Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 1:09am

Yah once I start work again I expect to lose my medical card. The whole system is a mess. GP visits should be subsidised. My GP is 50 euro and its so much money. I'm sure it puts people off going to the doctor unless its urgent. Oh to be rich.

carzony · 31-03-2015 3:16am

greenfrogs wrote: »

Oh to be rich.

or healthy :P:o

Gremlinertia · 31-03-2015 3:19am

Haha didn't think of that!.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 4:11am

carzony wrote: »

or healthy :P:o

Funny :-P

You're right though. Money can't buy you health or time. I feel like I am losing both.

Very frustrated tonight. I have bpd traits. These stupid traits are definitely causing me to feel down. How am I going to get better if these aren't dealt with. I'm on a waiting list for a dbt type programme. I know I should be grateful that i have the opportunity to do it. But since last summer there were questions if whether I had bpd. Only this month I am referred for dbt. And gods knows how long I will be waiting. I feel like I've lost so much and I can't keep waiting.

And I am sick of people not understanding me. I didn't chose to be this way. In fact everyday I wish I wasn't. I know I can be difficult to be around but I really want to say a big **** you to all those who left me.

Gremlinertia · 31-03-2015 4:33am

Greenfrogs, I lost a lot of people too. Some I pushed against and they got tired of trying to push back in.. I feel guilty a lot over that.. I'm trying to invest my all into the dbt course which is tough but I'll say rewarding too. The biggest thing that gets to me is the loneliness which I feel I have been the architect of.. Like most on here I find it almost impossible to engage with people for friendship.. I get too anxious and I either run or act so strangely they run. More self defeatist behaviour. However it's early days on this course and I'm going to try to focus on myself a bit more because I'm not going to get over the anxiety until I understand me and what makes me tick.. I've always been a people pleaser to the point that I'm utterly ignorant of any of my wants or needs. Got to sort that..

Gongoozler · 31-03-2015 8:52am

I'm employed and I've got a medical card. If you're unemployed for over a year, I think, when you go back to employment you can keep it for 3 years.

mg1982 · 31-03-2015 9:32am

Last night was one of those nights at work. Two people really got on my nerves, felt like giving them both barrels but typical me i didnt say anything, i lack the courage to be upfront with people. At least they were no AK-47s lying around.

Kimbot · 31-03-2015 9:42am

mg1982 wrote: »

Last night was one of those nights at work. Two people really got on my nerves, felt like giving them both barrels but typical me i didnt say anything, i lack the courage to be upfront with people. At least they were no AK-47s lying around.

mg, sometimes the best thing to do is say nothing at all. Remember Bay Boys 2? Wooooooo Saaaaaaaaa, Wooooooooooo Saaaaaaa.

Hugo Stiglitz · 31-03-2015 2:59pm

One of the best things about being like this is that it was allowed me to meet (at least online) so many others affected by similar issues through this thread. I don't know where I'd be without it.

Kimbot · 31-03-2015 3:09pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

One of the best things about being like this is that it was allowed me to meet (at least online) so many others affected by similar issues through this thread. I don't know where I'd be without it.

Exactly, Between boards and facebook I have met numerous people affected by this and its encouraging to know im not alone and others feel the exact way I do. Its real life friends I find hard to make but I still have a few really good friends that I know when times get tough they are they for me, they are like my second family its amazing.

Hugo Stiglitz · 31-03-2015 3:57pm

jonny24ie wrote: »

Its real life friends I find hard to make but I still have a few really good friends that I know when times get tough they are they for me, they are like my second family its amazing.

So hard to make them in real life as one gets older. It can be a sore point for me at times.

Kimbot · 31-03-2015 4:13pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

So hard to make them in real life as one gets older. It can be a sore point for me at times.

