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Dental plan!

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    #1502
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. --Homer Simpson

    Wise words Homer, wise words
    And something I've started practicing


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    #1503
    Gunsfortoys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,080 ✭✭✭Gunsfortoys


    My favourite episode of all time is Homer Badman.

    Classic line

    Homer: You mean...I'm on my own? I've never been on my own! Oh no...on
    own...on own! I need help...oh, God, help me. Help me, God!
    [phone rings, Homer answers it very slowly]

    Homer: [very slowly] Y'ello?

    Man: Hello, Homer. This is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show
    "Rock Bottom".


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    #1504
    Butterfly25
    Registered Users Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭Butterfly25


    Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.


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    #1505
    KnifeWRENCH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    When Buildings Collapse:
    Announcer: Man has always loved his buildings....but what happens when the buildings say "No more"?

    Bart: The best part was when the buildings fell down.


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    #1506
    Say Your Number
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 10,776 Mod ✭✭✭✭Say Your Number


    Mulder: Look at this, Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
    Scully: Gee, Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
    Mulder: *Scoffs* I hardly think the FBI's concerned with matters like that.


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    #1507
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    Moe: And what do you have to tell us O Angel of the Future?
    Homer: I]dressed as an angel[/I You're going to die in a sky-diving accident.
    Moe: How tragic! Tell me more.
    Homer: Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists... with sexy results.
    Moe: Ooh! That's unexpected. What else?
    Homer: Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team... with sexy results.

    sexy results was even the name of a band my mate was in


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    #1508
    Busi_Girl08
    Registered Users Posts: 17,756 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    Off-Shore Holding guy - "*laughing* I'm sorry, but I can't divulge information about my customer's secret illegal account"
    *Hangs up*
    "Oh crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer.
    Oh crap. I shouldn't have said it was a secret account.
    Oh CRAP. I certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal!

    Oooooh, it's too hot today."


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    #1509
    d.anthony
    Closed Accounts Posts: 424 ✭✭d.anthony


    You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!


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    #1510
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    d.anthony wrote: »
    You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

    ....I dont think any of us expected him to say that


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    #1511
    Tallaght Saint
    Registered Users Posts: 359 ✭✭Tallaght Saint


    Who the hell is Santos L. Halper?!


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    #1512
    Tallaght Saint
    Registered Users Posts: 359 ✭✭Tallaght Saint


    Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry!

    Darryl: Yes.

    Homer: You play right field.

    Darryl: Yes.

    Homer: I play right field too.

    Darryl: So?

    Homer: Well, are you better than me?

    Darryl: Well, i've never met you, but.... yes.


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    #1513
    take everything
    Registered Users Posts: 9,800 ✭✭✭take everything


    Homer takes Lisa to the museum and sees the sign, `Suggested donation: $4.50'.

    Homer: Eh, what do you mean by `suggested donation'?
    Clerk: Pay any amount you wish, sir.
    Homer: And uh, what if I wish to pay ... zero?
    Clerk: That is up to you.
    Homer: Ooh, so it's up to me, is it?
    Clerk: Yes.
    Homer: I see. And you think that people are going to pay you $4.50 even though they don't have to? Just out of the goodness of their... [laughs] Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady, you're gonna need it!

    Lisa's substitute with Dustin Hoffman -another great episode.


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    #1514
    Dman001
    Registered Users Posts: 5,534 ✭✭✭Dman001


    Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
    Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

    Secretary: Is this the Abraham Simpson who wrote the Itchy and Scratchy episode?
    Grampa: Ishy and what? No, you must be some kind of crazy person.
    Secretary: I'm sorry, but we have a substantial check here for a Mr. Abraham Simpson.
    Grampa: That's right. I did the Iggy.


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    #1515
    jd007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,094 ✭✭✭jd007


    I'm not principal of the line mother!

    And you never will be...


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    #1516
    salonfire
    Registered Users Posts: 3,078 ✭✭✭salonfire


    The Simpson's version of Poe's classic The Raven

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIXKwA4xt-o


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    #1517
    Susie_Q
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,211 ✭✭✭Susie_Q


    When Bart owns a factory and he finds it demolished in the morning...

    Bart to Milhouse: Hey, I thought you said you'd watch it!
    Milhouse: I was watching! First it started falling over, then it fell over.


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    #1518
    allym
    Registered Users Posts: 1,368 ✭✭✭allym


    Kirk Van Houten( just in case any of you managed to forget his most epic moment) :
    Can I borrow a feeling?

    Could you send me a jar of love?

    Hurtin' hearts need some healin',

    Take my hand with your glove of love


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    #1519
    Galway K9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭Galway K9


    allym wrote: »
    Kirk Van Houten( just in case any of you managed to forget his most epic moment) :
    Can I borrow a feeling?

    Could you send me a jar of love?

    Hurtin' hearts need some healin',

    Take my hand with your glove of love


    PA--HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH HAHAH...can i borrow a feeling!....look theres a picture of you on the front!......hahahah!:D


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    #1520
    jme2010
    Registered Users Posts: 974 ✭✭✭jme2010


    Guard: [condescending] Do you work here, little boy?
    Bart: Yeah!
    Guard: [formal] Well then, go right in, Sir!


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    #1521
    jme2010
    Registered Users Posts: 974 ✭✭✭jme2010


    "Well, I'm better than dirt. Well most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I...I can't complete with that stuff"


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    #1522
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    (as Bart dreams Lisa is being eaten by a giant sponge dinosaur)

    "arggh, its dripping funny smelling water all over me!"


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    #1523
    jd007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,094 ✭✭✭jd007


    2 Dr Nick ones:

    Don't worry you wont feel a thing....




    .....til I jam this down your throat!

    **************

    The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.


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    #1524
    Sam Vimes
    Registered Users Posts: 21,611 ✭✭✭✭Sam Vimes


    Marge: Homer, you don't know how to box, you're 38 years old, and you haven't gotten any exercise since grade school. Of all the crazy ideas you've had, this one ranks somewhere in the middle. Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor.

    Homer: No problemo.

    (Marge kisses Homer on the cheek and walks off.)

    Marge: (yelling) A competent doctor!

    Homer: (off-screen) D'oh!


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    #1525
    Fago!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,647 ✭✭✭✭Fago!


    *Looks at Uruguay on map*

    "You are gay. PAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"


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    #1526
    Mr Z
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Mr Z


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p490t_6Z9aY


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    #1527
    Busi_Girl08
    Registered Users Posts: 17,756 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    Dr. Foster "Ugh, hello, Dr. Foster here....Ned Flanders?! Yes, I'll be right in, and may God have mercy on us all. Darling. Something's come up, I'm needd at the hospital. Where are my shoes?"
    Wife - "Mmm, I think they're in the den."
    Dr. Foster - "In the DEN?! May God have mercy on us all"


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    #1528
    SlipperyPeople
    Registered Users Posts: 1,717 ✭✭✭SlipperyPeople


    who the devil are you!?


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    #1529
    Busi_Girl08
    Registered Users Posts: 17,756 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    Duff beer for meeee, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, you'll have one too!


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    #1530
    Raspberries
    Registered Users Posts: 122 ✭✭Raspberries


    'I am the lizard queen!!!'


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    #1531
    dagdha
    Registered Users Posts: 645 ✭✭✭dagdha


    Farmer 1: Well, well. Look at the city slicker pulling up in
    his fancy German car.
    Homer: This car was made in Guatemala.
    Farmer 2: Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers.
    Homer: I bought these shoes from a hobo.
    Farmer 1: Well la-de-da, Mr. Park Avenue manicure.
    Homer: I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming.


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