The Fathers Thread

rainbow kirby

bee06 wrote: »

I'm jealous! I was waiting 2 hours for both my appointments so far. Basically a half day each time if my husband was to go.

Are community midwives/satellite clinics/Domino an option? I'm with the community midwives at my hospital, I see them in a clinic and we are allocated individual 30 minute slots and I've rarely had to wait much.

My midwives have always been good for giving me the work-friendly 9am slot as well.

Milly33

Surprised to see how many women are sounding so harsh against the men.. Why shouldn't they go along to appointments, they want to support you.. Be there tis like a protective instinct kicks in...

I know himself would come to every appointment with me if I asked him too... And yes he is working.. I was gutted going to the GP and I got to listen to the heartbeat, as himself didn't get to hear it.. Next time in there, I made sure to record it for him ...

bee06

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

What hospital bee? That seems excessive.

That's in Cork so you have it so look forward to Maybe you'll get to go to a different clinic because of the twins though.

Rainbow Kirby, I'll be moving to a different clinic alright for the rest of my appointments assuming I don't have Gestational Diabetes. In the words of my consultant "it's less of a cattle mart". To be honest I don't mind the wait, I take a book and read away. It's either that or be at work!

boardsuser1

bee06 wrote: »

That's in Cork so you have it so look forward to Maybe you'll get to go to a different clinic because of the twins though.

Rainbow Kirby, I'll be moving to a different clinic alright for the rest of my appointments assuming I don't have Gestational Diabetes. In the words of my consultant "it's less of a cattle mart". To be honest I don't mind the wait, I take a book and read away. It's either that or be at work!

Are you in the C.U.M.H or St Finbarr's?

We're heading for the twin clinic at the next appointment.

I have no idea how they treat men there though, very differently to the rest of their colleagues fingers crossed.

bee06

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

Are you in the C.U.M.H or St Finbarr's?

We're heading for the twin clinic at the next appointment.

I have no idea how they treat men there though, very differently to the rest of their colleagues fingers crossed.

I've been to CUMH so far and moving to St Finbarrs going forward.

boardsuser1

bee06 wrote: »

I've been to CUMH so far and moving to St Finbarrs going forward.

St Finbarr's is fantastic, we were there last year when the wife was expecting our son.

The waiting times were very good as well.

bee06

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

St Finbarr's is fantastic, we were there last year when the wife was expecting our son.

The waiting times were very good as well.

My manager will be delighted so!

mitresize5

jadie wrote: »

why are men going to all these appointments in the first place? Fair enough for something serious, but routine? How do you all manage to get the time of work to wait around for hours! My partner wasn't even able to attend the first scan with me due to working away but I was perfectly fine with it. I have my first booking appointment this week and I suppose the waiting room will be full of men:mad:. I would HATE to have my blood pressure etc. taken with other women's partners hanging around

Jes Louise ... might be something to do with the fact that the men are the father of these children and want to be involved.

And you'd hate to have your blood pressure taken around men!!! I'm not sure what to say to that

and a waiting room full of men there to support their wifes ... the absolute horror

Neyite

jadie wrote: »

why are men going to all these appointments in the first place? Fair enough for something serious, but routine? How do you all manage to get the time of work to wait around for hours! My partner wasn't even able to attend the first scan with me due to working away but I was perfectly fine with it. I have my first booking appointment this week and I suppose the waiting room will be full of men:mad:. I would HATE to have my blood pressure etc. taken with other women's partners hanging around

My partner has a flexible work schedule so it worked for us. And it was entirely up to him if he wanted to or could tag along. I didn't expect him to, but I was glad of his company, especially in the early appointments.

From his point of view, we lost the twin at 8w so I think he may have been secretly bricking it a bit (but hiding it from me in order to be supportive etc) and needed to be part of the appointments for his own piece of mind. But he only came into the one-to-one consults, and was basically an observer. When I was in a room with other women for BP and all that he waited in the waiting area, and never seat-hogged.

If you are going public though, chances are you'll be on a ward after birth, then you'll have other women's partners there with only a curtain between ye when a midwife is checking stitches and loudly asking about your bowel movements so brace yourself! :pac:

rainbow kirby

With our son, my husband came to a few appointments late on when he either happened to be around or when one of them happened to be late in the evening (after work - 6pm). He took the opportunity to ask the midwife a few questions and was quite happy to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler. Obviously came to the scans as well. As far as I know his employer doesn't have an issue with him taking time to come to antenatal appointments with me if he wants.

It's more the cattle mart structure of the clinics that's the problem, there's not enough privacy for anyone.

robinph

rainbow kirby wrote: »

It's more the cattle mart structure of the clinics that's the problem, there's not enough privacy for anyone.

I went along to as many of the appointments as I could, depending on how boring they sounded. But other than the sitting in a waiting room... well, waiting... there wasn't anything such as taking of blood or BP done in the same room as anyone else. Everything was done in a separate room without any other patients there.

