Anyone else enjoy being single?

ancapailldorcha · 02-04-2019 9:29pm #1

So, I'm a little into my thirties now and still single. What I didn't expect was to actually be enjoying it. I'm able to pretty much do as I please. I can pursue my own interests, travel when and where I want and do sod all when I want.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say no to meeting someone but I figure I should try and enjoy single life while it lasts.

voldejoie · 02-04-2019 9:43pm

I love being single.

Like you said OP, I'm open to meeting someone and settling down, and I know there are upsides to having someone to share certain parts of life with, but I also wouldn't mind being single forever. There's a certain freedom to it I love, even just the fact that I don't have to consider someone else when making decisions about my life (e.g. I will have an opportunity to move far away for work for a few years soon and I don't have to factor in another person's reaction to that and what it means for our future, I get to decide what is best for my own career and personal development).

Sorry about that · 02-04-2019 9:46pm

Ancapaildorcha and Voldejoie up a tree...

SCOOP 64 · 02-04-2019 9:51pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

So, I'm a little into my thirties now and still single. What I didn't expect was to actually be enjoying it. I'm able to pretty much do as I please. I can pursue my own interests, travel when and where I want and do sod all when I want.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say no to meeting someone but I figure I should try and enjoy single life while it lasts.

O'shut up you, im married!

SusieBlue · 02-04-2019 9:53pm

I’ve been single for about 9 months after coming out of an extremely toxic LTR and I also love it.

It was a tough adjustment in the beginning but now that I’m used to being able to be selfish with my time, I’m very picky about who I invest it in.

After spending so long watching what I say, being told how to dress, not being able to see my friends, and living in what turned into a very hostile environment, I love the freedom of being able to do what I want when I want.
I only have myself to keep happy and I’m doing a pretty good job of it.

I am dabbling in dating and I would like to meet someone and settle down eventually but for now I’m quite content with being on my own.

Wibbs · 02-04-2019 9:53pm

Good question AC... Hmmm, kinda six of one, half dozen of the other for me. I've loved been in a good relationship, grew to hate being in a bad one. Been happy out single too. It depends. I do remember with one ex we temporarily split up and on the one hand I was all forlorn and bereft conjuring bad poetry while looking into a gale, and on the other hand a large part of me exhaled and relaxed as I was no longer dealing with her all too regular emotionals. The forlorn part won the battle temporarily as the "love" bit was still running strong, but after a reconciliation the relaxed part won the war(though the love bit kept niggling for a while, more built on the fantasy of all that).

I certainly did find down the years that where once I was much more open and engaging with the emotional ups and downs, as I got older that got really bloody old really bloody quickly.

mada82 · 02-04-2019 9:53pm

Deffo. Single a year now and if you talked to me then I thought it was going to be the end of the world.

The only downside is it can hard to have mates available as they are all married with kids.

is_that_so · 02-04-2019 9:54pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

So, I'm a little into my thirties now and still single. What I didn't expect was to actually be enjoying it. I'm able to pretty much do as I please. I can pursue my own interests, travel when and where I want and do sod all when I want.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say no to meeting someone but I figure I should try and enjoy single life while it lasts.

Thirties (and beyond) is where you care less about the things that you felt you "had" to do in your twenties. It is far more chilled. Enjoy.

Signore Fancy Pants · 02-04-2019 9:58pm

Im married and can do pretty much whatever I want.

AllForIt · 02-04-2019 10:19pm

To me it's an odd question (don't mean that as a insult to the OP). It's the default position to be single. How anyone feel's worse off for the default position to me is just strange. In fact the very idea of 'enjoying being single' does't make much sense. To me it's like saying I enjoy having feet which I suppose I do but don't wake up in morning and thing gee wizz I'm really looking forward to another day with my feet.

I understand from reading posts on the Personal Issues forum that some ppl are desperate to be in a relationship and feel bad they are not. I've never felt this way myself and I don't feel like I'm the oddity for being happy with the default position. I've had 2 serious relationships in my llife, one I truly regret ended and indeed miss. But although I regret and miss this is not the same as saying I wish I were back in a relationships just for a relationships sake.

