Grounded because I don't believe in God.

Faith

I also used to find that Saturday evening ones were shorter. Of course, I haven't been to mass in a very long time, so that may have changed.

The Bollox

I remember when my folks found out I didn't go to mass, my dad was a bit pissed, he took me out the back for a long chat. the way he found out was he dropped me off down town, and I decided to do a lap of the church before heading off to a friends house or something, after the lap I saw a few of the lads going into the shop across the street so I went over, and I was just at the door when I head a horn behind me and it was the oul fella in the car, looking dissapointed.

so I went home and took the talk from my da. then the next day my oul wan came up to me and said "I hear you aren't going to mass anymore" I said to myself "here we go again..." and she said that when my da told her she had to fight really hard to keep the laughter in, she thought it was hilarious, which helped a lot.

OP: everyone has their own look on religion, you just had the misfortune to have parents who love their religion, there's nothing you can do about that

deltablaze

Marts wrote:

I remember when my folks found out I didn't go to mass, my dad was a bit pissed, he took me out the back for a long chat. the way he found out was he dropped me off down town, and I decided to do a lap of the church before heading off to a friends house or something, after the lap I saw a few of the lads going into the shop across the street so I went over, and I was just at the door when I head a horn behind me and it was the oul fella in the car, looking dissapointed.

so I went home and took the talk from my da. then the next day my oul wan came up to me and said "I hear you aren't going to mass anymore" I said to myself "here we go again..." and she said that when my da told her she had to fight really hard to keep the laughter in, she thought it was hilarious, which helped a lot.

OP: everyone has their own look on religion, you just had the misfortune to have parents who love their religion, there's nothing you can do about that

Yeah, I suppose I'll be able to lose the religion once I move out.
Nice story btw. Anyone else have similiar?

edanto

I remember having the same chat with my folks as you've just had and they didn't take it too well either.

Of course, the first time I had the chat, I didn't have many reasons for not wanting to go to church other than... "but it's just so stupid" and "I just don't believe". Sadly, there seem to be whole chapters of the bible devoted to re-convincing people that question their faith, so I had to put up with that for a while.

That was until I decided to do some of my own reading (a lot harder without the web!!) and started to come up with some reasons which were a mix of stuff other people had thought of ages ago and some of my own experiences.

I'd recommend that you try the same thing - have a read of some websites about philosophy, belief systems and see what stuff resonates with you.

You may well find that you do have a deep faith in a God and your rebellion is more directed towards the institution of the church - that's a wild guess and not at all what I came up with, but I'm just suggesting it to make the point that whatever you decide about your own faith is fine.

And that your parents will have to put up with that. You'll just need to defend it.

Be sensitive though, they may never have questioned their own faith and may not be prepared for you to start doing it now. For instance, you might have younger siblings that they want to shield from your 'disruptive' behaviour. So, just understand where they are coming from and discuss things with them instead of giving ultimatums.

Aim for a compromise at the start - maybe you'd be happy giving up an hour of your week helping out the old lady down the road instead of standing in a church with them? Show them that you haven't lost your morals, just your faith in a crowd of people telling you that they know what happens after we die.

deltablaze

edanto wrote:

I remember having the same chat with my folks as you've just had and they didn't take it too well either.

Of course, the first time I had the chat, I didn't have many reasons for not wanting to go to church other than... "but it's just so stupid" and "I just don't believe". Sadly, there seem to be whole chapters of the bible devoted to re-convincing people that question their faith, so I had to put up with that for a while.

That was until I decided to do some of my own reading (a lot harder without the web!!) and started to come up with some reasons which were a mix of stuff other people had thought of ages ago and some of my own experiences.

I'd recommend that you try the same thing - have a read of some websites about philosophy, belief systems and see what stuff resonates with you.

You may well find that you do have a deep faith in a God and your rebellion is more directed towards the institution of the church - that's a wild guess and not at all what I came up with, but I'm just suggesting it to make the point that whatever you decide about your own faith is fine.

And that your parents will have to put up with that. You'll just need to defend it.

Be sensitive though, they may never have questioned their own faith and may not be prepared for you to start doing it now. For instance, you might have younger siblings that they want to shield from your 'disruptive' behaviour. So, just understand where they are coming from and discuss things with them instead of giving ultimatums.

Aim for a compromise at the start - maybe you'd be happy giving up an hour of your week helping out the old lady down the road instead of standing in a church with them? Show them that you haven't lost your morals, just your faith in a crowd of people telling you that they know what happens after we die.

