Need some advice on my son

The11Duff · 28-05-2020 9:48am

I'm so shocked at people saying the lad cant work because there is a day left on the school term. I didn't see the OP write that he had to start this job before school finished.
Also 2 days a week is not going to test him. He has 5 days to recover if its that bad.

I went to work at 14 with my father on building sites for £50 a week in 2000.

With some of the comments on here, no wonder young people are turning into snowflakes.

poolboy · 28-05-2020 9:55am

KiKi III wrote: »

And what pandemic were you in the middle of?

1 The virus is all but extinguished in the community.
2 14 year olds are not at risk unless they have an underlying condition.
3 14 year olds are not vectors
4 life has to go on

Noddy Nangle · 28-05-2020 9:58am

Sorry without getting into specifics it’s an outdoorsy job and my friend is only helping me out as he understands what I want to do. He asked me how much He should o ok at him and I said forty was fine and maybe if he does a good job give him a little rise after a few weeks

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

I'll ask again what is the job?

Personally I think maybe going from zero to a full 8 hour day might be too much. A lot of younger people are lazy and have a lack of work ethic so he probably just needs to be eased in. Maybe a half day so that he gets used to it and then gradually increase up to a full day. Either way it is going to be a shock to his system but one that you need to hold firm on.

Is he regularly asked to do decent chores and jobs around the house to 'earn' things? I know when I was his age we pretty much worked full time at home and for the neighbours doing painting, lawn cutting, gardening, farm work. Whatever needed to be done were given it. It was what was expected. No way were you allowed just sit inside and do nothing.

knucklehead6 · 28-05-2020 10:11am

The only bit of advice i'd give you Noddy is to make sure that your son understands the value of his school work and education.

I went out working at about the same age in a crappy job, but it was my money and i was delighted with it. And then I began to resent time at school as I saw it as time I could be earning.

Eventually ended up with a fairly sh!t leaving cert and went working full time..

Other than that I think taking the xbox away from him is a good move. I had to do the same here the other week with our 15 yr old.

freshpopcorn · 28-05-2020 10:14am

Noddy Nangle wrote: »

Sorry without getting into specifics it’s an outdoorsy job and my friend is only helping me out as he understands what I want to do. He asked me how much He should o ok at him and I said forty was fine and maybe if he does a good job give him a little rise after a few weeks

What exactly are you hoping to get from this thread OP?

Are you going to tell your friend that your son doesn't want to do the job?

deceit · 28-05-2020 10:31am

freshpopcorn wrote: »

What exactly are you hoping to get from this thread OP?

Are you going to tell your friend that your son doesn't want to do the job?

I think the OP is looking for validation that it wasn't unreasonable.

Me personally I think its an awful idea and I cant imagine ever trying to force my kid to work but I suppose we all have different ideas about parenting. My kid spends his days now building with wood and gardening and only plays his pc at night time though.

I would be curious if the kid would be smart enough to realize that he is being taken advantage of by being forced to work for less than the minimum wage and I'm presuming off the books, he could be a dick about it if he figured this out and get your friend in trouble. Kids are a lot smarter nowadays than people give them credit for.

I've worked since I was 15 starting off cleaning a meat factory and I loved doing it, it was my choice and I felt that early job helped mold me. If I was forced to do it, I would have just dug my heals in and never would have went out looking for it.

boardlady · 28-05-2020 10:32am

I'm with you OP. My son is 12 and working with his dad. Granted, it is a family business, but he out there every day 'at the coal face' with him. It is an 'essential' work - before I am jumped on - and they work in almost complete isolation.

Is the concept of work completely foreign to your lad? I ask because my fella has been doing hard graft (in holidays and days off) since he was very young. He loves it and I could not stop him if I tried. Therefore, he is used to it and sees it as a part of life. If it's a new concept, then that may come as a shock! However, I do agree with you and the xbox/PS whatever, is not an alternative to living a 'real' life. Something part time even is great for them to get them out into reality and away from the screens. Maybe have a candid cards-on-the-table chat with him. Give him the chance to say what he is really thinking.

antimatterx · 28-05-2020 10:42am

I got my first "job" at 13. I'm 24 now.

I was working in my uncles shop a few hours a week for €5 p/h. I loved having some money. The same uncle also gave me more work by dropping Leaflets to doors.

