Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

jonny24ie wrote: »

Its real life friends I find hard to make but I still have a few really good friends that I know when times get tough they are they for me, they are like my second family its amazing.

So hard to make them in real life as one gets older. It can be a sore point for me at times.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Greenfrogs, I lost a lot of people too. Some I pushed against and they got tired of trying to push back in.. I feel guilty a lot over that.. I'm trying to invest my all into the dbt course which is tough but I'll say rewarding too. The biggest thing that gets to me is the loneliness which I feel I have been the architect of.. Like most on here I find it almost impossible to engage with people for friendship.. I get too anxious and I either run or act so strangely they run. More self defeatist behaviour. However it's early days on this course and I'm going to try to focus on myself a bit more because I'm not going to get over the anxiety until I understand me and what makes me tick.. I've always been a people pleaser to the point that I'm utterly ignorant of any of my wants or needs. Got to sort that..

Sometimes to know that you are not alone in feeling this way is so good. I find normal friendships hard to make and maintain.

jonny24ie wrote: »

Exactly, Between boards and facebook I have met numerous people affected by this and its encouraging to know im not alone and others feel the exact way I do. Its real life friends I find hard to make but I still have a few really good friends that I know when times get tough they are they for me, they are like my second family its amazing.

Hi its great that you have a few really good friends. Its about quality not quantity. I have one really good friend and I get on well with my siblings. But I would really like to have more friends. But it is hard. Hopefully I can improve.

jonny24ie wrote: »

Well all my good friends live all over the country so its not like I can pop in for a chat or anything but its good to have them there when needed.

FB chat is great for that. To have some real life ones nearby would be awesome though.

jonny24ie wrote: »

I think we should organise a meetup somewhere for us all

That could very well be a fun encounter! I wonder would anxiety hold many of us back though.

I was doing ok. Not good, but ok, after work. I didn't get too stressed. I left thinking well I didn't do too bad. But I think it's because I'm deflated. I don't have the energy to be angry.

Then I got home and in the shower, and I haven't been able to stop crying since. I started thinking about something that I have to face tomorrow, which involves bringing up all the things at work that upset me. And it's like it's brought out all this upset feeling. I feel like I can't keep going back. I'm not managing. It's so bad for my confidence.

I've been crying since Sunday. It's a kind of miserable crying. Like what I get days before a period. I've just finished, jesus I hope it's not another one. But at least if it was it'd be some sort of comfort.

greenfrogs wrote: »

You're really having a tough time of it. I can't imagine feeling like you do aund having to hold down a job. Maybe you need a break for a few weeks. Do you have any holidays to take?

Not really, I have a few days but I'm saving them for time off for interviews.

Ah gong you poor divil. I hope it passes soon. At least your able to cry.

Nothing worse than feeling sad and not be able to show the emotion.

Deep breaths and keep life as simple as possible for now.

Ive tried the deep breaths, for some reason it just seems to make me cry more. Think it's like making me feel sorry for myself, that I have to do that to calm myself down, and so it upsets me more.

It's work in the same area I suppose. I'm looking to move up as I'm able for more, and feel like I get treated like dirt because of where I am. But maybe that's just because of the people I work with. It's my bosses make me miserable. Make me feel demeaned on a daily basis. It's really affecting my confidence. Not that I had much to begin with.

It's not that I have energy for it, it's that when I hate something I have to get out. I wish I had more staying power really.

It may be the discussion tomorrow is causing this evenings upset, but in general I feel on edge all the time lately. I am afraid I will cry. and I don't think it'd be appropriate. I will do my best to remember that there will be no good outcome from this, that it doesn't matter. I'm out of there as soon as possible, so I just give up.

greenfrogs wrote: »

Some managers are shocking. My last manager was like that. It used make me so angry for months after. Now I look at her and think that she is a vile person. I'd hate to be a person who consciously makes other people feel like ****e.

It comes across that you are ambitious and are confident in you work capabilities. Therefore tomorrow does have a point. Your managers have made work a hostile environment for you. That should be addressed. I think it could be good for your confidence. Even if nothing productive comes from this at least you stood up and defended yourself. Well done on that.

Tomorrow try and treat yourself to something nice.

I can't work out if it's conscious or sub-conscious. What's worse is she's paid at least 3 times as much as me, but is thick as a plank.

I mean it doesn't have a point because what I say won't matter. I'll come away with nothing resolved. But that doesn't matter anyway, because unless they completely overhaul everything they do, I'm gone. Well I'm gone anyway because I don't want to be at that level anymore, and I need to make more money. So all those reasons make it pointless. It's not good for my mental state to be getting worked up about these things all the time. There's no use in continuing to fight it all. So I have to resign to things being the way they are.

And, I pretty much treat myself every day, one way or another. but thanks for the kind words.

Think another xanax is in order tonight.

mg1982 wrote: »

Sorry to hear what your going through gong. Work is difficult but interacting with others can make it even more so. You do sound intelligent and ambitious and i hope you do find a job where your valued more and can earn more dough.

Just wondering here, does anyone ever suffer from confusion? I seem to suffer with it a lot in recent years, I dont know where i am or what im meant to be doing half the time is how i feel.

No I can't say confusion is an issue for me. I can be forgetful at times but I dont think I'm more forgetful than the average person.

Euphoria Intensifies wrote: »

Do you mean confusion like dissasociation or depersonalisation mg? After I was in hospital, I was really dissassociated for a while - time just kind of went by in a blur and I didn't know what I was at half the time. It has happened to me a few other times too, usually if I'm really struggling with something.

I'm high as a kite this evening. So much energy. And then earlier I couldn't leave m bed at all. These mood swings are so annoying. Think I might need to start taking the seroquel earlier and see does that make a difference.

I think it may be the depersonalisation/derealisation. I can go long stretches stuck in that state. Its horrible tbh because nothing feels real, everything feels two dimensional like a in movie. Feeling very flat and expressionless today. I just wish i was normal sometimes.

Hope the seroquel evens out your moods EI. The highs can be good but when it swings back to low so quickly it sucks.

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Rejection, even very minor, seems to be amplified for folks like us. One wonders if it could be part of a larger persecutory delusion.

I can definitley empathise with that. Did anything happen at work hugo or are you just saying in general.