So although I'm not sad or desperate to be in a relation I wouldn't say I'm happy being single either, neither unhappy. I'm just single, that's it. And I do detest this notion that one can't be happy unless on is in a relationship. As long as your getting the ride somehow that is :pac:

TomasMacR · 02-04-2019 10:23pm

pro's and cons to both, simple as that, it's very liberating to have the freedom to do whatever you want to do whenever you want and some people are very comfortable in their own skin and being on their own. And then it's always nice to share good times with someone, whether its travel, a night out, family occasion and we all need companionship, its just human nature...we do need it but some of us are incapable of it no matter how much we crave it for lots of different reasons.

freshpopcorn · 02-04-2019 10:26pm

BBFAN · 02-04-2019 10:27pm

Nope, sorry OP, I know it's untrendy to admit but I don't enjoy being single.

I've previously ended a relationship I never should have because I thought there was better out there.

There wasn't and it's tough being on your own.

Maybe it's your age that protects you from it. Yes, I've travelled the world on my own but as I get older it worries me. "what the hell if something happens to me and no-one even realises?".

It could be because I just had a disastrous holiday when I really really wanted someone to be with me that's affecting my thinking but that's the way I feel right now.

I'd like to have someone who's number one priority is me. That's the way I feel right now.

pumpkin4life · 02-04-2019 10:27pm

Well it depends.

I've seen a lot of people do this in an effort to rationalize away the fact that they're unattractive.

I'm not single, and its way better than being single tbh.

If that's not you, then ok. If it is, then you need to come up with a plan.

buried · 02-04-2019 10:27pm

Yes. Yes I do enjoy it. Would like to be with someone but the rural area I live in its difficult to get any sort of new relationship going. I love living out in the wild countryside but at the same time I also like listening to electronic music that sounds like a drone computer is eating/$hitting itself alive, I love to read books about the history of the world that concerns the most weird and darkest occult aspects of it. That's my craic. But that sort of craic don't exactly fly if you go out on a first date here and a lady asks ya - "So, what sort of stuff are you into?"
Unless you enjoy listening to Nathan Carter and watching 'Dancing with the Canteen staff of RTE' out here, prepare to enjoy being single. And as long as I can listen to the sounds of a computer $hitting itself alive, those sounds turned up to 11 at 1am of a Friday night, then get up the next morning spending the day reading about the history of witchcraft drinking coffee and eating a rasher sandwich, I'm going to continue to enjoy the Hell out of it.

Lorelli! · 02-04-2019 10:28pm

My aunt has been single for most of her life and I'd definitely describe her as happy. She has a good social life and she's always on holidays. We joke that she goes away that much she's going to meet herself in the airport one day on the way back

I think you should just try your best to enjoy life in general. Obviously it has it's ups and downs. If you're happy and single and you do happen to meet someone then you will want to be in a relationship with them rather than feel you need too.

TomasMacR · 02-04-2019 10:29pm

Lorelli! wrote: »

My aunt has been single for most of her life and I'd definitely describe her as happy. She has a good social life and she's always on holidays. We joke that she goes away that much she's going to meet herself in the airport one day on the way back

I think you should just try your best to enjoy life in general. Obviously it has it's ups and downs. If you're happy and single and you do happen to meet someone then you will want to be in a relationship with them rather than feel you need too.

How many cats does she own?

Lorelli! · 02-04-2019 10:30pm

TomasMacR wrote: »

How many cats does she own?

Zero!

TomasMacR · 02-04-2019 10:37pm

buried wrote: »

Yes. Yes I do enjoy it. Would like to be with someone but the rural area I live in its difficult to get any sort of new relationship going. I love living out in the wild countryside but at the same time I also like listening to electronic music that sounds like a drone computer is eating/$hitting itself alive, I love to read books about the history of the world that concerns the most weird and darkest occult aspects of it. That's my craic. But that sort of craic don't exactly fly if you go out on a first date here and a lady asks ya - "So, what sort of stuff are you into?"
Unless you enjoy listening to Nathan Carter and watching 'Dancing with the Canteen staff of RTE' out here, prepare to enjoy being single. And as long as I can listen to the sounds of a computer $hitting itself alive, those sounds turned up to 11 at 1am of a Friday night, then get up the next morning spending the day reading about the history of witchcraft drinking coffee and eating a rasher sandwich, I'm going to continue to enjoy the Hell out of it.

Have you been on First Dates Ireland yet? They'd snap you up.

FTA69 · 02-04-2019 10:38pm

I had bought a house with my ex-partner and we split last week. Now I live in a converted warehouse with loads of alternative types. They look like a bunch of scruffs but most of them are actually fairly sound and good craic and I’m someone who f*cking hates hippies.

