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Maths jokes!

MathsManiac · 2007-11-14 01:59:19

I don't know how to make a sticky - is it only moderators can do that? [edit: posted back when I was a relative newb!] Anyway, I think a sticky for maths jokes would be good. Here's one to start, (an oldie but goodie!) There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

Comments

#152 23-10-2010 11:50am

Feeona

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What's really annoyin'?

An upside down six

(This joke doesn't work as well when it's written down!)

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#153 10-11-2010 7:17pm

Fremen

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(Shamelessly stolen from mathoverflow)

Let [latex] \int f = \int_0^x f(u) du [/latex]

Solve

[latex] \int f = f - 1 [/latex].

Solution:

factor out the f from the integral

[latex] f \int = f - 1 [/latex]

Re-arrange:

[latex] f = \frac{1}{1 - \int} [/latex]

expand the right in a geometric series

[latex] f = 1 + \int_0^x + (\int_0^x)^2 + \dots [/latex]

[latex] f = 1 + \int_0^x + \int_0^x( \int_0^x dx) dx + \dots [/latex]

[latex] f = 1 + x + x^2/2 + \dots [/latex]

[latex] f = e^x [/latex]

QED

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#154 11-11-2010 5:58pm

xRodge

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One i remember my maths teacher telling us a LONG time ago:

What did the cat say when he slid down a rough inclined plane?
Mu

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#155 18-11-2010 12:28am

Économiste Monétaire

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#156 18-11-2010 1:08am

sponsoredwalk

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#157 01-12-2010 3:38pm

doc_17

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Not quite a joke but it happened and I thought it was funy.

A few months back my nephew came in on Friday evening and was all chuffed with himself - he got 10 out of 10 in a spelling test.

The next Friday he came in and his mum asked him how he did in his weekely spelling test. "I didn't do as well this week - i only got 8 out of 8"

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#158 07-12-2010 12:36am

Capt'n Midnight

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#159 31-12-2010 12:19pm

Capt'n Midnight

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I don't mind trigonometry problems.

Normally only takes me a few secs.

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#160 08-01-2011 4:30am

steddyeddy

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Well I would love to join in but I failed so many maths tests I cant even count

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#161 08-01-2011 5:59am

take everything

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Sherifu wrote: »

Priceless.

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#162 08-01-2011 6:17am

take everything

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Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Was actually expecting crappy jokes but some of these have me laughing my ar$e off.

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#163 10-01-2011 1:13pm

click_here!!!

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If you look at 3.14 (pi) in the mirror, it looks kindof like PI.E!!
I don't have a picture of it though.:(

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#164 20-01-2011 12:56am

Capt'n Midnight

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Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there's only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan.

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#165 22-01-2011 2:19am

Capt'n Midnight

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There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

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#166 24-01-2011 2:33am

JamJamJamJam

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered six offender.

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#167 25-01-2011 12:34am

Fremen

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There's an algorithm in geometry known as the Cox-Zucker machine.

/thread

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#168 25-01-2011 12:40pm

Capt'n Midnight

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from https://boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=70251762&postcount=8052

mathproblem wrote: »

lurker here. this was doing my head in!

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#169 14-02-2011 12:59am

Grudaire

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#170 25-02-2011 2:04pm

Pygmalion

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#171 17-03-2011 3:04pm

Capt'n Midnight

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#172 22-03-2011 11:46pm

resistantdoor

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A line was telling me how he only ever got touched once in his life....and then he went off on a tangent.

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#173 11-04-2011 7:15am

sponsoredwalk

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQHaGhC7C2E

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#174 26-04-2011 3:52am

red_red_wine

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doc_17 wrote: »

Not quite a joke but it happened and I thought it was funy.

A few months back my nephew came in on Friday evening and was all chuffed with himself - he got 10 out of 10 in a spelling test.

The next Friday he came in and his mum asked him how he did in his weekely spelling test. "I didn't do as well this week - i only got 8 out of 8"

At least your nephew is a child....

My dad used to work as a polling station supervisor during the General Elections. One year (this would have been in the 90s), one of the prospective candidates came up to him as the evening was drawing to a close. The candidate asked how the turnout had been.

