The Fathers Thread

Toots

I was pretty high off it, so I'm fairly sure I tried to get him to have a go when I thought she wasn't there but actually was. Apparently at one point I told her she should be selling it because people would pay good money for it This time around I'll just ask them outright can I give him a go :pac:

boardsuser1

Toots wrote: »

I was pretty high off it, so I'm fairly sure I tried to get him to have a go when I thought she wasn't there but actually was. Apparently at one point I told her she should be selling it because people would pay good money for it This time around I'll just ask them outright can I give him a go :pac:

I have heard the stories of getting high from it, my wife didn't though.

Were you so high you forgot they were there :pac:

Any idea what type of gas it is?

I might well sneak in a go on it this time around if she gets to use it

spottybananas

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

I have heard the stories of getting high from it, my wife didn't though.

Were you so high you forgot they were there :pac:

Any idea what type of gas it is?

I might well sneak in a go on it this time around if she gets to use it

It's Entonox, half oxegen half nitrous oxide.

Neyite

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

You would think these 'professionals' would spot potential fear even with the husband/partner present?

I don't mind missing the blood part as it's not my favourite thing to witness :pac:

It could just be a Cork thing though.

What you went through with your dad present, my wife did when in labour, of course which is expected, the student midwife told me in no uncertain terms to get lost, this was only this time last year, the wife put her foot down and i was allowed in.

As Seamus said, it's whatever rules appear to suit them at the time.

I have never once been told to get lost by male nurses/doctors.

BTW, how was your father after that episode :pac:

You are forgetting one important point. She is the patient. She and the babies she is carrying. You are irrelevant to the medical staff. She and her health and welfare are their sole concern. It's like any other medical appointment where a patient is entitled to discuss their medical details in private if they wish and even if they say they prefer to have their partner present, the midwife or doctor has no idea that she was forced to ask that. Hence the blanket ban.

People who are violent to their partners are usually very charming, lovely and the last people you'd think are abusive. They look like any bloke. I could show you pictures of my ex's and if I bet you a thousand euro, you'd not be able to pick out the one that was violent to me. If you think a midwife would pick him out you'd be very much mistaken.

Calhoun

Neyite wrote: »

You are forgetting one important point. She is the patient. She and the babies she is carrying. You are irrelevant to the medical staff. She and her health and welfare are their sole concern. It's like any other medical appointment where a patient is entitled to discuss their medical details in private if they wish and even if they say they prefer to have their partner present, the midwife or doctor has no idea that she was forced to ask that. Hence the blanket ban.

People who are violent to their partners are usually very charming, lovely and the last people you'd think are abusive. They look like any bloke. I could show you pictures of my ex's and if I bet you a thousand euro, you'd not be able to pick out the one that was violent to me. If you think a midwife would pick him out you'd be very much mistaken.

So all men need to carry the stigma because there are abusive lads out there? Should we also start baring father from being at the birth?

Toots

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

I have heard the stories of getting high from it, my wife didn't though.

Were you so high you forgot they were there :pac:

Any idea what type of gas it is?

I might well sneak in a go on it this time around if she gets to use it

I was as high as a kite. It was comparable to smoking really strong weed in my experience. I had to stop using it after a while, because I was so out of it I started to feel kinda uncomfortable.

robinph

People do sell the "gas and air" for people to get high. If you've seen those small finger sized metal canisters left littering everywhere that is what they are.

boardsuser1

Neyite wrote: »

You are forgetting one important point. She is the patient. She and the babies she is carrying. You are irrelevant to the medical staff. She and her health and welfare are their sole concern. It's like any other medical appointment where a patient is entitled to discuss their medical details in private if they wish and even if they say they prefer to have their partner present, the midwife or doctor has no idea that she was forced to ask that. Hence the blanket ban.

People who are violent to their partners are usually very charming, lovely and the last people you'd think are abusive. They look like any bloke. I could show you pictures of my ex's and if I bet you a thousand euro, you'd not be able to pick out the one that was violent to me. If you think a midwife would pick him out you'd be very much mistaken.

