Caught red handed

LegacyUser

Hey all.....my head is wrecked this morning and I really need some advice.
Last night me and my friends met up for drinks after work. My sister was in town having dinner with her boyfriend and they both came to meet us later on. My sister was wasted by the time she arrived at the pub, her boyfriend (Ben) told me she'd been knocking back wine at dinner and was doing shots.

Anyway, we went onto a nightclub and I was in the toilets at one stage and I could here people having sex in one of the cublicles. I quickly washed my hands and was on my way out when my sister emerged from the cubicle with some random bloke. She was so locked that she didn't even notice me and went straight to the mirror to fix herself up. I felt sick.

Ben kept asking where she was and asked me to go have a look for her but I didn't want to have to look at her even cause she'd disgusted me so much. Even if she was single I think that's stupid slutty behaviour. We're really close too and I never realised she was like that. Ben is the second person she's slept with according to her!!

When she did join the group again, she'd sobered up and was beaming!! She was in great form, no guilt in sight. I on the otherhand was seething about what she had just done and her reaction. I decided it'd be best to talk to her in the morning so I acted like there was nothing wrong. By the time we were leaving the club, we were all pretty wasted. On the way to get a cab my sister was singing really loudly and swinging out of me and Ben. She kept slobbering all over him and she was doing my head in...

So here it is....in my drunken anger I screamed at her 'What the f*ck are you playing at?? You don't love Ben, you just ****ed some randomer in the toliets!!!'....Bens jaw hit the floor and he looked at me and then at her. Her face couldn't hide the guilt and he stormed off in disbelief. I knew she'd go nuts at me so I ran off and got a cab leaving her there on her own....

Ben rang me in floods of tears when I got home and asked me if it was true. I said it was. They've been together for 4 years and are both 27. I'm 24....

I haven't spoken to her today but I rang her office and she's in so I know she's safe...

So, what the hell am I going to do??? She's never going to forgive me and Ben is never going to forgive her. Last night in his anger he said that he's going to fcuk this girl in his office tonight at the xmas party cause he knows she likes him...

What the hell is gonna happen now? Have I really badly betrayed my sister? Is any of this forgiveable or mendable? Christmas is going to be a mess and I feel like it's all my fault. Everyone is entitled to a mistake and as far as I know she has never cheated on him before. Bens like a brother to me though and I felt like she was making a fool out of him...help!!

ps sorry it's so long!!

Beruthiel

troubleahead wrote:

She's never going to forgive me

She cheats on Ben and she's never going to forgive you?
Sorry, but that doesn't cut if for me. She does the crime, she does the time.
If it didn't come out last night it would have eventually some other way.
It's a mess, nothing you can do about it now.
Leaving your sis on her own in town while wasted was not good though.
I would suggest you keep out of it from now on and just leave them to sort it out.

tbh

you know you shouldn't have said anything, but it was her actions that put you in that position in the first place. If she hadn't done it, there would have been nothing to tell. So don't beat yourself up about it, it's out in the open now, so the worst is over. It'll resolve itself eventually. If it helps, I was in a similar position as your sister many moons ago, and I don't feel bad towards the person that spilt the beans at all - it was totally my fault. I'm sure your sister will feel the same in time.

miles teg

if she can blame what she did on the drink, then you can blame losing the head on the drink too.

shadowmanman

you done the right thing, she was the one that cheated, perhaps it didnt come out right however it would have just built up inside of you.

LegacyUser

The way I went about saying it was awful though....screaming it at her drunkenly then leaving her in town on her own. We live in differnt directions anyway but still. I'm in shock that she actually did it though, what kind of person shags a stranger in the toilet of a grubby club while her boyfriends out on the dancefloor lokking for her. The look of smug exhilaration on her face made me so angry aswell...

