Would you date a single mother?

JJayoo · 24-07-2019 11:56am

How many kids does she have? What age are they? How many dads do her kids have.

One eyed Jack · 24-07-2019 12:00pm

Tell me how wrote: »

There's no way to know for sure what way it will work out of course but I think definitively ruling out a relationship for this reason is closing off an avenue which could potentially be very rewarding (for the non-parent).

There is a way of knowing what way it’ll work out - it’ll work out badly if it’s not something you want but you do it anyway. Anything has the potential to be very rewarding, and it also has the potential to be an absolute nightmare. It would be like suggesting someone shouldn’t rule out the possibility of a relationship with someone they simply aren’t attracted to for whatever reason, why shouldn’t they when there’s no shortage of people they are attracted to that don’t have that dealbreaker?

I also wouldn’t want to date a woman with uncontrollable flatulence or any number of other dealbreakers. Having a child from a previous relationship would be no different.

Mr. CooL ICE · 24-07-2019 12:02pm

sportsfan90 wrote: »

they don't want to raise somebody else's children

Perhaps I'm missing something here, but it seems a bit of a leap from dating a single mother to raising their children

sportsfan90 · 24-07-2019 12:10pm

Mark Rippetoe wrote: »

Perhaps I'm missing something here, but it seems a bit of a leap from dating a single mother to raising their children

Not really. Most people look at dating with a view to eventually meeting a long-term partner.

If they got to a stage where things get serious and they wanted to live together, how could it be avoided that there would be a degree of parenting.

What if you wanted to then have kids together. You cant really be seen to be only focusing on your own and ignoring the other children living under the same roof.

Wibbs · 24-07-2019 12:12pm

Mark Rippetoe wrote: »

Perhaps I'm missing something here, but it seems a bit of a leap from dating a single mother to raising their children

Hardly a leap M. She has a kid(s) and you're going out with her. Unless she walked away from her kids(rare in women) they're a huge part of her life and as a man you're being added into the mix. There's no phase of just you and her as a couple, the kids are in the mix from the get go, never mind the biological father and his family. And let's say it goes well enough to end up living together, the kid's there in the mix. In the early days of it going OK and want to go off as a couple for a weekend break? The kid's in the mix.

In essence you're never just a couple. For me that's great if you start off as a couple and then a kid comes along and of course you're the dad, but out of the gate? Nope. Not for me and never was. Now I can understand a guy later on in life getting into such a relationship, essentially because let's face it your options diminish, but for a young guy? Don't see the appeal at all.

nthclare · 24-07-2019 12:21pm

Mark Rippetoe wrote: »

Perhaps I'm missing something here, but it seems a bit of a leap from dating a single mother to raising their children

Some single mother's expect the new partner to have an input in their family eventually...

The local bike in my village has a great tactical way of going on POF and net's really passive bloke's from another County especially a guy who's no contact's here.

These guys usually end up being child minders while she's off horse riding and surfing with her male friends Chad the stallion and Aureleo from Spain..

When he wants to go out with his friends a row breaks out, he says sorry for wanting some freedom... eventually he walks away after investing his two years with the bike....

Then after her next adventure on POF another guy's car is outside and the cycle goes over and over....

In fairness she's very articulate and attractive looks like Angelina Jolie... very fit and charming..

Two sides to the story, he's usually too soft and she's an intelligent lady very crafty....

suicide_circus · 24-07-2019 12:22pm

Mark Rippetoe wrote: »

Perhaps I'm missing something here, but it seems a bit of a leap from dating a single mother to raising their children

how about the man says after a couple of dates "i would love to continue seeing you and get into a proper relationship with you but keep your kids away from me"

kikilarue2 · 24-07-2019 12:24pm

nthclare wrote: »

Some single mother's expect the new partner to have an input in their family eventually...

The local bike in my village has a great tactical way of going on POF and net's really passive bloke's from another County especially a guy who's no contact's here.

These guys usually end up being child minders while she's off horse riding and surfing with her male friends Chad the stallion and Aureleo from Spain..

When he wants to go out with his friends a row breaks out, he says sorry for wanting some freedom... eventually he walks away after investing his two years with the bike....

Then after her next adventure on POF another guy's car is outside and the cycle goes over and over....

In fairness she's very articulate and attractive looks like Angelina Jolie... very fit and charming..

Two sides to the story, he's usually too soft and she's an intelligent lady very crafty....

The only person who comes out of that story looking bad is you.

