Would you consider suicide selfish?

KM792 · 22-03-2019 5:07pm #1

Bit of a heavy topic on a Friday..would you consider suicide a selfish decision?
I know this is a very sensitive subject and a complex one,but the country's attention has been turned to it once again in what has been a terrible week for people going missing/being found dead.

NaiveMelodies · 22-03-2019 5:09pm

No, because it isn't.

22-03-2019 5:12pm

Surely no action in and of itself is selfish or non-selfish - but the reasons for doing it are?

As such I see absolutely no reason to think suicide itself is selfish. At all. However if I knew the reasons _why_ any given individual does it then perhaps that is a discussion that could be had. But I would simply say I have yet to hear any reasons for it so far that I considered the person doing it to have been selfish.

Whocare · 22-03-2019 5:12pm

Very but it depends on the situation

Ariadne · 22-03-2019 5:18pm

Nope, it isn't. Next question.

Grayson · 22-03-2019 5:23pm

This question pops up every so often. generally from someone who has no idea about mental health, depression & anxiety, etc.

No it's not selfish. Now let's move on.

TheValeyard · 22-03-2019 5:25pm

Mixed opinions on it.

For Forks Sake · 22-03-2019 5:30pm

Omackeral · 22-03-2019 5:33pm

It's just tragic. That's the only proper word I can think of for it.

Boom_Bap · 22-03-2019 5:39pm

It's not selfish.

The more threads on this the better so that hopefully more folk learn that.

patmahe · 22-03-2019 5:39pm

No, I don't believe it is.

I think most who do it feel worthless and like the world is better off without them. Of course this is not true but if your mind is constantly telling you something, its a hard thing to keep fighting it.

If anyone reading this is in a bad place, please get help today, talk or text any number below.

The Samaritans
The Samaritans
www.samaritans.ie
Tel: 116 123

Text: 087 2 60 90 90

Email: jo@samaritans.ie

Aware (Depression & Bi-Polar Disorder)
www.aware.ie
Tel: 1800 80 48 48

Email: supportmail@aware.ie

Pieta House (Suicide & Self-harm)
National Suicide Helpline (Pieta House) 1800 247 247

www.pieta.ie
Tel: 01 623 5606

Turn2Me.org (Online one to one or group counselling)
Grow (Mental Health support and Recovery)
www.grow.ie
Tel: 1890 474 474

Bodywhys (Eating Disorders Associations of Ireland)
www.bodywhys.ie
1890 200 444

Irish Advocacy Network (Peer advocacy in mental health)
www.irishadvocacynetwork.com
Tel: 01 872 8684

IACP (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
www.iacp.ie
Tel: 01 230 3536

Irish Council for Psychotherapy (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
www.psychotherapycouncil.ie
Tel: 01 905 8698

Shine (Supporting people effected by mental ill health)
www.shine.ie

Childline
www.childline.ie

1800 66 66 66 24hr a day

One to one chat – 10am-4am

Text BULLY or TALK or HELP to 50101 from 10am to 4am

suicide_circus · 22-03-2019 5:42pm

depends on the motivation. mostly not but can it be in some circumstances? yes probably.

mzungu · 22-03-2019 5:43pm

No. Suicide is usually the culmination of years of mental anguish.

The only exceptions would be cases like Alan Hawe. He committed suicide to escape the consequences of his actions. Hence, his suicide was a selfish act.

Sam Quentin · 22-03-2019 5:44pm

Well,.if you think your family wouldn't be able to cope without you and then you massacre them before taking your own life!? Then that's selfish.

Omackeral · 22-03-2019 5:46pm

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Well,.if you think your family wouldn't be able to cope without you and then you massacre them before taking your own life!? Then that's selfish.

Well that's a little different than most cases.

oLoonatic · 22-03-2019 5:49pm

patmahe wrote: »

No, I don't believe it is.

I think most who do it feel worthless and like the world is better off without them. Of course this is not true but if your mind is constantly telling you something, its a hard thing to keep fighting it.

If anyone reading this is in a bad place, please get help today, talk or text any number below.