When I was 14/15/16 I worked on sites with my dad. It was never full time. 4/5 hours a day, a few days week. Some weeks there was no works, but it was nice making some money over the summer as a teenZ

Mark Hamill · 28-05-2020 10:44am

Noddy Nangle wrote: »

Anyways the other day I managed to get him a job for a couple of days a week with a friend of mine so that he can begin to learn life skills and develop a work ethic.

This was your mistake. Well, your main mistake. Either your son is already a very studious person at school (and so already has the good work ethic), or they are the average teenager who thinks they already know everything about life, but telling a teenager that you are doing something to teach them life skills and develop a work ethic is only going to come across as incredibly patronising to them and only going to get their back up.

What you should have done is convince them with the money they would earn (and you should have approached them before locking down the wages to come to a figure). Tell tham that you can't give them any more pocket money, but with a job they could get a lot more and do what they like with it. 2 days a week, even at 50 a day is enough to buy a PS4 in a month, or pretty kick-ass gaming PC by the end of the summer (or just a crap load of games and accessories for his Xbox if that's all he is interested in).

That said, 40 is not enough for a day of outdoors work. Even if he is just going to be running tools and coffees back and forth, ask yourself would you do that, 8 hours straight, in the 20+ degree heat for a fiver an hour? Valuing yourself and your time is a very important life skill and one issue could be that he sees it that a full day out in the heat wont even get him 1 new videogame.

jrosen · 28-05-2020 10:45am

I think its great youve been able to get him a bit of work.
Did you ask him before hand if he wanted a job? how he felt about it? Is it possible he's digging his heels in because he has no control over this decision?
I do find at this age they push back more and want some control over what they do and I do believe involving them in the decision making is important. They feel heard and that their opinion is valued.

You should suggested some middle ground. Example, he does the job for 2 weeks. If he likes it he sticks with it and if he doesnt he gets to quit. But you also need to make clear you wont be the money train for the summer.
Maybe when he has the cash he will like having money.

freshpopcorn · 28-05-2020 10:47am

antimatterx wrote: »

I got my first "job" at 13. I'm 24 now.

I was working in my uncles shop a few hours a week for €5 p/h. I loved having some money. The same uncle also gave me more work by dropping Leaflets to doors.

When I was 14/15/16 I worked on sites with my dad. It was never full time. 4/5 hours a day, a few days week. Some weeks there was no works, but it was nice making some money over the summer as a teenZ

I think a long issue here is how he approached the son about it.
It could have been sold to him a lot better.

Lefty Bicek · 28-05-2020 10:53am

Leave the pandemic element aside for a moment...

Yes, of course communication is important and if the OP didn't tell the boy in advance that there is a job coming his way, that's careless.

But what amazes me is the mollycoddling of kids by so many of you.

From fourteen on I spent my summer holidays working. I mean a 40hr week. For peanuts. And gave up half of it because Dad was out of work.

There's nothing wrong with it. I'm not traumatised by it. It has stood me in good stead.

For a lot of people, an early experience of hard work and low money might be a valuable motivator.

Anyway, OP, you've backed yourself into a corner now by removing devices. So,he takes the job, or the Xbox goes in the bin.

You're not his friend and you don't need to be in his good books.

boardlady · 28-05-2020 10:54am

I'm chiming back in again! I agree with last few posters. You have told your son he is going out to work - like an adult. However, that is not how an adult goes out to work. The process of wanting/needing a job, finding a job and negotiating the terms, are all part of the process and part of what we all get out of our jobs. Maybe your approach was a little off. I say this as a parent who is learning all the time so don't want you to feel I am criticising. I hope as you posted here, you were hoping for advice of all kinds! Maybe start again, and tell your son all of this. Even tell him that you posted on here as you were so unhappy about his response and tell him the valuable suggestions you have been given as to how you could have approached it better. Fundamentally, the job is a great idea, maybe just the approach! I find it very hard to know how to speak to a boy who was a baby only a few years ago and is now beginning to think, and speak, like a man ...

Lefty Bicek · 28-05-2020 10:55am

JustAThought wrote: »

punishment is 100% ???? How can you say this? Having a toy removed is hardly 100% punishment. There is also his phone. Daily routine.TV restrictions, Change the password on the wifi. lots of ways. And that’s before I am even motivated.

