What's the etiquette here??

**** on the floor, Be a man.

Thanks for the feedback, pal.

Maybe you should go and **** yourself.

I was a bit worried about that, but seems okay so far. Will keep an eye out for staining, thanks for the heads up, dude.

More great advice, will bear it in mind if it happens again.

Can I just say after some difficult movement that I support the currant-thing?

Can’t remember the brand but I tried the pomogranate one, no-go indeed cramps; unshiftable *groan* I then took the scattergun approach with the prunes leaving a right awful mess in my wake but the currant juice I just sluiced one on out. Recommended..

I tend to drink more lager as the warmer months arrive, I have no idea why. But the stout gets mildly abandoned once Bealtaine arrives. This invariably leads to less distinctive odours in the morning and I might add a more Chestnut or Amber hue to my skidmarks, as opposed to the streaks of dark marbled lines of ancient Ogham that traditional don the upper rear walls of both my Jacks and my Y-fronts during the darker months.

I managed to knock out a fairly encouraging douse of dark brown crap this morning. I had eaten a lot of McCambridge's bread this week, laced handsomely with butter and Blackcurrant Jam. I managed to knock back about 5 1/2 litres of Karpackie last night in my back garden. Really nice feeling and fell into bed listening to 1980's love songs, quite sublime really. I woke this morning with a lovely long low toned fart, pure bass trumpet. It stank of yesterdays Beef Bourguignon, which I ate with Gherkin and boiled rice. I almost slightly followed through. Dumped an appalling smelling... but quite exquisite Barry all over the downstairs facilities. A thunderous affair, which dropped I think at least 3 stupendous logs in one movement, almost a clean drop.

I feel so alive after it.

Has there even been a phrase coined to describe the phenomenon I like to call a ‘reverse sneeze?’ Having come in from a 20 mile run last night I almost suffered the indignity of getting “caught short” and blew my arse out over the bowl as soon as I got home.

Sad to say the effects of excess sweat on a more-humid-than-normal Saturday evening, and holding my foot on the clutch for about five miles, meant that there was some stainage on my crisp white Adidas climacool running shorts. I ended up washing, drying and binning them, vowing never to rely on the inner-mesh lining for anything like protection again. Decorative purposes only.

As for the bombsite in the toilet, I lit a small fire and urged my partner to stay out for at least three hours. I spent the rest of the evening nursing a large cup of tea, lost in thought and prayer. Regret.

Stay safe everyone.