One-Liner Jokes

blade1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122269290#Comment_122269290

So it was a Tentin Quarantino and Co. vid.

everlast75

I went into a chemists shop yesterday and asked for a deodorant...

The girl said, "ball or aerosol?"

I said, "neither, it's for my armpits!"

everlast75

I’ve just got a job as a Road Sweeper driver.

They said there’s no training,apparently you just pick it up as you go along!

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If Honor Blackman had married Richard Todd, would she have been lonely for the rest of her life?

everlast75

....

everlast75

Overnight Oats sounds like the name of a racehorse who sucks

barneygumble99

All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

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I've been invited to a hair-washing party...

I can't think of an excuse not to go

Capt'n Midnight

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122319238#Comment_122319238

..

Ted222

I took a poll recently. 100% of people in the tent were upset.

Victor

https://twitter.com/CallsignXD65/status/1806740240314314971

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Victor

https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1807540875783770360

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It's a little known fact that Malcolm X had an extension built on his house for his sister Anne to live in.

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Not a lot of people know this but the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.

Capt'n Midnight

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122331613#Comment_122331613

What happens if you microwave a duck ?

It's Bill Withers

donegal_man

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122332168#Comment_122332168

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven 'til it's Bill Withers

donegal_man

I've been possessed by a probiotic yogurt drink.

It's my own fault for experimenting with the Yakult

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The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian.

It's the least I could do for him.

everlast75

Accidentally took my mother’s ID to the polling station, committing voter Freud

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

How do non-binary serial killers murder their victims?

They / them...

barneygumble99

Without a doubt my favourite Robin Williams film is Mrs Fire.

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I saw an Elbow tribute band last night called Arse, to be honest I couldn’t tell the difference.

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Last week I posed naked for a men's fitness magazine...

I think the cashier would have preferred if I'd just paid for it.

Capt'n Midnight

"Hello, Police? Yes, this is Starmer, 10 Downing St. I'd like to report the theft of a Sky Dish and receiver. "

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My dad always used to say to not be too quick in finding faults.

Great man, **** geologist.

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I used to go out with a girl called Lindsey Doyle.

She smelt like a cricket bat.

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What do we want?

Bigger placards

When do we want them?

No

TinyMuffin

going to a fancy dress

Superman said he’d be Beethoven

Spider-Man said he’d be Mozart

The terminator said he’ll be Bach

Sorry.

everlast75

Someone bumped into me in the bakery, smashing my pies and pasties.

Serves me right for putting all my Greggs in one basket.

everlast75

Once, in a Moscow hotel, I was stung by what I thought at the time was a dodgy looking wasp.

Although now I suspect it was the cagey bee..