And I am considering unpaid house & ‘yard’ chores a character building obligation not a punishment.

you must have had pushover parents -or be one! Or be a child posting !!!

So true.

Zeek12 · 28-05-2020 11:00am

There are better ways to get your son away from the XBOX than this.
You say he's 14 and you don't like that he spends a lot of time on XBOX?
Come on.
There are 34 and 44 yr olds spending far too much time on that thing.....

Punishing him just for being a kid and acting like one, sounds weird.
Guessing there's more to this than you've told us OP.

He'll be working long enough. Let him enjoy his young and carefree days I say.

Just because you yourself were working at 14 doesn't automatically make it the right thing to do now either.
Sounds like you and your son have some other issues to work through here and using the "stick" of work to push him is unlikely to solve those.

Best of luck with it anyway.

weemcd · 28-05-2020 11:03am

If you're sure that the job is safe OP with regards to the virus etc then keep at it. Your son will learn valuable life experience which should hold him in good stead. I know people twice his age lying about playing xbox with no hobbies or interests who wonder why the world hasn't handed them everything they want yet.

2 days is the right amount for now. He has enough to keep him busy, fit and active, with loads of free time in the summer. Absolutely no problem here, you'll probably need a couple of chats to coax him around.

Noddy Nangle · 28-05-2020 11:16am

He excels army GAA and soccer and he gets good grades without us pushing him

Treppen wrote: »

9-5 is pretty full on for a 14 year old, but I suppose where he's working they ain't gonna be picking him up or dropping him back outside these times.
Maybe suggest a break in period , half day to start?

I think you landed this on him all too quick without any notice.
Right son exams finished, schools over, go to work with some strangers, no Xbox till you do.

I think you need to sweeten the deal and subsidise those wages...
New headset
New controller
Xbox ultimate
Sign him up to online game building course for one hour a week.
Build his own game PC in stages.

Did he have any other hobbies?

Noddy Nangle · 28-05-2020 11:24am

Like you I too grew up on a farm and did lots of farm work too. We weren’t left idle and it did us no harm. But I’m not on a farm anymore and there is only so much you can do around the house. And being honest he doesn’t do much around the house either. I understand he is 14 but maybe it’s the farmer in me but I can’t stand to see kids in their room on Xbox’s all day.

Noddy Nangle wrote: »

Sorry without getting into specifics it’s an outdoorsy job and my friend is only helping me out as he understands what I want to do. He asked me how much He should o ok at him and I said forty was fine and maybe if he does a good job give him a little rise after a few weeks

iHungry · 28-05-2020 11:27am

Hi op, I think it'll be good for him. It's only 2 days a week. He is probably dredding it but that's life. Once he starts it won't seem so bad. Get him up and out at it.

Agent Smith · 28-05-2020 11:50am

The11Duff wrote: »

I went to work at 14 with my father on building sites for £50 a week in 2000.

With some of the comments on here, no wonder young people are turning into snowflakes.

I did the same, £50 ( or €65) was a lot when i was 14. And it wasnt just making the tea! used to be knackered every friday! but by god I loved that envalope on a friday evening!

OP, unless the work is wildly dangerous, tell him to suck it up and do it. maybe it will give him a work ethic. it did with me, he'll hated it at the start, but once he gets the money, he'll want more.

TCPIP · 28-05-2020 11:58am

You're asking a young 14 year old to perform physical outdoor work for a pittance. He is right to be annoyed at you and while you might have been working at 14 there's a difference between working on a family farm which is a codified exception to working age laws and being hired out by your parent.

If you're so hell bent on him doing something productive why not try and get him to perform something for self improvement and motivate him that way such as learning to code or get a head start on languages for school instead of being cheap labour for your friend.

Mitch Connor · 28-05-2020 12:00pm

Or tell him he needs to get a job, and make him go look for one - one that he will have some agency in.

'I told my son he had a job, without discussing it, and he's become really unreasonable, so I took away his only connections to his friends - which have previously been a godsend because being rural and isolated this lockdown has been tough on him.'

beauf · 28-05-2020 12:03pm

With a teenager is like reeling in a fish you have to give a little, get a little back. Takes forever with a difficult child. Going nuclear never works. It's not 1950 and it just doesn't work. They just dig their heels in deeper. Been there got the T-shirt. They are still children. By 16 they will have matured hopefully....

