Ring problem

smares

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings. Last night I tried my ring on his finger and he freaked out. After that he said that if we ever got married he would not wear a wedding ring on his finger ever but would wear it on a chain.
I would like my husband to wear his ring on his finger, does anyone else think it is a little bit strange?

Piste

I don't like rings on guys, I don't think they look nice on big man fingers, so I wouldn't care.



I'm aaaaaaall about the aesthetics

Kotick

I dunno. Maybe it feels annoying, like something stuck in between your toes.

As long as the ring doesn't get lost and he's not lying about why he doesn't want to wear the ring then wearing it around his neck would be fine with me. You could also suggest that he get a tattoo of the ring on his finger. Mwa ha ha haha!

Maybe he just finds it uncomfortable. I personally cannot stand wearing rings (or watches for that matter).
as long as it's not "hiding" it, i think you should relax, no point forcing someone to wear something uncomfortable (let alone 24/7)

Stheno

smares wrote: »

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings. Last night I tried my ring on his finger and he freaked out. After that he said that if we ever got married he would not wear a wedding ring on his finger ever but would wear it on a chain.
I would like my husband to wear his ring on his finger, does anyone else think it is a little bit strange?

I know a fair few blokes who don't wear a wedding ring and never have ever since they got married.

ChewChew

Awe man!! I thought you had a problem with your 'ring'. . you know you what I mean!! :rolleyes: very disappointed now. :mad:

Anyways. . I know a few guys who dont wear wedding rings. My Dad didn't wear his, only for a bout a year is all I recall. And I know another guy who doesn't like them either so got a wee tattoo on his wedding finger.

randylonghorn

smares wrote: »

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings.

So do I.

When I was about four or five for some reason best known to my childish self I put a copper ring (something to do with plumbing, don't ask me it's exact purpose) on my finger.

It was tight going on, the day was hot, by the time I decided to take it off a few hours later my finger had swollen around it. Even parental help / soap / engine oil had no effect.

My father then decided that the only choice was a hacksaw!

The damn thing was easily a quarter inch wide, and quite thick ... even my father admits it took ages to saw through, especially as naturally he was trying not to saw my finger off too! To me at that age it felt like an eternity, it was bloody painful and I was scared rigid.

To this day, I have never put a ring of any description on my finger ... nor will I be doing so.

It's perfectly possible that something similar, if probably less public / memorable, happened to your boyfriend, and there is a sub-conscious reaction kicking in that he's not even aware of.

I like the look of a simple wedding band on big man fingers.
I hate the look of chains on men though, unless they are slinky and girly.

Silly thing to be worrying about at this stage tbh.

Madame Razz

A lot of men dont wear their wedding band, cos they dont like it, cos of the work they do, lots of reasons.

Some wear it everywhere doing everything.

My father nearly drowned cos of his wedding ring. It got caught in the rigging of a windsurfer during a capsize, and essentially held him under the water. After a bit of a struggle he managed to bend it out of shape and free himself. He still has the very bent wedding ring at home, and at the time refused point blank to get it fixed or to wear it again....can't say I blame him really!

I wouldn't hold it against a guy. Its a preference thing. Anyway they say these lecherous woman types find a man witha wedding ring more appealing, so its probably a good thing if your man doesn't wear his, makes him less of a target;)

Black Swan

How about a ring in his nose, like they do with some bulls? Might discourage him from eating the greener grass on the other side of the fence?

Curvy Vixen

I actually think that the most important thing about this post isn't the reason why your OH won't wear a ring, but actually why you think it's an issue that he doesn't??

Why do you think that he should? That's the bit that I find strange tbh...

krankykitty

Why shouldn't she want him to wear it? Would he want her to wear an engagement/wedding ring?

Incidentally, all the married men I've ever known who wouldn't wear their wedding ring (for reasons such as work/uncomfortable etc) were complete dirtbirds. :eek:

Generalisations ahoy!

Compushed

A lot of people who work with high voltage electricity (electricians etc) will avoid wearing rings or metal watches for fear of arc welding it to themselves.

All it takes is for the ring to short two contacts, the rest I'll leave to your imagination.

Silverfish

Compushed wrote: »

A lot of people who work with high voltage electricity (electricians etc) will avoid wearing rings or metal watches for fear of arc welding it to themselves.

All it takes is for the ring to short two contacts, the rest I'll leave to your imagination.

My dad's an electrician, and he wears his all the time, and when he's doing his electricianny thing, he puts it onto his keyring.

I asked him about it before, and he said pretty much the same as krankykitty... the lads he knows that don't wear it at all due to work (which they only do 8 hours a day) were complete dirtbirds.

