too much stories of rainbows and unicorns told to you beforehand and nothing about what might actually happen differently. Wouldn't have taken much being changed for that first day (and the induction process) to have been a lot less of a surprise (without telling scary stories) and therefore less stressful for all concerned.

boardsuser1

robinph wrote: »

I had an uncomfortable armchair to try to snooze in which was perfectly fine for the purpose and no problem with that. My problem with the system was that after being told not to bring in baby stuff from the car until baby arrives, then it all kicks off with an emergency c-section shortly before midnight, we then get wheeled to the ward at 2am'ish with new baby and I get suddenly landed with the notice that I'm only allowed to stay for one overnight and as she'll be kept in the following night I've got to leave now if I want to stay the following night when I'll be more useful... I then get escorted out of the building by some grumpy nurse immediately before anyone gets a chance to know what is happening.

I'm not then allowed back in until 10am the next morning, and yes I do get a tiny bit of sleep back home. Meanwhile the wife has been getting told off by another nurse during the night for not having any nappies or clothes for the baby which of course are still in the car where we were told to leave that stuff until the kid arrived and the wife having been sliced open a couple of hours earlier can't move or do anything for the baby except press the call bell. :mad:

There is just a bit too much stories of rainbows and unicorns told to you beforehand and nothing about what might actually happen differently. Wouldn't have taken much being changed for that first day (and the induction process) to have been a lot less of a surprise (without telling scary stories) and therefore less stressful for all concerned.

In Cork?

Calhoun

seamus wrote: »

Calhoun wrote: »

Personally i think the whole maternity interaction thing needs to be looked into, when my wife was in Portlaoise there is one toilet in the hospital for men on the bottom floor and thats it.

Not only is it giving off the message that men aren't really wanted around but its also a security risk. The amount of times you need to go in and out of the secure area just so you can go to the toilet is crazy.

The problem really is that all of these buildings are very old, coming from a time when the only men allowed in the building were the doctors (and the only doctors in the building were men).

So the space available for toilets is limited, and therefore use of toilets has to be prioritised for patients and staff over visitors. If that means sending male visitors halfway across the campus then so be it.

If you go into any modern hospital building (even the private clinics in the Rotunda), there are far more toilets available for everyone.

Obviously it would make more sense to have unisex visitors toilets, and that's probably where we'll go. But while we're stuck with segregation, the men, none of whom are pregnant, just have to make the trip.

I don't think that is acceptable, especially with all of the other crap thats going on it sets the tone of Men not really mattering in the whole process.  In portlaoise they have allot of bathroom/toilets in the maternity ward itself and even a toilet facilities in the waiting area for women that could be either visitors or pregnant women.
What message are we sending out from a societal perspective today to new fathers to be? We want them to be accountable responsible and caring fathers but then from the looks of it we systematically tell them they aren't important. Society needs to make its mind up because if you want me to all of the above i expect to be treated with a little bit of dignity.

Calhoun

seamus wrote: »

Calhoun wrote: »

Personally i think the whole maternity interaction thing needs to be looked into, when my wife was in Portlaoise there is one toilet in the hospital for men on the bottom floor and thats it.

Not only is it giving off the message that men aren't really wanted around but its also a security risk. The amount of times you need to go in and out of the secure area just so you can go to the toilet is crazy.

The problem really is that all of these buildings are very old, coming from a time when the only men allowed in the building were the doctors (and the only doctors in the building were men).

So the space available for toilets is limited, and therefore use of toilets has to be prioritised for patients and staff over visitors. If that means sending male visitors halfway across the campus then so be it.

If you go into any modern hospital building (even the private clinics in the Rotunda), there are far more toilets available for everyone.

Obviously it would make more sense to have unisex visitors toilets, and that's probably where we'll go. But while we're stuck with segregation, the men, none of whom are pregnant, just have to make the trip.

-

Calhoun

Neyite wrote: »

Calhoun wrote: »

Personally i think the whole maternity interaction thing needs to be looked into, when my wife was in Portlaoise there is one toilet in the hospital for men on the bottom floor and thats it.

Not only is it giving off the message that men aren't really wanted around but its also a security risk. The amount of times you need to go in and out of the secure area just so you can go to the toilet is crazy.

As for men behaving badly, i would class the guys who don't give up there seat as the old school blokes from yesteryear, the midwife shouldnt have to tell them anything but it should also not be used as an excuse to exclude men from the whole process.

When my daughter was in the SCBU, some neanderthal (the only word i would use) brought a sandwich and otherfood into the SCBU. In that case he should have been banned off the ward as contamination in a sterile environment has a huge risk to the preemie babies.

In the UK some NHS trusts are trialling a shared ward - as in, beds for the men as well as for the women in a 6 bay bed. It's not going down well at all. It could work if families had their own rooms rather than 12 adults in one big room with six newborns all trying to get some scrap of sleep. And There will always be SandwichMan being a dick and ruining it for everyone.

I can't see the HSE spending money on catering for fathers comfort/consideration as long as we have a healthcare system where people line the halls of A&E on trollies awaiting a bed and all the other ways our healthcare is substandard for what's a relatively well of country.

There will always be idiots ruining it for everyone but as i have said above if we tar everyone with the same brush and use flimsy excuses to essentially exclude fathers from a process that for most would consider very important to them what message are we sending out?