I was wondering if it was just the Irish system that threw everyone in together, but clearly there is variation amongst NHS hospitals as well.

Milly33

In Galway and so far everything had been quite private. The visits you get a one on one for a few mins with the doc, then that's it really. Blood pressure is taken at this time. The only time where there has been two in the room is when blood is taken..In fairness for a free service I wouldn't be complaining if there was someone else there at the time when getting my blood pressure taken, or for simple procedures...

eviltwin

I only took himself to the scans. I never really saw the point of him coming in for a random check up because I could relay the info to him. Then I went to a routine GP check up at around 25 weeks and my blood pressure was so high I was brought straight to hospital, I wasn't allowed go back to work and they wouldn't allow me home by myself so I can see the reason dads go. The only annoyance is the men who take seats meaning some pregnant women are left standing.

Neyite

Milly33 wrote: »

In Galway and so far everything had been quite private. The visits you get a one on one for a few mins with the doc, then that's it really. Blood pressure is taken at this time. The only time where there has been two in the room is when blood is taken..In fairness for a free service I wouldn't be complaining if there was someone else there at the time when getting my blood pressure taken, or for simple procedures...

Are you private?

Because in the public clinic in UHG the BP/Urine/Weight is done first by the midwives and there are three women in at a time. Then you go out and wait your turn for the midwife or doctor. Ditto for scans and those are private. Then you return to the waiting room for phlebotomy and there are two at a time in that room. At least that was the set up for public patients a few years ago, unless they've changed it recently.

Milly33

Nope were public... There is like a big waiting room, you go in check in. And as such wait to be called..

Anytime I have had the blood taken it has been to the right hand side by the corridor, there was max 2 patients in there with 2 nurses. The BP was done when I went into the doc's office, along with weight and the urine well I just have the sample going in and when the nurses call to ask I pass it over to them...

Neyite

Maybe they run the GD clinic differently then... we got our BP done down the hall further down from bloods - near the end of the corridor on the right.

Milly33

Havent even ventured down that far maybe they changed things as you say. Tis grand now anywho I could not complain

boardsuser1

eviltwin wrote: »

I only took himself to the scans. I never really saw the point of him coming in for a random check up because I could relay the info to him. Then I went to a routine GP check up at around 25 weeks and my blood pressure was so high I was brought straight to hospital, I wasn't allowed go back to work and they wouldn't allow me home by myself so I can see the reason dads go. The only annoyance is the men who take seats meaning some pregnant women are left standing.

When myself and the wife were in the C.U.M.H last week this was an all too common sight, i gave up my seat to a pregnant woman but other guys didn't follow suit.

However, the midwives said nothing having observed it.

I know they can't make you give way to a pregnant woman but common sense should prevail.

I hope when i'm 90 with my walking stick that someone would give up a seat to let me sit down instead of standing.

jadie

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

When myself and the wife were in the C.U.M.H last week this was an all too common sight, i gave up my seat to a pregnant woman but other guys didn't follow suit.

However, the midwives said nothing having observed it.

I know they can't make you give way to a pregnant woman but common sense should prevail.

I hope when i'm 90 with my walking stick that someone would give up a seat to let me sit down instead of standing.

This would have been my main point about fathers not going to all routine appointments, crowding the waiting room and not giving seats to pregnant woman. It's an absolute disgrace that this is allowed to happen.

boardsuser1

jadie wrote: »

This would have been my main point about fathers not going to all routine appointments, crowding the waiting room and not giving seats to pregnant woman. It's an absolute disgrace that this is allowed to happen.

Don't tar us all with the one brush, I got up as did my wife to those further along than her.

Calhoun

jadie wrote: »

This would have been my main point about fathers not going to all routine appointments, crowding the waiting room and not giving seats to pregnant woman. It's an absolute disgrace that this is allowed to happen.

How the hell is that the problem of father's or a reason to exclude ? It's either a policy of the hospital staff or lack of seating , but also common sense from some men.

Do we need to go back to the old days where the woman went to the hospital and had the babies and then stayed at home and reared them? It's 2017 and I want to be involved these things so I make the time.

boardsuser1

Calhoun wrote: »

How the hell is that the problem of father's or a reason to exclude ? It's either a policy of the hospital staff or lack of seating , but also common sense from some men.

Do we need to go back to the old days where the woman went to the hospital and had the babies and then stayed at home and reared them? It's 2017 and I want to be involved these things so I make the time.

Well said.

CathyMoran

I am long past pregnancy at this stage, I did have very high risk pregnancies but my husband was there every step of the way for every visit (there were lots), he made the time and was actively and equally involved when our desperately wanted and loved children were born as well, he is still as equally involved in the rearing of our children and and our children are 6 and 7 at this stage.

boardsuser1

CathyMoran wrote: »

I am long past pregnancy at this stage, I did have very high risk pregnancies but my husband was there every step of the way for every visit (there were lots), he made the time and was actively and equally involved when our desperately wanted and loved children were born as well, he is still as equally involved in the rearing of our children and and our children are 6 and 7 at this stage.