Autecher · 24-07-2019 12:32pm

nthclare wrote: »

Some single mother's expect the new partner to have an input in their family eventually...

The local bike in my village has a great tactical way of going on POF and net's really passive bloke's from another County especially a guy who's no contact's here.

These guys usually end up being child minders while she's off horse riding and surfing with her male friends Chad the stallion and Aureleo from Spain..

When he wants to go out with his friends a row breaks out, he says sorry for wanting some freedom... eventually he walks away after investing his two years with the bike....

Then after her next adventure on POF another guy's car is outside and the cycle goes over and over....

In fairness she's very articulate and attractive looks like Angelina Jolie... very fit and charming..

Two sides to the story, he's usually too soft and she's an intelligent lady very crafty....

Ah Jaysus nthclare. Did she turn you down for a ride or something?

Yer Da sells Avon · 24-07-2019 12:33pm

It wouldn't put me off at all. The only thing I'd be wary about is that it could make any potential break-up doubly painful.

nthclare · 24-07-2019 12:39pm

Autecher wrote: »

Ah Jaysus nthclare. Did she turn you down for a ride or something?

I told her to take get on her bike after she suggested I rearrange my cd collection lol

Force Carrier · 24-07-2019 12:42pm

One issue with a single mother is that if things develop and further down the line you become what appears to be a family - she can always turn around and say 'don't speak to my daughter that way', 'don't raise your voice to my son'
The kid can throw at you 'you're not my dad, fcukoff'

So can you like a normal father set boundaries, make rules or create a reasonable level of discipline? Possibly. But very dependent on the woman and the kids. Their personality and approach. Not a leg to stand on legally and in other ways if otherwise.

Also if you break up and you've become close to the kid(s) then in reality they're out of your life fully and permanently which will be difficult.

nthclare · 24-07-2019 12:42pm

kikilarue2 wrote: »

The only person who comes out of that story looking bad is you.

Well I anticipated a response like that, after all it's a bit of banter, after hours is all about the bants

realmoonunit · 24-07-2019 12:45pm

I did, then married her. 2 extra kids later. We are together 15 years, I have never met a person who is more compatible with me. I can safely say she is my best friend and we do pretty much everything together.

kikilarue2 · 24-07-2019 12:46pm

nthclare wrote: »

Well I anticipated a response like that, after all it's a bit of banter, after hours is all about the bants

There was no banter in that story. It was replete with 1950s Catholic judgement and jealousy.

A charming, articulate, attractive woman who has a child has no trouble finding men to date and that offends you because what - she wouldn't give you a second look?

Abel Ruiz · 24-07-2019 1:01pm

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

If she's successful she's a bitch
If she needs some help she's a sponger

Cant win

Who said that?

Your posts are just insufferable.
Stop trying to be so woke and cop the fudge on.

Potential-Monke · 24-07-2019 1:06pm

I noticed someone said that there are single mothers out there who only have 8 hours or so a week and the rest of the time is dedicated to their job/family. Where are they? That sounds amazing to me! I don't want a 'full time' relationship, I've too many things I like to do by myself, so the idea of a 'part time' relationship sounds brilliant!

As for the kids, nothing I can really add that hasn't been said already. It's not something I want, but I'm 36 and realise that those without and still not wanting them are very few and far between, plus my aforementioned want of a part time relationship, I don't leave myself many options (not to mention the high standards I have for someone who really shouldn't have high ones). Throw in the fact I'm a gamer and a lot of people don't understand it as a past-time or hobby, or indeed love. A lot of people do a lot of different activities as their past-time, but the amount of gaming I do automatically turns off a lot of potential partners. So meh.

If i somehow meet someone and we click, and I subsequently find out there's a child, it would tarnish my outlook but I'd give it a go.

Sky King · 24-07-2019 1:08pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I'm dating a single mother at the moment, she has 2 kids.

Sounds more like a double mother.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 24-07-2019 1:11pm

I'd be open to it yeah, I'm sure it can be tough though. I've huge respect for any single parent, it's a hard fcuking gig.

sbsquarepants · 24-07-2019 1:16pm

sportsfan90 wrote: »

Come on, really? You wouldn't have much time for somebody just because they don't want to raise somebody else's children and the complications that can follow?

No sorry, reading that back it does sound a lot harsher than i meant it to be. A better way of saying it is anyone who did hook up with someone with a kid and treated that kid as one of their own, i would greatly respect.

