Sayings.....Rural/Regional even Funny!

Pharaoh1 · 09-01-2012 12:10pm

Someone once described a rather shapely female aquantaince he was smitten with to me with the words, "She has an arse on her like a pure bred Limousin"

pakalasa · 09-01-2012 12:20pm

An old relative of mine, when the barman at closing time would go - " Are ye right there now folks"........"Ah, if we were right, we wouldn't be here".
He had a big problem with the drink.

Muckit · 09-01-2012 1:17pm

A reply to almost any harmless statement (especially anything uttered in a workshop/farming environment ie 'up a bit'.... 'stick it in' ... 'give it a belt'..... 'drive it home' )

To bring a bit of smut into it just reply.....

'That's what she said last night!'

Harrier1980 · 09-01-2012 1:36pm

Muckit wrote: »

A reply to almost any harmless statement (especially anything uttered in a workshop/farming environment ie 'up a bit'.... 'stick it in' ... 'give it a belt'..... 'drive it home' )

To bring a bit of smut into it just reply.....

'That's what she said last night!'

And if he missed the target with his hammer " you wouldnt miss it if it had hair on it me boyo"

blue5000 · 09-01-2012 7:15pm

I've been waiting for the standards to drop a bit before I could post, so mods feel free to edit.....

To describe a woman who is a heavy smoker;

'That woman smokes so much that if she ever stops havin her periods soot will come out instead.':eek:

mikemac1 · 09-01-2012 7:22pm

That hoor of a heifer went for me and give me a puck

Dirty hoor

Kovu · 09-01-2012 7:51pm

blue5000 wrote: »

I've been waiting for the standards to drop a bit before I could post, so mods feel free to edit.....

Me too.:D
As suspicious as a nun doing push ups in a cucumber patch.

I'm as confused as a cow on Astro Turf.

The old bull spends half the time showing off and more time on the job.

She had a face on her like a bulldog licking p*ss off a nettle.

Dupont · 09-01-2012 8:29pm

chatting to a man who works with us about the woman, ah shes no show pony but she does for riding around the house;)

in drogheda they say:- right says she but she never wrote

when your beating in a nail somone will say make sure and hit the right nail(not your finger nail)

moy83 · 09-01-2012 11:26pm

Thats deadly said the rat that ate the poison

Harrier1980 · 09-01-2012 11:33pm

an auld boy in my local, when a bit of slagging starts going and he is loosing he usually says

"Its people like you that go missing"

Conflats · 09-01-2012 11:37pm

Are you related to it?- to said nail in situations of hesitation when fencing
Without the smoke ya'd have no poke
Now your sucking diesel

stop thelights · 09-01-2012 11:43pm

As awkward as a spring harrow.
Shes a walking creamery
Big girl: she'd pike bales for ya!!

red menace · 09-01-2012 11:44pm

Another one from the locality

A notorious little weasel of a fella was working with a big quiet man.
The little cross fella spent the day needling the big fella and barking orders at him and generally giving him hell.
The big fella turned around to him and said "Wasn't God a great man all the same"

"What the **** is that supposed to mean?" says the little fella.

"Wasn't he a great man to make the all the cross men small or I'd be in right trouble "

Harrier1980 · 09-01-2012 11:46pm

Big Girl: Shes a fair wedge

Bizzum · 09-01-2012 11:49pm

My grandfather wouldn't eat fish. He used to say 'Anything reared on water couldn't be any good'.

He used to say too.... 'An ounce of breeding is worth a tonne of feeding'

roosky · 09-01-2012 11:50pm

its a load a bolox...like a bulls elder !!!

ur as much use as a handbrake on a canoe

sure ur only pissin again the wind

ya can have your piss

stanflt · 09-01-2012 11:57pm

when you hear a bit of scandle you reply- sure youll have that in the small town in the rural community:rolleyes:

sorry if already mentioned

Conflats · 10-01-2012 12:32am

That one never shyed away from the trough

Ding Dong · 10-01-2012 1:17pm

Lad ‘round our way drank so much, ‘it was throwing beer into a bucket’. He was about as useful ‘as tits on a bull’. The next day he’d be ‘shaking like a sh*tting dog’ and ‘sweating like a paedophile in a bear suit’. His wifes so ugly ‘you wouldn’t ride her into battle’

Ding Dong · 10-01-2012 1:20pm

friend of ours gave birth to a 10lb baby. when she was being delivered they didnt know whether to call a mid wife or a vet!

Ding Dong · 10-01-2012 1:26pm

reference to a less than admirable lady- last time i saw soemthing with that much hair on its lip, the whole herd had to be culled

Muckit · 10-01-2012 1:54pm

A bush in the hand is worth two birds

Muckit · 10-01-2012 1:57pm

Peter kay commenting on his belly...

'I put a grand canopy over the toyshop'

barryoc1 · 10-01-2012 2:25pm

Useless person: Your as useful as a chocolate teapot
Sweating alot: Sweating like a paedophile in a playground
Big girl in heels: She wouldnt be long ploughin a field for you/ she aint built for the soft ground.
Good lookin girl: 1 fella takes a look and says 'i would anyway' friend says 'you would have to get my arse out of the way first'.
Drive faster: Drive her like you stole her/ drive her like your late for mass.

Kovu · 10-01-2012 2:33pm

To describe someone cross eyed - " One eye was going for the shopping, the other was coming back with the change"

To describe a larger than average person- He/she has as many chins as a Chinese phone book.

