Caught red handed

SoupyNorman

You mentioned you were the funny one, well you are also the respectful one.

Well you just distance yourself from both your sis and Ben OP. You dont need to go look for forgiveness off nobody. You did the right thing 100% all the way. If you waited untill the next day chances are you wouldnt have said a word which is not fair to anyone, especially Ben and if he cant see that then he deserves a girl like your sister.

I bet its tough though, it is your sister when all is said and done. I would be so dissapointed with my sister if she did something like that (single or not). Hopefully she contemplates her actions and realises you are in the right but at the moment she is using you as her scapegoat.

vorbis

blind loyalty is dangerous imo. What has her sister done to earn such loyalty? A bit more tact could have been used but she did the right thing. If I was Ben, I would like to know rather than being made a laughing stock. Its also REALLY unlikely that this is a once off. You don't suddenly decide to **** someone in the jacks!

stooge

OTK wrote:

Never judge or interfere in other peoples intimate relationships. Your attention should be focused on maintaining your own relationships. Your relationships with your immediate family are primary and you should take their side in any dispute within reason. You think your sister was disloyal to her boyfriend, well where was your loyalty to her?

It's always easier to judge others than to hold a mirror up to yourself. (that's why I'm doing it now)

The result of your action has been to upset you and your sister and her boyfriend and damage relationships between all of you.

When people are unfaithful to each other it's because of some problem in their relationship that only they can sort out- not you. You have your own life to lead without trying to direct the lives of others.

Are you jealous? Maybe you think Ben should go out with you? You need to sort out your own issues before trying to play God.

OP you're always going to get replys like the one above telling you that you are wrong and so on. But at the end of the day you know that what you said was true and that your conscience is clear. You maybe should have discussed it with your sister the next day and put pressure on her to own up, but hindsight is a cnut.

I was in the middle of a similar situation years ago when someone blurted out some home truths. At the time it was very messy and I have to admit I felt very bad and resentful for a while but Ive realised he was right in what he said and hold no grudge.

Xmas might be hard but you hold the moral highground here so hold out for an apology.

LegacyUser

Stooge, Magic pips & bravestarr082...thank you so much for your replies and for everybody else who empathised with me. I know I shouldn't have blurted it out like I did but Ben is like a brother to me. Some idiot suggested that I'm jealous and want him all for myself??? That's crazy talk. I think my sister is lucky to be blessed with such good looks but it's a curse that she takes advantage of that fact. I love her and am happy that she's a looker. I've known Ben for 4 years, the lenght of there relationship. Surely I would've tried to sabotage it before now if that was my game!!!

She shagged a stranger in the toilets of a club and looked so damn pleased with herself. Ben, the fool, was holding her drink and wondering where she was at the same time! To me, that is just sickening. She was probably climaxing as he ordered her a doulbe vodka....they are both f*cking fools and I just hope I can restrain myself over Christmas dinner not to pour gravy over her head...I just wish I could prove that I'm telling the truth. All I can do is hope she does it again but it's him who catches her.

miles teg

given you're already involved, if you still care for Ben's wellfare, you may want to suggest he gets an std test done and maybe start only having safe sex with your sister.
If you say it just the once and don't push it, he may even come round to thinking you're actually telling the truth. Be prepared for him to tell you to feck off though

BeardyGit

STD checkup should be recommended to both of them.

Fair play to you for holding off until you were outside. If it were me I'd have snapped right there in the toilet....

I doubt it's the first time either, if she really was that cool and casual about the whole thing.

Maybe Ben's noticed similar behaviour before....The poor bastard. Pity it went down like it did, but you've nothing to be sorry about - It's all down to her.

Drift

miles teg wrote:

given you're already involved, if you still care for Ben's wellfare, you may want to suggest he gets an std test done and maybe start only having safe sex with your sister.
If you say it just the once and don't push it, he may even come round to thinking you're actually telling the truth. Be prepared for him to tell you to feck off though

QFT


I also think that its probably not her first time doing something like that. Its hardly likely the first time she cheated on her bf was in the toilets at a club while he was right there outside holding her drink.

Zebra3

troubleahead wrote:

I can't beieve what's just happened!! Ben called me about 20 minutes ago and went CRAZY. He called me vindictive, spiteful, a lunatic and siad that the only reason I said that was because I'm jealous of my sister cause she's better looking then me!!!

I rang my sister straight away and she said 'Who do you think he's going to believe you f*cking bitch' and hung up on me!!