I understand the reasons why someone wouldn't want to get involved, but it's not the way i would think or behave.

Tell me how · 24-07-2019 1:18pm

nthclare wrote: »

Wtf

They're a serial re-regger who is posting that wall of text on numerous accounts over the last 12 or 14 hours.

Genuinely feel a bit sorry for them behind it all.

nthclare · 24-07-2019 1:27pm

kikilarue2 wrote: »

There was no banter in that story. It was replete with 1950s Catholic judgement and jealousy.

A charming, articulate, attractive woman who has a child has no trouble finding men to date and that offends you because what - she wouldn't give you a second look?

I'd say now you're more of a Pony Sugrue yourself somehow.

Sure come up with assumptions out of my post's that's ok.

Yes she's no problems finding a date, I dated her myself, but could see the wood from the tree's.

I'm not undermining the truth, she told me straight out after the second date she'd like a partner who'd be into helping her with the kids, she's honest and sincere about it, more power to her.

Ok calling her the local bike was probably a bit much, looking back it was disrespectful but I didn't come up with all those conclusion because I was jilted...

Sometimes I can hit rock bottom with my post's and probably a different mind set.....

But back to Pony Sugrue....how are you

chrissb8 · 24-07-2019 1:31pm

Schwanz wrote: »

You meet a nice girl, you fancy her & then she tells you she has children......

Your loss really when you see that as a negative.

Yes it is a negative. Plenty of people want to go on the journey of developing a relationship from the beginning.

Falling in love, getting married (or not) and then having their first ever child together. That is actually probably the more common thing done so yes, it would be negative, and rightly in some people's eyes.

s7ryf3925pivug · 24-07-2019 2:20pm

I reckon whether you would or not is your own business and neither attitude is intrinsically better per se, just better or worse for you personally.

I mean most of this thread seems to be arguing which position is superior. It's kinda nonsense; just think about what suits you, dont try to conform to or dictate some idea of how people should be.

Tell me how · 24-07-2019 2:21pm

Annalee Wooden Pink wrote: »

I reckon whether you would or not is your own business and neither attitude is intrinsically better per se, just better or worse for you personally.

I mean most of this thread seems to be arguing which position is superior. It's kinda nonsense; just think about what suits you, dont try to conform to or dictate some idea of how people should be.

Agree in terms of dictating. Discussion is good though, as long as it's give and take.

ebbsy · 24-07-2019 2:25pm

Well at least the mother has done it once ?

kikilarue2 · 24-07-2019 2:51pm

Annalee Wooden Pink wrote: »

I reckon whether you would or not is your own business and neither attitude is intrinsically better per se, just better or worse for you personally.

I mean most of this thread seems to be arguing which position is superior. It's kinda nonsense; just think about what suits you, dont try to conform to or dictate some idea of how people should be.

I think either position is fine, I just think most people don’t really know how they would feel unless they’re in that position.

One eyed Jack · 24-07-2019 2:57pm

kikilarue2 wrote: »

I think either position is fine, I just think most people don’t really know how they would feel unless they’re in that position.

That’s like saying most people who are against the idea of dating someone they aren’t attracted to don’t really know how they would feel unless they’re in that position. They do, which is precisely why they don’t want to be in that position in the first place.

monseiur · 24-07-2019 3:27pm

A good friend of mine was going out with a nurse for over 6 months last year, she was from another county 90 miles away but worked in the local hospital.
She worked different shifts every week, so would sometimes visit her home place mid week so between one thing and another he never got to visit her home place or meet her folks - she always had some excuse..
One night, when they were out, he was set upon in the pubs toilet by two men who he never met before. He was savagely beaten up and warned to stay away from his 'girlfriend' To cut a long story short she had a child at home cared for by her parents which, of course she never mentioned.
It was the child's father and a friend that beat him up. Ironically the injured party ended up in the hospital where this single mother worked.

Single mums are very popular with both single and married men for a one night stand, they're more desperate and have a smaller pool to choose form than single girls. If they're out on a Saturday night, paying a baby sitter etc. they sure make the most of it. I know a few plumbers, electricians etc. who do small repair jobs for them and never get cash payment....always payment in kind - one lad deliberately leaves a loose fitting, dripping tap or air locked rad. to ensure he'll be called back....these repairs are almost always made late in the evening/weekends:)

Bigbagofcans · 24-07-2019 3:38pm

monseiur wrote: »

I know a few plumbers, electricians etc. who do small repair jobs for them and never get cash payment....always payment in kind - one lad deliberately leaves a loose fitting, dripping tap or air locked rad. to ensure he'll be called back....these repairs are almost always made late in the evening/weekends:)

How about telling us some real life tales instead of your recent internet history?

