Caught red handed

LegacyUser

Hey all.....my head is wrecked this morning and I really need some advice.
Last night me and my friends met up for drinks after work. My sister was in town having dinner with her boyfriend and they both came to meet us later on. My sister was wasted by the time she arrived at the pub, her boyfriend (Ben) told me she'd been knocking back wine at dinner and was doing shots.

Anyway, we went onto a nightclub and I was in the toilets at one stage and I could here people having sex in one of the cublicles. I quickly washed my hands and was on my way out when my sister emerged from the cubicle with some random bloke. She was so locked that she didn't even notice me and went straight to the mirror to fix herself up. I felt sick.

Ben kept asking where she was and asked me to go have a look for her but I didn't want to have to look at her even cause she'd disgusted me so much. Even if she was single I think that's stupid slutty behaviour. We're really close too and I never realised she was like that. Ben is the second person she's slept with according to her!!

When she did join the group again, she'd sobered up and was beaming!! She was in great form, no guilt in sight. I on the otherhand was seething about what she had just done and her reaction. I decided it'd be best to talk to her in the morning so I acted like there was nothing wrong. By the time we were leaving the club, we were all pretty wasted. On the way to get a cab my sister was singing really loudly and swinging out of me and Ben. She kept slobbering all over him and she was doing my head in...

So here it is....in my drunken anger I screamed at her 'What the f*ck are you playing at?? You don't love Ben, you just ****ed some randomer in the toliets!!!'....Bens jaw hit the floor and he looked at me and then at her. Her face couldn't hide the guilt and he stormed off in disbelief. I knew she'd go nuts at me so I ran off and got a cab leaving her there on her own....

Ben rang me in floods of tears when I got home and asked me if it was true. I said it was. They've been together for 4 years and are both 27. I'm 24....

I haven't spoken to her today but I rang her office and she's in so I know she's safe...

So, what the hell am I going to do??? She's never going to forgive me and Ben is never going to forgive her. Last night in his anger he said that he's going to fcuk this girl in his office tonight at the xmas party cause he knows she likes him...

What the hell is gonna happen now? Have I really badly betrayed my sister? Is any of this forgiveable or mendable? Christmas is going to be a mess and I feel like it's all my fault. Everyone is entitled to a mistake and as far as I know she has never cheated on him before. Bens like a brother to me though and I felt like she was making a fool out of him...help!!

ps sorry it's so long!!

Beruthiel

troubleahead wrote:

She's never going to forgive me

She cheats on Ben and she's never going to forgive you?
Sorry, but that doesn't cut if for me. She does the crime, she does the time.
If it didn't come out last night it would have eventually some other way.
It's a mess, nothing you can do about it now.
Leaving your sis on her own in town while wasted was not good though.
I would suggest you keep out of it from now on and just leave them to sort it out.

tbh

you know you shouldn't have said anything, but it was her actions that put you in that position in the first place. If she hadn't done it, there would have been nothing to tell. So don't beat yourself up about it, it's out in the open now, so the worst is over. It'll resolve itself eventually. If it helps, I was in a similar position as your sister many moons ago, and I don't feel bad towards the person that spilt the beans at all - it was totally my fault. I'm sure your sister will feel the same in time.

miles teg

if she can blame what she did on the drink, then you can blame losing the head on the drink too.

shadowmanman

you done the right thing, she was the one that cheated, perhaps it didnt come out right however it would have just built up inside of you.

LegacyUser

The way I went about saying it was awful though....screaming it at her drunkenly then leaving her in town on her own. We live in differnt directions anyway but still. I'm in shock that she actually did it though, what kind of person shags a stranger in the toilet of a grubby club while her boyfriends out on the dancefloor lokking for her. The look of smug exhilaration on her face made me so angry aswell...

Ben is such a sucker for her because she's really stunning looking and she uses that to her advantage. I wouldn't be that surprised if he just forgives her for fear of losing her otherwise. I can't help thinking she's done this before too and I wonder if she used a condom...she's an idiot an dthe more I think of it, the more annoyed I get. I'm torn though cause then I think sisters should stick together. I'm dreading speaking to her or Ben...

EKRIUQ

I was getting mad reading that because I thought at the end would be question should you tell Ben?

But I'm glad you did the right thing, To be honest if your sister does that so randomly she is just a slag! I know you love her because she's your sister but shes still a mean unfaithful bitch that pokes fun at her boyfriend by shagging a stranger in the ladies toilet.