Heh, I made a deal with them to go twice a month, which isn't so bad seeing as it's a compromise. And I'm the youngest in the family, my brother believes in god but he just doesn't go to church when he doesn't want to...well just doesn't.

Ickle Magoo

deltablaze wrote:

Yeah, I suppose I'll be able to lose the religion once I move out.
Nice story btw. Anyone else have similiar?

My folks said I had to go to church until I could come up with a good enough reason not to.....when I was about 8 I asked my Dad if God made everything and the bible was a story of what God did - why was there no mention of dinosaurs in the bible....my Dad laughed, slapped me on the back & that was the last time I ever went to church (other than the odd wedding & funeral).....they were a pain in the @ss over other issues tho.....I think every set of parents has their bug bears & your folks happen to have religion as theirs.....not a lot you can do about it.....you could suggest that the more they force you to go now the more determined you are to get married in a registry office & refuse to ever have your kids christened.....but they may see that as blackmail.....best of luck!

deltablaze

Ickle Magoo wrote:

My folks said I had to go to church until I could come up with a good enough reason not to.....when I was about 8 I asked my Dad if God made everything and the bible was a story of what God did - why was there no mention of dinosaurs in the bible....my Dad laughed, slapped me on the back & that was the last time I ever went to church (other than the odd wedding & funeral).....they were a pain in the @ss over other issues tho.....I think every set of parents has their bug bears & your folks happen to have religion as theirs.....not a lot you can do about it.....you could suggest that the more they force you to go now the more determined you are to get married in a registry office & refuse to ever have your kids christened.....but they may see that as blackmail.....best of luck!

Lol, nice story. But did you just say you didn't wana go to church at 8? =|
And to think I have to put up a fight! But yeah, all parents have their sections at nit picking, mine happens to be religion.

marie_85

For me, I stopped going to Mass when I was about fifteen or sixteen. I'd gone unwillingly for years, even though I lost my faith when I was about thirteen. But until I turned around and told my mam rationally that I didn't want to go anymore, and my reasons for this, I was forced into going. My parents weren't happy with my decision but they recognised that it wasn't just me being a rebellious teenager.

What you have to do is decide yourself why you don't want to go to Mass. Is it just that you find it boring, or do you want a lie in on a Sunday morning, or are you embarrassed that none of your friends go and you still do. If you don't want to go because you genuinely don't believe in God, and don't want to participate as a Catholic anymore, then I'd suggest talking to your parents again. They can't ground you forever, and if you have a proper non-heated discussion (without sounding like a whiny teenager) they are more likely to listen to you. I don't agree with all the people who say 'its just an hour a week'. Faith is a deeply personal issue, and for people like me anyway, having to go to Mass every week, is something that gos against who I am and what I believe.

deltablaze

It's that I just don't actually believe in god. I've read the bible and all - I just never have and highly doubt I never will believe in God. I don't have any faith, I've paid attention is mass but now it's just the same thing over and over again, I go, I listen, I feel no different than what I did when I came in there - not believing. I know what you're saying but it's just so hard to get it through to my parents that I don't believe in god therefore going to church is useless.

BigWilly

I had the same problem as a kid. I'm 21 now and havn't been near a church since I turned 18. But as a kid I was always expected to go to mass. Even now my mother still goes on to me about god and religion and all that.

Some people are so blind in their faith that they can't help but believe in nothing but the absolute existence of god, and are unable to accept that their child doesn't believe. It's like they believe that it is their godly duty to make sure that you keep going to mass even against your will.


Just do as somebody else said, and take your mp3 player to the back of the church for 30 mins every sunday. A pain I know, but you'll have to encounter this type of crap from religious people throughout your whole life. Not much you can do about it.

Canis Lupus

deltablaze wrote:

It's that I just don't actually believe in god. I've read the bible and all - I just never have and highly doubt I never will believe in God. I don't have any faith, I've paid attention is mass but now it's just the same thing over and over again, I go, I listen, I feel no different than what I did when I came in there - not believing. I know what you're saying but it's just so hard to get it through to my parents that I don't believe in god therefore going to church is useless.

I was about your age when I decided to give up religion. Parents were not happy at all. Started mostly by me staying sitting on my own down the back and walking out when it came to communion time. Parents were not in a position to kill me in the church. Then I started to refuse to go. I was made a few times and I was mostly not in my folks good books for quite some time. Then they came to the conclusion that it was easier to leave me at home rather than go through the same thing week in and out and the matter hasn't been raised since.

My view is that if you have made your decision about faith then stick with it.