Ben is such a sucker for her because she's really stunning looking and she uses that to her advantage. I wouldn't be that surprised if he just forgives her for fear of losing her otherwise. I can't help thinking she's done this before too and I wonder if she used a condom...she's an idiot an dthe more I think of it, the more annoyed I get. I'm torn though cause then I think sisters should stick together. I'm dreading speaking to her or Ben...

EKRIUQ

I was getting mad reading that because I thought at the end would be question should you tell Ben?

But I'm glad you did the right thing, To be honest if your sister does that so randomly she is just a slag! I know you love her because she's your sister but shes still a mean unfaithful bitch that pokes fun at her boyfriend by shagging a stranger in the ladies toilet.

You did the right thing and its going to take while for your sister to get over that and she'll probably dig dirt about you but at the end of the day Ben is luckey he has a friend like you.

dr.bollocko

You don't sell your own sister down the river like that without expecting it to be tough for you two to resolve it. I mean the right thing to do goes completely out the window in situations like this, and of course, what you did in yelling at her wasnt anywhere near as bad as what she did.
Plus, you know, your sister put you in that situation. If she didnt do that then there wouldnt have been a problem. It is wrong for her to blame you.
Its unfortunate that such a scene played out in front of her boyfriend, and that tact was not exercised by anyone, but there you go.
Fair ****s to you.

seamus

Your actions were right, it was the execution that could have been handled better.

It sounds like you know Ben well enough that you couldn't really stand idly by. If they'd only been going out a few weeks, it may not have been your place.

If she's shagging random blokes in a club toilet after a romantic dinner with her boyfriend, then it wouldn't be a massive leap to guess that she probably does this a lot.

Owen

It may have been emotionally charged, but you did the right thing. Telling Ben was the only option here. I say that as someone who was in a similar situation!

Naked Lepper

yous sis sounds wkd

tell her to holla at me! ha ha..

bombidol

Naked Lepper wrote:

yous sis sounds wkd

tell her to holla at me! ha ha..

fùckin wanker

Umaro

^I can see you taking a vacation very soon.

By the way, you didnt betray your sister - even though you did it in the worst possible way it was the right thing to do. Respect.

Beruthiel

Naked Lepper
bombidol

You are both on a warning - bombidol report the post instead of flaming, you should know that!

Naked Lepper, read this forum's rules and charter before you get yourself banned.

pbsuxok1znja4r

Jaysus, that's such a horrible story...makes me a bit sick just reading it. Anyway I think you pretty much did the right thing. It's not your place to punish your sister for it or anything though, just rememer that. But telling the truth as soon as possible was definitely right. Poor Ben, he sounds like the faithful type...

LegacyUser

I can't beieve what's just happened!! Ben called me about 20 minutes ago and went CRAZY. He called me vindictive, spiteful, a lunatic and siad that the only reason I said that was because I'm jealous of my sister cause she's better looking then me!!!

I rang my sister straight away and she said 'Who do you think he's going to believe you f*cking bitch' and hung up on me!!

I am in a state of shock, I think I may need to ask for the afternoon of work cause my head is spinning. How could she do that and how could he believe her??? What motive would I have to break them up? They've been together for 4 years!! She is prettier than me but that's something I've always known and am used to. She's the model one, I'm the funny one appparently and I can live with that. She is a c*nt!!!!

Blub2k4

Don't worry it'll all come out in the end.

Forget about them I'd say.

If he wants to live in cloud cuckoo land then let him, I'd just pass them off with a "whatever you want to believe to make yourselves feel better then fire away, but I know what I saw, bye".

tbh

I'd say he knows himself you are telling the truth. You don't owe them anything else, the trouble that is ahead is not for you.

justsomebloke

Well it seems that your sister is fianlly showing her true colours and is going to go looking after number one, herself. If Ben is to stupid to see the truth that is his own problem, chances are he is living in denial and will be every time she does it from now on.
The only thing I would be worried about is how this will effect your family situation as she may try and work your parents against you aswell if she is as spitful as it seems, but all I can say is sorry that you are going through this but just remember it isn't your fault, it is your sister who has brought all of this on herself however it's seems keeping her boyfriend is more important then a sister

Cake Fiend

troubleahead wrote:

as far as I know she has never cheated on him before

You're putting an awful lot of faith in someone who shagged some randomer in the jacks, if you ask me. I'd be amazed if she hasn't done it before.