The Samaritans
The Samaritans
www.samaritans.ie
Tel: 116 123

Text: 087 2 60 90 90

Email: jo@samaritans.ie

Aware (Depression & Bi-Polar Disorder)
www.aware.ie
Tel: 1800 80 48 48

Email: supportmail@aware.ie

Pieta House (Suicide & Self-harm)
National Suicide Helpline (Pieta House) 1800 247 247

www.pieta.ie
Tel: 01 623 5606

Turn2Me.org (Online one to one or group counselling)
Grow (Mental Health support and Recovery)
www.grow.ie
Tel: 1890 474 474

Bodywhys (Eating Disorders Associations of Ireland)
www.bodywhys.ie
1890 200 444

Irish Advocacy Network (Peer advocacy in mental health)
www.irishadvocacynetwork.com
Tel: 01 872 8684

IACP (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
www.iacp.ie
Tel: 01 230 3536

Irish Council for Psychotherapy (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
www.psychotherapycouncil.ie
Tel: 01 905 8698

Shine (Supporting people effected by mental ill health)
www.shine.ie

Childline
www.childline.ie

1800 66 66 66 24hr a day

One to one chat – 10am-4am

Text BULLY or TALK or HELP to 50101 from 10am to 4am

No its not. also quoting this incase someone missed the numbers.

SusieBlue · 22-03-2019 5:49pm

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Well,.if you think your family wouldn't be able to cope without you and then you massacre them before taking your own life!? Then that's selfish.

There's a big difference between both those scenarios.

Big difference and quite a leap between someone taking their own life, and someone murdering their whole family with axes and hacksaws and then taking their own life.

Not one person would defend or condone the latter scenario.

Gwen Cooper · 22-03-2019 5:51pm

In my late teens I was always saying that suicide is the most selfish thing ever done. That the person who finds you will be scarred forever. That your friends and family will be heartbroken.

But then I was the suicidal one and I saw how very wrong I was. Suicidal person feels like a burden, like everyone would be better off without them. Sure, the family and friends will cry for a bit, but eventually they will see that life is much better without them constantly letting everyone down. In the end they see it as the most selfless act and also as an escape from the unbelievable and never ending paid they are in.

It's a horrible place to be in and I urge everyone who's going through this to seek help. Pieta House does an excellent job, the Samaritans, talk to your friends or a family member, start chat with a stranger, tell us here on Boards. You are not alone in this and it's ok not to be ok.

Zorya · 22-03-2019 5:52pm

It's the worst thing ever. We live in a suicide hot spot and I swear to God every time you hear someone is dead round here it is automatic to presume first that they committed suicide. I could reel off names, neighbours, school children, old farmers, not one lane around here has not had a suicide on it, it's unspeakably sad. A very good friend committed suicide last year. Driving this morning past the church where their funeral took place just makes me wish to Christ there had been any other way in the whole wide world for them to deal with things. I wish people would put on strong shoes and head off to walk around the whole world without stopping rather than kill themselves.

EmmetSpiceland · 22-03-2019 5:53pm

Whatever about whether it’s selfish or not I don’t believe the motivation of the person carrying it out is selfish.

You can argue back and forth over the act itself until the cows come home.

ifElseThen · 22-03-2019 5:54pm

Where you leave behind young kids, I think it's really difficult on the children and the questions/grief it leaves for them.
Generally, I believe in voluntary euthanasia/right to take your own life. I think this is a social issue that needs airing, discussing and legislation for allowing.

Odyssey 2005 · 22-03-2019 5:56pm

What's your take on it OP.?

Zorya · 22-03-2019 5:57pm

I have heard of every kind of suicide. But there are some odd suicides that could be considered selfish. I know of youngsters who swore they would commit suicide if someone left them, a constant drip drip threat to their partners. And I know of a few cases where people did actually commit suicide when the other broke up with them. So, to be honest, I think it is simply not possible to say that NO suicide is selfish. Just like any other human act it has multiple and complex facets.

cannotlogin · 22-03-2019 6:06pm

I think it is selfish but I don't believe the person committing suicide would view it as such at all.

It's very easy for me to say why doesn't a suicidal person see the impact such an act has on those left behind, why don't they seek additional help etc. but clearly they don't view it that way or they wouldn't go ahead with it or so I hope.

I believe a person committing suicide sees it (incorrectly) as the only option for them. I believe that they cannot see any other possible alternative. I think you have to believe that sometimes (even if you deep down question that believe somewhat), otherwise you would never manage to grieve and would be consumed with anger.

The individual experiences and impact that suicide has on people means you'll never get agreement on it. It's such an emotive topic.

freshpopcorn · 22-03-2019 6:07pm

In most cases they aren't in the odd case when somebody does it to get back of somebody it may be selfish depending on the circumstances.