Now this is what I enjoy reading, in relation to involvement.

The_Conductor

jadie wrote: »

why are men going to all these appointments in the first place? Fair enough for something serious, but routine? How do you all manage to get the time of work to wait around for hours! My partner wasn't even able to attend the first scan with me due to working away but I was perfectly fine with it. I have my first booking appointment this week and I suppose the waiting room will be full of men:mad:. I would HATE to have my blood pressure etc. taken with other women's partners hanging around

I'm flabberghasted reading this.
I attended each and every appointment with my wife- to offer her as much support as possible- and to do what was best for my children.
Its not Victorian times- most normal men appreciate the opportunity to be a part of their children's lives from the get go. Vis-a-vis a room full of men- this is never the case- from the many visits I made to Holles Street- I would guess less than half of the women had partners present at any given appointment- and any of the more intrusive examinations were done in private side rooms- not in public.

To be brutally honest- I am agog at the sentiments you're expressing- blood pressure, sugar levels, weigh-ins etc- are all normally done in public- even at monthly check-ups in a work context wholly aside from in a maternity hospital.

I just don't understand where you're coming from with your comments about HATE'ing to have other women's partners hanging around- they have every bit as much right to be there- as does your partner.

If you want to go to a private consultant for periodic exams- that is your prerogative- however, that is not how the public system works.

Guys are a lot more involved in their children's lives than they were a hundred years ago- hell- I did every single night feed for our two- every single one- and ours were premies who had to be fed every 40 minutes. I also didn't get any paternity leave or other niceties- they're a recent development.

Men are parents too you know- shock horror..........

Now I have to get my 6 and 7 year old to bed- I've just finished their homework- we're late tonight- because I brought them to the dentist this evening.

angeldelight

Why wouldn't the dad come if they can?? I went private so most of my appointments were in the evening which was great as my husband would just leave work a bit early. I had probably 15/16 appointments in total and I think he missed two. Of course one of them was the one where my consultant decided to bring me in that evening for induction - panic stations ha! I found him a great support and wouldn't like to do it without him there. I could do it if I had to but I was very happy not to have to.

We had no issues outside the original booking appointment where he was asked to wait outside but I would certainly have wanted a very good reason as to why he wasn't welcome if he had been turned away

Calhoun

CathyMoran wrote: »

I am long past pregnancy at this stage, I did have very high risk pregnancies but my husband was there every step of the way for every visit (there were lots), he made the time and was actively and equally involved when our desperately wanted and loved children were born as well, he is still as equally involved in the rearing of our children and and our children are 6 and 7 at this stage.

Our first was high risk for both mother and baby,the doctor visits help me keep somewhat sane as i could see how well they looked after my wife.

It would have been hell of allot tougher to be excluded from the process.

boardsuser1

Calhoun wrote: »

Our first was high risk for both mother and baby,the doctor visits help me keep somewhat sane as i could see how well they looked after my wife.

It would have been hell of allot tougher to be excluded from the process.

It seems to vary like everything else with maternity hospitals I've noticed.

Has any man here actually quizzed a doctor or midwife on being excluded if they were?

lashes34

My husband only came to the two scans, for the first one we had an appointment for the booking in and then a separate one for the scan a few hours later so he just came to the scan. I have only had one other appointment each with GP and midwife and he didnt come to those but I might get him to come to the next one if he isnt working so he can hear the heartbeat.

I have no problem with the husbands coming to support their partners but they do need to cop on and give up their seat to a pregnant woman. I gave mine up while waiting on my 12 week scan to others further along than me while men sat. Whatever about when on a bus and you arent sure and dont want to offend, but at antenatal appointments its a disgrace that men are sitting while pregnant woman stand.

Is it really the midwifes responsibility to teach grown men some manners though? The wives are as much to blame if they dont say anything to their husbands taking a seat on a pregnant woman.

Toots

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

When myself and the wife were in the C.U.M.H last week this was an all too common sight, i gave up my seat to a pregnant woman but other guys didn't follow suit.

However, the midwives said nothing having observed it.

I know they can't make you give way to a pregnant woman but common sense should prevail.

I hope when i'm 90 with my walking stick that someone would give up a seat to let me sit down instead of standing.

When I was in Holles St there was one particular midwife and God help you if you were a bloke and didn't give your seat up for a pregnant mum! Jaysus she'd reef them up and let a roar at them. :pac: in fairness one guy she did it to looked like he really needed a boot up the hole. He sat down and left his own partner (who was massive) standing up! He was like a scolded child when the midwife had finished with him!