I know the feeling my friend but the way I look at it is I will attract the right type of people to me eventually, people will be friends with me because they like me and thats a good thing.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 4:23pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Greenfrogs, I lost a lot of people too. Some I pushed against and they got tired of trying to push back in.. I feel guilty a lot over that.. I'm trying to invest my all into the dbt course which is tough but I'll say rewarding too. The biggest thing that gets to me is the loneliness which I feel I have been the architect of.. Like most on here I find it almost impossible to engage with people for friendship.. I get too anxious and I either run or act so strangely they run. More self defeatist behaviour. However it's early days on this course and I'm going to try to focus on myself a bit more because I'm not going to get over the anxiety until I understand me and what makes me tick.. I've always been a people pleaser to the point that I'm utterly ignorant of any of my wants or needs. Got to sort that..

Sometimes to know that you are not alone in feeling this way is so good. I find normal friendships hard to make and maintain.

jonny24ie wrote: »

Exactly, Between boards and facebook I have met numerous people affected by this and its encouraging to know im not alone and others feel the exact way I do. Its real life friends I find hard to make but I still have a few really good friends that I know when times get tough they are they for me, they are like my second family its amazing.

Hi its great that you have a few really good friends. Its about quality not quantity. I have one really good friend and I get on well with my siblings. But I would really like to have more friends. But it is hard. Hopefully I can improve.

Kimbot · 31-03-2015 5:01pm

greenfrogs wrote: »

Sometimes to know that you are not alone in feeling this way is so good. I find normal friendships hard to make and maintain.

Hi its great that you have a few really good friends. Its about quality not quantity. I have one really good friend and I get on well with my siblings. But I would really like to have more friends. But it is hard. Hopefully I can improve.

Well all my good friends live all over the country so its not like I can pop in for a chat or anything but its good to have them there when needed. I think we should organise a meetup somewhere for us all

Hugo Stiglitz · 31-03-2015 5:05pm

jonny24ie wrote: »

Well all my good friends live all over the country so its not like I can pop in for a chat or anything but its good to have them there when needed.

FB chat is great for that. To have some real life ones nearby would be awesome though.

jonny24ie wrote: »

I think we should organise a meetup somewhere for us all

That could very well be a fun encounter! I wonder would anxiety hold many of us back though.

Kimbot · 31-03-2015 5:14pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

FB chat is great for that. To have some real life ones nearby would be awesome though.

That could very well be a fun encounter! I wonder would anxiety hold many of us back though.

Well I think we shouldnt let it due to the fact we are all in the same boat. Even if a few wanted to meet up for a coffee and chat or something it would be brill.

Gongoozler · 31-03-2015 9:16pm

I was doing ok. Not good, but ok, after work. I didn't get too stressed. I left thinking well I didn't do too bad. But I think it's because I'm deflated. I don't have the energy to be angry.

Then I got home and in the shower, and I haven't been able to stop crying since. I started thinking about something that I have to face tomorrow, which involves bringing up all the things at work that upset me. And it's like it's brought out all this upset feeling. I feel like I can't keep going back. I'm not managing. It's so bad for my confidence.

I've been crying since Sunday. It's a kind of miserable crying. Like what I get days before a period. I've just finished, jesus I hope it's not another one. But at least if it was it'd be some sort of comfort.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 9:20pm

Gongoozler wrote: »

I was doing ok. Not good, but ok, after work. I didn't get too stressed. I left thinking well I didn't do too bad. But I think it's because I'm deflated. I don't have the energy to be angry.

Then I got home and in the shower, and I haven't been able to stop crying since. I started thinking about something that I have to face tomorrow, which involves bringing up all the things at work that upset me. And it's like it's brought out all this upset feeling. I feel like I can't keep going back. I'm not managing. It's so bad for my confidence.

I've been crying since Sunday. It's a kind of miserable crying. Like what I get days before a period. I've just finished, jesus I hope it's not another one. But at least if it was it'd be some sort of comfort.

You're really having a tough time of it. I can't imagine feeling like you do aund having to hold down a job. Maybe you need a break for a few weeks. Do you have any holidays to take?

Gongoozler · 31-03-2015 9:27pm

greenfrogs wrote: »

You're really having a tough time of it. I can't imagine feeling like you do aund having to hold down a job. Maybe you need a break for a few weeks. Do you have any holidays to take?