Spleerbun · 22-03-2019 6:08pm

Depends how it's done as well. I think jumping in front of a train for example is selfish, in terms of the driver you are potentially traumatising and the commuters you are inconveniencing. If it's done quietly without affecting others then I wouldn't regard it as selfish.

Yer Da sells Avon · 22-03-2019 6:12pm

KM792 wrote: »

I know this is a very sensitive subject and a complex one

And yet here you are, asking an insensitive and over-simplified question about it.

A very ill person might misguidedly and irrationally - but utterly sincerely - believe that their death would be the best all-round outcome for everyone. I came very close to killing myself last year, and that's how I felt. If anything, I felt that not having done it years ago was selfish and... cowardly... that I had been chickening out of something that had seemed, for a very long time, like an inevitability. I'm all good now, and if I had taken my own life back then, it would have been (and I say this with the benefit of hindsight and much better mental health) a mistake, to put it mildly. Not a selfish mistake though.

One eyed Jack · 22-03-2019 6:13pm

From my perspective I consider suicide the ultimate expression of selfishness, because ultimately it’s entirely about oneself and how one feels about their own circumstances.

Would I pass negative judgment on someone who had chosen to take their own life? No, because I don’t see the point, they’re never going to know of my condemnation of their actions and I don’t speak ill of the dead - they’re dead, so there’s no point.

At least if a person is still alive, there’s a chance they can be reached to prevent them from feeling like taking their own life or not is the only choice they have left.

SoundsRight · 22-03-2019 6:31pm

Yes, It's selfish. The fawning tributes on social media anytime someone commits this crime is nauseating. It should be held in the same regard as murder or rape.

Yer Da sells Avon · 22-03-2019 6:47pm

SoundsWrong wrote: »

Yes, It's selfish. The fawning tributes on social media anytime someone commits this crime is nauseating. It should be held in the same regard as murder or rape.

It's not a crime, but if it was, what sort of punishment would you advocate?

Zorya · 22-03-2019 6:48pm

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

It's not a crime, but if it was, what sort of punishment would you advocate?

Great dark humour. You'll go far.

Schwanz · 22-03-2019 6:49pm

Wouldn't want to be in that zone prior to doing it that's for sure.

Is it selfish? Not sure it's the right word but the chances of children say finding you first to me is a potential act of evil.

uck51js9zml2yt · 22-03-2019 6:50pm

What sense of hopelessness has someone got that they believe the only answer is to kill themselves.
It's tragic on every front.

It's time for people to be ok with saying "I'm not ok", when asked how they are. Sad thing is that the people who ask the question don't really care enough to listen to the answer

donkeykong5 · 22-03-2019 6:54pm

SoundsRight wrote: »

Yes, It's selfish. The fawning tributes on social media anytime someone commits this crime is nauseating. It should be held in the same regard as murder or rape.

I am completely astounded at this remark. Hopefully I have read it wrongly.

22-03-2019 6:58pm

My understanding is that those who do end their own lives often have themselves absolutely convinced that their loved ones and the world is better off without them.

They don't do it to spite anyone else or cause them pain.

22-03-2019 7:00pm

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

And yet here you are, asking an insensitive and over-simplified question about it.

A very ill person might misguidedly and irrationally - but utterly sincerely - believe that their death would be the best all-round outcome for everyone. I came very close to killing myself last year, and that's how I felt. If anything, I felt that not having done it years ago was selfish and... cowardly... that I had been chickening out of something that had seemed, for a very long time, like an inevitability. I'm all good now, and if I had taken my own life back then, it would have been (and I say this with the benefit of hindsight and much better mental health) a mistake, to put it mildly. Not a selfish mistake though.

I'm very glad you're still with us, and I'm very very glad you're doing better.

One eyed Jack · 22-03-2019 7:02pm

donkeykong5 wrote: »

I am completely astounded at this remark. Hopefully I have read it wrongly.

It’s a common enough attitude in my experience, but what can you do only acknowledge that some people feel that way and their minds are not for changing, nor in my experience at least is it worth trying to change their minds - far more mentally exhausting than it’s worth when one considers that ironically, it’s only on social media one has the freedom to express an attitude like that without fear of condemnation or repercussions.

Widdershins · 22-03-2019 7:07pm

No. I don't see it as selfish . Sometimes other peoples selfishness might be part of the reason in certain extreme cases.
I struggle to not see it as selfish to do it in a way that would traumatise anyone who witnessed it or found you afterwards (as a child , I found an attempted suicide) but I suppose people aren't exactly thinking straight . And that is the reason I don't see it as selfish in the first place . Also not everyone would have people who would miss them. Unfortunately there are people who are very cut off from society .