Being single has its benefits and its drawbacks. It’s that simple really. The adjustment of leaving a long term relationship is very hard but also it’s thrilling to be going out meeting new people, doing new stuff etc. Being 31 and single in London and going out regularly is the business.

Purple Mountain · 02-04-2019 10:39pm

We should start our own little club!
I'm late 30s and am completely blissful being single.
I'm a bit of a cheat though, I was engaged and have a 12yo from that so I'm in no panic over a biological clock.
It would give me heebegeebees getting into a relationship now.
I love my space, my independence and I get a great balance with my friends and my child.
I have enough friends to go away for a weekend with but sometimes they're not always available because they have partners or young babies but then again I'm not one to be going somewhere every week.
In an ideal world, I wouldn't mind a part time boyfriend, someone to go out with once a week or holiday with but I'd never give up my independent living or want a husband!

buried · 02-04-2019 10:41pm

TomasMacR wrote: »

Have you been on First Dates Ireland yet? They'd snap you up.

They couldn't afford my rasher sandwich requirements man. Yer TV licence would have to go up a good 20% to get me go on that mess

This is it · 02-04-2019 10:47pm

It has it's pros and cons. While I can do most things when single, some things are just better when you have someone to share them with. I'm happy being single, with the right person I'd also be happy in a relationship.

Also, saving for a mortgage on your own is a bîtch.

s7ryf3925pivug · 02-04-2019 10:48pm

I enjoyed being single or in very casual relationships a lot more than I enjoyed being in serious relationships - with the exception of the one with my wife. Most serious relationships are a bit ****.

ancapailldorcha · 02-04-2019 10:48pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Good question AC... Hmmm, kinda six of one, half dozen of the other for me. I've loved been in a good relationship, grew to hate being in a bad one. Been happy out single too. It depends. I do remember with one ex we temporarily split up and on the one hand I was all forlorn and bereft conjuring bad poetry while looking into a gale, and on the other hand a large part of me exhaled and relaxed as I was no longer dealing with her all too regular emotionals. The forlorn part won the battle temporarily as the "love" bit was still running strong, but after a reconciliation the relaxed part won the war(though the love bit kept niggling for a while, more built on the fantasy of all that).

I certainly did find down the years that where once I was much more open and engaging with the emotional ups and downs, as I got older that got really bloody old really bloody quickly.

Finding the right relationship is the tricky bit. Needs a fair bit of luck as well IMO. Spot on of course. I'd love to meet someone but at the same time might as well crack on with things I want to do.

Lady Haywire · 02-04-2019 10:54pm

buried wrote: »

Yes. Yes I do enjoy it. Would like to be with someone but the rural area I live in its difficult to get any sort of new relationship going. I love living out in the wild countryside but at the same time I also like listening to electronic music that sounds like a drone computer is eating/$hitting itself alive, I love to read books about the history of the world that concerns the most weird and darkest occult aspects of it. That's my craic. But that sort of craic don't exactly fly if you go out on a first date here and a lady asks ya - "So, what sort of stuff are you into?"
Unless you enjoy listening to Nathan Carter and watching 'Dancing with the Canteen staff of RTE' out here, prepare to enjoy being single. And as long as I can listen to the sounds of a computer $hitting itself alive, those sounds turned up to 11 at 1am of a Friday night, then get up the next morning spending the day reading about the history of witchcraft drinking coffee and eating a rasher sandwich, I'm going to continue to enjoy the Hell out of it.

I'm 95% sure you're someone who lives about 800m across the way from me. And if you're not you should meet him. :pac:

TomasMacR · 02-04-2019 11:02pm

I'm with someone what I would consider a very long time (13 years), kids etc. Everything going well enough, I think. No rows of any importance, good companionship, we do whatever we can to spend time with one another etc.

What scares me to death are not only the stuff on TV but friends of our parents who have after 40 odd years of marriage that have packed it in with their respective other. I know there was a previous generational issue with spouses putting up with one another for financial and social pressures but I'm more talking about the two people that you hear about in their twilight years that decide to part and remain best friends.

Mad_maxx · 02-04-2019 11:07pm

Men are better off single, women have all the power in marriages nowadays

Sorry about that · 02-04-2019 11:38pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Men are better off single, women have all the power in marriages nowadays

Except for the ones who don't.