I am in a state of shock, I think I may need to ask for the afternoon of work cause my head is spinning. How could she do that and how could he believe her??? What motive would I have to break them up? They've been together for 4 years!! She is prettier than me but that's something I've always known and am used to. She's the model one, I'm the funny one appparently and I can live with that. She is a c*nt!!!!

Well I wouldn't worry about it. If he wants to stick his head in the ground, so be it. Half his mates have probably had her and it'll all come out in the end and he'll ring you up and apologise to you. Hopefully it all happens before he catches something off her.

LegacyUser

'thats an awful situation to be in but you defintiely did the right thing. It was bound to come out sometime anyways. And tbh you sister deserved it - she sounds a bit up herself.

But your sister knows you know now, so she might be more careful of her actions.

And Ben can deny it down to the ground if he pleases but he will always wonder. And in the end it will get the better of him.

I think you should just leave them for the while and let them do what they want because in the end the truth will come out and ben will realise it sooner or later.'

The_B_Man

I was trying to think how to phrase this without coming off as a troll or someone takin the piss, but i cant.

Maybe over xmas, you should start flirtin with "Ben" in front of ur sister. then jsut deny it down to the ground. its the only way ppl like ur sis can be reached.

phantom_lord

The_B_Man wrote:

I was trying to think how to phrase this without coming off as a troll or someone takin the piss, but i cant.

Maybe over xmas, you should start flirtin with "Ben" in front of ur sister. then jsut deny it down to the ground. its the only way ppl like ur sis can be reached.

Sorry, but that's terrible advice.

Fanny Cradock

Hey OP, if it's any consolation, I'd be sure that the truth will out... eventually. Those who suggested that this Ben chap is in denial are correct. It would explain his hostile reaction. However, that's probably little comfort for you at the moment. I'm sure you're torn - on one had you want to be proved right, on the other you don't want to cause your sister (probably more so Ben) any pain.

There is little that you can do at this time. I'd avoid entering into a discussion if possible. Your sister is obviously a master of manipulating this guy and twisting the truth. The girl may well be your own flesh and blood, but she's obviously a bitch, and I'd be very wary of anyone with so few scruples. If she is willing to cheat, lie in such a despicable manner and then vindictively phone you up, then I wouldn't be surprised if she stooped to new lows to cover her arse. If you do start talking about it, be consistent in what you say and always remember that you are right and she is wrong. Just maintain what was written in your initial post. Hopefully the guy will cop on.

Well done OP, what you did shows that you have a moral core that your sister is lacking. You did the right thing.

Good luck!

The_B_Man

phantom_lord wrote:

Sorry, but that's terrible advice.

not really. the sis is only like that coz she knows he's safe and she can do watever she wants. her gettin a bit jealous will give her the kick in the arse she needs to either stop bein a tart or break up with him. you cant sit down and have a "chat" with a person like that and expect them to change.

Fanny Cradock

It is preposterous to advise her to start flirting with the guy. Firstly, it would exacerbate matters. Secondly, it would, in the BF eyes, confirm the sisters accusation that the OP is just a jealous, lying bitch. Thirdly, it wouldn't be fair on your man. I could go on...

onemanband

The truth will come out in the end. If she brings it up in front of people then offer that both of you take a lie detector test. Watch her face then. If she agrees then set it up.

In the beginning of this thread I thought you were out of order from doing what you did. At the end of the day it's none of your business what your sister decides to get up to.

However the way she turned the tables leads me to believe she is not a particular nice person deserving of any sympathy.

phantom_lord

Fanny Cradock wrote:

It is preposterous to advise her to start flirting with the guy. Firstly, it would exacerbate matters. Secondly, it would, in the BF eyes, confirm the sisters accusation that the OP is just a jealous, lying bitch. Thirdly, it wouldn't be fair on your man. I could go on...

Yep, that's exactly why it's terrible advice.

g-punkteffekt

yeah it's complicated alright, and it's a shame you blurted it out in the heat of the moment because she's an adult and really people shouldn't interfere unless really necessary. "Ben" is the one being hard done by here, he would be definitely better off without her, sounds like she's going to be a total headf*ck for him. Your sister will probably grow out of this behaviour and get a bit of cop on eventually, we should hope so anyway. I mean I wouldn't condone anyone for getting their freak on in the jacks, but the fact that her boyfriend was outside is unnerving! I wonder who the lucky bloke was who got to bang some supposedly super-hot chick at the drop of a hat was? I don't think many of us would say no in that situation with a few jars on us!

spinandscribble

part of me wonders if the ops a troll. its just so bad.

next time you see him, you should tell ben you have nothing to gain from lying, whereas she does and doesnt he remember your face when you left the bathroom? if you get upset and say he's like a brother to you and shes your sister but you had to do the right thing.

Santa Claus

Should prob be going unregged for this, but can't be bothered.

Speaking as someone who's been in Ben's place, he will eventually cop on to what she's doing....He's just on too much of a high from going out with the prettiest girl thing. He probably knows deep down that she's using him and is just living in denial.....eventually he will cop on.

I think the only way the truth will come out is if she caught something from her drunken shag in the bogs and passes it on to Ben.

Seraphina

tbh, i'd say the lie detector test is a good idea. call up ben, explain calming how you're only trying to prevent him from getting hurt, and if he thinks you're lying, you'll take a lie detector test with your sister. he'll prob be more likely to believe you then, especially when your sister gets freaked out by the idea,

spinandscribble

i agree with the lie detector test. truth is she'll burst into tears saying he doesnt believe her if he asks but shes the one on trial here not you and she should be eager to prove herself is ionncent. tell him that. better yet arrange it yourself and sent them the "invite" it'll really get him to face up to facts

LegacyUser

I dont think the lie detector test thing is a a great idea.(smacks of Jerry Springer) Play it cool OP and if your sister doesnt come around she's not worth the effort.

spinandscribble

tbh this whole thing smacks of jerry springer. might as well push the boat out lol.
she'll get caught eventually. she has too. if he wasnt already aware he'll be keeping a eye on her from now on.

joebhoy1916

Well all I can say is fare play for telling him!!

Catari Jaguar

Hmm... Your sister sounds like a selfish b1tch and Ben seems to be an ingrateful, spineless fool.

Your sister is TOTALLY in the wrong. If she can't see that and continues to be so horrible to her then you'l just have to back off, maybe she'll come to her senses. But if it was me, she could go fcuk herself cos her behaviour to you is alot more to forgive than what you supposedly did to her.

As for Ben, if he chooses to believe her and take his probs out on you, don't do him any more favours. Ignore him. Leave them to it. They deserve each other.

bug

You did the right thing.
Unlike your sister you seem to have feelings, and they came out...
such is life.
You are by no means in the wrong, you were taken by complete surprise by the fact that someone so close could be so callous.

In saying that if he is such a loser to believe her in the short term then leave the two madsers to it really.... It'll all come out in the wash between them.

Tell her you never realised she was such a horrid person.
Let the two weirdos alone... well alone.

In saying that if she gives you grief over what happened tell her you will announce how much of a slapper she is at Xmas dinner, that'll shut her up. (but obviously don't)

reading that gave me shivers..

Sangre

Ok, let me get this straight.

You told your sister's boyfriend of 4 years that your sister was cheating on him....what the FÚCk?
Regardless of what a slag you sister is how could you do such a thing to her, I can't believe you would put this Ben ahead of your sister and to do it in such a cowardly way, blurting it out for full effect and embarrassment. Not to mention the fact its none of your business, whatsoever.

Its one thing to tell your sister you know what she did (and guilt her to stopping/fessing up) its another to sabotage a long-term relationship.

Pfft, chicks before dicks.

0utshined

She was drunk Sangre.

In the cold light of day it's not something she should have said. Fully agreed it's not her situation to get involved in, tell her sister to cop on or whatever but tell the bf like that? nah.

As it stands, she did it and can't take it back. After the reaction from the two of them, I'd write them off. You don't need that stress. It's their drama and you don't need to get involved. The Ben dude is in denial but he's gotta be questioning things and if he isn't he should.

You don't need to lie about things but if your sister causes a rift just tell it like it is: "She did something I don't agree with and I don't want to talk to her". It's not your problem at all. If her and the Ben guy work it out then cool. If it means they alienate you, don't stress it.

TerrorFirmer

You did the right thing. I understand the aftereffects, an all aspects, are hardly desirable. But what's done is done, and regardless of the fact that she's your sister, this guy Ben certainly deserved to know. What he does, how he chooses to deal with it, all these things are insignificant. He knows, and it's solely his business hereafter.

I can believe me, empathise with the sheer disgust at the entire situation, sadly I was in an all too similar one myself very recently. But as the phrase goes, don't shoot the messenger. Sooner or later your sister will have to come to terms with her own problems. Who knows, maybe she won't, maybe she's just a rare occurance of a truly bad person who will never change for anybody.

And if so, it's her that is the 'bad' sister, not you. I know it's hard to listen to such empty condolences from strangers, and it's limited value in your current real life situation. But I'd certainly do the same in your position, without doubt, and many have before you.

Black Swan

This situation plays like a sad soap opera. I would put space between me and them during Christmas, and generally associate with other family members. Can't see a solution where no one is hurt.