Not really, I have a few days but I'm saving them for time off for interviews.

Hugo Stiglitz · 31-03-2015 9:28pm

I hope all this passes for you soon GG

heyday30 · 31-03-2015 9:32pm

Ah gong you poor divil. I hope it passes soon. At least your able to cry.

Nothing worse than feeling sad and not be able to show the emotion.

Deep breaths and keep life as simple as possible for now.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 9:33pm

Gongoozler wrote: »

Not really, I have a few days but I'm saving them for time off for interviews.

Are you looking for work in the same area or in a different area? Is it the work or your colleagues that make you feel unhappy at work?

Fair play for having the energy and ambition to find a job where you will be happier

Edit: it seems like the discussion you will be having at work tomorrow may be causing this. It sounds stressful. Hopefully you'll feel better once it's over. Don't worry if you cry or get emotional at it. It's only natural as we are human after all. Best of luck.

Gongoozler · 31-03-2015 9:55pm

Ive tried the deep breaths, for some reason it just seems to make me cry more. Think it's like making me feel sorry for myself, that I have to do that to calm myself down, and so it upsets me more.

It's work in the same area I suppose. I'm looking to move up as I'm able for more, and feel like I get treated like dirt because of where I am. But maybe that's just because of the people I work with. It's my bosses make me miserable. Make me feel demeaned on a daily basis. It's really affecting my confidence. Not that I had much to begin with.

It's not that I have energy for it, it's that when I hate something I have to get out. I wish I had more staying power really.

It may be the discussion tomorrow is causing this evenings upset, but in general I feel on edge all the time lately. I am afraid I will cry. and I don't think it'd be appropriate. I will do my best to remember that there will be no good outcome from this, that it doesn't matter. I'm out of there as soon as possible, so I just give up.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 10:11pm

Gongoozler wrote: »

Ive tried the deep breaths, for some reason it just seems to make me cry more. Think it's like making me feel sorry for myself, that I have to do that to calm myself down, and so it upsets me more.

It's work in the same area I suppose. I'm looking to move up as I'm able for more, and feel like I get treated like dirt because of where I am. But maybe that's just because of the people I work with. It's my bosses make me miserable. Make me feel demeaned on a daily basis. It's really affecting my confidence. Not that I had much to begin with.

It's not that I have energy for it, it's that when I hate something I have to get out. I wish I had more staying power really.

It may be the discussion tomorrow is causing this evenings upset, but in general I feel on edge all the time lately. I am afraid I will cry. and I don't think it'd be appropriate. I will do my best to remember that there will be no good outcome from this, that it doesn't matter. I'm out of there as soon as possible, so I just give up.

Some managers are shocking. My last manager was like that. It used make me so angry for months after. Now I look at her and think that she is a vile person. I'd hate to be a person who consciously makes other people feel like ****e.

It comes across that you are ambitious and are confident in you work capabilities. Therefore tomorrow does have a point. Your managers have made work a hostile environment for you. That should be addressed. I think it could be good for your confidence. Even if nothing productive comes from this at least you stood up and defended yourself. Well done on that.

Tomorrow try and treat yourself to something nice.

Gongoozler · 31-03-2015 10:19pm

greenfrogs wrote: »

Some managers are shocking. My last manager was like that. It used make me so angry for months after. Now I look at her and think that she is a vile person. I'd hate to be a person who consciously makes other people feel like ****e.

It comes across that you are ambitious and are confident in you work capabilities. Therefore tomorrow does have a point. Your managers have made work a hostile environment for you. That should be addressed. I think it could be good for your confidence. Even if nothing productive comes from this at least you stood up and defended yourself. Well done on that.

Tomorrow try and treat yourself to something nice.

I can't work out if it's conscious or sub-conscious. What's worse is she's paid at least 3 times as much as me, but is thick as a plank.

