Kids refusing to go to school

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 08-01-2018 4:12pm #1

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/schoolflakes-the-children-not-going-to-school-because-they-don-t-like-it-1.3340555

Interesting article here. I have sympathy for any child who genuinely dreads going to school, but just letting them stay at home isn't doing them any favours in the long term. The day will come when they have a job they hate, or a boss they can't stand, or a colleague they don't get on with, but they'll still need to pay the bills.

Fr_Dougal · 08-01-2018 4:20pm

Author of Bully-Proof Kids and Cotton Wool Kids, O’Malley says parents have reported to her that when they tell a teenager he or she can stay home as a result of their anxiety about school, the child “immediately cheers up and becomes significantly less anxious”.

Permabear · 08-01-2018 4:25pm

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GLaDOS · 08-01-2018 4:26pm

No normal kid ever wanted to go to school

_Roz_ · 08-01-2018 4:33pm

My cousin suffers badly from anxiety and therapists have recommended he not be forced go to school. He is happier now, not just because he's at home, but in that he makes more of an effort in other areas of his life because he doesn't have the stress of school.

I think it's a tough one. I struggled through school, college and early adulthood with anxiety I'd never dealt with and it was crippling. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. But total avoidance isn't the answer either.

Chrongen · 08-01-2018 4:37pm

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

"Home-schooling" fcuks kids up. They don't develop social skills properly

Here we go · 08-01-2018 4:38pm

It's called school refusal David Caery was talking about in on news talk a few weeks back he said the longer /note they miss the harder it is for them to return so keeping them out is the wrong answer your supposed to go to the principal explain the situation and they sort out some one to meet them at the gate and welcome them/bring them in have a chat calm them down

ohnonotgmail · 08-01-2018 4:38pm

_Roz_ wrote: »

My cousin suffers badly from anxiety and therapists have recommended he not be forced go to school. He is happier now, not just because he's at home, but in that he makes more of an effort in other areas of his life because he doesn't have the stress of school.

I think it's a tough one. I struggled through school, college and early adulthood with anxiety I'd never dealt with and it was crippling. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. But total avoidance isn't the answer either.

and how will he survive the rest of his life without an education?

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 4:40pm

School had me in tears as a kid. I've suffered life long anxiety and panic disorder. I had friends and did well with school work and was never bullied or anything but I just couldn't cope with it. I was written off as being a brat by everyone but my parents, in the end they got me homeschooled.

In a long term full time job now living away from home. Often wonder if I was made to stay what effect it would have had. Quite happy right now though.

08-01-2018 4:42pm

_Roz_ wrote: »

My cousin suffers badly from anxiety and therapists have recommended he not be forced go to school. He is happier now, not just because he's at home, but in that he makes more of an effort in other areas of his life because he doesn't have the stress of school.

I think it's a tough one. I struggled through school, college and early adulthood with anxiety I'd never dealt with and it was crippling. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. But total avoidance isn't the answer either.

Jesus. When I hear people going on about kids, anxiety, therapists, the stress of school, you just wonder how they will get through life. Think social media and the whole "it's okay to not be okay" has really popularised anxiety. Lot to be said for the shoe up the arse and told to get out the door.

HONKEY TONK · 08-01-2018 4:42pm

Is this a consequence of kids in the noughties and beyond sitting in front of computer games or mobile devices and not having to socialize with real people?

The parents of many kids living in seclusion from society thought it was a great idea once they were not being bothered.

I went to a community school in the 90's and it would have been rare for students not turning up to school for long periods of time.

suicide_circus · 08-01-2018 4:44pm

Spare the rod....

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 4:44pm

Chrongen wrote: »

"Home-schooling" fcuks kids up. They don't develop social skills properly

That's nonsense. You're not locked in the attic for your childhood with no contact.

I've encountered plenty of people with questionable social skills that stayed in school.

Owta Control · 08-01-2018 4:44pm

To be fair... going to school in Tipperary would make me anxious and unhappy too..

MagicIRL · 08-01-2018 4:45pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Think social media and the whole "it's okay to not be okay" has really popularised anxiety. Lot to be said for the shoe up the arse and told to get out the door.