Its just an excuse. You could be even more injured by the ring on a chain around your neck than on your finger.

watna

My dad doesn't wear a wedding ring. He caught his finger on a wire fence while running for a train soon after they were married. He hasn't worn one since.

I asked my OH about this and he said he'd wear one because he likes jewellery. I wouldn't mind if he didn't, I'd understand. A lot of men don't wear wedding rings.

Nevyn

Some people just dont like wearing rings.
I don't.
I think that if you are considering ending a relationship that you though had long term martial possiblities over this you need to have a good think and figure out why this is such an issue for you.

Hagar

Don't worry about you OH not wanting to wear a ring. Most women like shiny things, lots of men don't, unless it's electronic of course. On a personal note, before we got married I made it clear to the missus that I would not be wearing a ring. I agreed to wear it for the ceremony etc to keep her happy but afterwards it went into a drawer somewhere. I'm sure she knows exactly where.

A ring does not make a marriage. It doesn't stop husbands from straying. It doesn't stop other women making advances on married men, if anything it attracts them, some women see them as a challenge.

If I were you I wouldn't make a big deal about it. Do you really want a man you can force into doing things?

View Profile

I'm sure a loving husband would have no problem wearing a ring if it made his wife happy. It's a symbol of their union.

I don't like rings myself but i think for the sake of "marriage" i'd make an exception.

It might be uncomfortable a first but you'll get used to it. I don't think it's much of a sacrifice for a husband to wear a ring.

Hagar

View Profile wrote: »

I'm sure a loving husband would have no problem wearing a ring if it made his wife happy. It's a symbol of their union.

I don't like rings myself but i think for the sake of "marriage" i'd make an exception.

It might be uncomfortable a first but you'll get used to it. I don't think it's much of a sacrifice for a husband to wear a ring.

There you go. Pressureing a man to do something he doesn't want to do right from the start. A recipe for future trouble. I love my wife, wearing a ring won't strengthen that love. Being forced to wear a ring may well cause hidden resentment which will surface eventually.

krankykitty

krankykitty wrote: »

Incidentally, all the married men I've ever known who wouldn't wear their wedding ring (for reasons such as work/uncomfortable etc) were complete dirtbirds. :eek:

Generalisations ahoy!

My Dad hasn't worn his ring in 20 years. He wore it away working. It would be long since gone if he had keep it on his hand.
So he has in a case for sentimental reasons.

View Profile

I'm not saying force him to wear the ring. He should on his own merit know that wearing a ring is important to you, unless you said it isn't.

Relationships are about making sacrifices for your other half. If you go into a relationship with the attitiude of "im only doing what i want to do, you can't tell me what to do", then it ain't going to work out.

Of course there is a happy medium. You don't want a battleaxe of a wife either.

Hagar

View Profile wrote: »

Relationships are about making sacrifices for your other half. If you go into a relationship with the attitiude of "im only doing what i want to do, you can't tell me what to do", then it ain't going to work out.

There's plenty of scope for sacrifices in marriage you don't have to go around making them up.

It is said that men marry their ideal woman and women marry a man and say "I'll change him".

Do women really want men who they can tell what to do? A puppy would be a better choice maybe.

Obviously I can only speak based on my own limited experience of marriage so what's true for me may be totally irrelevent for others.

Iago

I wasn't sure whether or not I'd wear a band once I got married, I'm really not a jewellery person at all. My wife has expressed her surprise that I have chosen to wear the ring, she thinks it's "nice" that I do, but wouldn't have been bothered if I chose not to.

That kind of thing is the reason I married her.

Silverfish

Hagar wrote: »

There you go. Pressureing a man to do something he doesn't want to do right from the start. A recipe for future trouble. Being forced to wear a ring may well cause hidden resentment which will surface eventually.

What about being forced to accept your husband won't wear his wedding ring?

I'd like if I got married, that we would both wear our rings, I wouldn't like my husband forcing me to accept something I'd be unhappy or uncomfortable with, especially if he used the 'You women, you're all the same' excuse thats so frequently trotted out by men, when they have nothing else to use.

Crumble Froo

Kotick wrote: »

I dunno. Maybe it feels annoying, like something stuck in between your toes.

As long as the ring doesn't get lost and he's not lying about why he doesn't want to wear the ring then wearing it around his neck would be fine with me. You could also suggest that he get a tattoo of the ring on his finger. Mwa ha ha haha!

i've known a few people who did the tattoo ring, or a tattoo somewhere obvious instead of a wedding ring... one of those couples broke up after she was sleeping around, and god, it is not easy for the dude to handle having to see that ink on him so often.

i know marriage itself isnt a situation to take lightly, but ink related to marriage is even less so.

Hagar

Silverfish wrote: »

What about being forced to accept your husband won't wear his a wedding ring?