EKRIUQ

Jesus this is getting like a soap opeara, Smart move by your sister to blame you but to be honest Ben mustn't be the brightest because if he suspected anything before last night this would only of confirmed it.

Don't worry she'll trip up again, go to ben and describe the fella she shagged he surely saw him at some stage before going into the toilet and shagging your sister and it might click.

You do a good deed and this is how it works out "troubleahead" take the evening off you deserve it.

dr.bollocko

Man just ignore them. You are the only one whose lovelife isnt ruined by this. The whistle-blower always gets shat on anyway. Just bide your time, and it wont be long before you are showered in "You were soooooo right"s from both sides as their relationship disintegrates before your eyes because of their own stupidity / infidelity.

Drift

I think he knows you're telling the truth and he's just in denial. There's not a huge amount more you can do with him except perhaps find some way of getting one of his friends to suggest he get an std check.

As for your sister .... its a tough one maybe if you just leave her be for a while the dust may settle but who knows.

LegacyUser

Thanks for reading and for all your replies. I thought I'd get alot of people saying that I shouldn't have said anything but as I'm sure you know it's hard to keep something like that in. Ben is a smart guy but not where my sister is concerned. She is really beautiful and men act like retards around her. Barmen give her free drinks, guys at busstops ask her out and she thinks she can do whatever she wants cause her looks will glide her through it. I told my boss that I'm not well so he said I can go home. I'm just gonna blank the pair of them. I won't see either of them until Christmas eve and i'll just have to try my best to ignore them. The fact is she did cheat and he's a sucker if he choses to believe her. F*ck the both of them. I can't believe my own sister could turn on me like that just to protect herself. Clearly she doesn't respect Ben if she's shagging other men behind his back or in this case while he's in the same vicinity!! She is a tramp!!

Marksie

I suspect that from the way she played it your sister is a dab hand at that.

Ok going to be hard, but leave it be with the sister, remain aloof and don't get drawn into anythying.

If you get any hassle from the B/F, then walk away or simply say, "one is lying, who you believe is up to you"

if you get dragged in, your sister will have you in knots.

Beruthiel

marksuttonie wrote:

if you get dragged in, your sister will have you in knots.

Agreed.
I wouldn't even answer either of them if they phone again. Cut them off and wait to see what happens. If my sister ever behaved like that towards me she'd get a right earful and wouldn't be spoken to again until an apology was given.

Stabshauptmann

Ben obviously deserves better than what hes getting BUT,

Im just thinking that there were better ways to deal with it.

What I would think would have been the best thing to do would be to bite your tongue till the next day when you're sober.
Talk to your sister, understand why she did what she did because it will be an important part of what the next step is.

Ultimatly yes ben should know, but there may have been a way to salvage their relationship and there was definitly a way that wouldnt have resulted in you loosing both your sister and your friendship with ben.

Mighty_Mouse

When it comes to other peoples relatioships (unless physical voilence)...................never ever ever never ever ever never ever ever never ever ever.........get involved.

Dont even offer an opinion (especially after the break-up).

I dont care whats going on mate but you had no right to blurt that out in front of Ben on the way home. Who do you think you are? Do you have a right to police your sisters relationship?

Personally I think your sister is a slag. If it was mine I'd tell her as much. I wouldnt have anything to do with her because she would be a disgrace to me.

I wouldnt blab something like that in front of her fella though.

IMO 90% of the time blokes know the type of girl they're involved with but dont wanna know!

humanji

Screw them. They deserve each other. Just blank them from now on. Don't give them the time of day. Wait for them to apologise to you. If they don't then that's their loss. You don't owe them anything and to be honest if my sister treated me like that, I'd disown her and let everyone know exactly why.

OTK

Never judge or interfere in other peoples intimate relationships. Your attention should be focused on maintaining your own relationships. Your relationships with your immediate family are primary and you should take their side in any dispute within reason. You think your sister was disloyal to her boyfriend, well where was your loyalty to her?

It's always easier to judge others than to hold a mirror up to yourself. (that's why I'm doing it now)

The result of your action has been to upset you and your sister and her boyfriend and damage relationships between all of you.

When people are unfaithful to each other it's because of some problem in their relationship that only they can sort out- not you. You have your own life to lead without trying to direct the lives of others.

She is really beautiful and men act like retards around her. Barmen give her free drinks, guys at busstops ask her out and she thinks she can do whatever she wants cause her looks will glide her through it.

Are you jealous? Maybe you think Ben should go out with you? You need to sort out your own issues before trying to play God.

Magic Pips

OTK wrote:

Never judge or interfere in other peoples intimate relationships. Your attention should be focused on maintaining your own relationships. Your relationships with your immediate family are primary and you should take their side in any dispute within reason. You think your sister was disloyal to her boyfriend, well where was your loyalty to her?

It's always easier to judge others than to hold a mirror up to yourself. (that's why I'm doing it now)

The result of your action has been to upset you and your sister and her boyfriend and damage relationships between all of you.

When people are unfaithful to each other it's because of some problem in their relationship that only they can sort out- not you. You have your own life to lead without trying to direct the lives of others.

Are you jealous? Maybe you think Ben should go out with you? You need to sort out your own issues before trying to play God.

Dont listen to this crap. Your sister deserves no loyalty. Listen to advice a la marksutton & B

SoupyNorman

You mentioned you were the funny one, well you are also the respectful one.

Well you just distance yourself from both your sis and Ben OP. You dont need to go look for forgiveness off nobody. You did the right thing 100% all the way. If you waited untill the next day chances are you wouldnt have said a word which is not fair to anyone, especially Ben and if he cant see that then he deserves a girl like your sister.

I bet its tough though, it is your sister when all is said and done. I would be so dissapointed with my sister if she did something like that (single or not). Hopefully she contemplates her actions and realises you are in the right but at the moment she is using you as her scapegoat.

vorbis

blind loyalty is dangerous imo. What has her sister done to earn such loyalty? A bit more tact could have been used but she did the right thing. If I was Ben, I would like to know rather than being made a laughing stock. Its also REALLY unlikely that this is a once off. You don't suddenly decide to **** someone in the jacks!

stooge

OTK wrote:

Never judge or interfere in other peoples intimate relationships. Your attention should be focused on maintaining your own relationships. Your relationships with your immediate family are primary and you should take their side in any dispute within reason. You think your sister was disloyal to her boyfriend, well where was your loyalty to her?

It's always easier to judge others than to hold a mirror up to yourself. (that's why I'm doing it now)

The result of your action has been to upset you and your sister and her boyfriend and damage relationships between all of you.

When people are unfaithful to each other it's because of some problem in their relationship that only they can sort out- not you. You have your own life to lead without trying to direct the lives of others.

Are you jealous? Maybe you think Ben should go out with you? You need to sort out your own issues before trying to play God.

OP you're always going to get replys like the one above telling you that you are wrong and so on. But at the end of the day you know that what you said was true and that your conscience is clear. You maybe should have discussed it with your sister the next day and put pressure on her to own up, but hindsight is a cnut.

I was in the middle of a similar situation years ago when someone blurted out some home truths. At the time it was very messy and I have to admit I felt very bad and resentful for a while but Ive realised he was right in what he said and hold no grudge.

Xmas might be hard but you hold the moral highground here so hold out for an apology.

