What's the etiquette here??

You the man · 24-05-2022 8:11pm

Had a hostile tenant myself this morning..

Horrible thing wasn't for budging.

As mentioned over and over here, t'was the age ol universal healer of time itself that led me to the promised land of a full evacuation of said unwanted lodger..

EmmetSpiceland · 25-05-2022 1:08pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119106494#Comment_119106494

Had a 7:30am “visit” this morning, H. Dreadful experience. The dump, itself, was textbook but the fact it took place post-shower didn’t sit right with me.

It had a “knock on” effect on the rest of my morning too. Instead of a leisurely, relaxed, morning commute I was stressed and cursing traffic lights.

Obviously, I “claimed back” the time once I got settled in with work but even then it still felt like it cost me. Between 10 and 11am is the perfect time for me. Anything before 9am just isn’t on. After 5pm is fine, in moderation but I’d recommend trying to train your system into getting the job done between 9am and 1pm, preferably 10-11am.

Give it a go, will put years on your life.

Hooked · 25-05-2022 2:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119111791#Comment_119111791

Would LOVE to "train the system" to go once I've hit the office... The septic tank would NEVER need to be emptied.

just to add - there's NOTHING worse than having to go post-shower. I'm a straight man (no kinky pegging from the wife) - but I'll happily admit, there's nothing quite like a good ROOT in the shower to make sure that 'sheriff's badge' as ye call it, is gleaming! And worse again is the desperate need for a "comfort wipe" mid game (soccer) after a night on the sauce the day before... Fierce inconvenient. LOL

I fear I may have divulged too much.

Brendan Bendar · 25-05-2022 3:08pm

Knew a lad who used to bring his company ID card into the shower after a heavy dump.

Bend at around 45 degrees and ‘worked the card’ East to West to clear any detritus from ground zero.

Swore he had the cleanest muzzle in the company .

All went well till the stout lassie in HR got the bang of stale ham and mustard off it at renewal time

Had it checked for contaminants………………..off the fuhherking scale.!!!

ILikeBoats · 25-05-2022 8:18pm

That's how I've always pictured the "three seashells" method working, referred to in Sylvester Stallone's sci-fi action blockbuster "Demolition Man".

EmmetSpiceland · 25-05-2022 8:40pm

I’m sure I mentioned it before but a friend of mines swears by running a papered finger between the cheeks before getting “down to business”.

Runs it through like a credit card to, as he puts it, split the hairs to avoid any contamination and to remove any, of what he called, ‘gyrup’. Meaning the soupy build up that can occur on warm days, or after exertion.

25-05-2022 8:41pm

Before the old “beast with two backs” is it?

EmmetSpiceland · 25-05-2022 10:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119114206#Comment_119114206

Well, one should always endeavour to be at their most presentable for such an “occasion”. N’est pas, Dr.?

Grouptherapy · 26-05-2022 11:43am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119114195#Comment_119114195

Pro move.

cj maxx · 26-05-2022 1:21pm

Just after a , to my mind, a perfect visit to the throne. 1 go , nice splash and clean as a whistle afterwards. Coffee is a wonderful drink.

StevenToast · 26-05-2022 10:55pm

Im starting to shower at the end of the day now...just before bed....really scrub in around the barse/gooch area, the entire crack and of course the ringpiece....a great nights sleep in store with a nice, dry clean hole....

Too many nights have been ruined due to sweaty balls and clammy arsejuice discomfort......

sam t smith · 26-05-2022 10:56pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119114091#Comment_119114091

Never liked that film. Very overrated.

hayse · 26-05-2022 10:59pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119119679#Comment_119119679

Don’t be pulling the Mickey off yourself now.

StevenToast · 26-05-2022 11:08pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119119706#Comment_119119706

No that is done pre shower.....cant be going to sleep with a cheesy,crusty bellend....

EmmetSpiceland · 26-05-2022 11:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119119743#Comment_119119743

A wise move. No one wants to be dealing with fluff first thing in the morning.

Amenhotep · 27-05-2022 9:04am

Regarding reading, relaxing, whatever in the jax, I have to say I really like having a read in the jax.

Very relaxing, with the window open the smell doesn't get to bad, plus an almost instant flush when the 1st load of sour midden is shot out ...

I mentioned it to my brother once and he was disgusted, saying he'd never borrow a book of me again, but the book is fine, after I'm done I chuck the book on the table, I clean up ... wash my hands ... and then grab the book to leave, at no point am I handling the book with "contaminated" mits....