I don't get the resistance from people here to working. I worked as a kid from a very young age. It's a life skill. But I wouldn't blindside someone with it.

GarIT · 28-05-2020 12:24pm

I'm reading this thinking it is insanity. The wold has moved on from all of the "I did it when I was 14 examples". And giving work ethic is nonsense too. Finished school around 10 years ago and all the lads who had no work ethic all buckled down and matured when 6th year came around. OP is saying he is doing well in sports and school so he has work ethic, probably more than his peers. The GAA lads all row in together in 6th year and do grand, I wouldn't be worrying about it.

Until he is 18 and/or leaves full time education you are legally required to provide for him, you can't force him to work if he doesn't want to. Taking away his entertainment while he is trapped at home in the worse crisis for three generations is madness. Let him enjoy his childhood, he will mature when he needs to.

And your asking him to work for a joke of a wage well below the minimum legally allowed. You're setting a bad example by encouraging him to break a fair few laws as is your friend. He needs to be paid the minimum wage, and accruing paid holidays, don't be teaching him to work for less than he is worth.

I'll be doing everything I can to ensure my children have to work until they finish college. None of this I had a tough childhood so my children should too. If they want extras sure they can work for it but if they want to life frugally and focus on their studies that's fine with me too. Many studies have proven that working at a young age lowers performance in school and college.

GarIT · 28-05-2020 12:35pm

Just to point out to all the people saying "back in the day I worked for £5 an hour"

£5 20 years ago is €10 now.

morebabies · 28-05-2020 12:35pm

I know a few families locally with teen lads whose sons are gaming / snapchatting all day and also in bed until mid afternoon.
The parents are worryingly blasé about it, "I don't know what he does be at texting all day long, we only see him at mealtimes".
Another family I know reached crisis point when they turned off the wi fi on their son, long before this lockdown, and it ended up with violence and some kind of family intervention.
Extreme examples yes, but this amount of time online for children is like a massive social experiment that we don't know the outcome to yet.

Lefty Bicek · 28-05-2020 12:46pm

TCPIP wrote: »

You're asking a young 14 year old to perform physical outdoor work for a pittance.

There was nothing wrong with it twenty and thirty years ago, and there is nothing wrong with it now.

He is right to be annoyed at you and while you might have been working at 14 there's a difference between working on a family farm which is a codified exception to working age laws and being hired out by your parent.

That is a really stupid use of language.

If you're so hell bent on him doing something productive why not try and get him to perform something for self improvement

Cultivating self-discipline, reliability, stick-at-edness are all valid forms of 'self improvement'. Sometimes they actually pay, however badly.

Not seeing the possibilities of that could be construed as excuse-making for an aversion to the discipline of employment (as opposed to work).

and motivate him that way such as learning to code or get a head start on languages for school instead of being cheap labour for your friend.

:rolleyes:

An aversion to the discipline of employment, then.

GarIT · 28-05-2020 12:50pm

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

There was nothing wrong with it twenty and thirty years ago, and there is nothing wrong with it now.

That is a really stupid use of language.

Cultivating self-discipline, reliability, stick-at-edness are all valid forms of 'self improvement'. Sometimes they actually pay, however badly.

Not seeing the possibilities of that could be construed as excuse-making for an aversion to the discipline of employment (as opposed to work).

:rolleyes:

An aversion to the discipline of employment, then.

Times change, there is something wrong with it. If he wanted to fine, but bullying a 14 year old into going out and working during a pandemic isn't fine.

Ah yes, if it's not hard labour it's not a proper job, my da tried that one on me. Now I earn a decent chunk more than him, will be earning twice or tripple what he is by his age and my back doesn't hurt but sure I should give it all up because it's not a proper job with discipline. If he's a smart kid let him do smart things. We're not in a country where most jobs are manual labour anymore.

KiKi III · 28-05-2020 12:52pm

Nobody needs to “learn the discipline of employment” at 14. You’d think he’ll become a slack jawed yokel if he’s not.

He can’t see his friends for the most part at the moment. He hasn’t been to school in months.

His whole life has been turned upside down.