Fixed that for you.

What about him being forced to wear it? Two sides to the same coin.

We have to acknowledge that a couple is a partnership of two equal individuals neither of whom should be pressured into complying with the other's wishes.

If you can't agree on wedding rings before the wedding don't have a wedding.

Silverfish

Hagar wrote: »

Fixed that for you.

What about him being forced to wear it? Two sides to the same coin.

We have to acknowledge that a couple is a partnership of two equal individuals neither of whom should be pressured into complying with the other's wishes.

If you can't agree on wedding rings before the wedding don't have a wedding.

It didn't need to be fixed, I said what I meant and I meant what I said.

Your original point was 'There you go, typical women trying to change men :rolleyes:'

My point is, if she's forcing him, he's resisting, and therefore also forcing HER to accept HIS point of view.

If its 'just a ring' then you shouldn't have a problem with her telling people she's single either, after all, that's just a word, like a ring is just a ring.

I know if my (fictional) husband wouldn't wear his wedding ring, I'd tell anyone who asked I was single. Like for like.

Hagar

Silverfish wrote:

My point is, if she's forcing him, he's resisting, and therefore also forcing HER to accept HIS point of view.

So you admit that she is forcing and he is resisting, don't we all resist being forced into doing something we don't want to? The second part of the sentence actually means she must accept her inability to force the issue.

You're assuming, I think, that men don't want to wear rings so that they can pretend to be single. Did I say anything like that? Did I even imply anything like that? Some men just don't like rings. Simple. For your part you seem to be threatening your future husband that you will sleep around if he doesn't wear a ring.

Silverfish

Hagar wrote: »

So you admit that she is forcing and he is resisting, don't we all resist being forced into doing something we don't want to? The second part of the sentence actually means she must accept her inability to force the issue.

You're assuming, I think, that men don't want to wear rings so that they can pretend to be single. Did I say anything like that? Did I even imply anything like that? Some men just don't like rings. Simple. For your part you seem to be threatening your future husband that you will sleep around if he doesn't wear a ring.

No, I was using YOUR terminology of 'forcing'.

And secondly, implying that my saying I'm single will mean I'm threatening my husband with sleeping around? That's quite a leap. What exactly are you saying? That being single i.e unmarried means I'm a slut?

You've a very disturbing view of women.

Hagar

Forget me taking a leap, single means available for courtship. Am I right?

You've a very disturbing view of women.

I wouldn't say that, put me down as a long time observer.

fits

I think its a matter of preference. It wouldnt really bother me if he didnt but I'd like it if he did.

Personally I like wearing rings, but rings and horses really do not mix. They get caught in things too easily and I've heard of many losing fingers that way.

Silverfish

Hagar wrote: »

Forget me taking a leap, single means available for courtship. Am I right?

Possibly. Just because a woman is technically available for courtship doesn't mean she will jump into bed with everyone.

I was asked it in the bank the other day, didn't mean I was going to leap the counter and sleep with the guy who asked.

He probably thought the exact same thing a woman thinks when she sees no wedding ring.... 'Single / available'.

Of course, you're on a crusade here, so you won't see the similarity.

Iago

Silverfish wrote: »

He probably thought the exact same thing a woman thinks when she sees no wedding ring.... 'Single / available'.

Of course, you're on a crusade here, so you won't see the similarity.

forgive me for jumping into an argument but there's a world of difference between not wearing your wedding ring as you don't like it, and telling people you're single when you're married.

I got your original point, but I think you've gone off-track now. If my wife insisted that I wear my ring then she would be forcing me to do so, if I insisted that she accept that I don't want to wear a ring then I would be forcing her to change what's she's comfortable with. Neither bodes well for a relationship to be honest.

Hagar

The only crusade I'm on is for women not to judge their husband's wish not to wear a wedding ring as a sign of lack of commitment. It is for many, myself included, simply a personal choice.

As I said before I can only speak from my own life experience, In almost 28 years of marriage I have not needed a ring to remind what's important to me and anyone who tried to intrude on that was politely sent on their way.

helimachoptor

smares wrote: »

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings. Last night I tried my ring on his finger and he freaked out. After that he said that if we ever got married he would not wear a wedding ring on his finger ever but would wear it on a chain.
I would like my husband to wear his ring on his finger, does anyone else think it is a little bit strange?

Nope, I've already told my gf i wont be wearing a ring, I like nice watches so i'll be wearing one of those once the ceremony is done

Silverfish

Hagar wrote: »

The only crusade I'm on is for women not to judge their husband's wish not to wear a wedding ring as a sign of lack of commitment. It is for many, myself included, simply a personal choice.

