Anyone else not want children?

Erper wrote: »

Saying those things makes you selfish, and if the world thinks like that than we are all doomed..

If you are love yourself and want only to feel great than ice nothing to say to you anymore...

It makes me selfish because I think the world is a painful place to be....well ok then.

and if we all thought like me, that would be the end of the human race.. ~whoopy~ I think that would be great for earth.

Mind you Erper, there's ALWAYS going to be enough people who want kids to "keep your world from doom", so don't worry .. ok!

Think about it like this, the people who don't want kids, are balancing out those who couldn't have kids, but are through science

looking_around wrote: »

It makes me selfish because I think the world is a painful place to be....well ok then.

and if we all thought like me, that would be the end of the human race.. ~whoopy~ I think that would be great for earth.

Mind you Erper, there's ALWAYS going to be enough people who want kids to "keep your world from doom", so don't worry .. ok!

Think about it like this, the people who don't want kids, are balancing out those who couldn't have kids, but are through science

Well I do understand people who cant have kids but even they will try everything to have...

Again, wishing not to have kids is pretty much selfish from my point of view..
I was raised in not so great conditions but i never felt how the world "works" as my parents were using all their power, knowledge to make me happy and to be a good person.
Even if they were young when they got me.. so...

seven_eleven wrote: »

Ah here. Troll?

Whats your point..

Ive explained myself and my opinion of current situation from OP and from some other people about this subject.
It seems that most of you agree its good to have kids - NEVER...

Those were my 2cents...

I don't want kids under any circumstances whatsoever. Jaysus no.

beks101 wrote: »

I'm female, 28 and my body aint screaming anything at me except "I want chocolate"

I did say before menopause ..which should be your late 30's early 40's.
:rolleyes:

looking_around wrote: »

I did say before menopause ..which should be your late 30's early 40's.
:rolleyes:

The idea that there's a sudden inherent biological - rather than psychological, or socially pressured - urge to have children right before menopause is guff.

Think about it. If a woman's body was going to "scream" "make babies now!" it would be when they're at their youngest, healthiest, most fertile phase. Not when they get to the now-or-never point, when they're at the farthest point from their gestation machine prime.

SV wrote: »

I think not wanting children in any shape or form is a bit of an evolutionary stepback tbh.

If anything it's a step forward.

For thousands of years mankind has been driven by the urge to mate and repopulate, and now that someone can say "this isn't for me" its a step back?

How?

CruelCoin wrote: »

If anything it's a step forward.

For thousands of years mankind has been driven by the urge to mate and repopulate, and now that someone can say "this isn't for me" its a step back?

How?

Well because the only purpose of existence is to procreate.

In evolutionary terms, a species which loses the desire to procreate, dies. Look at Pandas. So in the most literal sense he's correct that not wanting children is evolutionarily detrimental. The people who are baby mad are the ones with their evolutionary foot forward.

There's a common misconception that being more cerebral, intellectual and in control of one's baser self make you "more evolved". This isn't the case. Evolution isn't a race to become a intellectual super being, evolution is just a race to procreate, over and over again.

This discussion is often muddied by the condescending remarks from people who thought they never wanted kids and then had one. "Ah, you'll know different when you're older", "I never thought I wanted kids, but now that I have one I can't imagine life without them".
I think people who always wanted children are much more "live and let live" about it.
Of course having a child changes your perspective on it. Every fibre of your being is screaming at you to protect your offspring, so whether you planned it or not, your biology will turn you into an emotional hormonal mess about your own children. That doesn't mean that people who don't want children are making the wrong move or they "don't know", it just means that your perspective is badly tinted by your own child.

Do I think that people without children are missing out? Yes. Do I think that everyone should have a child? Fnck no. Is raising a child easy? Fnck no. Is it worth it? Fnck yes. But then my base self has fncked with the hormonal balance in my brain and I have no option except to say that

The only thing I'd say to people who decide to never have kids is to live with reckless abandon. The only person you have to think of is yourself. So why are you wasting your time saving your money, buying a mortgage or working 50 hours a week doing something you hate? You can't take your money with you when you die, and nobody else is relying on you to provide for them, so go enjoy yourself. Blow your savings on expensive holidays, do that low-paying but really enjoyable job, and rent property from someone else and let them worry about mortgages and taxes.

I'm in my mid 30s and I don't want kids..... but we're having one. My other half really wants one and her happiness is paramount to me so we are. Ideally though it would just be the two of us.