You are also forgetting that as the patient her views and requests are not being respected.

My wife wants me there and the medical staff are refusing to go do as she requested.

It isn't a blanket ban either, it's selective,depending on who you meet.

I sat and watched the other day what went on, only 2 men,me being one of them, were refused entry.

These are my 5th and 6th children, all bar 1 with my wife. The new digital files have my name on every single page going back through all the pregnancies to the first appointment in 2009, so they know my history.

Are you one of these people, I assume you are a lady, do correct me, that thinks men should have no place in a maternity hospital whatsoever?

As for domestic violence, I know from my own family what is is like to be accused of it, if it's a first pregnancy with no previous records then asking the man to excuse himself is ok, but slamming a door in a man's face is acceptable is it?

I questioned the midwife the other day who was unaware I was previously involved, hence the files containing all my information are now printed and attached to her hospital file.

Also she admitted my recent exclusion is NOT normal at all.

There has been other cases, but I've only discussed my own.

Drop me a PM on this, I actually want to debate the whole lot with you off thread.

boardsuser1

Toots wrote: »

I was as high as a kite. It was comparable to smoking really strong weed in my experience. I had to stop using it after a while, because I was so out of it I started to feel kinda uncomfortable.

I think I need to try the stuff definitely :pac:

What I found great about the gas was it cleared my wife's chest,she's a smoker.

Is the gas an experience you'd recommend to any man in the labour ward?

Neyite

Calhoun wrote: »

So all men need to carry the stigma because there are abusive lads out there? Should we also start baring father from being at the birth?

No don't be ridiculous. Midwives have to ask the question, then move on to the next. If a bloke is kicking up a fuss when a doctor or midwife wants to talk to a woman privately during her ante-natal appointment, it raises a big red flag for them to keep an eye on at further appointments. A midwife is not the person who decides what a father is told, it's up to the woman, so she gets told privately and she can share what she likes with her partner. Midwives have to err on the side of caution.
As for your allegation that I think men should be barred - you are completely wrong. My partner was the only person I wanted at the birth and he was there from start to finish with me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

You are also forgetting that as the patient her views and requests are not being respected.

My wife wants me there and the medical staff are refusing to go do as she requested.

It isn't a blanket ban either, it's selective,depending on who you meet.

I sat and watched the other day what went on, only 2 men,me being one of them, were refused entry.

These are my 5th and 6th children, all bar 1 with my wife. The new digital files have my name on every single page going back through all the pregnancies to the first appointment in 2009, so they know my history.

Are you one of these people, I assume you are a lady, do correct me, that thinks men should have no place in a maternity hospital whatsoever?

As for domestic violence, I know from my own family what is is like to be accused of it, if it's a first pregnancy with no previous records then asking the man to excuse himself is ok, but slamming a door in a man's face is acceptable is it?

I questioned the midwife the other day who was unaware I was previously involved, hence the files containing all my information are now printed and attached to her hospital file.

Also she admitted my recent exclusion is NOT normal at all.

There has been other cases, but I've only discussed my own.

Drop me a PM on this, I actually want to debate the whole lot with you off thread.

My partner attended every single appointment with me, bar one where he was in a meeting and could't get the time off. His choice, and I've nothing to hide from him either. You kind of don't when you are going through a year of fertility treatment appointments. But I was still taken aside by a midwife to document my history privately. So he sat outside while that was done and for some other stuff like weight /BP checks and so on because they are small rooms and there is no space for 3 women, 3 nurses plus partners too. That was our hospital policy.

The midwives and doctors/consultants are different disciplines and work different roles, and it's the midwifery team who ask about domestic violence as part of the history taking. The doctors are concerned with the doctors side of things.

Your name can be written in neon across the front of the hospital, it makes no difference to the fact - the father is not the patient. The mother and child are. So like any hospital appointment, they discuss stuff with the patient and let the patient decide what to share (or not share) with their partner.

boardsuser1

Neyite wrote: »

No don't be ridiculous. Midwives have to ask the question, then move on to the next. If a bloke is kicking up a fuss when a doctor or midwife wants to talk to a woman privately during her ante-natal appointment, it raises a big red flag for them to keep an eye on at further appointments. A midwife is not the person who decides what a father is told, it's up to the woman, so she gets told privately and she can share what she likes with her partner. Midwives have to err on the side of caution.
As for your allegation that I think men should be barred - you are completely wrong. My partner was the only person I wanted at the birth and he was there from start to finish with me. I wouldn't have it any other way.



My partner attended every single appointment with me, bar one where he was in a meeting and could't get the time off. His choice, and I've nothing to hide from him either. You kind of don't when you are going through a year of fertility treatment appointments. But I was still taken aside by a midwife to document my history privately. So he sat outside while that was done and for some other stuff like weight /BP checks and so on because they are small rooms and there is no space for 3 women, 3 nurses plus partners too. That was our hospital policy.

The midwives and doctors/consultants are different disciplines and work different roles, and it's the midwifery team who ask about domestic violence as part of the history taking. The doctors are concerned with the doctors side of things.

Your name can be written in neon across the front of the hospital, it makes no difference to the fact - the father is not the patient. The mother and child are. So like any hospital appointment, they discuss stuff with the patient and let the patient decide what to share (or not share) with their partner.

Every case is different, i don't know you or your partner and vice versa.

My partner was up front with the hospital and wanted me there, as you said she is the patient NOT ME

Does this mean so that her wishes should not be respected by the hospital?

I'm not kicking up a fuss over a thing lasting a few minutes, i'm talking about complete exclusion.

Even the midwife said it was bang out of order to completely exclude.

Calhoun

If that was the case where it was one private meeting it wouldn't be such an issue but from the sounds of what the poster above was talking about it was more than the one seems to be systematic of cork.

The way this is being talked about it in a tone of the man not being important to the whole process at all . Stay quite and be happy with your lot you potential abusers.

Neyite

No.

Just because she is pregnant it does NOT entitle her to call the shots of every single appointment. The relationship is between the patient and the medical staff.

If a doctor tells a non-patient to step out of the room, that's the doctors right to do so. In ante-natal clinics the staff go to great lengths to accommodate a couple in sharing the experience as best they can, but they have every right to ask anyone who is not a patient to step outside. For several procedures (and I was a frequent flyer in the early pregnancy unit /ante-natal unit) my partner was asked to wait in the waiting room. And he waited. No biggie.

boardsuser1

Neyite wrote: »

No.

Just because she is pregnant it does NOT entitle her to call the shots of every single appointment. The relationship is between the patient and the medical staff.

If a doctor tells a non-patient to step out of the room, that's the doctors right to do so. In ante-natal clinics the staff go to great lengths to accommodate a couple in sharing the experience as best they can, but they have every right to ask anyone who is not a patient to step outside. For several procedures (and I was a frequent flyer in the early pregnancy unit /ante-natal unit) my partner was asked to wait in the waiting room. And he waited. No biggie.

Oh course the mother's call the shots, at least down here anyway.

As for the EPU, i was there for the whole lot of it with no issue, the Ante-Natal unit is the big talking point amongst a number of couples i've met before.

All of my other children were born in that hospital in 2008,2010,2012,2016.

Only now is there an issue such as this coming up.

The only previous issue was when my wife was in the height of labour last year, the midwife tried kicking me out, my wife said if i'm not allowed in then she isn't going near her, the midwife backed down quickly.

I asked the hospital is there an unofficial anti men policy kicking in as i wasn't the only one in this position.

A few women actually threatened to walk out of the hospital unless the partner (male and female) was allowed in.

I only seen one female being stopped, that was because the staff thought she herself was a patient, when the actual patient clarified it, straight in she went.

Calhoun

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

Oh course the mother's call the shots, at least down here anyway.

As for the EPU, i was there for the whole lot of it with no issue, the Ante-Natal unit is the big talking point amongst a number of couples i've met before.

All of my other children were born in that hospital in 2008,2010,2012,2016.

Only now is there an issue such as this coming up.