EDIT: Don't bring an mp3 player with you to mass. Even as a non believer I'd give you a kick myself for that lack of respect.

py2006

I remember having to go to mass when I was a kid! I think the whole thing is ridiculous to be honest!

How many kids listen, understand and get anything out of mass?

I also believe that religion is forced down the throats of people in this country. I find it absolutely appaling that children are baptised and christened etc and forced into a religion. They don't get a say in the matter. Alot of people begin to resent the whole concept of religion when they get older. I think the same thing happens with the Irish language in this country.

Religion is fine for adults who choose to go down that route. If I ever have kids I wouldn't force them into a relgion or to attend mass. I would let them make up their own minds on it when they get older.

TempestSabre

Relationships are about give and take. However if an hour is such a bit waste of your time, take a study book with you.

deltablaze

Very interesting responces I must say. I agree with whoever said people are forcing religion down people's throaths, I think one should find their path to what religion/belief themselves, not by influence of others.

dundalk cailin

Up until i moved to france (age 19) i was forced to go every week, i had no choice cos i depended on parents for lifts as i live in the country..even now, my mother goes on at me to try and go to mass.. i cant see me being able to go back to gettin up for mass sunday morning when i go back home, esp as ill be getting a car, so they wont be able to tel me what to do. its not that i dont believe, its just as someone said, its been the same thing rattled off in the church since i can remember. i dont think going to mass, and pretending to listen is any benfeit really

ferdi

OP, at your age i was the same. at first i went to mass but did not get up to recieve communion as i didnt believe it was right for me to ingest the 'body of christ' when i did not believe in him or the ritual.
i was obliged to go to mass until i was about 16/17 and then i just told the ould pair straight out that i didnt believe a word of it and i wouldnt be going back, not a whole lot they could do.

i advise you to stick by your guns, it may mean being grounded for a couple of months but you have a right to decide whether or not you want to attend a religious service or not, its 2006 not 1946. they cant ground you forever, but obviously you'll know after a while if there is any hope in them backing down. all the parents reading this will tyhink i'm a right asshole but honestly while i think the 'my house, my rules' rule is fair, i just dont feel this can extend to religion.

deltablaze

ferdi wrote:

OP, at your age i was the same. at first i went to mass but did not get up to recieve communion as i didnt believe it was right for me to ingest the 'body of christ' when i did not believe in him or the ritual.
i was obliged to go to mass until i was about 16/17 and then i just told the ould pair straight out that i didnt believe a word of it and i wouldnt be going back, not a whole lot they could do.

i advise you to stick by your guns, it may mean being grounded for a couple of months but you have a right to decide whether or not you want to attend a religious service or not, its 2006 not 1946. they can ground you forever, but obviously you'll know after a while if there is any hope in them backing down. all the parents reading this will tyhink i'm a right asshole but honestly while i think the 'my house, my rules' rule is fair, i just dont feel this can extend to religion.

Thanks man, infact, I think that's the best way. If I stick to my guns then at least they will know how I really am, and realise that I'm not just refusing to go to mass so I can have a lie in, or just plain lazy. It may be an hour a week, but it's something they are forcing on me which gives me no benefit whatsoever, and that to me is just them enforcing their power on me for the heck of it, because they KNOW I don't pay attention in mass anymore.

The Bollox

sorry to take this off topic a bit, but to all you who are not going to mass now, when you have kids (if you do have any) will you bring them to mass? I will up until the time they are old nough to rationally decide for themselves if they believe in it or not. I am not going to deny them a religion. how about everyone else?

Crucifix

deltablaze wrote:

Thanks man, infact, I think that's the best way. If I stick to my guns then at least they will know how I really am, and realise that I'm not just refusing to go to mass so I can have a lie in, or just plain lazy. It may be an hour a week, but it's something they are forcing on me which gives me no benefit whatsoever, and that to me is just them enforcing their power on me for the heck of it, because they KNOW I don't pay attention in mass anymore.

Didn't you just make a comprimise with them? If you did, then I wouldn't go back on it now.

Davei141

Marts wrote:

sorry to take this off topic a bit, but to all you who are not going to mass now, when you have kids (if you do have any) will you bring them to mass? I will up until the time they are old nough to rationally decide for themselves if they believe in it or not. I am not going to deny them a religion. how about everyone else?

If they wanted a religion wouldnt they pick one up when they can rationally think about it?

deltablaze

No because at a young age I think you wouldn't understand religion, so whats the point if they wont understand? They can decide at older age

Crucifix:
Yeah, but now I think I should go the whole way or else they still make me go and try to worship a god I do not believe in.