I'm not even sure it's wise to discuss this subject

blindboy. · 22-03-2019 7:09pm

I always used to think it was, but it's hard to think with other peoples mindset. Although people should know it doesn't end their pain it only passes it on to someone else.

OU812 · 22-03-2019 7:25pm

Far from selfish.

But it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I'm very close to someone who was suicidal several years ago, Was in financial trouble, had been promised a promotion in work that would have helped & then fell through, and various other non related factors.

He thought it out in depth. Planned the date (24th March), planned the means (worked in a very high building & discovered a way to make it seem accidental), and was all set to go through with it when his wife brought him to the doctor for his headaches, she'd already tipped the doctor off & a good chat was had. He was lucky that she was so in tune with him, they've now got two more kids & are in a good place financially. Every year since, he wakes up on 24th March & celebrates his extra year.

His reasoning was that the date was picked because it was a week after paddy & the next big family event wasn't for six months & by accidentally dying, his mortgage insurance & life insurance as well as the work death in benefit would kick in. This would ensure that his family would be well taken care of. His wife was young enough that she could reasonably start again with someone new down the line.

I thought that was pretty selfless of him. He figured to help them all, he'd kill himself & although they'd find it difficult, they could rebuild their lives because they would be financially secure & young enough.

Do talk about it. Don't do it.

__________

If anyone reading this is in a bad place, please get help today, talk or text any number below.

The Samaritans
www.samaritans.ie
Tel: 116 123

Text: 087 2 60 90 90

Email: jo@samaritans.ie

Aware (Depression & Bi-Polar Disorder)
www.aware.ie
Tel: 1800 80 48 48

Email: supportmail@aware.ie

Pieta House (Suicide & Self-harm)
National Suicide Helpline (Pieta House) 1800 247 247

www.pieta.ie
Tel: 01 623 5606

Turn2Me.org (Online one to one or group counselling)
Grow (Mental Health support and Recovery)
www.grow.ie
Tel: 1890 474 474

Bodywhys (Eating Disorders Associations of Ireland)
www.bodywhys.ie
1890 200 444

Irish Advocacy Network (Peer advocacy in mental health)
www.irishadvocacynetwork.com
Tel: 01 872 8684

IACP (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
www.iacp.ie
Tel: 01 230 3536

Irish Council for Psychotherapy (Counselling & Psychotherapy)
www.psychotherapycouncil.ie
Tel: 01 905 8698

Shine (Supporting people effected by mental ill health)
www.shine.ie

Childline
www.childline.ie

1800 66 66 66 24hr a day

One to one chat – 10am-4am

Text BULLY or TALK or HELP to 50101 from 10am to 4am

RobertKK · 22-03-2019 7:26pm

People who commit suicide are not well.

It is easy to judge people when one has a healthy mind, but the person committing suicide doesn't have the luxury of a healthy mind, they are not thinking rationally about all the people who love them.

It is just sad, and it is just terrible their mind reached a point where they believe it is the only solution to whatever led them into this bottomless pit of despair.

I had a neighbour tell me about his cousin, the cousin went to the hospital saying they needed mental help as they were in a bad way. The hospital which I won't name, sent him home, he ended up dead.
Some people know they need help, the thing is if someone needs help, they need help and should be given the treatment needed, it is a health issue.

Of course for some it just happens out of the blue, maybe the person suffering in silence and then seemingly out of the blue they end it.
It is just tragic, it is not selfish, they didn't choose to have mental health problems and it shouldn't be stigmatised, it should be treated as another health issue which any of us could be affected by.

Church on Tuesday · 22-03-2019 7:26pm

I lost a cousin to suicide seven years ago.

He was a good man.

So no, I don't consider it selfish just heartbreaking.

Alrigghtythen · 22-03-2019 7:28pm

It's tragic but at the end of the day it's their body, their choice.

22-03-2019 7:30pm

No it’s not selfish said person are in so much pain they saw no way out

Ursus Horribilis · 22-03-2019 7:30pm

It isn't but it worries me that it can run in families or in some areas. That for some people, it becomes an "option". Why?

Widdershins · 22-03-2019 7:35pm

Not always temporary problems . Some people need to escape permanent ones .

Guffy · 22-03-2019 7:36pm

Man across the road committed suicide last year. He did so in the house. Left his wife and 3 daughters to figure it out. Nothing selfish about that at all :rolleyes: