2020 Bride/Groom

Teach30 · 22-04-2020 6:13pm

woodchuck wrote: »

Why don't you consider an off-peak date instead? You'll be much more likely to secure your original suppliers.

Unfortunately we can’t due to work and midweek isn’t suitable as bar would close too early for people. At least I will have another year to get it right and I might enjoy it now and we’re gonna make a few days of it hopefully. Looking forward to picking new outfits now. So there is an upside.

Faith · 22-04-2020 6:18pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Life isn’t always that simple. I can’t explain why but I would hate to fall out with anyone. They don’t dictate, we are just going with what’s normal for us and our friends and what feels right for us as a couple. I’m the type of person who worries a lot about what other people think about me so that’s a lot of my problems. Apparently I “humble brag“ I didn’t know that was a thing, I talk like that in real life too. No one ever has a problem with it and I have similar friends.

As handy as it would be to do the marriage part this year my fiancé wants it all together and have the big party. It would be a bit deflating for us the have it split up.

Lovely suggestion though.
We’ve picked a peak date again so that’s why it’s hard to get any decent suppliers. It’s just a pain looking things up again and so time consuming. I wish I was someone who enjoyed this sort of thing.

Trust me, I know life isn’t that simple, but do you really not see that the only person suffering in all of this is you? In your effort to make everyone else happy, you’re the one who’s unhappy. Are you really so passive that you’ll martyr yourself for the sake of “it’s what everyone does”? You’re looking at another year, maybe two, of your relationship being on hold. Not living together, not being independent, barely knowing each other tbh. Another year or two of living at home with no love, warm, empathy, support?

Honestly, that’s not normal, it’s really not. And I mean that with kindness. There’s “not wanting to fall out with anyone” and there’s being a complete pushover who’s basically digging her own grave for people who don’t give a damn at the end of the day. It makes me so sad to read your posts

woodchuck · 22-04-2020 6:27pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Unfortunately we can’t due to work and midweek isn’t suitable as bar would close too early for people.

Out of interest, what's too early? Is it possible to pay extra for a bar extension?

Teach30 · 22-04-2020 6:31pm

woodchuck wrote: »

Out of interest, what's too early? Is it possible to pay extra for a bar extension?

Half 11 extension to half 12. Definitely wouldn’t suit us.

Teach30 · 22-04-2020 6:33pm

Faith wrote: »

Trust me, I know life isn’t that simple, but do you really not see that the only person suffering in all of this is you? In your effort to make everyone else happy, you’re the one who’s unhappy. Are you really so passive that you’ll martyr yourself for the sake of “it’s what everyone does”? You’re looking at another year, maybe two, of your relationship being on hold. Not living together, not being independent, barely knowing each other tbh. Another year or two of living at home with no love, warm, empathy, support?

Honestly, that’s not normal, it’s really not. And I mean that with kindness. There’s “not wanting to fall out with anyone” and there’s being a complete pushover who’s basically digging her own grave for people who don’t give a damn at the end of the day. It makes me so sad to read your posts

Wow wouldn’t want to be sensitive reading that anyways. Look I wouldnt expect people on here to understand my lifestyle.

They do give a damn we just show it in a different way - money. Life isn’t all about warmth and love. People are far too soft nowadays anyway. I’m grand about it now, I’m just disappointed we couldn’t have the day we originally planned and what’s left isn’t really of a very good standard for me. People talk and I’d like them to say it was an unreal day. I’d be one of the first to say if it was a poor day tbh.

Also I know my fiancé very well you don’t have to live together to know a person. I’d hardly marry someone who wasn’t up to standard.

Faith · 22-04-2020 6:51pm

Fair enough, I need to accept that you know what’s best for you and stop projecting my values on to your life

qwerty13 · 23-04-2020 1:29am

Teach30 wrote: »

Wow wouldn’t want to be sensitive reading that anyways. Look I wouldnt expect people on here to understand my lifestyle.

They do give a damn we just show it in a different way - money. Life isn’t all about warmth and love. People are far too soft nowadays anyway. I’m grand about it now, I’m just disappointed we couldn’t have the day we originally planned and what’s left isn’t really of a very good standard for me. People talk and I’d like them to say it was an unreal day. I’d be one of the first to say if it was a poor day tbh.

Also I know my fiancé very well you don’t have to live together to know a person. I’d hardly marry someone who wasn’t up to standard.

Are you sure you’re happy to be marrying this man? Saying that you wouldn’t marry someone ‘up to standard’ is a strange thing to say. And I recall you saying that you’ve ‘nothing to lose’ by marrying him. Do you actually love him?

The not living together first is incredibly unusual to me. I literally don’t know anyone who has done that. I don’t understand your reluctance to do so. Is it ‘respect’ for your elders, or are you putting it off, or is this about safeguarding the amount of money you’ll get from your family, ie disapproval = no money or less money given to you towards you wedding and house? And I think you do have to live with someone to truly know them - and know how compatible you really are.

I find it difficult to empathise with you, as I fundamentally do not understand where you’re coming from with your attitude to money and general outlook on life. But you sound either very conflicted or unhappy. Maybe both. Are you sure you love this man and want to be with him? It’s almost like you’re throwing up obstacles to marrying him. Are you sure your life choices are your own, ie what will make you happy? Or are you following a trail of doing what’s ‘expected’ of you? Or are you doing this to get money (I do recall you saying that if you moved out of your parents home without getting married first, there’d be no money given to you).

It all sounds quite sad.

Teach30 · 23-04-2020 9:08am

qwerty13 wrote: »

Are you sure you’re happy to be marrying this man? Saying that you wouldn’t marry someone ‘up to standard’ is a strange thing to say. And I recall you saying that you’ve ‘nothing to lose’ by marrying him. Do you actually love him?

The not living together first is incredibly unusual to me. I literally don’t know anyone who has done that. I don’t understand your reluctance to do so. Is it ‘respect’ for your elders, or are you putting it off, or is this about safeguarding the amount of money you’ll get from your family, ie disapproval = no money or less money given to you towards you wedding and house? And I think you do have to live with someone to truly know them - and know how compatible you really are.

I find it difficult to empathise with you, as I fundamentally do not understand where you’re coming from with your attitude to money and general outlook on life. But you sound either very conflicted or unhappy. Maybe both. Are you sure you love this man and want to be with him? It’s almost like you’re throwing up obstacles to marrying him. Are you sure your life choices are your own, ie what will make you happy? Or are you following a trail of doing what’s ‘expected’ of you? Or are you doing this to get money (I do recall you saying that if you moved out of your parents home without getting married first, there’d be no money given to you).

It all sounds quite sad.

Just because I’m not very good at verbalising things doesn’t mean I dont love him, of course I do! Is up to standard not a good way of putting it? His parents vetted me to ensure I was good enough for him, do other people not do this, perhaps not but I’m sure some do. I have various personal reason for choosing not to live with him, religious reasons would form part of this, saving money is another. For fear of being further ridiculed I will not go into it here. Also I didn’t say anywhere I was trying to get out of marrying him?

People value different things, one of mine is money and assets. So if you dont get it grand but dont go calling someone sad over that.

Anyways to keep this on topic for the wedding forum we’re gonna have to have the “big fat culchie wedding” as someone here called it - next year bigger and better, which gives me plenty of time to make the most of it.

I’m thinking of my day two dress and getting it made for me. There are some fab up and coming Irish designers who I would like to support. Anyone else do anything like this?

yourdeadwright · 23-04-2020 9:54am

Teach30 wrote: »

Just because I’m not very good at verbalising things doesn’t mean I dont love him, of course I do! Is up to standard not a good way of putting it? His parents vetted me to ensure I was good enough for him, do other people not do this, perhaps not but I’m sure some do. I have various personal reason for choosing not to live with him, religious reasons would form part of this, saving money is another. For fear of being further ridiculed I will not go into it here. Also I didn’t say anywhere I was trying to get out of marrying him?

People value different things, one of mine is money and assets. So if you dont get it grand but dont go calling someone sad over that.

Anyways to keep this on topic for the wedding forum we’re gonna have to have the “big fat culchie wedding” as someone here called it - next year bigger and better, which gives me plenty of time to make the most of it.

I’m thinking of my day two dress and getting it made for me. There are some fab up and coming Irish designers who I would like to support. Anyone else do anything like this?

I hope it all works out and you guys have a great day and one to remember ,

Remember its you and your husbands to be's day , No one else's will look back on it or give it a thought a year down the line , But you guys always will,

Its your life but iv no idea how people live life's under other people standards.
Can't live together cause of parents, Partner vetted for you , Fear of being ridiculed by strangers online,

You've one life do what makes you happy and don't be worrying about anyone else, Do you and enjoy your wedding, Fingers crossed it works out for you guys how you want it,

Electric Sheep · 23-04-2020 5:06pm

Teach30 wrote: »

People talk and I’d like them to say it was an unreal day. I’d be one of the first to say if it was a poor day tbh.

Ireland in a nutshell.

rainbowtrout · 27-04-2020 12:11am

Teach30 wrote: »

Unfortunately we can’t due to work and midweek isn’t suitable as bar would close too early for people. At least I will have another year to get it right and I might enjoy it now and we’re gonna make a few days of it hopefully. Looking forward to picking new outfits now. So there is an upside.

You're a teacher and you're entitled to a week's wedding leave so getting the time off is not a problem. In fact not two weeks ago the first thing you asked on the thread about the Leaving Cert in the teaching forum was if you would still be able to get the time off if we had to come in in July and teach.

I find your obsession with money quite sad and horrifying to be honest. To say that life isn't all about warmth and love, and that people are too soft nowadays is incredibly sad. You can earn a decent living and still have warmth and love in a relationship, it's not either or. Actually if the last two months are anything to go by I think it's fairly obvious that what people are missing the most is other people. And there have been plenty of acts of kindness in the last while, from all those soft people of course.

lisasimpson · 27-04-2020 8:38am

At the end of March moved may wedding to october. The amount of people still saying youll be grand by then is crazy. I cant tell if they are trying to be nice or in denial. I know deep down october is a non runner. I want to move the reception to next year himself is telling me stop being so negative. Id be happy with just doing the cermony in oct with immediate family.

woodchuck · 27-04-2020 9:19am

lisasimpson wrote: »

At the end of March moved may wedding to october. The amount of people still saying youll be grand by then is crazy. I cant tell if they are trying to be nice or in denial. I know deep down october is a non runner. I want to move the reception to next year himself is telling me stop being so negative. Id be happy with just doing the cermony in oct with immediate family.

We're September and my guy was the same. He kept saying it might be ok and we should wait and see. But we talked about it and have decided to put a "plan B" in place as a compromise. We have most of our suppliers on board now for a new date in 2021 (while also holding onto our 2020 date for now), just waiting to hear back from a couple more. It just makes me feel better that we can have a provisional date pinned down next year for if/when we need to move.

If you'd be happy to just do the ceremony with immediate family, then there is still a good possibility that it will go ahead. That's something we might still consider for ourselves this September.

Even if weddings can go ahead later in the year though, my fear is in relation to social distancing, travel restrictions and of course the safety of our guests. I can see a lot of people just not coming (elderly, underlying health conditions or have close family in those two categories). I genuinely don't know how anyone can have a close to normal wedding reception with social distancing. If they want to keep up the 2 meter rule going forward, you wouldn't be able to sit next to other households during the meal, dance with other people on the dance floor, or even mingle properly with your guests. That's not a proper celebration in my eyes. Our venue are being very ambiguous about the conditions under which they'll let us transfer our deposit to the new date though. They probably don't know themselves. Like if they're closed, obviously we could transfer the money. But if they're open and social restrictions are place I don't know if they'd let us transfer the deposit.

Raisins · 27-04-2020 10:23am

woodchuck wrote: »

We're September and my guy was the same. He kept saying it might be ok and we should wait and see. But we talked about it and have decided to put a "plan B" in place as a compromise. We have most of our suppliers on board now for a new date in 2021 (while also holding onto our 2020 date for now), just waiting to hear back from a couple more. It just makes me feel better that we can have a provisional date pinned down next year for if/when we need to move.

If you'd be happy to just do the ceremony with immediate family, then there is still a good possibility that it will go ahead. That's something we might still consider for ourselves this September.

Even if weddings can go ahead later in the year though, my fear is in relation to social distancing, travel restrictions and of course the safety of our guests. I can see a lot of people just not coming (elderly, underlying health conditions or have close family in those two categories). I genuinely don't know how anyone can have a close to normal wedding reception with social distancing. If they want to keep up the 2 meter rule going forward, you wouldn't be able to sit next to other households during the meal, dance with other people on the dance floor, or even mingle properly with your guests. That's not a proper celebration in my eyes. Our venue are being very ambiguous about the conditions under which they'll let us transfer our deposit to the new date though. They probably don't know themselves. Like if they're closed, obviously we could transfer the money. But if they're open and social restrictions are place I don't know if they'd let us transfer the deposit.

I think every 2020 wedding is in that boat at this stage. I wouldn’t think even xmas weddings are safe. It’s hard to think of a wedding going ahead “as normal” without literally every restriction getting lifted, including social distancing.

yourdeadwright · 27-04-2020 11:20am

Raisins wrote: »

I think every 2020 wedding is in that boat at this stage. I wouldn’t think even xmas weddings are safe. It’s hard to think of a wedding going ahead “as normal” without literally every restriction getting lifted, including social distancing.

Personally I reckon even 2021 wedding will be effected ,

Without a vaccine how can you possible have a "NORMAL" wedding,
Would it be safe for older relatives , Mothers , father grandparents to be in a large crowd ?

Small weddings may now be the only option ,

woodchuck · 27-04-2020 11:42am

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Small weddings may now be the only option ,

I'm even concerned about small weddings. Say if it's the bride and groom and both sets of parents only, which is as tiny as it can get. That's still 3 separate households and 3 separate groups that would need to keep their distance from each other. You could go ahead with the legal bit, but technically you wouldn't even be able to hug your own parents or be in a photo next to them. Never mind trying to have a meal together; you'd end up shouting between separate tables.

We're looking at Oct 2021, which gives us a decent shot at a vaccine being available or more effective treatments. At the very least, there may be new ideas about how to celebrate weddings in a fun and satisfying way by then, while maintaining peoples safety. If things don't settle down by next year though, I think I'd just go ahead and do a private ceremony ourselves. The marriage is more important than the party, so there's only so long I'd be willing to postpone.

yourdeadwright · 27-04-2020 11:52am

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm even concerned about small weddings. Say if it's the bride and groom and both sets of parents only, which is as tiny as it can get. That's still 3 separate households and 3 separate groups that would need to keep their distance from each other. You could go ahead with the legal bit, but technically you wouldn't even be able to hug your own parents or be in a photo next to them. Never mind trying to have a meal together; you'd end up shouting between separate tables.

We're looking at Oct 2021, which gives us a decent shot at a vaccine being available or more effective treatments. At the very least, there may be new ideas about how to celebrate weddings in a fun and satisfying way by then, while maintaining peoples safety. If things don't settle down by next year though, I think I'd just go ahead and do a private ceremony ourselves. The marriage is more important than the party, so there's only so long I'd be willing to postpone.

I'm I nthe same boat, Sep 2021,

We have the ceremony booked and where on the cups of booking the reception venue before this kicked off, we had 3 venues with the dates on hold ,

The problem is as soon as hotels are open or relaxation of restrictions start them venues will be on the phone looking for us to pay a deposit and confirm the date,
Which I'm not sure we will be comfortable to do as we will still have no idea how it plays out in the long run ,

The problem is we have paid the deposit on the venue for the ceremony as we really wanted the venue so it might be difficult to get any where to match that date if wait,

Teach30 · 27-04-2020 12:34pm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

You're a teacher and you're entitled to a week's wedding leave so getting the time off is not a problem. In fact not two weeks ago the first thing you asked on the thread about the Leaving Cert in the teaching forum was if you would still be able to get the time off if we had to come in in July and teach.

I find your obsession with money quite sad and horrifying to be honest. To say that life isn't all about warmth and love, and that people are too soft nowadays is incredibly sad. You can earn a decent living and still have warmth and love in a relationship, it's not either or. Actually if the last two months are anything to go by I think it's fairly obvious that what people are missing the most is other people. And there have been plenty of acts of kindness in the last while, from all those soft people of course.

Now I dont think calling someone sad is much of an act of kindness is it? Thank god im not sensitive because your reaction to my posts is a little ott. I haven’t seen my fiancé in over 6 weeks so I know all about missing people. People are overly sensitive nowadays I see that in my own professional role - just my opinion. I value money and hard work, again just my view in life.

Also if you take time to read my previous posts correctly you will see that midweek does not suit us as the bar closes too early.
I know I’m entitled to a week off won’t be using it now though. We want a Friday or Saturday in summer as we would not expect friends to get a day off for it. Most people we know don’t work office type jobs so harder for them to get days off midweek rest of year anyways.

2021 will have restrictions too so will be interesting to see what happens.

Raisins · 27-04-2020 3:12pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Personally I reckon even 2021 wedding will be effected ,

Without a vaccine how can you possible have a "NORMAL" wedding,
Would it be safe for older relatives , Mothers , father grandparents to be in a large crowd ?

Small weddings may now be the only option ,

I wonder how that will impact the wedding industry. There’s a lot of couples who won’t be willing to spend standard rates on photographer, flowers, music etc if it’s a small wedding. There must be a lot of venues seriously concerned that they’ll be the last area to get clearance to open up.

There might be a world where the gov give weddings under a certain number the green light with no social distancing if there’s 100k testing capacity, ICU capacity, contact tracing is in place on a large scale etc. I suppose nobody knows.

yourdeadwright · 27-04-2020 3:17pm

Raisins wrote: »

I wonder how that will impact the wedding industry. There’s a lot of couples who won’t be willing to spend standard rates on photographer, flowers, music etc if it’s a small wedding. There must be a lot of venues seriously concerned that they’ll be the last area to get clearance to open up.

There might be a world where the gov give weddings under a certain number the green light with no social distancing if there’s 100k testing capacity, ICU capacity, contact tracing is in place on a large scale etc. I suppose nobody knows.

Imagine having to ask guest to make sure your tested a few days before the wedding ,
As mental as it sounds it could happen,

Raisins · 27-04-2020 4:54pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Imagine having to ask guest to make sure your tested a few days before the wedding ,
As mental as it sounds it could happen,

It does seem mental but the alternative is so bleak I guess nothing is off the table.

A bit like other sectors of the economy the alternative that there will be social distancing at weddings until we get a vaccine will make a large number of wedding venues insolvent. Asking them to re open in autumn 2021 is a moot point. They’ll never re open if that happens.

cazzer22 · 27-04-2020 8:57pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Personally I reckon even 2021 wedding will be effected ,

Without a vaccine how can you possible have a "NORMAL" wedding,
Would it be safe for older relatives , Mothers , father grandparents to be in a large crowd ?

Small weddings may now be the only option ,

I'm April 2021, so apologies for crashing the thread, but we are both thinking the same. I think our number will be limited and our venue has quite a small function room, meaning that people will be even closer than in a huge function room. This is our reality until we have a vaccine. You're dead right, imo.

Father Hernandez · 01-05-2020 6:05pm

With tonight's restrictions set to be lifted from a 2km limit to 5km limit, does anyone want to speculate if this will mean weddings in registry offices will open now or remain closed?

Edit: Post LV speech, don't see anything going ahead until May 18th now.

woodchuck · 01-05-2020 7:17pm

A very loose version of the plan is published here:
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/health/coronavirus-re-opening-plan-to-begin-on-may-18th-with-outdoor-staff-return-to-work-1.4242985

It doesn't mention weddings specifically. I'd hope we'll see a more specific plan being made publicly available soon... transparency people!

Q&A at 7.30pm and Leo is on the late late show later.

Update - Roadmap published here:
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/varadkar-announces-plans-to-gradually-reopen-ireland-1.4242649
https://s3.amazonaws.com/files.scribblelive.com/2020/5/1/2929710_925165814897d75d-e8f1-4162-b5a5-c81589fae2bb.pdf?wmode=opaque#viewer.action=download
Weddings mentioned on page 6 in relation to phase 4 and phase 5. Still not very clear though in relation to numbers and restrictions.

lilmissprincess · 02-05-2020 12:56pm

Looks like no weddings, even small ones, until phase 4. I agree that they need to be more transparent with what they categorise as the limited amount of people - but as someone who just wants to do the legal marriage now and let the big day go for a few years until everything is back to normal, it's frustrating that it's not allowed at all even with just the bare minimum until the end of July at the earliest!

woodchuck · 02-05-2020 1:55pm

Yeah you'd imagine they could arrange to open the registry offices for the bare minimum (couple, registrar, 2 witnesses) for people who purely want to do the legal bit.

I'm in the absolute horrors, crippled with anxiety not knowing what to do. Our wedding is currently scheduled for mid-Sept. All going well, we'll be in phase 5 by then. But it's still not clear to me what weddings will look like - social distancing will presumably still be a thing. We'd need to start sending out invites in July and I honestly can't see any/many people accepting an invitation then. I don't see the point in spending a ton of money on a celebration where I can't even sit/stand next to my friends for a chat.

Our venue is working an absolute skeleton crew atm. 1 person working 4hrs a week. It takes a week to get a reply. We've been trying to tie down a "plan B" date, but asking her to confirm that she has the backup date locked in for us is like pulling teeth. Still waiting for confirmation. And have no idea if they'll actually let us postpone if we choose to now that it looks like weddings can technically go ahead in September.

I'm also concerned that we've booked a Saturday and there is a minimum number (70). From the beginning we were a little concerned that we wouldn't reach this number, so they wrote 55 into our contract (but if we drop below 55, we have to pay for 70). I'm wondering if under the circumstances, they'll be more flexible with the numbers. I know 55 is still a relatively small wedding, but we have so many on our guest list who live abroad, are elderly, underlying conditions etc. Not to mention people who know people who are vulnerable and wouldn't want to risk attending a social gathering for fear of catching and passing something on. So realistically, I'd say our actual final number will be drastically reduced (maybe 20-30 at a guess). Our venue is also very small, so I don't see how they could do a number like 70 anyway with social distancing.

Sorry for the word vomit. I just don't know what to do.

ilovesmybrick · 02-05-2020 3:21pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm in the absolute horrors, crippled with anxiety not knowing what to do. Our wedding is currently scheduled for mid-Sept. All going well, we'll be in phase 5 by then. But it's still not clear to me what weddings will look like - social distancing will presumably still be a thing. We'd need to start sending out invites in July and I honestly can't see any/many people accepting an invitation then. I don't see the point in spending a ton of money on a celebration where I can't even sit/stand next to my friends for a chat.

Our venue is working an absolute skeleton crew atm. 1 person working 4hrs a week. It takes a week to get a reply. We've been trying to tie down a "plan B" date, but asking her to confirm that she has the backup date locked in for us is like pulling teeth. Still waiting for confirmation. And have no idea if they'll actually let us postpone if we choose to now that it looks like weddings can technically go ahead in September.

I'm also concerned that we've booked a Saturday and there is a minimum number (70). From the beginning we were a little concerned that we wouldn't reach this number, so they wrote 55 into our contract (but if we drop below 55, we have to pay for 70). I'm wondering if under the circumstances, they'll be more flexible with the numbers. I know 55 is still a relatively small wedding, but we have so many on our guest list who live abroad, are elderly, underlying conditions etc. Not to mention people who know people who are vulnerable and wouldn't want to risk attending a social gathering for fear of catching and passing something on. So realistically, I'd say our actual final number will be drastically reduced (maybe 20-30 at a guess). Our venue is also very small, so I don't see how they could do a number like 70 anyway with social distancing.

We're booked for mid-October, so based on the (very vague) details from yesterday I think we should be okay, unless this year throws another curveball. Our current list is around 150, and since about 30 are coming from abroad I'd say the majority of them won't be attending, which is fine and understandable. I would guess we'll end up around 110-120, but our contract is for 140, so that's the minimum we are supposed to pay.

Our venue are really nice, and in constant touch, but I'm hoping that there may be a bit of flexibility in the 140 minimum charge considering the circumstances. Though of course it's entirely possible that there'll be some other problems arising over the Summer since there are currently no flights from where we live back to Ireland, and it's looking like there won't be until August. We also would like to look at sending out invites in June/July, but there is also no post back to Ireland due to the lack of flights.

Fortunately we got a lot done over Christmas, so all that's left to organise back home that I need to be there for are the suits.

Pen Rua · 02-05-2020 3:34pm

Following the roadmap being published, we remain hopeful (Oct 2020 wedding). We spoke with our priest and he is also hopeful. Our primary concern is her family being able to travel from USA.

We emailed hotel this morning, will give them time to reply. We got an out of office so I'm not sure should we expect anything.

Our minimum number are 100, and given our profile of our guest list, it will be hard to meet this. I am hopeful the hotel will be reasonable.

addaword · 02-05-2020 11:14pm

The virus spread from 1 person in Ireland on Feb. 29th to about 21,000 now. Despite 6 weeks of restrictions / lockdown. Some questions.

Is the virus going to disappear?

Does anyone really believe large groups ( say 50, 75 or 100+ ) will be able to drink / celebrate / mingle together before there is a vaccine available? If just one person had it, lots more could catch it? Or am I missing something?

I have a relation booking a wedding soon, hence I am interested. Who knows what will happen. I suppose we have to hope for the best.

katie275 · 04-05-2020 8:03am

There’s a great group on Facebook with plenty of discussions and advice about upcoming weddings

https://www.facebook.com/groups/helpimgettingmarried/?ref=share

Bacchus · 05-05-2020 11:05am

addaword wrote: »

The virus spread from 1 person in Ireland on Feb. 29th to about 21,000 now. Despite 6 weeks of restrictions / lockdown. Some questions.

Is the virus going to disappear?

Does anyone really believe large groups ( say 50, 75 or 100+ ) will be able to drink / celebrate / mingle together before there is a vaccine available? If just one person had it, lots more could catch it? Or am I missing something?

I have a relation booking a wedding soon, hence I am interested. Who knows what will happen. I suppose we have to hope for the best.

THIS (except well it wasn't 1 single person that spread to 21,000 now, but I get the point)

I think this goes beyond just weddings but I hear some people who seem to speak as if when restrictions are lifted, the virus magically disappears and life goes back to normal. Life won't go back to normal until there's a vaccine... so Spring 2021. Just because you can technically have a wedding in Oct (fingers crossed) doesn't mean it's going to be anything like what you wanted your wedding to be (sorry).

Sure, weddings will be allowed to go ahead in some form but my view on it is, unless there are other circumstances in play (that put time pressure on you), avoid the stress. Move your date back a year. I've a friend due to get married in Oct but her sister has an underlying respiratory condition so there's just no way they are going to go ahead, regardless of lifted restrictions. It sucks, but they'll have their day.

I've had bookings move from March to July/August that are now moving again. I have bookings now moving from August to Sept/Oct. It is entirely their choice but I don't see the point. There is so much unknown. What does Phase 5 even mean for weddings. Does everyone have to maintain social distancing? Will everyone be wearing a face mask? Will you be allowed have an open bar? Will it be 4 people to a large table? Etc. My heart goes out to the couples caught up in this (and the wedding industry), and to those for whom moving the date means more than just an inconvenience. However, anyone who can move to 2021 should save themselves the stress of watching the news every day wondering what will happen, and push out the date. Seriously, couples get stressed about the weather looking at 10 day forecasts hoping it won't rain. I can't imagine the stress of hosting a wedding during a pandemic, hoping and praying that their pared-down wedding can go ahead.

I hope this doesn't cause offense or distress to anyone. I know some people just can't afford to move to next year, and that absolutely sucks beyond words and I hope you can have your day in some shape or form.

yourdeadwright · 05-05-2020 11:11am

We are due to next married September 2021
We have the ceremony venue booked but are currently afraid to organise anything else,
Its impossible to tell what's going to happen ,
Do we book a reception venue for our project 115 people or will that be a no go ,
If you have to have smaller number there's no way we wouldn't want to book a larger venues it would be waste and look awful ,
Do we push ahead booking bands and stiff like that ?

Then if you don't book stuff and next year is ok with all the rearranged wedding from this year you may be left stuck ,

addaword · 05-05-2020 11:17am

Will there be a vaccine widely available by Autumn 2021? I would not gamble on it, unfortunately.

woodchuck · 05-05-2020 11:23am

Life won't go back to normal until there's a vaccine... so Spring 2021.

We have no idea if there will be a vaccine in Spring 2021 though. Or Autumn 2021. Or 2022 etc.

We have our wedding booked for September 2020. We're trying to pin down a plan B for Oct 2021 (communication from our venue is seriously lacking as there is only a skeleton staff). However will a wedding in Oct 2021 actually be any different to a wedding Sept 2020? If there's no vaccine - which there very well may not be - how will anything change in the space of a year. In all likelihood, whatever restrictions are in place for phase 5, will remain in place indefinitely until there is a vaccine. I don't care so much about the limited numbers, but the social distancing has me concerned.

We had originally planned a wedding of ~70-80 people. About a quarter of those live abroad. Another quarter are elderly and/or have underlying conditions. The half that remain I'm sure will be very reluctant to go due to the fear of catching something and passing it on to a vulnerable family member. So if we go ahead this year, realistically now I'd only hope to have about 10-20 people present. That excludes ALL of our siblings (2 live abroad and the 1 in Ireland has an underlying health condition).

We may decide to go ahead anyway though, because I'm really not sure what difference another year will make and I don't think my nerves could take another year of this stress/anxiety. At the end of day, we want to get married. I've never cared all that much about the late night party. I have no idea if our venue will let us go ahead with such limited numbers though, as the minimum number required is normally 70. If they insist we pay for 70 meals when there is only 10 of us, we'll just have to take a hit on the deposit and find another (even smaller) venue. They also normally expect couples to pay for food 1 month in advance. So much can change in the space of 4 weeks though and I really don't like the idea of them holding our money hostage if we can't go ahead on the day (this has already happened to a friend of mine with another venue).

yourdeadwright · 05-05-2020 11:23am

Bacchus wrote: »

THIS (except well it wasn't 1 single person that spread to 21,000 now, but I get the point)

I think this goes beyond just weddings but I hear some people who seem to speak as if when restrictions are lifted, the virus magically disappears and life goes back to normal. Life won't go back to normal until there's a vaccine... so Spring 2021. Just because you can technically have a wedding in Oct (fingers crossed) doesn't mean it's going to be anything like what you wanted your wedding to be (sorry).

Sure, weddings will be allowed to go ahead in some form but my view on it is, unless there are other circumstances in play (that put time pressure on you), avoid the stress. Move your date back a year. I've a friend due to get married in Oct but her sister has an underlying respiratory condition so there's just no way they are going to go ahead, regardless of lifted restrictions. It sucks, but they'll have their day.

I've had bookings move from March to July/August that are now moving again. I have bookings now moving from August to Sept/Oct. It is entirely their choice but I don't see the point. There is so much unknown. What does Phase 5 even mean for weddings. Does everyone have to maintain social distancing? Will everyone be wearing a face mask? Will you be allowed have an open bar? Will it be 4 people to a large table? Etc. My heart goes out to the couples caught up in this (and the wedding industry), and to those for whom moving the date means more than just an inconvenience. However, anyone who can move to 2021 should save themselves the stress of watching the news every day wondering what will happen, and push out the date. Seriously, couples get stressed about the weather looking at 10 day forecasts hoping it won't rain. I can't imagine the stress of hosting a wedding during a pandemic, hoping and praying that their pared-down wedding can go ahead.

I hope this doesn't cause offense or distress to anyone. I know some people just can't afford to move to next year, and that absolutely sucks beyond words and I hope you can have your day in some shape or form.

2021 is no promise of saving you stress,

Its only 8 months away which in terms of a wedding planning is close enough and no one has an idea of what a wedding will be allowed or not allowed to be like,

Bacchus · 05-05-2020 12:02pm

addaword wrote: »

Will there be a vaccine widely available by Autumn 2021? I would not gamble on it, unfortunately.

It's a question of your risk appetite at that point. 2020, into early 2021 is going to be high risk. All indicators are a vaccine by Spring 2021. Delivery and population coverage of that is another question (as you allude to). However, one would hope (a dangerous thing) that "at risk" people will be vaccinated first which will help bring society back to "normal". But I agree, there are no guarantees with this.

yourdeadwright wrote: »

2021 is no promise of saving you stress,

Its only 8 months away which in terms of a wedding planning is close enough and no one has an idea of what a wedding will be allowed or not allowed to be like,

I did say not until Spring 2021... I guess I should clarify to after Spring (i.e. April/May). Until there is a vaccine (and even for some time after), all weddings are going to be impacted to some degree. As I mentioned just above, it's then a question of risk.... a sliding scale where the earlier you go the higher the risk of impact will be. However, it will be nothing like 2020, which is a write-off for anything close to a "normal wedding".

Ordinary Girl · 05-05-2020 12:13pm

Sorry to hijack this- we were due to get married 19th June in Registry Office. For various reasons the big wedding is no longer a priorty (finances!) and we would be happy to go ahead just us and two witnesses. How likely do people think that is going to be? Head wrecked thinking should i rebook.

Father Hernandez · 05-05-2020 12:39pm

Ordinary Girl wrote: »

Sorry to hijack this- we were due to get married 19th June in Registry Office. For various reasons the big wedding is no longer a priorty (finances!) and we would be happy to go ahead just us and two witnesses. How likely do people think that is going to be? Head wrecked thinking should i rebook.

Been thinking along the same lines since Friday and the short answer is no idea but IMO not looking likely.

Phase 4 was outlined as small gatherings e.g. small weddings and I think even registry office weddings fall into this category.

I rang the HSE this morning as we are due to get married in a registry office this month and they weren't able to give me a definitive answer on getting married or not. They said they only know as much as what we do which was strange.

They said that the registrar is contacting those due to get married by date and to expect a call.

I'd recommend ringing your local registry office, might be able to give you more clarity.

Neyite · 05-05-2020 3:54pm

Ordinary Girl wrote: »

Sorry to hijack this- we were due to get married 19th June in Registry Office. For various reasons the big wedding is no longer a priorty (finances!) and we would be happy to go ahead just us and two witnesses. How likely do people think that is going to be? Head wrecked thinking should i rebook.

Can you email them to ask? Our registry office is shut to the public but they are still answering emails.

We've made the decision to marry with just two witnesses in July, if we manage to get our paperwork from the HSE in time. Like everyone here is saying, any sort of gathering for a reception or ceremony could be realistically years away. So if we do the legal bit now, we have the security of being married, and can always hold a party to celebrate that when it's safe to do so whether that's 2021, or further out.

It's not what we wanted, but we've got to work with what we have.

Pen Rua · 05-05-2020 4:28pm

Neyite wrote: »

Can you email them to ask? Our registry office is shut to the public but they are still answering emails.

We've made the decision to marry with just two witnesses in July, if we manage to get our paperwork from the HSE in time. Like everyone here is saying, any sort of gathering for a reception or ceremony could be realistically years away. So if we do the legal bit now, we have the security of being married, and can always hold a party to celebrate that when it's safe to do so whether that's 2021, or further out.

It's not what we wanted, but we've got to work with what we have.

Which office are you trying to contact, Neyite? We have been trying to contact the Cork city office by email but no replies.

Neyite · 05-05-2020 4:40pm

Pen Rua wrote: »

Which office are you trying to contact, Neyite? We have been trying to contact the Cork city office by email but no replies.

Ours is Galway. But the email address I have is for a named person (who processed our 'postal' application) rather than a generic office one, and I had been speaking to her on the day she had to cancel our registration appointment so we already had some contact prior to shut-down.
If she's heard anything from head office as to what their long term plan is I'll let you know - I've dropped her an email and will see if she's responds. I've never contacted a TD in my life but if the registry offices don't start giving people answers then I might.

zedhead · 06-05-2020 5:26pm

We were meant to be getting married Friday week. We tentatively rescheduled to August back in March but have now pushed back to May next year.

We had always planned the registry office ceremony and we had really hoped restrictions would be eased enough that we could go ahead with 2 witnesses next week but it wasn't to be. I called the dublin registrar and they were so helpful. They said they had a list of couples booked on before May 18th they were due to call so they could reschedule them, but let me move to next year no problem.

Who knows what things will be like next May, but will go ahead then no matter what. I'd love to marry him sooner but we've decided its the best thing to do is wait. Im so glad that our reception venue and other vendors have been amazingly responsive and helpful and we managed to get everyone available for a friday next may. I know not everyone has had it so easy.

cant26 · 11-05-2020 11:04am

Just received a wedding invitation for the 1st of August! We aren’t close friends so I imagine it’s a big wedding. Surely this won’t go ahead? Really surprised. Feel so awful for them but the cost of stamps and the effort in doing the beautiful invitations and envelopes seems like such a waste. Anyone else still planning their day for July or August?

Shelli2 · 11-05-2020 11:43am

cant26 wrote: »

Just received a wedding invitation for the 1st of August! We aren’t close friends so I imagine it’s a big wedding. Surely this won’t go ahead? Really surprised. Feel so awful for them but the cost of stamps and the effort in doing the beautiful invitations and envelopes seems like such a waste. Anyone else still planning their day for July or August?

That sounds like madness to me. We were hoping to have something in October but being realistic there's no way we could have the amount of guests we'd like, 130ish, and be able to properly socially distance.
Plus, what kind of celebration would it be if people can't mingle?

We may do the legal bit and have a party next year.

SozBbz · 11-05-2020 11:53am

cant26 wrote: »

Just received a wedding invitation for the 1st of August! We aren’t close friends so I imagine it’s a big wedding. Surely this won’t go ahead? Really surprised. Feel so awful for them but the cost of stamps and the effort in doing the beautiful invitations and envelopes seems like such a waste. Anyone else still planning their day for July or August?

Yikes, thats very surprising. I presume you're going to decline? I'd be a bit conflicted if it were a very close friend, but someone whos not close theres no way.

Pen Rua · 11-05-2020 12:22pm

As shared earlier in this thread, we were having hassle contacting the civil office. We were able to contact the Cork City civil office after some time of trying. We had emailed approx. 3 weeks ago, followed up a week later and called last week.

In sum, they said no weddings prior to 20 July - not even couple & two witnesses. We were offered an Autumn date (not workable in our scenario) but they were then able to offer us a July date. I got a telling off for leaving it so late, but explained my email chain. Lesson learned - if they don't reply to the emails soon, just follow up by phone soon.

Separately, we contacted our hotel (we were planning civil marriage first, religious marriage in Autumn). They had no real idea what is going on, but said the Hotel Federation is lobbying for more clarity.

yourdeadwright · 11-05-2020 12:34pm

I just can't see how people can plan weddings for this year ,
Im suppose to get married September next year , have the ceremony boked but we are going to at cancel the whole thing for a couple of years down the line

How can you book a venue when you and them have no idea of what numbers and under what restrictions it'll take place ?

The wedding industries are obviously trying to get back on there feet and make promises to couples but they have no idea if they can keep them ,

Say if you book a stunning venue for 200 guest but all of a sudden can only have 70 guest,
For start a big venue would look bad with less people ,

It's a complete unknown at the moment for everyone ,

I think people should stand strong and not be scared of missing out and talked into booking things that make little sense as of right now,

Everyone wants the perfect day and its costs a lot of money so people need to remember you can always do it again in a year or two marriage is for life after all,

Father Hernandez · 11-05-2020 12:34pm

Pen Rua wrote: »

As shared earlier in this thread, we were having hassle contacting the civil office. We were able to contact the Cork City civil office after some time of trying. We had emailed approx. 3 weeks ago, followed up a week later and called last week.

In sum, they said no weddings prior to 20 July - not even couple & two witnesses. We were offered an Autumn date (not workable in our scenario) but they were then able to offer us a July date. I got a telling off for leaving it so late, but explained my email chain. Lesson learned - if they don't reply to the emails soon, just follow up by phone soon.

Separately, we contacted our hotel (we were planning civil marriage first, religious marriage in Autumn). They had no real idea what is going on, but said the Hotel Federation is lobbying for more clarity.

Our civil office (Dublin) were able to give us a date in July but prior to July 20th so strange that they said that to you, unless it's unique to the Cork civil office.

Likewise with original hotel, they haven't been able to give any clarity simply because they don't know any more than ourselves they have said.

TitianGerm · 11-05-2020 12:34pm

cant26 wrote: »

Just received a wedding invitation for the 1st of August! We aren’t close friends so I imagine it’s a big wedding. Surely this won’t go ahead? Really surprised. Feel so awful for them but the cost of stamps and the effort in doing the beautiful invitations and envelopes seems like such a waste. Anyone else still planning their day for July or August?

We were due to get married on the 7th of August this year with about 160 guests. We've cancelled the full thing and been given a date in January 2021.

I suggested to herself that we still get married in the church with our parents and bridal party on the 7th and lucky enough the priest has agreed.

Back to our house then for a nice BBQ with the 12 of us. I think the idea really helped with the disappointment but you have to make the most of a bad situation.

yourdeadwright · 11-05-2020 12:37pm

TitianGerm wrote: »

We were due to get married on the 7th of August this year with about 160 guests. We've cancelled the full thing and been given a date in January 2021.

I suggested to herself that we still get married in the church with our parents and bridal party on the 7th and lucky enough the priest has agreed.

Back to our house then for a nice BBQ with the 12 of us. I think the idea really helped with the disappointment but you have to make the most of a bad situation.

Will you also go ahead with the wedding day in January ?

2020 Bride/Groom

Comments