And even though he is a good kid who gets good grades without being pushed you’re giving him a hard time.

Is this job within your 5km radius and essential? Of course it’s not.

Lefty Bicek · 28-05-2020 12:59pm

GarIT wrote: »

Just to point out to all the people saying "back in the day I worked for £5 an hour"

£5 20 years ago is €10 now.

You could be right about that. How did you calculate it ?

The CSO CPI calculator suggests it's something less than your figure. (I am assuming that the calculator has adjusted for the currency change in 2002.)

The % change in the CPI from May 2000 to Apr 2020 is 37.0%.

GarIT · 28-05-2020 1:03pm

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

You could be right about that. How did you calculate it ?

The CSO CPI calculator suggests it's something less than your figure. (I am assuming that the calculator has adjusted for the currency change in 2002.)

I went off minimum wage, was €5.58 20 years ago so under £5 then, €10.10 now. https://tradingeconomics.com/ireland/minimum-wages

There are a few saying they worked for £5 years ago which is roughly what an adult would have epected to earn then and this child is being told they have to work for half what an adult would expect to earn now.

Eric Cartman · 28-05-2020 1:05pm

KiKi III wrote: »

Nobody needs to “learn the discipline of employment” at 14. You’d think he’ll become a slack jawed yokel if he’s not.

He can’t see his friends for the most part at the moment. He hasn’t been to school in months.

His whole life has been turned upside down.

And even though he is a good kid who gets good grades without being pushed you’re giving him a hard time.

Is this job within your 5km radius and essential? Of course it’s not.

it could very well be on a farm 1km down the road , its the countryside, doubt they're sending him off to Dublin to bag coal or anything...

when I was 14 I worked in a factory bagging golf tee's, I definitely think the work ethic instilled at that age helped a lot. Ive been running a business since I was 14 , the tools and confidence that work experience gave me absolutely spurred that on and has helped me to stick through a lot of things. Haven't been out of work a day in my life since.

OP, sadly this is the nature of withdrawal symptoms taking a teenager away from the xbox , but he'll be better for it in the long run.

spurious · 28-05-2020 1:11pm

Perhaps it has been mentioned and I missed it, was the young lad consulted at all about this, or just ordered out to work?

For those who say young people can't get the virus, they are well able to carry it, otherwise we would be packing them back into the schools.

If he was mine, I'd be offering him jobs around the house.

Lefty Bicek · 28-05-2020 1:14pm

GarIT wrote: »

Times change, there is something wrong with it. If he wanted to fine, but bullying a 14 year old into going out and working during a pandemic isn't fine.

No, you are wrong. There is nothing whatsoever wrong in it, despite how times change.

The kid isn't being bullied either. That's your emotive way of putting your point across, but it's totally at odds with the OP's own words...

I never lost my temper with him and I told him I was doing this because I loved him but he point blank refused to listen.

How about listening to what people say, rather than imposing your irrationality ?

Ah yes, if it's not hard labour it's not a proper job,

Who said that ? Who said that the benefits of this are only in the hard labour aspect of it ? I didn't anyway.

my da tried that one on me. Now I earn a decent chunk more than him, will be earning twice or tripple what he is by his age

Most of us move on.

[/quote]and my back doesn't hurt but sure I should give it all up because it's not a proper job with discipline.[/quote]

Your aversion to physical work is clouding your perception. It isn't centrally about manual work, and no-one here is asking you to do anything. Are they ?

If he's a smart kid let him do smart things. We're not in a country where most jobs are manual labour anymore.

Your aversion, again.

GarIT · 28-05-2020 1:15pm

spurious wrote: »

Perhaps it has been mentioned and I missed it, was the young lad consulted at all about this, or just ordered out to work?

For those who say young people can't get the virus, they are well able to carry it, otherwise we would be packing them back into the schools.

If he was mine, I'd be offering him jobs around the house.

It was mentioned. OP told the lad he had a job and was going out to work withouth consultation and then took away his social interaction in response to the refusal.

Lefty Bicek · 28-05-2020 1:20pm

GarIT wrote: »

I went off minimum wage, was €5.58 20 years ago so under £5 then, €10.10 now. https://tradingeconomics.com/ireland/minimum-wages

There are a few saying they worked for £5 years ago which is roughly what an adult would have epected to earn then and this child is being told they have to work for half what an adult would expect to earn now.