Slideways · 27-05-2022 9:36am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119120536#Comment_119120536

You have a table in your jacks? You eat meals there as well?

Slideways · 27-05-2022 9:38am

I have been in a house where the ensuite had a tv in the bathroom. Apparently the lady of the house used to like watching reality tv shows while on the throne or in the shower. Very odd behaviour

I do however find watching sky news can help when I get a bit bound up

cj maxx · 27-05-2022 10:24am

I’d never read a book in the loo, but when I was working construction, everyone had their own newspaper to stick under their arm heading to the jacks.

StevenToast · 27-05-2022 10:31am

Im not a fan of reading anything while on the shìtter......I try to be in the moment....contemplation time....

27-05-2022 10:45am

I was at a poker game last weekend, and headed upstairs to take a slash. The game was in the house of a properly obnoxious cünt - takeaways 4 nights a week, slab of cans with the shopping every week, openly farting at the poker table, obsession with riding women, always talking about cleaning out the bookies with some obscure bet etc.

This was the “reading library” beside the privy.

Fücking degenerate.

Brendan Bendar · 27-05-2022 5:52pm

Any ‘Womens Realm’ lingerie editions?

Find plenty of back issues in your gaff, you filthy kernt.

Floor of the shïtter like the inside of a monks cassock!!

Need golf shoes to stay upright.

Amenhotep · 27-05-2022 6:50pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119120701#Comment_119120701

Well, where the f*cking sink is like!!!

ffs!!

Cookie_Monster · 29-05-2022 1:34am

I'm back in Ireland from nz temporarily for reasons I don't care to mention in public but anyway...

Up to the Horse and Hound in Cabinteely tonight for the match with the wife and Father. Game delayed whilst the Gendarmes beat the naughty Pool supporters sum what etc.

Decided to empty the bladder before kickoff finally happens so into the mens. Well appointed, 6 individual pissers and 2 traps. Head to pisser no2, as you do, leaving the next lad plenty of good options. The fella that followed me in went straight for trap 2 though. I'm thinking he must be a nervous bloke, fair enough, I understand that. I'm doing me thing and he's the same in the trap and I'm thinking all good.

But then..., he releases and by Jesus he released. The sound was terrific, only outdone by the waft that ensued. I nearly pissed on meself gagging and in the haste to bail out of the place. No Covid policy wash yer hands with soap etc or even time to shake. Twas foul like 6 lads sharing a throne after a night on the Kepake larger and tinned sardines.

And the Pool lost too, insult to injury. Those traps were rank to be for the rest of the evening, bitter pissy taste in the air

Brendan Bendar · 29-05-2022 11:54am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119128871#Comment_119128871

‘Kepake larger’…..hmmm …I find it a lovely bevvie.

The dunt off the canned sardines was what put the edge on the stink.

Wonder were they in olive oil or sommit?

Personally I find the whack of a girthy log backed out after a can of tuna chunks and Lomza lager produces a fent that would stagger a young water buffalo calf.

But the sour stink could be down to Pool fans emptying their guts after the game.

Was there a bang of battherburgers and sour bell brie by any chance?

Grouptherapy · 02-06-2022 11:22am

Was on a visit to a construction site yesterday trying to sell some of our wares.

Quite a large site and they have a satellite jacks so that workers aren't walking up and down to the main compound area.

Anyways there's a white board where workers can write comments for main contractor to action. One post went along the lines that the site jacks were a disgrace and looked like they'd been used by 'farm animals'. Filthy Kernts. Glad I have office facilities for logging out and not a site - or golf club...

CGI_Livia_Soprano · 02-06-2022 12:13pm

What are your thoughts on dabbing the badge with Sudocreme after challenging movements, ladies and “germs?”

I passed a very knotted length of rope this morning: having gone for a 10mile run and a lengthy walk yesterday I was clearly more than a little dehydrated.

My own knot was clearly none-too-plussed with my vigorous wipeage so I two-finger scooped (with my clean hand!) a dollop of Sudocreme and applied with gusto. Hopefully my thoughts will be unmolested with urges to itch for the rest of the day. Keep me in your thoughts.

02-06-2022 1:45pm

“Personal itching”

cj maxx · 05-06-2022 2:44am

I don't know how long this sharting/ scour has been going on but it's months now. Alpen and Weetabix aren't helping as they're totally undigested coming out. Actually I need to check the bowl for cracks and mortar fire at this stage

smurfjed · 05-06-2022 5:54am

In my part of the world we have ass washers in the loo, no none of this wiping crap, we can really wash our asses :)

you need to try it

What's the etiquette here??

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