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One-Liner Jokes

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    #362
    Jim_Are_Great
    Closed Accounts Posts: 652 ✭✭✭Jim_Are_Great


    What's black and yellow and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

    A black and yellow airport.


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    #363
    sci0x
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,319 ✭✭✭sci0x


    Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?

    A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.


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    #364
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,749 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    This End-User License is an agreement between Microsoft Corporation (hereafter referred to as "Microsoft") and you, the end-user (hereafter referred to as "our bitch").


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    #365
    Shabadu
    Registered Users Posts: 7,659 ✭✭✭Shabadu


    sci0x wrote:
    Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?

    A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
    This, and the one above it are not one-line jokes; mind you neither is this post.
    Ba dum tschhh


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    #366
    Sarajka
    Closed Accounts Posts: 68 ✭✭Sarajka


    Dyslexics of the world: Untie!

    Dyslexic, athiest, insomniacs stay up all night wondering if there really is a doG.

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the her cupboard to fetch her poor doggy a bone.
    When she bent over, Rover came over and gave her a bone of his own.


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    #367
    sci0x
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,319 ✭✭✭sci0x


    Two pretzels were walking down the street. One was a salted.


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    #368
    Sarajka
    Closed Accounts Posts: 68 ✭✭Sarajka


    Dancing is good training for young women - it's the first time they learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.


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    #369
    Deevious
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭Deevious


    2 nuns in a bath which one's the alcoholic??

    The one with the Black bush!!


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    #370
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,749 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    French Dockers rule, au quai.


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    #371
    Buttmunchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 133 ✭✭Buttmunchy


    I have just read through all of them. Genius! Yeah the one with the plane and the loaf of bread always makes me laugh :P

    I just made this one up:

    What is black and white and says "Moo"?














    A Zebra that thinks it's a cow! :D


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    #372
    fred funk }{
    Registered Users Posts: 6,827 ✭✭✭fred funk }{


    Did you hear what Paul Mc Cartney bought his wife Heather Mills for her birthday? A plane...............................and a mach3 for her other leg!


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    #373
    BlitzKrieg
    Registered Users Posts: 14,685 ✭✭✭✭BlitzKrieg


    3 elephants jump off a cliff

    2 hit the ground and one hit the ocean

    BADUMM-TSSHHH


    give it a few seconds...say it outloud.


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    #374
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    Silver Knight wrote:
    Did you hear what Paul Mc Cartney bought his wife Heather Mills for her birthday? A plane...............................and a mach3 for her other leg!


    What has 3 legs and lives on a farm?


    The McCartney family!!!

    B.


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    #375
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    tbh I couldn't be bothered reading the whole lot, so if these have popped up already, which is more-than-likely, I am sorry

    what gets bigger the more you take from it?

    a hole

    what gets weter the more you dry with it?

    a towel

    I know, they suck


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    #376
    the jew
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭the jew


    what day is tomorrow: christmas day, wednesday or belanjuary


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    #377
    the jew
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭the jew


    Peteee wrote:
    what does DNA stand for...................




    National Dyslexic association
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    no it doesn't it stands for

    lkjafsgahuujhen


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    #378
    the jew
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭the jew


    why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    cos he fell

    why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree?
    cos he was stapled to the 1st monkey

    why did the lada fall out of the tree?
    cos a monkey was driving it


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    #379
    Shabadu
    Registered Users Posts: 7,659 ✭✭✭Shabadu


    Bubbles?


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    #380
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,749 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    the jew wrote:
    what day is tomorrow: christmas day, wednesday or belanjuary
    It's STAR WARS day !!!!


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    #381
    conal_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭conal_


    why does billy have no mates?

    he's retarded


    why does billy have lots of mates?

    he has sweets



    why does billy have no mates?

    he ran out of sweets


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    #382
    sgske
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭sgske


    Q. How did the eco-warrior die?
    A. Waiting two years for a bypass.

    Q. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
    A. A headbanger!

    Q. Why did the fans call their goalkeeper Cinderella?
    A. Because she was always missing the ball!

    Q. Why did the nurse tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
    A. So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills!


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    #383
    dondonjordan
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭dondonjordan


    How did mary fall off the swing?
    She has no arms.

    Why didn't she get back up?
    She has no legs.

    Why didn't anyone help her?
    She has no friends.

    Why doesn't Mary have any friends?
    Mary's fat.


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    #384
    dondonjordan
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭dondonjordan


    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
    A stick.

    Why did the blonde take sand-paper to the desert?
    She thought it was a map.

    Why did the blond stick her head out the window of a moving car?
    .......refill.


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    #385
    Adblock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 110 ✭✭Adblock


    what do u call a 3 legged donkey






    a wonkey




    whats red and sounds like parrot


    a carrot.


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    #386
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,262 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Adblock wrote:
    whats red and sounds like parrot

    a carrot.
    And what colour are carrots?


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    #387
    pwd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,284 ✭✭✭pwd


    Victor wrote:
    And what colour are carrots?
    i don't get it


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    #388
    Squirrel
    Registered Users Posts: 2,376 ✭✭✭Squirrel


    I'm colour blind and know they're not red


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    #389
    Rollo Tamasi
    Registered Users Posts: 3,514 ✭✭✭Rollo Tamasi


    what do you call a gay dinosuar?
    A megasourass

    What do you call an invisible dinosuar?
    Doyouthinkhesawus


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    #390
    pwd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,284 ✭✭✭pwd


    they're orange.
    and blood oranges are red.


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    #391
    spudington16
    Registered Users Posts: 786 ✭✭✭spudington16


    dondonjordan wrote:
    How did mary fall off the swing?
    She has no arms.

    Why didn't she get back up?
    She has no legs.

    Why didn't anyone help her?
    She has no friends.

    Why doesn't Mary have any friends?
    Mary's fat.

    What did Mary get for Christmas?
    Cancer! :o


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