The Bollox

so you would write to the schools to excuse your child from all prayers and whatever? I mean would you have your child baptised?

deltablaze

Yeah I'd say I would and all that, I wouldn't excuse my child from prayers or the sort, if he/she wanted to go to mass I'd take them there.
But I'd let the child find the religon him/herself.

herbieflowers

Look at it from your parents' perspective. I'm not condoning their punishment but why do you think they're so adamant that you attend mass?

Tar.Aldarion

Beruthiel wrote:

once or twice my daughter gave me that reason, I used to tell her she was welcome to move in with her friends parents whenever she wished

Aren't you an Atheist?
Why would you force that on a child that does not believe?
If anything, it will make them hate the church.
Even if I believed in a religion, I would not bring a child to my faith. It's better to let them decide when old enough, so they can hoin if they want.


OP, I just go when I am at home, please mother and all that.
They do so much for you.
When you move out in about three years you will be free of the crap.
Look at the girls at mass tbh.

deltablaze

herbieflowers wrote:

Look at it from your parents' perspective. I'm not condoning their punishment but why do you think they're so adamant that you attend mass?

I dunno but they shouldn't be forcing to because that's just wrong. I wouldn't mind if they gave me their opinion and stuff, and tried to get me to change my mind but they don't they just say GO TO MASS, which is pointless.
I'm gonna talk to the priest and just tell him I have lost faith that way my parents can't force me because the priest will know so it doesn't really matter.

tk123

OP I don't consider myself a catholic at all and only go to mass for weddings or funerals these days. Anyhoos when I do go i'd say what prayers i can remember and go thru the motions but I don't ever take communion. To me taking communion is the whole point of going to mass and showing that you're a catholic and agreeing with the rulings of the church etc so it'd be a lie to myself and the people who believe in god take it. I've been asked a few times why I didn't go up and when I explain that to people (not in a way that says i'm poo-pooing their religion) they seem to be okay with it..

lostexpectation

I can't believe all you people that automatically thought, ooh immature kid rebelling, you should apologise to the guy for presuming he didn't sit down and explain his reasons for not wanting to go to church. And the 'live under your roof pay for your food response is nonsense too', its got nothing to do with that,

I think 14/15 is prefectly good age to stop going to church out of pure habit.

I think the OP made a mistake by agreeing to go to mass 2 times a month.

I dont' see it as a matter of give and take either, I have a feeling that like somebody said the priest will say well your parents or still in the mode of bringing you up teaching you about the world etc etc and going to church is part of it, and again I think a 14 years is about the time when you can deicde to drops bits like literally believing in an omnipotent supernatural god and organised religion. You'll still can be thought about morals and behaviour from this Christian Western society that even Irish athiests live and follow to a various degrees.

marie_85

Marts wrote:

sorry to take this off topic a bit, but to all you who are not going to mass now, when you have kids (if you do have any) will you bring them to mass? I will up until the time they are old nough to rationally decide for themselves if they believe in it or not. I am not going to deny them a religion. how about everyone else?

To be honest Marts, thats a very good point and the true answer is I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't want to deny anybody a religion but if I had my children baptised when I have no faith, am I not just being a hypocrite? If I was never baptised and had the option of choosing any religion in the world, Catholicism is not what I would choose. So is it fair to baptise my child as a Catholic by default, because that's what I happen to have been baptised as myself.

Sorry if this is getting a little philosophical. I'm hoping that by the time I get around to having kids (in about ten years) that the whole issue of religion will have become obsolete.

deltablaze

lostexpectation wrote:

I can't believe all you people that automatically thought, ooh immature kid rebelling, you should apologise to the guy for presuming he didn't sit down and explain his reasons for not wanting to go to church. And the 'live under your roof pay for your food response is nonsense too', its got nothing to do with that,

I think 14/15 is prefectly good age to stop going to church out of pure habit.

I think the OP made a mistake by agreeing to go to mass 2 times a month.

I dont' see it as a matter of give and take either, I have a feeling that like somebody said the priest will say well your parents or still in the mode of bringing you up teaching you about the world etc etc and going to church is part of it, and again I think a 14 years is about the time when you can deicde to drops bits like literally believing in an omnipotent supernatural god and organised religion. You'll still can be thought about morals and behaviour from this Christian Western society that even Irish athiests live and follow to a various degrees.

Thanks, I'm thinking of showing my parents this seeing as many of you guys agree. Maybe that will help seeing as alot of adults opinions are coming out of this.