Yeah, normally whats said is "Boy, 15, found hanging from tree".

No-body goes through life being OK all the time. Feeling up and down is what life is all about. People deal with it different ways and talking about it is the first step towards fixing it.

sjb25 · 08-01-2018 4:47pm

One solution is as my grandad says “a good kick in the hole”

Permabear · 08-01-2018 4:47pm

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JoeyJJ · 08-01-2018 4:48pm

Snowflakes ah now for **** sake.

If my kids decide to stop their education early they will see another side of life. However things not simple and would probably find it hard to resolve the situation, the softly softly approach isn't my forte.

Beta Ray Bill · 08-01-2018 4:48pm

Miranda Teeny Wine wrote: »

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/schoolflakes-the-children-not-going-to-school-because-they-don-t-like-it-1.3340555

Interesting article here. I have sympathy for any child who genuinely dreads going to school, but just letting them stay at home isn't doing them any favours in the long term. The day will come when they have a job they hate, or a boss they can't stand, or a colleague they don't get on with, but they'll still need to pay the bills.

I work in IT as team lead.
Genuinely, IT is having MAJOR issues with grads and young people starting work in our sector. Not so much me, but my colleagues/contacts that are taking them on in their teams.

These young people are just out of college and it's very apparent from the very beginning of working with them that:
(A) They've never been told NO.
(B) They've never been told they did a sh*tty/sloppy job at something.

They've basically been mollycoddled their whole lives and now can't cope with "The Real World"

It's fu*king ridiculous so it is.

iguana · 08-01-2018 4:49pm

Chrongen wrote: »

"Home-schooling" fcuks kids up. They don't develop social skills properly

And you are basing this statement on what? All the studies done on it show homeshchooled kids to have significantly better social skills than their peers. Because they live in the real world instead of spending vast amounts of their childhood in the deeply unnatural environment of a school. (While also being an average of 3 years ahead academically.)

Kermit.de.frog · 08-01-2018 4:50pm

I think society is in big trouble with this snowflake bullsh!t.

Everyone is offended and precious.

On to kids next.

I'm not that many years out of school and say the vast majority were told (and probably never had to be told) to get to school no questions asked.

Bullying may be an awful experience but it is also gives lessons for later life.

How are these people going to survive a world with people in it, who, whether they like it or not are going to take a proverbial sh!t on them at various stages as they go through life? They'll crumble.

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 4:50pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Lot to be said for the shoe up the arse and told to get out the door.

Yes the tough love approach works wonders, we don't have any suicides at all in Ireland.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 08-01-2018 4:51pm

Any 'home-schooled' kids I've met have all been... odd... to put it mildly.

The majority were very sheepish and timid. Ocassionally they would be the archetypical spoiled child type with severe social retardation and very poor ability to read social situations.

08-01-2018 4:51pm

MagicIRL wrote: »

Yeah, normally whats said is "Boy, 15, found hanging from tree"...

How many kids commit suicide to avoid going to school?

08-01-2018 4:52pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

Yes the tough love approach works wonders, we don't have any suicides at all in Ireland.

Again, a reference to suicide as a means to avoid school.

How many, roughly, per annum?

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 4:55pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Again, a reference to suicide as a means to avoid school.

How many, roughly, per annum?

Why did you think forcing a child 'with a shoe up the hole' to go to school when it's causing them severe anxiety will improve their mental health?

People like you shouldn't have kids.

Kermit.de.frog · 08-01-2018 4:57pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

Why did you think forcing a child 'with a shoe up the hole' to go to school when it's causing them severe anxiety will improve their mental health?

People like you shouldn't have kids.

What did kids do before the year 2000?

Was there a whole cadre of mentally scarred kids coming out of schools?

Beta Ray Bill · 08-01-2018 4:57pm

Deleted User wrote: »

How many kids commit suicide to avoid going to school?

Deleted User wrote: »

Again, a reference to suicide as a means to avoid school.

How many, roughly, per annum?

