What's the etiquette here??

JohnnyFlash · 06-04-2019 1:49pm #1

I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result.

Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:

I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

Purple Mountain · 06-04-2019 1:51pm

TMI

jessiblah · 06-04-2019 1:54pm

Your description of everything makes it a bit hard to follow but what I'm getting is... you're annoyed your employee used the bathroom at the same time as you? And you didn't speak to him for the rest of the morning because of it?

Surely you're trolling right now?

lainey_d_123 · 06-04-2019 1:55pm

Thanks for the laugh, OP. Needed it today.

So someone obviously had the sh1ts and you think they.....should have held it in or sh1t themselves because you were in the toilets first

....?

06-04-2019 1:57pm

Shocking that fellow humans could relieve themselves. Even if they didn't have three aliases. Shocking.

Yer Da sells Avon · 06-04-2019 1:58pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

Where are you from yourself? Where I'm from (Ireland), giving a vivid description of a person's bowel movement would not be considered culturally normal.

JohnnyFlash · 06-04-2019 1:59pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Thanks for the laugh, OP. Needed it today.

So someone obviously had the sh1ts and you think they.....should have held it in or sh1t themselves because you were in the toilets first

....?

Obviously I don’t want them to shîte themselves. However waiting a minute or two for me to finish up is surely less awkward than popping into the cubicle beside me and unloading a few pints of toxic arse gravy. I heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

TomasMacR · 06-04-2019 2:01pm

Was he on the piss the night before as well? As in could he have been on a bad way himself and might’ve been desperate? If not, I think it’s poor form, particularly if you know the person. Some people just don’t give a f*ck though.

PhilOssophy · 06-04-2019 2:08pm

Don't care

TomasMacR · 06-04-2019 2:09pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

Fire him for taking a sh*t? Have you left out some details, like he reached into the bowl pulled his log out and used it like a jumbo crayon to write on the jacks wall something along the lines of ‘my boss JohnnyFlash is a c*nt’? Because if not, pull your head out of your own recently excavated hole.

Danzy · 06-04-2019 2:12pm

Tell him to keep it watery, you do not want to be paying him to spend ten minutes on the toilet.

JohnnyFlash · 06-04-2019 2:14pm

TomasMacR wrote: »

Fire him for taking a sh*t? Have you left out some details, like he reached into the bowl pulled his log out and used it like a jumbo crayon to write on the jacks wall something along the lines of ‘my boss JohnnyFlash is a c*nt’? Because if not, pull your head out of your own recently excavated hole.

I’m not going to fire him - it just crossed my mind for a second. He’s a good worker and doesn’t drink as much as the other Eastern European’s I employ. I just think what he did was vile and unnecessary, and I can’t forget what I heard and smelled. He should have waited if he could at all. Might have a chat with him on Monday about it.

EmmetSpiceland · 06-04-2019 2:18pm

The toilet etiquette of some people is appalling. I’ve some shower of animals in my place.

One lad will actually wait outside the stalls for one to free up. He’s right there as soon as you open the door. Why he won’t just use the handicapped toilet like a normal person is beyond me.

I guess you’d have to take into account the nature of his evacuation. Maybe he waited as long as he could. I was once in a similar boat after getting through too many bowls of All-Bran before my first day in a new job. I stuck it out though until I could get some time to myself. Wasn’t easy, lots of cramping and loud gurgling.

If it’s case that it was an emergency, you’d have to give him a pass, if not then an informal verbal warning might be required.

MrFresh · 06-04-2019 2:20pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Obviously I don’t want them to shîte themselves. However waiting a minute or two for me to finish up is surely less awkward than popping into the cubicle beside me and unloading a few pints of toxic arse gravy. I heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

First of all, how was he supposed to know how long you would be? Second, if you're just sitting there on the phone then you were finished. Have some decency and feck off out of the jacks when you are finished and don't use it as a library.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 06-04-2019 2:21pm

I suspect he wants to rub arses with you.
Them foreign lads are strange.

Purple Mountain · 06-04-2019 2:23pm

Fire him

Mrs OBumble · 06-04-2019 2:26pm

OP why do you think they build two cubicles in there, if only one is expected to be in use at a time?

'Cos like you're lads, and anything you do in a cubicle is gonna smell.

I almost wish you did fire him, just for the LOLz it would like the lads in Workplace Relations. (No, I'm not suggesting that you do - just pointing out how silly you'd look when you had to explain it to them.)

Franz Von Peppercorn · 06-04-2019 2:30pm

I’m eating my breakfast, Flash

K.Flyer · 06-04-2019 2:31pm

It's not like he came into your cubicle and and he asked you to shift over a bit on the jacks so he could let rip in beside your own arse ffs.
Who do you think you are, Kim Jong Un? expecting everyone to hold off using a free cubicle while you sh!t in peace. Priceless

_Kaiser_ · 06-04-2019 2:36pm

The funniest thing about this thread is that people are taking the OP seriously. Have ye never "met" him before here?