Mad_maxx · 02-04-2019 11:46pm

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Sorry about that wrote: »

Except for the ones who don't.

If things don't work out, who is hit hardest, who does the state side with?

Sorry about that · 02-04-2019 11:50pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

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If things don't work out, who is hit hardest, who does the state side with?

You mean not working out like this:

In 2017, there were 15,833 disclosures of domestic violence against women noted during 21,451 contacts with Women's Aid Direct Services. There were 10,281 incidents of emotional abuse, 3,502 incidents of physical abuse and 1,443 incidents of financial abuse disclosed. In the same year, 607 incidents of sexual abuse were disclosed to our services including 323 rapes. The Women's Aid National Helpline responded to 15,952 calls in 2016. (Women's Aid Impact Report 2017)

Sorry about that · 02-04-2019 11:53pm

And just to add, you said women have all the power IN relationships- not when they end.

Gimme A Pound · 02-04-2019 11:54pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

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If things don't work out, who is hit hardest, who does the state side with?

No disagreement there, and there are relationships where the man is treated badly too, but it's a bit extreme to say men are better off single when plenty are happily married or in a couple, and saying "women have all the power in marriages nowadays" discounts the relationships where the woman is being treated badly.

Teddy Daniels · 02-04-2019 11:57pm

Sorry about that wrote: »

And just to add, you said women have all the power IN relationships- not when they end.

I assumed he meant non violent relationships.

Richard Hillman · 02-04-2019 11:57pm

It has its great points and I have really taken advantage of my freedom over the years, but when you've realised you have missed the boat it does hit you a bit :pac:

Pro's:
You're not bound to somebody.
You can travel anywhere.
You can change jobs
You can move without notice.
The freedom is tremendous.

Cons
Admittedly you can get lonely at times, especially when you don't have family.
You're likely never to own your own home (unless inherited)
You're absolutely screwed when you retire. You don't have a double income, the central bank wouldnt let you get a mortgage (unless you were earning really good money) and you spent all of your money on rent. The day you retire, you may as well pop down to the local train line.

Saying all that, there can be nothing worse than being in a relationship and being misserable. There are no perks in that.

Tuco88 · 03-04-2019 12:06am

If you ask me, a person that is single can live with it manage it more so than a person stuck in a horrid/not happy relationship.

Its generally other people can't handle you being single. Prime example is at a wedding.

Jet Black · 03-04-2019 12:06am

Was single for ten years plus and loved it. The worst part of it was people thinking I needed to be with someone to be happy and trying to 'help me'. I lived by myself then for the last few years and thought I'd find that hard, but I liked that even more. Being able to do what you want, when you want and have no-one to answer to was brilliant. I only met someone a few years ago and that's been great too, I do miss the single life sometimes but I'm definitely happier now being with someone.

Gimme A Pound · 03-04-2019 12:26am

The Toad wrote: »

When I was a 20 year old loser I thought the life of the player would bring me happiness.

Now I'm a 31 year loser who sleeps around regualry. Ons and short flings get old. I want a girlfriend, I want 'the one'.

But even though I've never had so much success with women, I feel the ship has sailed for me.

Why would it have? Your situation is similar to that of countless men who meet the woman they want to marry when they're in their mid to late 30s.

E.g. both my brothers.

Richard Hillman · 03-04-2019 12:34am

Tuco88 wrote: »

If you ask me, a person that is single can live with it manage it more so than a person stuck in a horrid/not happy relationship.

Its generally other people can't handle you being single. Prime example is at a wedding.

The wedding thing is actually great when you're single, for me anyway. A lot of my friends have been/are getting married over the last number of years. Its good because you can just do your own thing for the day. You can get as drunk and rambunctious as you like with nobody there to entertain.

Being single also reduces your likelihood of having to attend weddings. If she gets an invite, you have to go. If I get an invite, she has to go. I'm nobodys +1 for a wedding of which I know nobody there and frankly don't care about.

TheMilkyPirate · 03-04-2019 12:35am

The Toad wrote: »

Because I feel like I should have lived the way I am now in my 20s. Got it out of my system. Then met the right girl around 27 and settled. Feel like I'm way behind schedule Almost all my friend's are married.

I think being ignored by women for much of my 20s has left me with serious commitment issues. Maybe even a embryonic sex addiction.

There is no schedule. Everyone lives their life on different timelines

upinsmoke · 03-04-2019 12:35am

Some of my friends settled down with people they shouldn't have and now regret it

I love my free and single life at the min , age 28 but don't want to end up the been the 40 year old single man that had to go for pints for some social interaction.