You did the right thing and its going to take while for your sister to get over that and she'll probably dig dirt about you but at the end of the day Ben is luckey he has a friend like you.

dr.bollocko

You don't sell your own sister down the river like that without expecting it to be tough for you two to resolve it. I mean the right thing to do goes completely out the window in situations like this, and of course, what you did in yelling at her wasnt anywhere near as bad as what she did.
Plus, you know, your sister put you in that situation. If she didnt do that then there wouldnt have been a problem. It is wrong for her to blame you.
Its unfortunate that such a scene played out in front of her boyfriend, and that tact was not exercised by anyone, but there you go.
Fair ****s to you.

seamus

Your actions were right, it was the execution that could have been handled better.

It sounds like you know Ben well enough that you couldn't really stand idly by. If they'd only been going out a few weeks, it may not have been your place.

If she's shagging random blokes in a club toilet after a romantic dinner with her boyfriend, then it wouldn't be a massive leap to guess that she probably does this a lot.

Owen

It may have been emotionally charged, but you did the right thing. Telling Ben was the only option here. I say that as someone who was in a similar situation!

Naked Lepper

yous sis sounds wkd

tell her to holla at me! ha ha..

bombidol

Naked Lepper wrote:

yous sis sounds wkd

tell her to holla at me! ha ha..

fùckin wanker

Umaro

^I can see you taking a vacation very soon.

By the way, you didnt betray your sister - even though you did it in the worst possible way it was the right thing to do. Respect.

Beruthiel

Naked Lepper
bombidol

You are both on a warning - bombidol report the post instead of flaming, you should know that!

Naked Lepper, read this forum's rules and charter before you get yourself banned.

pbsuxok1znja4r

Jaysus, that's such a horrible story...makes me a bit sick just reading it. Anyway I think you pretty much did the right thing. It's not your place to punish your sister for it or anything though, just rememer that. But telling the truth as soon as possible was definitely right. Poor Ben, he sounds like the faithful type...

LegacyUser

I can't beieve what's just happened!! Ben called me about 20 minutes ago and went CRAZY. He called me vindictive, spiteful, a lunatic and siad that the only reason I said that was because I'm jealous of my sister cause she's better looking then me!!!

I rang my sister straight away and she said 'Who do you think he's going to believe you f*cking bitch' and hung up on me!!

I am in a state of shock, I think I may need to ask for the afternoon of work cause my head is spinning. How could she do that and how could he believe her??? What motive would I have to break them up? They've been together for 4 years!! She is prettier than me but that's something I've always known and am used to. She's the model one, I'm the funny one appparently and I can live with that. She is a c*nt!!!!

Blub2k4

Don't worry it'll all come out in the end.

Forget about them I'd say.

If he wants to live in cloud cuckoo land then let him, I'd just pass them off with a "whatever you want to believe to make yourselves feel better then fire away, but I know what I saw, bye".

tbh

I'd say he knows himself you are telling the truth. You don't owe them anything else, the trouble that is ahead is not for you.

justsomebloke

Well it seems that your sister is fianlly showing her true colours and is going to go looking after number one, herself. If Ben is to stupid to see the truth that is his own problem, chances are he is living in denial and will be every time she does it from now on.
The only thing I would be worried about is how this will effect your family situation as she may try and work your parents against you aswell if she is as spitful as it seems, but all I can say is sorry that you are going through this but just remember it isn't your fault, it is your sister who has brought all of this on herself however it's seems keeping her boyfriend is more important then a sister

Cake Fiend

troubleahead wrote:

as far as I know she has never cheated on him before

You're putting an awful lot of faith in someone who shagged some randomer in the jacks, if you ask me. I'd be amazed if she hasn't done it before.

EKRIUQ

Jesus this is getting like a soap opeara, Smart move by your sister to blame you but to be honest Ben mustn't be the brightest because if he suspected anything before last night this would only of confirmed it.

Don't worry she'll trip up again, go to ben and describe the fella she shagged he surely saw him at some stage before going into the toilet and shagging your sister and it might click.

You do a good deed and this is how it works out "troubleahead" take the evening off you deserve it.

dr.bollocko

Man just ignore them. You are the only one whose lovelife isnt ruined by this. The whistle-blower always gets shat on anyway. Just bide your time, and it wont be long before you are showered in "You were soooooo right"s from both sides as their relationship disintegrates before your eyes because of their own stupidity / infidelity.

Drift

I think he knows you're telling the truth and he's just in denial. There's not a huge amount more you can do with him except perhaps find some way of getting one of his friends to suggest he get an std check.