As I said before I can only speak from my own life experience, In almost 28 years of marriage I have not needed a ring to remind what's important to me and anyone who tried to intrude on that was politely sent on their way.

possibly, but I feel its unfair to tell someone its 'wrong' to just WANT her husband to wear a wedding ring.

Hagar

Silverfish wrote: »

possibly, but I feel its unfair to tell someone its 'wrong' to just WANT her husband to wear a wedding ring.

I never said that anywhere.

There is nothing wrong with a wife wanting her husband to wear a ring,
equally there is nothing wrong with him not wanting to wear a ring.

There's more to a marriage than the trappings.
It's very easy to loose sight of that in the hurly burly of arranging the wedding itself.

Nevyn

I think it is understandable that a person would like for their spouse to wear what is in our society the outward symbol of their committed relationship.

Want is a term I see as a demand and when it comes to making someone else do what a person wants them to do and disregard that persons wishes then thats a problem.

Need is another thing, if a person said that they need thier spouse to wear a wedding ring then they should look at where that need is coming from and discover and deal with the issues from which that need is coming from.

If a symbol or a token becomes more of an issue then what is represents then a person has to look to themselves and see if they can reach a comprise with their spouse to be and if they can't reach an understanding and a respectful compromise then it does not auger well for the relationship/marriage.

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

Gone West

Wow I can't believe teh issues that people make of "symbols".
Its just a symbol. If someone doesn't want to wear it, and it becomes an issue, well its a problem with the OH really at that stage. That they can take issue with nono-display of a symbol. It says more about that one persons insecurities than anything else.
However, if you're at the stage where you're married, one would expect that the OH would understand and accommodate their OH's insecurities without making a big deal of it!

A Shamrock is a shamrock and also a symbol.

Dragan

Silverfish wrote: »

Its just an excuse. You could be even more injured by the ring on a chain around your neck than on your finger.

My Dad doesn't wear his wedding ring in work. He's had 2 destroyed and nearly lost a hand because of it once ( instead it was just his fingers getting ripped out of the sockets ).

The reason he doesn't wear it to work anymore is because Mam will kick the crap out of him if he gets hurt.

It's a case of pick your poison really.;)

tallaght01

I'm the most faithful guy ever. Bit ofa dirtbird when I'm single, but when I'm going out with sum1 I don't even look at other girls.

And I won't be wearing no wedding ring if I ever get hitched. I think jewellery on guys looks stupid. But I won't be sleeping around.

Silverfish

My dad takes his off for work and puts it on when he's finished.

He doesn't not wear it at all, and say 'Ah, I might get injured!' when its 7.30pm and he's reading the paper.

24 hours in a day, only in work for 8 of those.


I personally don't care if I was to get married, whether my husband wears it or not. Its all just a symbol anyway, like the bit of paper and so on. Marriage itself is only a symbol, so I suppose you can pick and choose which bits of it you don't like, so long as you're clear to the other person.

WindSock

The only time I wear a ring on my ring finger is when I am alone in certain countries that I wish not to get bothered in. Thats all a ring means to me. A bull**** symbol that is recognised by others. If I were married, I still wouldnt wear a ring, nor would I be married to a man that expects me to. There are more important things in a marriage and if you base it on how big your wedding is, or how expensive your ring, then you have problems from the start.

NextSteps

To the OP's boyfriend: I used to be like that, a ring (or anything tight such as a bracelet) would make me panicky. Then I found, once I was given a ring as a present, that once I could slip it off easily it was ok. Now I miss it if I don't have it on. So you can probably get used to it if you want to.

Anti

I had this convo with my OH last night. Told her i dont like rings, i think they look stupid on me. I'd be in the same boat as Hagar, id wear it for the day but after that it can go onto a chain or put away somewhere safe.

Dont forget, as girls you are brough up wearing jewelery. We on the other hand are not. They feel akward and out of place. And it sounds like the OP's OH has a slight claustrophobia(sp??) issue where he gets anxious wearing one.

Its a fucking ring at the end of the day, it does not make or break the marrige. To me its as useless as the 25k an average wedding costs a complete waste of money. I'd rather get her name tatood around my finger. Its there, but i cant feel it !

Piste

I like the idea of a wedding watch for guys - looks a lot more manly

Anti

Piste wrote: »

I like the idea of a wedding watch for guys - looks a lot more manly

Great idea actually.

One of these sil vous plait

Piste

So you can keep tabs on your various mistresses all over the world is it?

Anti

Ah jasus its 3pm in LA now... gotta make a quick call

Drift

Manties wrote: »

Great idea actually.

One of these sil vous plait

:eek: Is that abomination a watch or some sort of hairdressing tool!

If you want a manly watch you're going to have to pick a MAN'S watch first of all!