''Oh excellent'' replied Dad ''We're almost up to a hundred and ten per cent.''

''God, that's great'' said the candidate and away he went. He was subsequently elected and went on to become a Junior Minister :rolleyes:

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#175 11-05-2011 5:54pm

hevsuit

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If i were Sinx^2, and you were Cosx^2, we'd be 1 nomatter what.

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#176 11-05-2011 7:01pm

LeixlipRed

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The way you've written that is wrong which makes it all the more hilariously bad :P

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#177 14-05-2011 10:40pm

Grudaire

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Kudos to Capt'n Mightnight, this is shamelessly stolen from YLYL

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

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#178 14-05-2011 11:50pm

Fremen

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#179 18-05-2011 3:08pm

Capt'n Midnight

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another from YLYL

tony 2 tone wrote: »

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#180 18-05-2011 8:28pm

KnifeWRENCH

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Why are gay men great at group theory?
They satisfy the Tits alternative!

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#181 24-05-2011 5:47am

sponsoredwalk

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOZO0WWULLA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfxfnokQuLM

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#182 27-05-2011 11:10am

KnifeWRENCH

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The Uncyclopedia article on topology is brilliant: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Topology

The most common symptom of topology is confusing everyday objects with one another, such as being unable to differentiate between doughnuts and coffee cups, which obviously causes many problems for police officers.

Topology was discovered by Leonhard Euler, the town drunkard of Königsberg, when he attempted to find his way home after a particularly long night of heavy drinking. After crossing every bridge in town exactly once, he gave up on his search and returned to the bar.

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#183 30-05-2011 8:13pm

Capt'n Midnight

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#184 30-05-2011 8:15pm

jayteecork

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These tow probably posted already, remeber my maths teacher in college telling us them.

"I'm a mathematician - I have no life, and I can prove it!"

"A mathematician wakes up in the middle of the night to discover his flat is on fire. He spies a fire extingusher on the wall and says "problem solved" and goes back to sleep"

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#185 02-06-2011 12:43pm

Capt'n Midnight

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More from YLYL

Tallon wrote: »

MIRMIR82 wrote: »

^

Tallon wrote: »

When you pay for support, you get it!

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#186 02-06-2011 1:30pm

Brantley Screeching Advisor
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That WoW one is so funny

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#187 07-06-2011 1:46am

Capt'n Midnight

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When my father died he left me a beautifully crafted hand written quadratic equation.

The funny fecker always told me he was going to leave me "a tidy sum."

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#188 19-06-2011 10:21pm

Capt'n Midnight

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another from YLYL

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#189 26-06-2011 2:59pm

Catherine!

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Apologies if this joke has already been told!

Two cats are sliding down a roof. Which one falls off first?

The one with the smaller mu.

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#190 19-07-2011 12:31am

Capt'n Midnight

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more shameless robbing

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#191 20-07-2011 8:49pm

JamJamJamJam

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This is more of a physicsy joke, but whatever.. From a friend..

Knock knock

Who's there?

The interrupting coefficient of friction

The interrup-

MUUUUU!!!!

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#192 03-08-2011 1:32pm

Thunderdrive

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Maths is fun :P

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#193 03-08-2011 2:11pm

Aoi

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I do love a good maths joke =D

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#194 05-09-2011 1:14pm

Richard Cranium

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An actuary walks into [latex]\bar{a}[/latex]

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#195 05-09-2011 1:15pm

LeixlipRed

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Get out!

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#196 05-09-2011 1:23pm

Richard Cranium

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I think it's actually the worst joke in the history of the world.

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#197 05-09-2011 6:36pm

Capt'n Midnight

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Richard Cranium wrote: »

I think it's actually the worst joke in the history of the world bar none.

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#198 05-09-2011 6:37pm

Capt'n Midnight

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#199 05-09-2011 10:58pm

Richard Cranium

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I'll try and make things worse redeem myself after the awfulness of my last joke. I don't think this one was posted before:

What did Euler find in the toilet?
A natural log

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#200 09-09-2011 12:51pm

Pygmalion

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#201 10-09-2011 6:24pm

KnifeWRENCH

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Since the physics forum doesn't have a jokes thread, it'll have to do here instead.

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