As for your sister .... its a tough one maybe if you just leave her be for a while the dust may settle but who knows.

LegacyUser

Thanks for reading and for all your replies. I thought I'd get alot of people saying that I shouldn't have said anything but as I'm sure you know it's hard to keep something like that in. Ben is a smart guy but not where my sister is concerned. She is really beautiful and men act like retards around her. Barmen give her free drinks, guys at busstops ask her out and she thinks she can do whatever she wants cause her looks will glide her through it. I told my boss that I'm not well so he said I can go home. I'm just gonna blank the pair of them. I won't see either of them until Christmas eve and i'll just have to try my best to ignore them. The fact is she did cheat and he's a sucker if he choses to believe her. F*ck the both of them. I can't believe my own sister could turn on me like that just to protect herself. Clearly she doesn't respect Ben if she's shagging other men behind his back or in this case while he's in the same vicinity!! She is a tramp!!

Marksie

I suspect that from the way she played it your sister is a dab hand at that.

Ok going to be hard, but leave it be with the sister, remain aloof and don't get drawn into anythying.

If you get any hassle from the B/F, then walk away or simply say, "one is lying, who you believe is up to you"

if you get dragged in, your sister will have you in knots.

Beruthiel

marksuttonie wrote:

if you get dragged in, your sister will have you in knots.

Agreed.
I wouldn't even answer either of them if they phone again. Cut them off and wait to see what happens. If my sister ever behaved like that towards me she'd get a right earful and wouldn't be spoken to again until an apology was given.

Stabshauptmann

Ben obviously deserves better than what hes getting BUT,

Im just thinking that there were better ways to deal with it.

What I would think would have been the best thing to do would be to bite your tongue till the next day when you're sober.
Talk to your sister, understand why she did what she did because it will be an important part of what the next step is.

Ultimatly yes ben should know, but there may have been a way to salvage their relationship and there was definitly a way that wouldnt have resulted in you loosing both your sister and your friendship with ben.

Mighty_Mouse

When it comes to other peoples relatioships (unless physical voilence)...................never ever ever never ever ever never ever ever never ever ever.........get involved.

Dont even offer an opinion (especially after the break-up).

I dont care whats going on mate but you had no right to blurt that out in front of Ben on the way home. Who do you think you are? Do you have a right to police your sisters relationship?

Personally I think your sister is a slag. If it was mine I'd tell her as much. I wouldnt have anything to do with her because she would be a disgrace to me.

I wouldnt blab something like that in front of her fella though.

IMO 90% of the time blokes know the type of girl they're involved with but dont wanna know!

humanji

Screw them. They deserve each other. Just blank them from now on. Don't give them the time of day. Wait for them to apologise to you. If they don't then that's their loss. You don't owe them anything and to be honest if my sister treated me like that, I'd disown her and let everyone know exactly why.

OTK

Never judge or interfere in other peoples intimate relationships. Your attention should be focused on maintaining your own relationships. Your relationships with your immediate family are primary and you should take their side in any dispute within reason. You think your sister was disloyal to her boyfriend, well where was your loyalty to her?

It's always easier to judge others than to hold a mirror up to yourself. (that's why I'm doing it now)

The result of your action has been to upset you and your sister and her boyfriend and damage relationships between all of you.

When people are unfaithful to each other it's because of some problem in their relationship that only they can sort out- not you. You have your own life to lead without trying to direct the lives of others.

She is really beautiful and men act like retards around her. Barmen give her free drinks, guys at busstops ask her out and she thinks she can do whatever she wants cause her looks will glide her through it.

Are you jealous? Maybe you think Ben should go out with you? You need to sort out your own issues before trying to play God.

Magic Pips

OTK wrote:

Never judge or interfere in other peoples intimate relationships. Your attention should be focused on maintaining your own relationships. Your relationships with your immediate family are primary and you should take their side in any dispute within reason. You think your sister was disloyal to her boyfriend, well where was your loyalty to her?

It's always easier to judge others than to hold a mirror up to yourself. (that's why I'm doing it now)

The result of your action has been to upset you and your sister and her boyfriend and damage relationships between all of you.

When people are unfaithful to each other it's because of some problem in their relationship that only they can sort out- not you. You have your own life to lead without trying to direct the lives of others.

Are you jealous? Maybe you think Ben should go out with you? You need to sort out your own issues before trying to play God.

Dont listen to this crap. Your sister deserves no loyalty. Listen to advice a la marksutton & B