I'd imagine a large proportion of Suicide in Teenage boys is due to stuff that goes on at school. (but not exactly the learning part of it, more so negative social interaction when it occurs)

I don't know the numbers though.

In relation to the home schooling thing.

I like the idea of Home schooling but unfortunately I'm not in a position financially to teach my kids OR to pay some one to do grinds for him.

I wouldn't have a notion where to start with home schooling

G.

givyjoe · 08-01-2018 4:58pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Jesus. When I hear people going on about kids, anxiety, therapists, the stress of school, you just wonder how they will get through life. Think social media and the whole "it's okay to not be okay" has really popularised anxiety. Lot to be said for the shoe up the arse and told to get out the door.

You've dismissed those suffering with anxiety as 'needing a kick up the arse'. What an astoundingly ignorant and unhelpful statement/point of view.

Do you genuinely believe social media has actually popularized anxiety?! Or maybe, just maybe it's helped uncover how big a problem it is, by encouraging people to talk about it.

08-01-2018 4:58pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

Why did you think forcing a child 'with a shoe up the hole' to go to school when it's causing them severe anxiety will improve their mental health?

People like you shouldn't have kids.

You are getting more and more off the wall. First came the immediate reach for suicide, then you ignored my straightforward question, now you are getting ad hominem.

I didn't say anything about going to school improving mental health. I see them as different issues completely. I asked you how many commit suicide just to get out of school, you raised the issue, expand on it.

08-01-2018 5:01pm

givyjoe wrote: »

Do you genuinely believe social media has actually popularized anxiety?! Or maybe, just maybe it's helped uncover how big a problem it is, by encouraging people to talk about it.

It has fuelled it in the same way it has fuelled hysteria about gluten.

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 5:01pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

What did kids do before the year 2000?

Was there a whole cadre of mentally scarred kids coming out of school?

You know adults that commit suicide were kids once yeah? And childhood experiences can be a major factor in adult mental health issues?

Mental health issues didn't magically appear post 2000.

Beta Ray Bill · 08-01-2018 5:03pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

What did kids do before the year 2000?

Was there a whole cadre of mentally scarred kids coming out of schools?

I think I was one of those kids.
Mind you I really enjoyed college, I didn't go out partying or anything I just enjoyed what I was doing in my course.

HONKEY TONK · 08-01-2018 5:03pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

Why did you think forcing a child 'with a shoe up the hole' to go to school when it's causing them severe anxiety will improve their mental health?

People like you shouldn't have kids.

Why is there severe anxiety going to school?

MagicIRL · 08-01-2018 5:05pm

Deleted User wrote: »

How many kids commit suicide to avoid going to school?

I believe people commit suicide because they feel lost, confused and alone.

If a child reaches out to its parents, saying they don't feel right and school is making them feel worse, and the parents respond by giving them a root up the hole and a mug of harden the fúck up, are you genuinely trying to tell me that that will actually help the childs mental state?

Please just listen and talk to people about their feelings. We're human and we feel for a reason.

Kermit.de.frog · 08-01-2018 5:05pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

You know adults that commit suicide were kids once yeah? And childhood experiences can be a major factor in adult mental health issues?

Mental health issues didn't magically appear post 2000.

So you want to keep kids cotton wooled from bullying?

What happens when the bullying they have rarely experienced is doled out then in early adulthood?

Bullying is a fact of life.

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 5:07pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You are getting more and more off the wall. First came the immediate reach for suicide, then you ignored my straightforward question, now you are getting ad hominem.

I didn't say anything about going to school improving mental health. I see them as different issues completely. I asked you how many commit suicide just to get out of school, you raised the issue, expand on it.

Who says they have to kids to commit suicide to be considered relavent.
Childhood mental problems not properly dealt with are a major factor in adult mental disorders. As parent I wouldn't dismiss clear anxiety in a child with "a shoe up the hole."

Unless you can't tell the different between misbehaving and mental illness. In which case you really shouldn't be a parent.

tomwaterford · 08-01-2018 5:07pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

So you want to keep kids cotton wooled from bullying?