Well played OP.

Roger Hassenforder · 06-04-2019 2:39pm

Where you're going wrong OP is to not have an acoustically insulated trap reserved for yourself.
Put a sign on it 'Reserved for Senior Management' or something, Access via swipe card or pin.

Have a newspaper rack and maybe a Nespresso machine for lengthy stays. A nice throw on the cistern, deep pile rug.Stock only Hanebisho rolls,
give the peons Aldi paper.

EmmetSpiceland · 06-04-2019 2:40pm

K.Flyer wrote: »

It's not like he came into your cubicle and and he asked you to shift over a bit on the jacks so he could let rip in beside your own arse ffs.
Who do you think you are, Kim Jong Un? expecting everyone to hold off using a free cubicle while you sh!t in peace. Priceless

He should have waited. There’s two of you there and one of goes into the toilet, you know there’s only one other stall.

Of course, you can start in once you hear the flush but you still shouldn't unleash that level of brown thunder until you hear the hand dryer blast or the main door close.

Roger Hassenforder · 06-04-2019 2:42pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

OP why do you think they build two cubicles in there, if only one is expected to be in use at a time?

'Cos like you're lads, and anything you do in a cubicle is gonna smell.

I almost wish you did fire him, just for the LOLz it would like the lads in Workplace Relations. (No, I'm not suggesting that you do - just pointing out how silly you'd look when you had to explain it to them.)

There was a rule in the civil service up until very recently, all grades below Executive officer would have to wait until higher grades (Principal Officers, Dept Secretarys etc.) had completed their business in a bathroom and left until they could enter, in case they overheard anything.

Alf Veedersane · 06-04-2019 2:44pm

The only real issue would be if there were 3 cubicles and he picked the empty middle one rather than leave a buffer.

People who do that are monsters.

JohnnyFlash · 06-04-2019 2:45pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Where you're going wrong OP is to not have an acoustically insulated trap reserved for yourself.
Put a sign on it 'Reserved for Senior Management' or something, Access via swipe card or pin.

Have a newspaper rack and maybe a Nespresso machine for lengthy stays. A nice throw on the cistern, deep pile rug.Stock only Hanebisho rolls,
give the peons Aldi paper.

I like this idea.

However I’ve decided I’m just going to block off one of the cubicles so there’s only one available.

Roger Hassenforder · 06-04-2019 2:48pm

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

The only real issue woukd be if there were 3 cubicles and he picked the middle one rather than leave a buffer.

People who do that are monsters.

https://www.urinalman.com
If they cant get it right in urinals, what hope is there. This should be thought along with consent classes.

givyjoe · 06-04-2019 2:48pm

The amount of brain donors here taking the original post and op's follow up seriously. Jesus wept.

Alf Veedersane · 06-04-2019 2:48pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I like this idea.

However I’ve decided I’m just going to block off one of the cubicles so there’s only one available.

Maybe have some industrial strength cleaners by the sink

Roger Hassenforder · 06-04-2019 2:49pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I like this idea.

However I’ve decided I’m just going to block off one of the cubicles so there’s only one available.

That means your peons will have to share your facilities.
Ugggh

freshpopcorn · 06-04-2019 2:50pm

When you've got to go you've got to go!

Roger Hassenforder · 06-04-2019 2:52pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

When you've got to go you've got to go!

Theres a bang of victim blaming of that.
OP was effectively assaulted

K.Flyer · 06-04-2019 2:53pm

When the sluice gates are about to open and someone is hogging the bog...

Jurgen Klopp · 06-04-2019 2:58pm

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

The funniest thing about this thread is that people are taking the OP seriously. Have ye never "met" him before here?

Well played OP.

Not half as good as the women and white knights who believe and get offended over his sexcapde stories

JohnnyFlash · 06-04-2019 3:36pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

He should have waited. There’s two of you there and one of goes into the toilet, you know there’s only one other stall.

Of course, you can start in once you hear the flush but you still shouldn't unleash that level of brown thunder until you hear the hand dryer blast or the main door close.

You get it, Emmet. If there’s two people working together and one goes for a shīt then the other lad should wait until the first lad is finished.

Woke Hogan · 06-04-2019 3:51pm

When my daughter was a teenager her best friend used to hog the bathroom for ages every time she came over for dinner. I risked being accused of perversion by listening in on her using the toilet to overhear her throwing up, “purging” after her meals.

Naturally I called her parents with my concerns and had a chat with my daughter and the pair of them went to counselling over the matter. Now neither of them never stop eating!

TomasMacR · 06-04-2019 3:56pm

Woke Hogan wrote: »

When my daughter was a teenager her best friend used to hog the bathroom for ages every time she came over for dinner. I risked being accused of perversion by listening in on her using the toilet to overhear her throwing up, “purging” after her meals.