Autecher · 24-07-2019 3:42pm

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

How about telling us some real life tales instead of your recent internet history?

No Bigbagofcans, don't ruin it for me! I just enrolled in a part time plumbing course based on that post!

monseiur · 24-07-2019 4:30pm

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

How about telling us some real life tales instead of your recent internet history?

Unfortunately it's a real life story and he still has both physical and mental scars and when it eventually gets to court chances are you will be reading about it in papers.
Regarding the plumbers etc. that's hardly breaking news, women have been using their '' charm '' to get what they want since the dawn of time, after all single mums have the same desires as married ones but some need some pretext to get a man to call, and some 'handy men' ensure that they are called. That's life in the real world, regrettably it's not a tall tale - and life for many single mothers is a sad, lonely and difficult one, the more fortunate ones have parents, extended families etc. to help.

eviltwin · 24-07-2019 4:33pm

monseiur wrote: »

Unfortunately it's a real life story and he still has both physical and mental scars and when it eventually gets to court chances are you will be reading about it in papers.
Regarding the plumbers etc. that's hardly breaking news, women have been using their '' charm '' to get what they want since the dawn of time, after all single mums have the same desires as married ones but some need some pretext to get a man to call, and some 'handy men' ensure that they are called. That's life in the real world, regrettably it's not a tall tale - and life for many single mothers is a sad, lonely and difficult one, the more fortunate ones have parents, extended families etc. to help.

Sounds more like desperation on the part of the woman tbh that's being exploited by these workers.

zapper55 · 24-07-2019 6:00pm

I think he's mixing up porn and real life tbh.

Junkyard Tom · 24-07-2019 6:19pm

Not being fussy but only if she had three boobs like the woman in Total Recall.

pgj2015 · 24-07-2019 6:53pm

the ex could still be around, might be a nutter. i have found they are a lot of the time. they have a kid or kids with some waster, then look for a nice guy to help her bring them up while the ex trys to cause trouble any chance he gets, no thanks. i have dated single mothers in the past but never again unless the father is dead or out of the picture. id say half the women from ages 25 to 35 on dating sites these days have kids.

ScottCapper · 24-07-2019 8:07pm

Yes I would. I’d adopt a child too if I couldn’t have children

Blaizes · 24-07-2019 8:36pm

I know a couple who separated. They’d one child and they got some kind of agreement drawn up with the solicitor that if either of them started dating someone else - found a new partner, the child was not to meet the new person, dates done out of house etc.

Think the idea was the child wouldn’t get messed up with new partners and be all over the place in terms of stability, especially I suppose if the new partners upped and left.

Hammer89 · 24-07-2019 9:01pm

zapper55 wrote: »

I think he's mixing up porn and real life tbh.

No he's not it'll be in the paper soon. Then you'll see. It's being made into a book as well AFAIK.

theguzman · 24-07-2019 9:07pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

No he's not it'll be in the paper soon. Then you'll see. It's being made into a book as well AFAIK.

I know nothing about the case but tradesmen etc. do get alot of action, many lads on the internet think such thing is fantasy but it does happen. Men who are used to getting women think nothing of it. Being a pool maintained boy in Florida or LA would be one of the best bits of advice I could give any lad from 18-35 if they are happy with matured women etc.

Its easy to get with women once you are used to it and know what to do, stay in shape etc.

Hammer89 · 24-07-2019 9:10pm

theguzman wrote: »

I know nothing about the case but tradesmen etc. do get alot of action, many lads on the internet think such thing is fantasy but it does happen. Men who are used to getting women think nothing of it. Being a pool maintained boy in Florida or LA would be one of the best bits of advice I could give any lad from 18-35 if they are happy with matured women etc.

Its easy to get with women once you are used to it and know what to do, stay in shape etc.

I'm not debating it happens. I'm debating whether the story about a cowboy plumber getting his hole off a single mother is going to be national news.

theguzman · 24-07-2019 9:11pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'm not debating it happens. I'm debating whether the story about a cowboy plumber getting his hole off a single mother is going to be national news.

A serious assault would make the county regional press anyway.

bcklschaps · 24-07-2019 9:30pm

14dMoney wrote: »

Would you date a single mother, or would you be put off by the baggage?