Now, more than ever buddy, you need to be honest and open. For men in particular the biggest shock to your life when the first child comes along is the restriction on your freedom. No longer can you just decide to go out the door to the pub or for a walk or whatever. You won't even have time to sit down for 20 minutes to play a computer game in peace. Seriously. Your priority becomes the two of them. And if they need something, you can't just walk out and leave them at it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you're on call.

It's hard enough when you wanted the child to adjust to having zero time to yourself, but if you're having the child under silent protest it'll become a million times harder.
Maybe try negotiate some "me time" - for both of you - now, before the child is born. Agree that, for example, on a Friday night you get a 3 hour pass to go off and do whatever you want, and she gets the same pass on another night. You really only need this agreement for a couple of months - as the child gets older, it gets easier to take care of them - but it will do wonders for your mental health and your relationship for both people to get a regular breather, away from the family and free to be on their own again.

seamus wrote: »

Now, more than ever buddy, you need to be honest and open. For men in particular the biggest shock to your life when the first child comes along is the restriction on your freedom. No longer can you just decide to go out the door to the pub or for a walk or whatever. You won't even have time to sit down for 20 minutes to play a computer game in peace. Seriously. Your priority becomes the two of them. And if they need something, you can't just walk out and leave them at it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you're on call.

It's hard enough when you wanted the child to adjust to having zero time to yourself, but if you're having the child under silent protest it'll become a million times harder.
Maybe try negotiate some "me time" - for both of you - now, before the child is born. Agree that, for example, on a Friday night you get a 3 hour pass to go off and do whatever you want, and she gets the same pass on another night. You really only need this agreement for a couple of months - as the child gets older, it gets easier to take care of them - but it will do wonders for your mental health and your relationship for both people to get a regular breather, away from the family and free to be on their own again.

Seamus I don't need to be honest and open about anything. She knew my stance on the matter beforehand. I'm well aware of how drastically my life is going to change but I'm prepared for that. My partner is the most important person in the world to me and I didn't want her looking back in 30 years wishing that she had kids. I've told her that when the baby does arrive I'll be a doting father. I may not have wanted a child in an ideal world but it's a sacrifice I've made. The fact of the matter is I'm great with kids and always have been.

No offence Seamus but I don't need the advice you've given me above. I'm well aware of how my life is going to change- I planted the seed afterall- this was no accident. I knew what I was getting into when the deed was done and that's fine. My partners happiness is my foremost concern.

Ciarabear wrote: »

It's really admirable that you would prioritise someone else's happiness so much over your own but I really don't think it's wise for anyone to knowingly produce a child they actively don't want.

A partnership is exactly that Ciara, a partnership. I can't tell her that we're not having children- it's not my decision alone. The desire for a woman to have a child is generally speaking much stronger than in a man.
I'm big enough to forego what I would like in an ideal world- life is about striking a balance and in this instance having a baby is something she absolutely wanted. Choosing not to have a baby does not mean that I won't be a fantastic parent- I will. I will absolutely dote on both of them and be a very involved parent.

No need to get defensive Kintaro, just trying to be helpful. I respect your willingness to sacrifice your happiness for her sake, I'm just a little concerned that your language around it is somewhat negative, so I'm trying to help suggest ways that can help relieve the stress you will experience. If you go into this thinking that you're taking on a burden, then you will have difficulty shaking that resentment when you're rocking a child to sleep at 5am and you haven't slept more than 2 consecutive hours in the last week.

There's no way I can say this without sounding condescending as hell, but you're not prepared. But that's OK, because it's not possible to be fully prepared, and you will realise that when you get into it.

seamus wrote: »

No need to get defensive Kintaro, just trying to be helpful. I respect your willingness to sacrifice your happiness for her sake, I'm just a little concerned that your language around it is somewhat negative, so I'm trying to help suggest ways that can help relieve the stress you will experience. If you go into this thinking that you're taking on a burden, then you will have difficulty shaking that resentment when you're rocking a child to sleep at 5am and you haven't slept more than 2 consecutive hours in the last week.

There's no way I can say this without sounding condescending as hell, but you're not prepared. But that's OK, because it's not possible to be fully prepared, and you will realise that when you get into it.

Oh Seamus, I'm not being defensive- I'm sorry if it came out that way. The reality is I know what I'm doing and I'm fine with my decision.

I don't see it as being negative- in fact quite the opposite. I don't have any negative connotations about the decision I've undertook- I've simply been very honest and upfront.... perhaps that's where any confusion may lie.