The only previous issue was when my wife was in the height of labour last year, the midwife tried kicking me out, my wife said if i'm not allowed in then she isn't going near her, the midwife backed down quickly.

I asked the hospital is there an unofficial anti men policy kicking in as i wasn't the only one in this position.

A few women actually threatened to walk out of the hospital unless the partner (male and female) was allowed in.

I only seen one female being stopped, that was because the staff thought she herself was a patient, when the actual patient clarified it, straight in she went.

Is it for all meetings they are baring men or just initial ones? I can see the logic behind it to start with but if its every meeting then it's something I would be taking further.

boardsuser1

Calhoun wrote: »

Is it for all meetings they are baring men or just initial ones? I can see the logic behind it to start with but if its every meeting then it's something I would be taking further.

It was all of them when i was there last Monday, and only initial last Friday.

I'm fine with initial, but the whole lot is OTT.

I even had the door slammed right into my face on Monday night :mad:

Calhoun

Cork Truck Driver wrote: »

It was all of them when i was there last Monday, and only initial last Friday.

I'm fine with initial, but the whole lot is OTT.

I even had the door slammed right into my face on Monday night :mad:

I would be taking names of the midwives and writing to the hospital for a clarification on policy in the first instance.

Would also recommend getting both father's and mother's on to local TD or media if it came to it.

boardsuser1

Calhoun wrote: »

I would be taking names of the midwives and writing to the hospital for a clarification on policy in the first instance.

Would also recommend getting both father's and mother's on to local TD or media if it came to it.

Funnily enough she removed her name badge and declined to give her name to my partner, her signature on the document is not printed and unreadable to us.

I privately mailed local media who wanted me to go on air, for obvious reasons i declined as i will be clearly identifiable to those who know me, the pregnancy is not public news with us as yet due to my wife having a M/C in March, this is a major factor in her wanting me at every meeting.

She said herself she feels treated like a second class citizen as they won't respect her wishes.

In relation to complaints, i have no idea is it a good thing for fear of being targeted at future appointments, especially as they will be frequent with twins.

Calhoun

Take it to your local TD and have him ask the question to the monster of health.

Loveinapril

I have noticed that some midwives/ doctors completely blank my husband during appointments, one particular one where I was being examined after a miscarriage and the doctor did not acknowledge him so he stood awkwardly not knowing if he could even sit down!
I was asked to meet with the midwife alone for my booking appointment and I totally get why. My weight, medical history, mental health history and relationship status are things my husband knows but I certainly appreciated the privacy to raise any issues in private if I needed to, as they were about ME, not the baby. If my husband was present I would have also naturally included him in the conversation so maybe wouldn't have gone into as much detail. One on one meetings also prevents the man/ partner being able to interject/ direct/ lead the answers, for example. Domestic abuse often starts or gets worse during pregnancy so if they make 9 out of every 10 men bored in the waiting room to support one woman in an abusive situation, then so be it.

It certainly does sound like Cork need to sort out their policy though if Cork Truck Driver is being needlessly left out of appointments.

Neyite

Loveinapril wrote: »

It certainly does sound like Cork need to sort out their policy though if Cork Truck Driver is being needlessly left out of appointments.

Depends on the nature of the appointment.

Testing urine/ BP/ Weight in our clinic we were brought in to the small room in groups of three. Same with plebotomy, 2 chairs, two staff so two women getting blood draws at the same time. One woman has no right to insert her husband into a room where another woman might be discussing her urine /weight with a midwife.

In an ideal world we would be seen one at a time. Unfortunately the ante-natal services are overburdened and the midwives are just trying to be as efficient as possible. It's bad enough that we have to share information in front of other women but in front of random men, when there is no medical necessity for doing so, they are right to restrict men in instances such as those.

boardsuser1

Neyite wrote: »

Depends on the nature of the appointment.

Testing urine/ BP/ Weight in our clinic we were brought in to the small room in groups of three. Same with plebotomy, 2 chairs, two staff so two women getting blood draws at the same time. One woman has no right to insert her husband into a room where another woman might be discussing her urine /weight with a midwife.

In an ideal world we would be seen one at a time. Unfortunately the ante-natal services are overburdened and the midwives are just trying to be as efficient as possible. It's bad enough that we have to share information in front of other women but in front of random men, when there is no medical necessity for doing so, they are right to restrict men in instances such as those.

It's all one on one here bar taking blood for which they only ask how you are,that aside you never share.

boardsuser1

Loveinapril wrote: »

I have noticed that some midwives/ doctors completely blank my husband during appointments, one particular one where I was being examined after a miscarriage and the doctor did not acknowledge him so he stood awkwardly not knowing if he could even sit down!
I was asked to meet with the midwife alone for my booking appointment and I totally get why. My weight, medical history, mental health history and relationship status are things my husband knows but I certainly appreciated the privacy to raise any issues in private if I needed to, as they were about ME, not the baby. If my husband was present I would have also naturally included him in the conversation so maybe wouldn't have gone into as much detail. One on one meetings also prevents the man/ partner being able to interject/ direct/ lead the answers, for example. Domestic abuse often starts or gets worse during pregnancy so if they make 9 out of every 10 men bored in the waiting room to support one woman in an abusive situation, then so be it.

It certainly does sound like Cork need to sort out their policy though if Cork Truck Driver is being needlessly left out of appointments.

I think they sometimes treat men badly in the hope they will refrain from going in.

I'm not an isolated case here though.

It wasn't always this way for some strange reason.

eviltwin

Have you asked them why you are being excluded? Has your wife?

boardsuser1

eviltwin wrote: »

Have you asked them why you are being excluded? Has your wife?

We're blue in the face from it, they can't give us a straight answer other than the domestic violence talk which is already done and dusted.

I find the students/more senior midwives are a dream, it's those in the middle of that are the issue.

The wife said she won't cooperate with them from now on if they do it again.

jadie

why are men going to all these appointments in the first place? Fair enough for something serious, but routine? How do you all manage to get the time of work to wait around for hours! My partner wasn't even able to attend the first scan with me due to working away but I was perfectly fine with it. I have my first booking appointment this week and I suppose the waiting room will be full of men:mad:. I would HATE to have my blood pressure etc. taken with other women's partners hanging around

Pawwed Rig

jadie wrote: »

why are men going to all these appointments in the first place? Fair enough for something serious, but routine? How do you all manage to get the time of work to wait around for hours! My partner wasn't even able to attend the first scan with me due to working away but I was perfectly fine with it. I have my first booking appointment this week and I suppose the waiting room will be full of men:mad:. I would HATE to have my blood pressure etc. taken with other women's partners hanging around

Never that much of a wait ime. Usually 15-20 minutes of the time scheduled. Generally I just popped out of work for an hour or 2. Nice to witness these things first hand.

Taking blood pressure is hardly an invasive procedure ?

boardsuser1

jadie wrote: »

why are men going to all these appointments in the first place? Fair enough for something serious, but routine? How do you all manage to get the time of work to wait around for hours! My partner wasn't even able to attend the first scan with me due to working away but I was perfectly fine with it. I have my first booking appointment this week and I suppose the waiting room will be full of men:mad:. I would HATE to have my blood pressure etc. taken with other women's partners hanging around

In my experience here in Cork, the only time there is more than 1 patient in the room is for blood being taken, that aside it is just a midwife/doctor and the woman and partner.

This seems to be different at other hospitals I'm noticing.

As for taking time off work? It depends on the job, in my industry the start and finishing times are never 9-5 only.

bee06

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Never that much of a wait ime. Usually 15-20 minutes of the time scheduled. Generally I just popped out of work for an hour or 2. Nice to witness these things first hand.

Taking blood pressure is hardly an invasive procedure ?

I'm jealous! I was waiting 2 hours for both my appointments so far. Basically a half day each time if my husband was to go.

boardsuser1

bee06 wrote: »

I'm jealous! I was waiting 2 hours for both my appointments so far. Basically a half day each time if my husband was to go.

What hospital bee? That seems excessive.