What happens when the bullying they have rarely experienced is doled out then in early adulthood?

Bullying is a fact of life.

Maybe we should be doing more to stop bullying??

I have never felt bullied as an adult in any work place....mistreated etc yes....but never felt targeted

BattleCorp · 08-01-2018 5:07pm

I was a lazy fcuk when I was a kid. No way did I want to go to school. I wasn't bullied or had anxiety, I was just a lazy sh1t who didn't want to go.

It was the fear of the shoe up the hole from the parents that kept me going to school and I'm glad now that I didn't drop out.

I'm one instance where the shoe up the hole works.

givyjoe · 08-01-2018 5:09pm

Deleted User wrote: »

It has fuelled it in the same way it has fueled hysteria about gluten.

I dont see any hysteria, anywhere on either topic. A kick up the arse is about as helpful for anxiety as it is for the common cold or any other medical condition.

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 5:09pm

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

So you want to keep kids cotton wooled from bullying?

What happens when the bullying they have rarely experienced is doled out then in early adulthood?

Bullying is a fact of life.

So bullying hardens up kids?

Jesus.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 08-01-2018 5:13pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

So bullying hardens up kids?

Jesus.

Good lad, get outraged. That's not what he said.

He said bullying is a fact of life (which it is). Totally insulating kids from it by keeping them away from school will mean they are totally unequipped to deal with it as adults.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 08-01-2018 5:16pm

HONKEY TONK wrote: »

Is this a consequence of kids in the noughties and beyond sitting in front of computer games or mobile devices and not having to socialize with real people?

The parents of many kids living in seclusion from society thought it was a great idea once they were not being bothered.

I went to a community school in the 90's and it would have been rare for students not turning up to school for long periods of time.

They did seem to imply in the article that because so many kids nowadays spend their free time living in the virtual world of Facebook etc. they can't deal with the reality of school life and the general messiness of real human contact.

Beta Ray Bill · 08-01-2018 5:16pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

So bullying hardens up kids?

Jesus.

I think, to a degree, he's right though, there are pricks and w*nkers everywhere.
And that will never change.

Learning how to deal with the pricks and w*nkers is an important life skill.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 08-01-2018 5:17pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

So bullying hardens up kids?

Jesus.

I don't think that's what he was saying. I assumed he meant that if kids don't learn coping strategies when they're young, it will be harder for them to deal with unpleasant behaviour in the workplace.

Kermit.de.frog · 08-01-2018 5:18pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

Maybe we should be doing more to stop bullying??

I have never felt bullied as an adult in any work place....mistreated etc yes....but never felt targeted

Bullying is indeed a big problem.

I think kids that have not experienced or have been shielded from it by obsessive parenting do no favors though.

People have to learn to cope with assholes in this world unfortunately.

razorblunt · 08-01-2018 5:18pm

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

They're missing out on a vital moment in human development ... that moment where they call their teacher "Mam".

08-01-2018 5:18pm

Stuckforcash wrote: »

Who says they have to kids to commit suicide to be considered relavent.
Childhood mental problems not properly dealt with are a major factor in adult mental disorders. As parent I wouldn't dismiss clear anxiety in a child with "a shoe up the hole."

Unless you can't tell the different between misbehaving and mental illness. In which case you really shouldn't be a parent.

It was you who reached for the suicide reference straight away. You introduced it, I merely asked how big a problem is it really.

Call Me Jimmy · 08-01-2018 5:19pm

Ironically anxiety is made worse by avoidance. Good luck with the rest of their lives.

Beta Ray Bill · 08-01-2018 5:20pm

Miranda Teeny Wine wrote: »

They did seem to imply in the article that because so many kids nowadays spend their free time living in the virtual world of Facebook etc. they can't deal with the reality of school life and the general messiness of real human contact.

That line... These are desperate times..

Stuckforcash · 08-01-2018 5:20pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It was you who reached for the suicide reference straight away. You introduced it, I merely asked how big a problem is it really.

Suicide is massive problem in Ireland . Unless you believe childhood has no bearing on your mental health as an adult?

Kids refusing to go to school

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