LegacyUser

Stooge, Magic pips & bravestarr082...thank you so much for your replies and for everybody else who empathised with me. I know I shouldn't have blurted it out like I did but Ben is like a brother to me. Some idiot suggested that I'm jealous and want him all for myself??? That's crazy talk. I think my sister is lucky to be blessed with such good looks but it's a curse that she takes advantage of that fact. I love her and am happy that she's a looker. I've known Ben for 4 years, the lenght of there relationship. Surely I would've tried to sabotage it before now if that was my game!!!

She shagged a stranger in the toilets of a club and looked so damn pleased with herself. Ben, the fool, was holding her drink and wondering where she was at the same time! To me, that is just sickening. She was probably climaxing as he ordered her a doulbe vodka....they are both f*cking fools and I just hope I can restrain myself over Christmas dinner not to pour gravy over her head...I just wish I could prove that I'm telling the truth. All I can do is hope she does it again but it's him who catches her.

miles teg

given you're already involved, if you still care for Ben's wellfare, you may want to suggest he gets an std test done and maybe start only having safe sex with your sister.
If you say it just the once and don't push it, he may even come round to thinking you're actually telling the truth. Be prepared for him to tell you to feck off though

BeardyGit

STD checkup should be recommended to both of them.

Fair play to you for holding off until you were outside. If it were me I'd have snapped right there in the toilet....

I doubt it's the first time either, if she really was that cool and casual about the whole thing.

Maybe Ben's noticed similar behaviour before....The poor bastard. Pity it went down like it did, but you've nothing to be sorry about - It's all down to her.

Drift

miles teg wrote:

given you're already involved, if you still care for Ben's wellfare, you may want to suggest he gets an std test done and maybe start only having safe sex with your sister.
If you say it just the once and don't push it, he may even come round to thinking you're actually telling the truth. Be prepared for him to tell you to feck off though

QFT


I also think that its probably not her first time doing something like that. Its hardly likely the first time she cheated on her bf was in the toilets at a club while he was right there outside holding her drink.

Zebra3

troubleahead wrote:

I can't beieve what's just happened!! Ben called me about 20 minutes ago and went CRAZY. He called me vindictive, spiteful, a lunatic and siad that the only reason I said that was because I'm jealous of my sister cause she's better looking then me!!!

I rang my sister straight away and she said 'Who do you think he's going to believe you f*cking bitch' and hung up on me!!

I am in a state of shock, I think I may need to ask for the afternoon of work cause my head is spinning. How could she do that and how could he believe her??? What motive would I have to break them up? They've been together for 4 years!! She is prettier than me but that's something I've always known and am used to. She's the model one, I'm the funny one appparently and I can live with that. She is a c*nt!!!!

Well I wouldn't worry about it. If he wants to stick his head in the ground, so be it. Half his mates have probably had her and it'll all come out in the end and he'll ring you up and apologise to you. Hopefully it all happens before he catches something off her.

LegacyUser

'thats an awful situation to be in but you defintiely did the right thing. It was bound to come out sometime anyways. And tbh you sister deserved it - she sounds a bit up herself.

But your sister knows you know now, so she might be more careful of her actions.

And Ben can deny it down to the ground if he pleases but he will always wonder. And in the end it will get the better of him.

I think you should just leave them for the while and let them do what they want because in the end the truth will come out and ben will realise it sooner or later.'

The_B_Man

I was trying to think how to phrase this without coming off as a troll or someone takin the piss, but i cant.

Maybe over xmas, you should start flirtin with "Ben" in front of ur sister. then jsut deny it down to the ground. its the only way ppl like ur sis can be reached.

phantom_lord

The_B_Man wrote:

I was trying to think how to phrase this without coming off as a troll or someone takin the piss, but i cant.

Maybe over xmas, you should start flirtin with "Ben" in front of ur sister. then jsut deny it down to the ground. its the only way ppl like ur sis can be reached.

Sorry, but that's terrible advice.