Ah, you're using wage rates. I was using the Consumer Price Index.

I do not agree with pittance rates of pay. You should get paid for the work you do.

I got £1 per hour in the mid-80's. 40 hour week. 11 miles away, on a bicycle.

I wanted the money, not the exploitation. But to get one I had to accept the other.

I've never forgotten it. In retrospect, it has stood to me. I would now be more annoyed with my parents if they had said no to it.

NSAman · 28-05-2020 1:21pm

We had a family business. it was expected that during your time away from School you worked. I started working at 8. I started a small business at 10. I see no harm in it personally. It wasn’t that we were down a coal mine at the hard face, you worked to support yourself, learn that money does not come free and it also instilled a great work ethic in me, that continues today.

I know not all parents think that kids working is fine. That is their choice.

As long as the kid is safe, under supervision properly and not placed in any dangerous situations, I see no harm.

Many kids (even older than 14) do not want to work and expect to have their free time to themselves while mum and dad pay for it... that is for the parents to sort out with the kids.

For me personally, my lads started working with me young. It does give people an advantage later in life (IMHO) as they are able to deal with people, socialise and also know what money is and how to acquire it through work. They also learn that nothing in this life is free.

Yes there were times that “but...but.... dad.... my friends are going and I want to go!”... I am not a hard ass.. and negotiation skills are learned early.

colm_mcm · 28-05-2020 1:24pm

I would imagine a huge factor is how much disposable cash he has without having a job. If he has everything he needs and easily gets money for cinema etc then he has no motivation to earn money.

I don't think telling him he has a job, then punishing him for not wanting that job is reasonable.

GarIT · 28-05-2020 1:27pm

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

No, you are wrong. There is nothing whatsoever wrong in it, despite how times change.

The kid isn't being bullied either. That's your emotive way of putting your point across, but it's totally at odds with the OP's own words...

How about listening to what people say, rather than imposing your irrationality ?

Who said that ? Who said that the benefits of this are only in the hard labour aspect of it ? I didn't anyway.

Most of us move on.

Your aversion to physical work is clouding your perception. It isn't centrally about manual work, and no-one here is asking you to do anything. Are they ?

Your aversion, again.

We're not going to agree on the first part. I think advances in our society over the last 30 years should allow for children to have easier childhoods.

I'd say taking away someone entertainment and social interaction when they are stuck at home to get them to do something illegal is closer to bullying than parenting.

I assume you have heard actions speak louder than words, OP can say they are doing it because of love if they want to but it doesn't mean they are doing the right thing just because they said they are.

You said learning to program or learning a language wouldn't have the same discipline benefits of working, so that was my take on it that you don't see them as real jobs.

I do have an aversion to physical work, and I don't think that's necessarily harmful. In modern times it's not really harmful for the child either he is doing well in sports, so likely fit, and doing well in school so won't have to do manual labour if they don't want to.

c.p.w.g.w · 28-05-2020 1:33pm

I mother fcuked me off to England at 16 during summer holidays to work for her brother I didn't want to do it as playing playstation/pc was of more interest ..10 hours days in construction with 4 hours commute...worked 4 weeks until I just couldn't take it anymore and returned home...best thing that ever happened to me...was back 4 weeks and started a part time job I continued in for 18 months until I was let go(business slowed down)

freshpopcorn · 28-05-2020 1:37pm

By the way OP,
I don’t think it’s a bad thing you want him to get a job but I just think you went the wrong way about telling him about it and getting him into it.
A slight underpayment of the minimum wage wouldn’t bother me.

Is he a fella that will behave for you OP?
For example could he do something such as run away or something else to get out of it.
Or would he misbehave at the job and cause trouble/damage.
Or would he keep his head down and be miserable and might get to like it?

They are people here posting about them having a job at 14 and how it made them the person they are today but they sort of wanted the job and were happy with it but how would they have felt if there parents pushed them into something that they hated or made them really uncomfortable.

Your a bit cagey on the type of job it is but would he able to do it. Would it require lifting, etc
Could it be a confidence thing and he thinks he won’t be able for it?
Would he be willing to work in retail or a restaurant for example but outdoors work may not be for him.