She looked like her face was on fire and someone put it out with a shovel!

Bodacious · 10-01-2012 2:55pm

To describe a lazy fella... "that son of mine is the laziest b**tard that ever Sh*t behind two shoes!"

or

"if there was work in the bed, he'd sleep on the floor!!"

BrianBoru00 · 10-01-2012 5:03pm

they're breastfeeding the shovels...

sh1tstirrer · 10-01-2012 6:47pm

She wouldn't give her sh1t to the crows.
He wouldn't work his way out of a wet paper bag.

Can any of ye answer this, what did the ccc?

coolshannagh28 · 10-01-2012 7:40pm

In honour of virility " he has a flail on him that could poke rats out of a corn stack"

marknjb · 10-01-2012 8:11pm

if there was work in the bed he would sleep on the floor

bad dancer = like a horse backing out through a muckey gap

also he dances like a turkey on stubbles

Dupont · 10-01-2012 8:41pm

you couldnt hit water if you fell out of a boat

cross eyed one eye looking at you the other looking for you

a rough car van etc a rollsandcanhardly rolls down the hills and can hardly get up them

pakalasa · 10-01-2012 9:04pm

"...better than any coleslaw"...... An old neighbour complimenting a nice cup of tea. I think Billy Connolly would like that one.

Bizzum · 10-01-2012 10:59pm

coolshannagh28 wrote: »

In honour of virility " he has a flail on him that could poke rats out of a corn stack"

Similar to above..A yolk on him that would bate asses outta of a quarry!

I notice a few on the subject of sex have crept into the thread........... So not to be outdone:D

Give it to her big and send her home early.
Straight in no kissing.

I know a couple more not suitable for a public forum too;)

iano93 · 10-01-2012 11:37pm

Describing someone whos tight:
He was as tight as a ducks arse
She was as tight as a nuns knickers
He was as mean (pronounced mane) as dogs ****

Someone happy:
he was as happy as a pig in ****

Sick:
as sick as a bus to lourdes

Confused:
As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar

As suspicious as a nun doing push ups in a cucumber field
As dry as last years turf
he had a horn on him that would bate an ass out of a quarry
I wouldn ride her into battle
Drive her like your late for mass
A bird in the hand is worth 2 in a bush
She had a face on her like a bulldog lickin piss off a nettle

countryjimbo · 11-01-2012 12:18am

Surprised no one mentioned this one yet!
"Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb"

An old bull and a young bull were standing on a hill looking down on a valley full of cows.
“Hey”, says the young bull. “Let’s run down and r*de one of those cows…”
“No”, says the old bull. “Let’s walk down and r*de them all.”

Describing a "loose" woman
"like throwing sausages up O'Connell St!"

Great thread lads, keep em coming!

keep going · 11-01-2012 2:28am

lazy fella -" he loves work so much he,d ly down beside it"
"fish is grand if you were having your dinner after it"
"trying to get something in somewhere-make her take it shes no relation"
the dinner-"best news since breakfast"

C0N0R · 11-01-2012 9:36am

I'm that hungry id lick the balls of a low flying duck.

Your like the man with the wheelbarrow, you have it all infront of you.

Muckit · 11-01-2012 11:55am

'The hairy engine' or the 'Jerusalem Jeep'

5live · 11-01-2012 1:27pm

Just heard this last night. She fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down:D

leg wax · 11-01-2012 2:38pm

they would want to make the sides of the abortion buckets a lot higher to stop c**ts like you crawling out.

Harrier1980 · 11-01-2012 5:32pm

A lad i use to work with would sy to describe someone he seen as usless

the best of that lad ran down his mothers leg

1chippy · 11-01-2012 10:57pm

A one i heard in aus for someone thirsty, im as dry as a dead dingos dick.

Shes as ugly as a condom full of walnuts.

Kevin1150 · 11-01-2012 11:32pm

He wouldnt beat snow off a rope!

massey265 · 11-01-2012 11:36pm

As useless as diddys on a mouse.

Kevin1150 · 11-01-2012 11:38pm

Hes a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

blue5000 · 12-01-2012 12:01am

As rough as a bear's ar5e / bag of spanners.

mikemac1 · 12-01-2012 12:10am

I see says the blindman after someone, maybe the vet has or the accountant has given a realy detailed and technical explanation and you haven't managed to understand it fully

Pure scandalous. The price in the mart/price in the creamery or tax demand is pure scandelous. Adopt a high pitched tone to emphasis the outrage

Maybe not PC but a difficult ram or a difficult bull that was as soon as go for you as move is a dirty Protestant. How that started I don't know but Protestant seems to mean stubborn

On that note Cloughjordan in Co Tipp is known as little Belfast due the local population. Nothing bad meant by it but it's noticeable who lives there

aneala · 12-01-2012 12:51am

Hangover: so sick even me hair is sore.

I would'nt get up on her to look out over a hedge

Bizzum · 12-01-2012 12:54am

Sharp as a sausage.
Thick as a plank.
Deaf as a post.
Slow as a wet week.
Blind as bat.
Bald as a coot.
Hoarse as a cuckoo.
Strong as a bull.
Sound as a trout.
Weak (pronounced wake!) as water.
Pissed as a newt.
Hot as the hob of hell.
Cool as ice.
Fat as a fool.
Lucky as a cut cat.
Dry as snuff.

red menace · 12-01-2012 3:37am

For a girl of easy virtue; she'd hand it back to you fairly small

Sayings.....Rural/Regional even Funny!

Comments