Neyite

Calhoun wrote: »

I don't think that is acceptable, especially with all of the other crap thats going on it sets the tone of Men not really mattering in the whole process. In portlaoise they have allot of bathroom/toilets in the maternity ward itself and even a toilet facilities in the waiting area for women that could be either visitors or pregnant women.
What message are we sending out from a societal perspective today to new fathers to be? We want them to be accountable responsible and caring fathers but then from the looks of it we systematically tell them they aren't important. Society needs to make its mind up because if you want me to all of the above i expect to be treated with a little bit of dignity.

A maternity ward or ante-natal unit has one simple focus - the baby. Expectant mothers come secondary to that baby too. <cough> eighth amendment <cough> Very often expectant mothers feel they don't matter or that their preferences are not considered. Don't take it personally, it's just the HSE.

The loos are not scattered around for the convenience of women. Not a hope. They are there because they want urine samples off us all the time. And a pregnant woman waddling to a loo 5 mins away through security and back holds up the staff, appointments and patients.

bee06

Neyite wrote: »

A maternity ward or ante-natal unit has one simple focus - the baby. Expectant mothers come secondary to that baby too. <cough> eighth amendment <cough> Very often expectant mothers feel they don't matter or that their preferences are not considered. Don't take it personally, it's just the HSE.

The loos are not scattered around for the convenience of women. Not a hope. They are there because they want urine samples off us all the time. And a pregnant woman waddling to a loo 5 mins away through security and back holds up the staff, appointments and patients.

You've just reminded me of my "favourite" thing about CUMH. 2 cubicles for about 100 women who need to provide a urine sample. The queues are mad!

boardsuser1

bee06 wrote: »

You've just reminded me of my "favourite" thing about CUMH. 2 cubicles for about 100 women who need to provide a urine sample. The queues are mad!

I can vouch for that.

Like a cattle mart as the consultants have described it.

Calhoun

Neyite wrote: »

Calhoun wrote: »

I don't think that is acceptable, especially with all of the other crap thats going on it sets the tone of Men not really mattering in the whole process.  In portlaoise they have allot of bathroom/toilets in the maternity ward itself and even a toilet facilities in the waiting area for women that could be either visitors or pregnant women.
What message are we sending out from a societal perspective today to new fathers to be? We want them to be accountable responsible and caring fathers but then from the looks of it we systematically tell them they aren't important. Society needs to make its mind up because if you want me to all of the above i expect to be treated with a little bit of dignity.

A maternity ward or ante-natal unit has one simple focus - the baby.  Expectant mothers come secondary to that baby too. eighth amendment Very often expectant mothers feel they don't matter or that their preferences are not considered. Don't take it personally, it's just the HSE.    

The loos are not scattered around for the convenience of women. Not a hope. They are there because they want urine samples off us all the time. And a pregnant woman waddling to a loo 5 mins away through security and back holds up the staff, appointments and patients.

I know the function of these places fairly well don't get me wrong, i am not talking about lets do this now as if its a burning topic that needs to be solve. It doesn't by any means and there are much more things that need to be considered in the process before this.
My point is simply that the conversation needs to happen so we are considered at some point, i don't mind putting up with stuff like this as long as treated with a certain degree of respect by the process.  I also appreciate there are assholes out there but they shouldnt impact us all.

robinph

Whilst the hospitals may be old and they could use that as an excuse for not having loos available, were the hospitals actually built with any particular ward type in mind? I'd expect they were just told to knock together a few rooms, stick some beds in there and an theatre over there and we'll figure out what type of department it is another day. The hospitals will probably have been re-fitted multiple times as well and departments moved around several times since the bricks were first put up so the excuse that you only have women on maternity wards is well out of date.

Along a similar vein though, but even more of a poor excuse, is the lack of baby changing facilities in general for blokes. Too many places where it's just part of the ladies loos and nowhere for daddy to change a nappy. Anywhere outside of a hospital certainly doesn't have the excuse of "it was built like that years ago, nothing we can do" as years ago there wouldn't have been changing facilities for either parent to change a nappy and it's generally only an after thought that they stick a changing area in.

The_Conductor

Lots of places have combined breast feeding and baby changing facilities.
I've lost count of the number of times, while out and about- I had women ask if I minded if they breast fed in front of me.
Of course I don't mind- you're feeding your baby- its the most natural thing in the world- there is no need to ask- or apologise- just go ahead and do it.

Neyite

I dislike the way baby changing is lumped in with disabled loos too. I'm a bit of a stickler against using those toilets because very often the disability means that the person cant physically wait for a toilet to be free. I often walked a block or so to use a baby change area not located in a disabled toilet.

Disabled = people who are disabled and need to use the loo.

Parent and child = outside of male /female loos therefore unisex and have a feeding and changing area, and can fit your buggy. It's not that hard like.

Toots

Dunrum town centre have some good baby changing loos and facilities. House of Fraser is the only place I've ever come across that has the baby changing room as a room of its own that doesn't have a loo in it - it also had a comfy chair for if you wanted to feed.

For anyone who's having antenatal appointments and having to deal with the crazy loo to preggos ratio, I've found it's much easier to do the sample at home and just pop it in my handbag. I've only used the loos in the Rotunda once, so can't really comment what they're like, but when I was in the semi private in holles st the cubicles were on the tight side for when you're heavily pregnant. I used to rob a few of the sample jars when I was in and bring them home for next time - I'd also use them for the GP. Also handy if you manage to accidentally pee all over yourself, you can clean up in the comfort of your own home...... or so I've heard You can also get the pee jars in bulk on ebay or amazon.

boardsuser1

Back in the emergency room with the wife. It's a never ending process which is becoming weekly.

Toots

Oh no! I hope everything's ok!