Have had some experience of dating single moms..... so I feel I can answer the question with some credibility.

My answer is....if the child(ren) were adults (living independently) then it wouldn't really bother me.... but if the child(ren) were still living with and dependent on the woman....then it would bother me a lot and would be a deal breaker for me.

fmpisces · 24-07-2019 9:37pm

14dMoney wrote: »

Would you date a single mother, or would you be put off by the baggage?

No, but I would date a single father before I'd date someone who didn't have kids. Although in saying that I'd rather his child or children were of a similar age to/older than mine.

I don't see kids as baggage.
To me, baggage is emotional hang ups, childhood issues not having been dealt with, addictions or an ex who won't go away....

monseiur · 25-07-2019 12:35pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

No he's not it'll be in the paper soon. Then you'll see. It's being made into a book as well AFAIK.

Well Hammer 89 we could do without your snide remarks. Read post no. 138 ... My friend was a victim of one of these nutters, the sad thing is that a quiet word in his ear would have sorted it and saved all concerned a lot of expense and in his case a lot of pain & anguish.
Hopefully the court case will not make the papers, but unfortunately lazy journalists, mostly from local weekly papers, seem to hang around court houses taking notes of even trivial cases just to fill column inches in their paper.
I guess the moral of this sad incident is that those who date single mums should be aware that there's another male adult in the triangle and they naturally enough can be very protective of their offspring and some hope/dream of rekindling there relationship with the mother. Unfortunately for my friend he wasn't aware that the girl he was dating was a single mum and he paid a big price.

ginandtonicsky · 25-07-2019 1:16pm

I'm a woman, so it'd be a single father that's applicable, and it's not a dealbreaker. As you get older and are single you have to open your mind to certain things that would've been a HELL NAW in your 20s. Baggage in the form of divorced and/or kids is one of them.

That said, it's a compromise and it comes with an acceptance that you will never be the top priority. I've had it recently with suddenly cancelled plans because one of the kids got himself in trouble and Dad had to swoop in to the rescue. It can also lead to your emotional needs not being met in the way you need them to be because your partner is less available or spread too thin already.

I can 100% understand why someone would not want to opt into something like that. That said, I've generally found that the Dads I've met on the dating scene tend to be that bit more emotionally mature and have their sh1t together and tend not to play games because they simply don't have the time or energy for it.

s7ryf3925pivug · 25-07-2019 1:20pm

monseiur wrote: »

Well Hammer 89 we could do without your snide remarks. Read post no. 138 ... My friend was a victim of one of these nutters, the sad thing is that a quiet word in his ear would have sorted it and saved all concerned a lot of expense and in his case a lot of pain & anguish.
Hopefully the court case will not make the papers, but unfortunately lazy journalists, mostly from local weekly papers, seem to hang around court houses taking notes of even trivial cases just to fill column inches in their paper.
I guess the moral of this sad incident is that those who date single mums should be aware that there's another male adult in the triangle and they naturally enough can be very protective of their offspring and some hope/dream of rekindling there relationship with the mother. Unfortunately for my friend he wasn't aware that the girl he was dating was a single mum and he paid a big price.

Maybe the expelled father sees the guy as coming between him and his child and thinks he's the nutter for wanting to do that.
Fathers can be pretty much shut out from their kids if the mother has a mind to cause that.

TeaBagMania · 25-07-2019 1:50pm

Ray Defeated Wax wrote: »

How ignorant...

Says the single mother looking for a sugar daddy

Why the hell would anyone want the wrecked village bike when 18 year old girls are coming on the market everyday

s7ryf3925pivug · 25-07-2019 2:02pm

TeaBagMania wrote: »

Says the single mother looking for a sugar daddy

Why the hell would anyone want the wrecked village bike when 18 year old girls are coming on the market everyday

ignorant post. 17 is the age of consent.

monseiur · 25-07-2019 2:09pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'm not debating it happens. I'm debating whether the story about a cowboy plumber getting his hole off a single mother is going to be national news.

Hammer89 - If you read post no. 131 again you will notice that it's two paragraphs. The first one is about a specific incident that happened to a friend last year due a girl he was dating was, shall we say, less than honest.
This is the incident that may end up in the papers (hopefully not)
The second paragraph is just a general observation and as I'm sure you're well aware is as common as muck and I never suggested that this would or should be news or indeed news worthy.

Would you date a single mother?

Comments