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Have you ever been in love in the romantic sense?
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Just a different something to you and yours went from 0-60 faster than a Bugatti.
God this is so me! Made me laugh. I'm very quick out of the gate with my enthusiasm about someone, and then I'm quick enough to let go as well, when needed (and it is always, eventually and unfortunately, needed). Other than the above Bugatti simile, another way I've read it described, which I love for some reason, is "falling in and out of love faster than a $10 hooker"
I think I like it so much because it evokes resilience in the face of heartbreak to me, and I do have that resilience, and it's been hard won over the years. As klaz said, experience is everything. When you know you'll be ok whatever happens, it's like a super-power or something, you tend to relax about this stuff and take it all in stride. Nothing can ever hurt with quite the same devastating force again. So different from being 18 or 20-something and so, so wound up over some fella, heartbroken and at a loss about how even to begin to let go. So much more able to enjoy myself now. 0 -
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Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »#rejected
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
One day you'll understand that. But the next 20 years are gonna sting, my friend. Once you're over that hurdle all your capacity for deep, human connection will have withered and died and then you can quote the above and pretend it's true.0 -
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God this is so me! Made me laugh. I'm very quick out of the gate with my enthusiasm about someone, and then I'm quick enough to let go as well, when needed (and it is always, eventually and unfortunately, needed). Other than the above Bugatti simile, another way I've read it described, which I love for some reason, is "falling in and out of love faster than a $10 hooker" I think I like it so much because it evokes resilience in the face of heartbreak to me, and I do have that resilience, and it's been hard won over the years. As klaz said, experience is everything. When you know you'll be ok whatever happens, it's like a super-power or something, you tend to relax about this stuff and take it all in stride. Nothing can ever hurt with quite the same devastating force again. So different from being 18 or 20-something and so, so wound up over some fella, heartbroken and at a loss about how even to begin to let go. So much more able to enjoy myself now.
Similar for me. When I was younger, my emotions swung so easily. I'd fall in love incredibly fast, and then... something would happen, and I'd be free of it. The attraction would remain but the passion would be gone. It wasn't purely a physical thing, although being male, it would be a large part. Possessing the other persons attentions would have been a greater aspect.
It's different now though. With experience came the ability to 'moderate' my enthusiasm and now my interest tends to last much longer. The disadvantage is that it's much rarer for me to find someone who really fascinates me. The physical alone isn't enough anymore.0 -
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of what was a complete and utter stranger. So unless you believe in the world of the psychic and the like, and fair enough if you do, it was a lovely fantasy and projection. I mean a monstrous psychopath like Ted Bundy and a load of women fall "in love" wth him, some from a distance, a few up close and personal and no doubt at least one felt a similar luminosity for a complete nutcase. One even got up the duff with him when he was in prison. No doubt he was The One™© for her.
Uh thanks Wibbser. Ted Bundy conflated with my luminous love. Yikes.
Yeah. I do believe in an unknowable part of existence beyond the measureable material part. Shoot me
In any case most of our communication and perception with and of the people in the world that we happen to meet is non verbal. Be radiant my friend.0 -
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 59098
Now here I would agree with you 100% on pretty much all points here G. Certainly family examples one grows up with make a huge impression. Like in my family the men overwhelmingly seem to marry later in life and with younger women, like it's a pattern and clearly a learned one.I think for sure that it must get harder as one grows older and becomes somewhat tarnished by life. Youth is so insanely idealistic. But it has to be. Youth is setting off on an impossible journey.
If I was giving anyone young advice I would say do not imagine you are in a relationship supermarket with infinite goodies.
I also think that what one sees as a child forms patterns. Both sides of our families were stable marriages made young, plus aunties and uncles the same, and as a child you watch people grow old together unto death and hardship and it is formative. All siblings in our large families on both sides married young and are stable. A working class thing too where there was less money or energy for bohemianism. Kids are doing same, long relationships formed young.
