One-Liner Jokes

fobster

I held a tune once...

at gunpoint!

W123-80's

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

What's blue an fluffy?

Cold pink fluff...

Whats brown and sticky?

A brown stick

Bigus

Xenophile wrote: »

Tear away me Mother is a Dressmaker!

She was only a coal miners daughter ......

There was plenty of Slack in her knickers.

mossey79

:-)

Plazaman

Bigus wrote: »

She was only a coal miners daughter ......

There was plenty of Slack in her knickers.

She was only....
...a pilots daughter, but she kissed me between the hangers
...a wrestlers daughter, but you should have seen her box
...a fishmongers daughter, but she lay on the slab and said fillet
...a farmers daughter, but she couldn't keep her calves together

guttenberg

How many gigs does it take to upset Garth Brooks fans?

None.

*runs*:o

donegal_man

She was only the Archer's daughter, but she knew how to make them quiver

She was only the Farmer's daughter, but she knew her carrots

She was only the Dustman's daughter, but she's bin good to me

She was only the Fisherman's daughter, but when she saw my rod she reeled

She was only the Grizzly Tamers' Daughter, but you should see her Bear

She was only the Musician's daughter, but she knew Sir Henry Wood

She was only the Gardener's daughter, but she certainly knew her onions

She was only the Undertaker's daughter, but anyone Cadaver

She was only the Fruit Seller's daughter but she had a fine pear

She was only the Clergyman’s daughter, but you couldn’t put anything pastor

She was only the Road worker’s daughter, but she knew how to get her asphalt

She was only the Morse Operator’s daughter, but she sure didit...didit...didit


I'll stop now before I get banned

padger

What did the leper say to the prostitute?





Keep the tip

Achtung Maybe

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic Association !

RichieO

I always thought Allcock & Brown was

one of the Harlem Globetrotters!

RichieO

When I arrived home with a new dish washer, I thought I was doing great but the wife refused to let her in…

Tom75

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, "Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Who does Salvador Dali support?


Surreal Madrid...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

News report that Xerox have entered into a business venture with Yahama - they're going to make reproductive organs...

Tom75

On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.

Tom75

Q: Did you hear about the last week Helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Tom75

What's the easy way to gain 50 posts on boards.ie (to allow you use advanced options)?
Write a joke!

Tom75

My favorite:
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "

Tom75

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Dtp1979

Tom75 wrote: »

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

C'mon tom, 15 more to go

Tom75

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I dont care who you know! Youre getting a ticket!"

Tom75

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Tom75

Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says,"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

Shaun Plays Games

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
"Damn"

carti2k

Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.

donegal_man

Match report from Sleeping Lions Utd
A win Away
A win Away
A win Away

ZENER

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.

Achtung Maybe

Poltergeist the biggest selling dvd this year, copies are flying off the shelves !

RichieO

I was talking to a faecal matter analyst the other day, I said "and I thought MY job was shoite...

gammygils

There was a terrible fire in Tayto Park today

It was burnt to a crisp!