Naturally I called her parents with my concerns and had a chat with my daughter and the pair of them went to counselling over the matter. Now neither of them never stop eating!

what’s this got to do with whether two people that know one another should be taking a dump next to one another simultaneously?

ToddyDoody · 06-04-2019 3:58pm

I wouldn't mind as long as the toilet paper was top quality... 3 ply, just fluffy enough, royal emblem, added aloe vera etc.

Woke Hogan · 06-04-2019 3:59pm

TomasMacR wrote: »

what’s this got to do with whether two people that know one another should be taking a dump next to one another simultaneously?

Is the bulemic recovered girl now a fatty?

Both are toilet related.

My daughter’s friend is overweight yes, like my daughter. Obviously I am in no position to comment on my daughter’s friend’s weight because we are not related and due to her history of eating disorders but neither of those apply to my daughter.

JohnnyFlash · 06-04-2019 4:01pm

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I wouldn't mind as long as the toilet paper was top quality... 3 ply, just fluffy enough, royal emblem, added aloe vera etc.

I never skimp when buying art degrees. Always 4-ply and always with added aloe Vera. It’s like skimping on tea - a false economy.

ToddyDoody · 06-04-2019 4:26pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I wouldn't mind as long as the toilet paper was top quality... 3 ply, just fluffy enough, royal emblem, added aloe vera etc.

I never skimp when buying art degrees. Always 4-ply and always with added aloe Vera. It’s like skimping on tea - a false economy.

I'm told its actually a very challenging course... if you're stoned most of the time.

Sorry about that · 06-04-2019 7:12pm

Johnny Flash is the funniest fuc, man I've never met. No wonder he's so successful with the buers.

Purple Mountain · 07-04-2019 2:15pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I never skimp when buying art degrees. Always 4-ply and always with added aloe Vera. It’s like skimping on tea - a false economy.

It might feel nice on yer backside but enjoy unblocking your choked sewage system.

EmmetSpiceland · 07-04-2019 2:20pm

Purple Mountain wrote: »

It might feel nice on yer backside but enjoy unblocking your choked sewage system.

I agree. Anything over two ply or quilted is just indulgent and wasteful.

JohnnyFlash · 07-04-2019 2:22pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I agree. Anything over two ply or quilted is just indulgent and wasteful.

False economy as I said yesterday, Emmet. 3 sheets of 4 ply is usually sufficient for a second, third and forth pass - you can use up a roll of 2-ply if there’s a lot of ‘paperwork’ required.

upinsmoke · 07-04-2019 2:24pm

In the male jacks in work a foreigner always put his ****ty toilet paper into the bin. Everyone knew who it was and the cleaners went mental with HR and said there is nothing we can do about it.

Cleaner ended up removing the bin alltogether and HR eventually got a hand dryer in.
I'd say your man eventually flushed it or put it into a zip lock in his backpack.

EmmetSpiceland · 07-04-2019 2:26pm

upinsmoke wrote: »

In the male jacks in work a foreigner always put his ****ty toilet paper into the bin. Everyone knew who it was and the cleaners went mental with HR and said there is nothing we can do about it.

Cleaner ended up removing the bin alltogether and HR eventually got a hand dryer in.

Was he Greek? You can’t put paper in the toilets over there. There’s a disgusting bin beside the toilet that you have to stuff them in.

A vile but necessary practice.

07-04-2019 2:32pm

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

Where are you from yourself? Where I'm from (Ireland), giving a vivid description of a person's bowel movement would not be considered culturally normal.

This. And in almost every one of his posts on this website too. It's his predictable, creatively challenged trademark for at least ten years now eh, fluttering, around here. There's even a word for his obsession: scatalogical

Pintman Paddy Losty · 07-04-2019 2:33pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Was he Greek? You can’t put paper in the toilets over there. There’s a disgusting bin beside the toilet that you have to stuff them in.

A vile but necessary practice.

That's the case with a lot of jacks in **** hole countries with substandard sewage systems. I refuse to use them and throw the paper in the toilet. The toilets always absolutely reek. It's normally a hot country too which doesn't help matters.

upinsmoke · 07-04-2019 2:36pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Was he Greek? You can’t put paper in the toilets over there. There’s a disgusting bin beside the toilet that you have to stuff them in.

A vile but necessary practice.

I think he was Morrocon, it was a small paper bin as well for the hand drying paper. like a mesh waste paper basket.

EmmetSpiceland · 07-04-2019 2:41pm

upinsmoke wrote: »

I think he was Morrocon, it was a small paper bin as well for the hand drying paper. like a mesh waste paper basket.

That’s just disgusting. Perhaps it was new to him? I’ve heard they favour the left hand in the desert states.

upinsmoke · 07-04-2019 2:43pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s just disgusting. Perhaps it was new to him? I’ve heard they favour the left hand in the desert states.

Must have been, it only happened after he joined.

I think HR were too scared to say anything to him for fear of been sued. You can't prove it.

What's the etiquette here??

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