I remember a brother in law saying many years ago that the rave scene and E really screwed up love for a lot of people. The overwhelming group love scenarios with grandiose declarations, that met cold dawns where the same people could hardly speak to each other.God this is so me! Made me laugh. I'm very quick out of the gate with my enthusiasm about someone, and then I'm quick enough to let go as well, when needed (and it is always, eventually and unfortunately, needed). Other than the above Bugatti simile, another way I've read it described, which I love for some reason, is "falling in and out of love faster than a $10 hooker" I think I like it so much because it evokes resilience in the face of heartbreak to me, and I do have that resilience, and it's been hard won over the years. As klaz said, experience is everything. I have generally found women are much better at bouncing back from a failed relationship where love was involved. They seem to have more reserves of "innocence" for the real want of a better word. I have found men tend to have much less, or better memories.
I have also found those who fall in love with rapidity tend to fall out of it just as quickly and not always for good reasons. That and previous relationship behaviour informs future behaviour. So say if you're with someone who started with you while they were with someone else that will be you down the line, unless they'd hit a point where they want to "settle down" and the background that that behaviour will tend to come out in other ways.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59098
Yikes indeed, but you see my point? He was their luminous love too. One even held a candle for him after he admitted his murderous life. And note how these things tend to strongly follow our personal, sexual and cultural expectations. You don't hear too often of say Gay men suddenly finding luminous romantic and sexual love with Straight women, or 19 year olds finding same with 80 year olds.Uh thanks Wibbser. Ted Bundy conflated with my luminous love. Yikes.
And fair enough.Yeah. I do believe in an unknowable part of existence beyond the measureable material part. Shoot me
Sure, body language, micro gestures, cultural and familial influences, even pheromones can play a role.In any case most of our communication and perception with and of the people in the world that we happen to meet is non verbal.Be radiant my friend.
Me. Earlier. After I had me brekkie.
Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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I have generally found women are much better at bouncing back from a failed relationship where love was involved. They seem to have more reserves of "innocence" for the real want of a better word. I have found men tend to have much less, or better memories.
I have also found those who fall in love with rapidity tend to fall out of it just as quickly and not always for good reasons. That and previous relationship behaviour informs future behaviour. So say if you're with someone who started with you while they were with someone else that will be you down the line, unless they'd hit a point where they want to "settle down" and the background that that behaviour will tend to come out in other ways.
Ha, with all my experience etc. that is funnily enough the one thing that never happened to me, the famous OVERLAP. In any direction. And thankfully so, because I suspect you make a good point about it.0 -
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In my family the men overwhelmingly seem to marry later in life and with younger women, like it's a pattern and clearly a learned one.
They seem to have more reserves of "innocence" for the real want of a better word. .
I hope you find your younger woman.
Look at Scott Adams! Wow.
The reserves of innocence is a good observation. I never noticed it being a particularly female trait but maybe. One of my brothers has it though. Certainly it is a boon for which I am thankful. I have called it my irrepressible puppy syndrome. No matter how crap things are, and boy there are certainly some majorly crap times, there always - so far! - comes a bounce back of enthusiasm when I see the whole endeavour, the planet the people the journey, as redeemably good again. It can take years though to regain that innocence after some things.
PS you look better as cosmic Buddha than as Fr. Jack 0 -
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The love at first sight as pure projection is a tad cynical. I remember clearly what I felt the first time I saw my husband. He was on a bus. At a distance from me. He had a lopsided smile, he did not see me. He had golden hair on his arms and legs. He was so relaxed in his body, like a free animal. Just totally at peace and content He was wearing cut up denim shorts, sandals, a short sleeved shirt open down the front- it was a warm place abroad. He worn a red bandana knotted around his neck and his hair was curly and shoulder length. I felt a completely overwhelming almost psychedelic sensation, it was not sexual, it was an innocent sense of being mesmerised, like a psychic recognition or deja vu, or some kind of compression of time where the whole of past and future contracted. It was literally as though he was illuminated by one of those angelic shafts of light in esoteric paintings.
I got off the bus and presumed I would never see him again and that did not matter. I did not even think anymore about it, just flowed on with what I was doing in my life at that time. It was a whole experience worthy of being beginning middle and end and I just felt a sort of happiness and confidence that all was well with the world.
I did see him again, as it happened.
Was he the driver?0 -
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