I like freedom,. But putting up with someone bitching and moaning at me constantly I don't think I could hack it.

If the right lady comes along and turns into a **** once were married I'll kick her out the door

dd973 · 03-04-2019 12:43am

Can't see why people can't marry and live apart, aside from going on holiday together and the occasional bout of physical joie de vivre, the kids could mostly live with mum and pop over now and again, divorce rates would go down exponentially.

I'm in my 40's and still alone, wonder why?

Airyfairy12 · 03-04-2019 1:02am

I really enjoy being single, if I met someone id embrace it but as it stands, I can do what I want or whatever I dont want and dont have to please anyone but myself. Relationships are hard work and stressful, my friends that are in relationships are constantly in a cycle of having massive rows and not speaking for weeks only to make up, get on for a short time before the next row happens and their stressed out and back in couple therapy or planning on breaking up and most of them arent even having regular sex.
Im genuinely happier single than ive ever been in a relationship and it would take someone very special for me to want to change my situation.

kowloon · 03-04-2019 1:14am

BBFAN wrote: »

Maybe it's your age that protects you from it. Yes, I've travelled the world on my own but as I get older it worries me. "what the hell if something happens to me and no-one even realises?".

Get a cat. I have cats so when something happens to me the meat won't go to waste.

Purple Mountain · 03-04-2019 1:16am

kowloon wrote: »

Get a cat. I have cats so when something happens to me the meat won't go to waste.

Christ on a bike.

PTH2009 · 03-04-2019 1:28am

29 single and would do anything too change it.

My friends are very touchy feely when there out and it both annoys and upsets me. They do all the kissing/hugging/cuddle bollox

I feel the ship may have sailed as im getting on in years and stuff like online dating is very hard. I keep being told go out and join clubs etc but i dont want too and id i only really be going too find a girl. I regret i never done many 1 night stands or relationships in my early/mid 20s

I hate this 'ah you will find someone when u dont expect it' stuff as its just fake talk from people who are in relationships and most likely will cut the back off you when ur not around

one day one day i will meet some please god ffs

Yer Da sells Avon · 03-04-2019 1:35am

PTH2009 wrote: »

I feel the ship may have sailed as im getting on in years and stuff like online dating is very hard.

29 is not, I repeat, not 'getting on in years'.

Wtf ? · 03-04-2019 1:35am

I loved being single until I met a girl with the mind of a bloke. By saying that I mean she never gives me girlie grief like my previous couple of relationships so this is rare. Otherwise single always and live on your own too. Being with Mammy is a cissy cop out.

Noo · 03-04-2019 3:41am

Dale Doback wrote: »

Im married and can do pretty much whatever I want.

Exactly this. Everyone saying they love the freedom of being single. I'm in a LTR and we both pretty much do whatever we want. I go on girls holidays, nights out, enjoy all my hobbies with no one holding me back. Yes, I'll let my partner know when I have plans etc. But that's just courtesy, not asking permission. And hes the same with me. If people sacrifice all their freedoms for a relationship then they are in the wrong relationship.

TimesArrow · 03-04-2019 4:30am

Some really interesting posts here. I’m 37 now and have never had a real relationship. I never used to think about it much but I do quite a lot of me. In my 20s, I went out a lot And did a fair amount of scoring etc but couldn’t be bothered nowadays. Like many, Pretty much all my mates are settled with kids now. I think I’ve shied away from relationships for the fear it won’t work out. Im a pretty introverted person anyway and have always been comfortable in my own company, doing my own thing. And I tell friends I’m “open” to a relationship, but all my actions suggest I’m not, as I tend to have no real interest in dating or giving things a go. That being said, I’m moving home to ireland quite soon and would like to give dating a proper chance, as I do feel it’ll all pass me by if I don’t change the way I think about all this.

Dalomanakora · 03-04-2019 6:48am

I like being single and I like being in a good relationship.

I'm about 7 or so months out of a LTR that was amazing for a few years but unfortunately turned nasty on his end for a year or two.

And I'm enjoying being single. I like having more free time, not having to block out days to see a partner specifically and not having to consider someone else in my decisions.

That said, in a good relationship, you WANT to do those things.

There are benefits to good relationships and being single. Being able to enjoy both is great IMO.

Anyone else enjoy being single?

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