I mean it doesn't have a point because what I say won't matter. I'll come away with nothing resolved. But that doesn't matter anyway, because unless they completely overhaul everything they do, I'm gone. Well I'm gone anyway because I don't want to be at that level anymore, and I need to make more money. So all those reasons make it pointless. It's not good for my mental state to be getting worked up about these things all the time. There's no use in continuing to fight it all. So I have to resign to things being the way they are.

And, I pretty much treat myself every day, one way or another. but thanks for the kind words.

Think another xanax is in order tonight.

mg1982 · 31-03-2015 10:48pm

Sorry to hear what your going through gong. Work is difficult but interacting with others can make it even more so. You do sound intelligent and ambitious and i hope you do find a job where your valued more and can earn more dough.

Just wondering here, does anyone ever suffer from confusion? I seem to suffer with it a lot in recent years, I dont know where i am or what im meant to be doing half the time is how i feel.

greenfrogs · 31-03-2015 11:33pm

mg1982 wrote: »

Sorry to hear what your going through gong. Work is difficult but interacting with others can make it even more so. You do sound intelligent and ambitious and i hope you do find a job where your valued more and can earn more dough.

Just wondering here, does anyone ever suffer from confusion? I seem to suffer with it a lot in recent years, I dont know where i am or what im meant to be doing half the time is how i feel.

No I can't say confusion is an issue for me. I can be forgetful at times but I dont think I'm more forgetful than the average person.

Euphoria Intensifies · 01-04-2015 12:13am

Do you mean confusion like dissasociation or depersonalisation mg? After I was in hospital, I was really dissassociated for a while - time just kind of went by in a blur and I didn't know what I was at half the time. It has happened to me a few other times too, usually if I'm really struggling with something.

I'm high as a kite this evening. So much energy. And then earlier I couldn't leave m bed at all. These mood swings are so annoying. Think I might need to start taking the seroquel earlier and see does that make a difference.

mg1982 · 01-04-2015 12:23am

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

Do you mean confusion like dissasociation or depersonalisation mg? After I was in hospital, I was really dissassociated for a while - time just kind of went by in a blur and I didn't know what I was at half the time. It has happened to me a few other times too, usually if I'm really struggling with something.

I'm high as a kite this evening. So much energy. And then earlier I couldn't leave m bed at all. These mood swings are so annoying. Think I might need to start taking the seroquel earlier and see does that make a difference.

I think it may be the depersonalisation/derealisation. I can go long stretches stuck in that state. Its horrible tbh because nothing feels real, everything feels two dimensional like a in movie. Feeling very flat and expressionless today. I just wish i was normal sometimes.

Hope the seroquel evens out your moods EI. The highs can be good but when it swings back to low so quickly it sucks.

Kimbot · 01-04-2015 9:42am

Gongoozler wrote: »

I was doing ok. Not good, but ok, after work. I didn't get too stressed. I left thinking well I didn't do too bad. But I think it's because I'm deflated. I don't have the energy to be angry.

Then I got home and in the shower, and I haven't been able to stop crying since. I started thinking about something that I have to face tomorrow, which involves bringing up all the things at work that upset me. And it's like it's brought out all this upset feeling. I feel like I can't keep going back. I'm not managing. It's so bad for my confidence.

I've been crying since Sunday. It's a kind of miserable crying. Like what I get days before a period. I've just finished, jesus I hope it's not another one. But at least if it was it'd be some sort of comfort.

I had the same crying and I found breathing into a brown paper bag helped relieve it a good bit. Maybe try the same and listen to upbeat music at the same time. I find Pharrell "Happy" to be brilliant to lift my mood because its so upbeat. Hopefully it will pass soon for you

Brian? · 01-04-2015 12:19pm

Moved from Health and Fitness.

Roquentin · 01-04-2015 12:45pm

mg1982 wrote: »

Sorry to hear what your going through gong. Work is difficult but interacting with others can make it even more so. You do sound intelligent and ambitious and i hope you do find a job where your valued more and can earn more dough.