Does he get on with him or could he have issues with him.( I’d talk about this)

I know there’s 14 year olds out there and they’d like this job and be happy with it.
I do think it’s sort of unfair to your friend to land your son onto him if he really doesn’t want to be there and may be hassle for him.

28-05-2020 1:45pm

I often read the "I started work at 10, and I'm fine" opinions as "I was made to work at an early age and I'm still bitter about it, so everyone else should have to suffer like I did"
I know that's not the case for everyone, but for a lot of people that's how it's coming across.

In the case of farm or family business, the expectation would be well known and accepted by most teens, I think. This situation seems to be a decision based on the parent not being happy about the child 'doing nothing'.

I think the way this was handled wasn't great and definitely heavy handed reaction. A discussion about work before any arrangement was made could have saved a lot of stress, and agree with other posters that a calm discussion at this stage could help.

OP, I hope you're reading and taking on board different perspectives and can have a discussion with your son and that some kind of compromise can be reached.
Good luck

cgcsb · 28-05-2020 1:46pm

Noddy Nangle wrote: »

Yes he will get paid €40 for 9-5 and he can keep it as his own to save and spend. When I asked why he wouldn’t go he said he was too young (I was working at 14)

I note you made this decision completely over his head and arranged it completely over his head. Who is the person you know who is profiting from this cheap labour? I worked a min wage job when I was 16 many many years ago and at that point the min wage for an under 18 was about €7/h

Saying you done it as a kid isn't really an excuse. Our parent's life isn't our life, things change.

Did you parents make these decisions entirely over your head? were you happy about it?

FAILSAFE 00 · 28-05-2020 1:47pm

Let's face it. It's just laziness.

Tough love needed.

28-05-2020 1:49pm

FAILSAFE 00 wrote: »

Let's face it. It's just laziness.

Tough love needed.

FAILSAFE, you know nothing about this child.

c.p.w.g.w · 28-05-2020 1:53pm

sugarman wrote: »

Not necessarily.. Money at that age meant very little to me and I'd have had no motivation to go out and earn €1000 a week if it was on offer. All I ever wanted to do (and did) at that age was to be a kid and hang around with friends in a field doing absolutely nothing all summer ...and it was great.

That's great and all, but OP's son will be working 2 days a week. Will give him an advantage of getting part time work when his older and teach him where money actually comes from...

cgcsb · 28-05-2020 1:55pm

Muppet Man wrote: »

I was picking spuds when was 11 for 5 quid a day. Never knew tiredness like it. It was great. Good on you OP.

adjusting for inflation, how fare do you think €5 an hour is?

Treppen · 28-05-2020 1:56pm

JustAThought wrote: »

punishment is 100% ???? How can you say this? Having a toy removed is hardly 100% punishment. There is also his phone. Daily routine.TV restrictions, Change the password on the wifi. lots of ways. And that’s before I am even motivated.

And I am considering unpaid house & ‘yard’ chores a character building obligation not a punishment.

you must have had pushover parents -or be one! Or be a child posting !!!

So you reckon escalating the punishment is the way forward?
Calling me names is just showing how week your position is btw

To be honest I didn't work when I was a teenager but spent a good bit of my time doing gardening chores and minding grandparent.... Who also put me to work in garden, painting, cutting wood, shopping, fishing etc. (All year btw not just summer). So I had no problem jumping in to landscaping work later on in life.
When I was 18+ I was offered work in my father's employment during summers and I wanted to do it as my brother's did it before, so there was a precedent.
For the op's kid though there wasn't anything flagged etc

cgcsb · 28-05-2020 1:58pm

The11Duff wrote: »

I'm so shocked at people saying the lad cant work because there is a day left on the school term. I didn't see the OP write that he had to start this job before school finished.
Also 2 days a week is not going to test him. He has 5 days to recover if its that bad.

I went to work at 14 with my father on building sites for £50 a week in 2000.

With some of the comments on here, no wonder young people are turning into snowflakes.

That was illegal then.

freshpopcorn · 28-05-2020 1:59pm

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

That's great and all, but OP's son will be working 2 days a week. Will give him an advantage of getting part time work when his older and teach him where money actually comes from...

He might also get a bad name if he acts up on this job because he doesn’t want to be there.

Need some advice on my son

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