Dental plan!

im invisible

Burns: Use an open faced club, the sand-wedge
Homer: mmmm, open-faced club sandwich

Elba101

I would like a single plum, floating in perfume , served in a mans hat

jme2010

"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."

"Lord, I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but ... (nom nom nom) mmm ... sacrelicious"

"Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!"

"Marge, can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain."

"Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.?
The kids can call you Hoju!"

"I wish I were dead"

"Okay, we've got the secret vigilante handshake. Now, we need code names. I'll be Cue-ball, Skinner can be Eight-ball, Barney will be Twelve-ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-ball."

jme2010

Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer Simpson: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.
Kent Brockman: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer Simpson: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: I]pause[/I Well, touché.

sensibleken

FBI man 1: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson,at Terror Lake.Let's just practice a bit, hmmmm? So when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi.
Homer: Check!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
I]Homer stares blankly[/I
FBI man 1: I]pause[/I
FBI man 1: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
I]again Homer stares blankly[/I
FBI man 1: I]FBI men stare at each other[/I

I]hours pass by[/I

FBI man 1: I]frustrated[/I Argh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
I]stepping hard on Homer's foot[/I
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
I]Homer stares blankly again for a few seconds[/I
Homer: I]whispering to the FBI man next to him[/I I think he's talking to you.
I]FBI man gives up[/I

Barraon

Homer shouting from window: THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL, BLACKHEART! THAT WASN'T PAAAARRRRT!

Busi_Girl08

Homer (singing) - "Heeeere's the angel, seeeee the angel! It's my angel, noone elses, next to the rakes"

Duffy the Vampire Slayer

Sugar Dealer: Now give us the money!
Homer: THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!
Dealer: Hey hes right! Who the hell wrote this thing?

cosmicfart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBZulXg0knc

SparkyTech

"You know me, Marge, I like my beer cold and my homosexuals fa-laming!"

sensibleken

on seeing marge with grey hair

Ralph: "Thats what grandma looked like when she went to sleep in her forever box!"

Fago!

Homer - "I've got two questions. One, where's the fife? And two, gimme the fife"

---

Rojer Myers - "and to show our appreciation, here are two free passes to Itchy and Scratchy Land"

Homer - "But there are five of us"

Rojer Myers - "Here are two free passes!!!"

*grabs passes*

Homer - "That's better!!"

Say Your Number

We drove 2,000 Miles for this?

Busi_Girl08

My bologna has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R, my bologna has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.....

HalloweenJack

The one where Lisa goes out with Nelson was just on and it has some classic Milhouse lines:
"When she sees you'll do anything she says, she's bound to respect you!"

There's one on now with the power plant going to the mountain retreat:
Mr Burns: "I've seen more orderly behaviour in a Ritz Brothers film! You all need a serious lesson in teamwork!"
Carl (looking at Lenny): "Maybe he does but I don't."
Lenny: "Hey, take that back!"
Carl: "No, you take that back!"

krudler

100 pages, and this thread is still funny

Gunsfortoys

"ITS AN ALIEN, KILL IT! KILL IT!"

"Its not an alien, it's Mr Burns!"

"...aw it's Mr Burns...KILL IT!"

Fago!

Sideshow Bob singing: "For he himself has said it, and it's clearly to his credit, that he is and Englishman, he remains an eeeeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeeEEEeeeeeengliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

---

Bart: Take him away, boys.
Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Wiggum: Do what the kid says.

Teddy_Picker

Homer: Being a parent isn't all that bad! You can teach them to hate the things you hate! And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet!

Naikon

Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

ItsAWindUp

Homer: "There's only two kinds of guys who wear Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals. And Bart doesn't look like a big fat party animal to me!"

allym

Lisa: You're gay for Moleman.
Bart: You're gay for Moleman!
Hans Moleman: *shaking head sadly* No one's gay for Moleman

kano476

On telly now: "Scuse me little girl - wheelbarrow lines over there"

Fago!

I genuinely love this thread

I noticed that the overwhelming majority of the quotes in here are from the early funny seasons (before season 9) and not the later seasons. More proof that new episodes of The Simpsons suck!

sensibleken

Marge: I want you to forget about guarding the stupid sugar! You're
being completely paranoid.

Homer: Oh, am I? Am I really? Ah ha!
I]Pulls a man from behind the pile[/I

Thief: I]holds teacup and saucer[/I Hello.

Homer: All right, pal: where'd you get the sugar for that tea?

Thief: I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second,
and I'd do it again. I]sips tea[/I Goodbye.

Gunsfortoys

"We work hard, we play hard"

"everybody dance now"

Busi_Girl08

Chief Wiggam - "Alright, nothing to see here, move along, move al- GOOD GOD A HORRIBLE PLANE CRASH!! Hey everybody, get a load of all this flaming wreckage. Come on, crowd round, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd round. "

mfdc

Lisa: Dad! I think there's a hurricane coming!
Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.
Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1976 when the Hall of Records was mysteriously blown away!

George Harrison: Hello Homer, I'm George Harrison.
Homer: Oh my god... OH MY GOD!! Where did you get that brownie!?
Harrison: Over there, there's a whole plate of them.
*Homer runs to the brownies squealing, starts stuffing himself*
Harrison: Hmm, what a nice fellow!

mackg

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I... uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

s-cogan

Marge: Homer, whats in that wheelbarrow??



Homer: Marge, I'm not gonna lie to you.
*walks away*