Just wondering here, does anyone ever suffer from confusion? I seem to suffer with it a lot in recent years, I dont know where i am or what im meant to be doing half the time is how i feel.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_crisis

rainbowmoose · 01-04-2015 2:29pm

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT)? It's what I'm currently doing with my therapist & it's something I'd never heard of until now. This is my second referral and second round of therapy.

Hugo Stiglitz · 01-04-2015 6:15pm

Rejection, even very minor, seems to be amplified for folks like us. One wonders if it could be part of a larger persecutory delusion.

HalloweenJack · 01-04-2015 8:38pm

Been doing well lately but nearly had a panic attack because my girlfriend asked me to pick her up something to eat and I just didn't know what to get her.

It may seem trivial but it's symptomatic of a big problem of mine being that I don't want anybody to be disappointed or unhappy with me for whatever reason.

Gongoozler · 01-04-2015 8:49pm

I'm afraid to make decisions, at work, and with my boyfriend, because I don't want to mess up, I don't want my decisions to affect other people negatively.

Roquentin · 01-04-2015 9:00pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Rejection, even very minor, seems to be amplified for folks like us. One wonders if it could be part of a larger persecutory delusion.

rejection plays a huge part in borderline personality disorder.

Calibos · 01-04-2015 9:20pm

Someone mentioned atypical depression a while back. Looked it up and its me to a tee. Rejection sensitivity is one of the main diagnostic checkboxes for it.

mg1982 · 01-04-2015 10:04pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Rejection, even very minor, seems to be amplified for folks like us. One wonders if it could be part of a larger persecutory delusion.

I can definitley empathise with that. Did anything happen at work hugo or are you just saying in general.

Hugo Stiglitz · 01-04-2015 10:11pm

mg1982 wrote: »

I can definitley empathise with that. Did anything happen at work hugo or are you just saying in general.

Just meant in general.

mg1982 · 01-04-2015 10:19pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Just meant in general.

Ah right. Rejection hurts like hell which is why i go out of my way to avoid it.

Hugo Stiglitz · 01-04-2015 10:23pm

mg1982 wrote: »

Ah right. Rejection hurts like hell which is why i go out of my way to avoid it.

Sometimes it just has a way of finding you though.

spudger1 · 01-04-2015 10:27pm

mg1982 wrote: »

Ah right. Rejection hurts like hell which is why i go out of my way to avoid it.

I don't know if it hurts like hell....anymore. But the anticipation of it seems to a key part of life.

mg1982 · 01-04-2015 10:33pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sometimes it just has a way of finding you though.

It is hard to avoid allright and sometimes in life you have to take risks. I guess being of a sensitive nature it makes it all the harder to deal with.

greenfrogs · 01-04-2015 10:34pm

spudger1 wrote: »

I don't know if it hurts like hell....anymore. But the anticipation of it seems to a key part of life.

Yah kind of agree. I've been in situations where I couldn't enjoy friendships because I was expecting rejection. The constant feeling on edge, reading into every little detail, finding meaning in the smallest details and focusing all my energy and attention on it. Its draining.

Hugo Stiglitz · 02-04-2015 3:59pm

Calibos wrote: »

Someone mentioned atypical depression a while back. Looked it up and its me to a tee. Rejection sensitivity is one of the main diagnostic checkboxes for it.

Looked up atypical depression. I seemed to tick a few boxes for it.

Gremlinertia · 02-04-2015 6:20pm

Had my therapy thing today. Exhausted after it.. The thinking and realising and just everything is so much..

Hugo Stiglitz · 02-04-2015 6:23pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Had my therapy thing today. Exhausted after it.. The thinking and realising and just everything is so much..

*hugs*

You're great for going through with it all Grem. Try to keep in mind how better things will be at the end of your journey.

Gremlinertia · 02-04-2015 6:25pm

It's just a huge amount of new info for me currently, it's great in one way and terrifying in another.

Hugo Stiglitz · 02-04-2015 6:31pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

It's just a huge amount of new info for me currently, it's great in one way and terrifying in another.

I can imagine yeah. Are things there moving along slowly or is it coming at you very fast?

Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

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