Fanny Cradock

Hey OP, if it's any consolation, I'd be sure that the truth will out... eventually. Those who suggested that this Ben chap is in denial are correct. It would explain his hostile reaction. However, that's probably little comfort for you at the moment. I'm sure you're torn - on one had you want to be proved right, on the other you don't want to cause your sister (probably more so Ben) any pain.

There is little that you can do at this time. I'd avoid entering into a discussion if possible. Your sister is obviously a master of manipulating this guy and twisting the truth. The girl may well be your own flesh and blood, but she's obviously a bitch, and I'd be very wary of anyone with so few scruples. If she is willing to cheat, lie in such a despicable manner and then vindictively phone you up, then I wouldn't be surprised if she stooped to new lows to cover her arse. If you do start talking about it, be consistent in what you say and always remember that you are right and she is wrong. Just maintain what was written in your initial post. Hopefully the guy will cop on.

Well done OP, what you did shows that you have a moral core that your sister is lacking. You did the right thing.

Good luck!

The_B_Man

phantom_lord wrote:

Sorry, but that's terrible advice.

not really. the sis is only like that coz she knows he's safe and she can do watever she wants. her gettin a bit jealous will give her the kick in the arse she needs to either stop bein a tart or break up with him. you cant sit down and have a "chat" with a person like that and expect them to change.

Fanny Cradock

It is preposterous to advise her to start flirting with the guy. Firstly, it would exacerbate matters. Secondly, it would, in the BF eyes, confirm the sisters accusation that the OP is just a jealous, lying bitch. Thirdly, it wouldn't be fair on your man. I could go on...

onemanband

The truth will come out in the end. If she brings it up in front of people then offer that both of you take a lie detector test. Watch her face then. If she agrees then set it up.

In the beginning of this thread I thought you were out of order from doing what you did. At the end of the day it's none of your business what your sister decides to get up to.

However the way she turned the tables leads me to believe she is not a particular nice person deserving of any sympathy.

phantom_lord

Fanny Cradock wrote:

It is preposterous to advise her to start flirting with the guy. Firstly, it would exacerbate matters. Secondly, it would, in the BF eyes, confirm the sisters accusation that the OP is just a jealous, lying bitch. Thirdly, it wouldn't be fair on your man. I could go on...

Yep, that's exactly why it's terrible advice.

g-punkteffekt

yeah it's complicated alright, and it's a shame you blurted it out in the heat of the moment because she's an adult and really people shouldn't interfere unless really necessary. "Ben" is the one being hard done by here, he would be definitely better off without her, sounds like she's going to be a total headf*ck for him. Your sister will probably grow out of this behaviour and get a bit of cop on eventually, we should hope so anyway. I mean I wouldn't condone anyone for getting their freak on in the jacks, but the fact that her boyfriend was outside is unnerving! I wonder who the lucky bloke was who got to bang some supposedly super-hot chick at the drop of a hat was? I don't think many of us would say no in that situation with a few jars on us!

spinandscribble

part of me wonders if the ops a troll. its just so bad.

next time you see him, you should tell ben you have nothing to gain from lying, whereas she does and doesnt he remember your face when you left the bathroom? if you get upset and say he's like a brother to you and shes your sister but you had to do the right thing.

Santa Claus

Should prob be going unregged for this, but can't be bothered.

Speaking as someone who's been in Ben's place, he will eventually cop on to what she's doing....He's just on too much of a high from going out with the prettiest girl thing. He probably knows deep down that she's using him and is just living in denial.....eventually he will cop on.

I think the only way the truth will come out is if she caught something from her drunken shag in the bogs and passes it on to Ben.

Seraphina

tbh, i'd say the lie detector test is a good idea. call up ben, explain calming how you're only trying to prevent him from getting hurt, and if he thinks you're lying, you'll take a lie detector test with your sister. he'll prob be more likely to believe you then, especially when your sister gets freaked out by the idea,