Have you ever been in love in the romantic sense?

Sheridan81

This thread has probably been done but the search function wasn't working for me so what the hell.

Have you ever been in love?

I'm not talking about loving your daughter or son or family or Jesus or anything like that.

I'm talking about the Dirty Dancing, Grease, standing on the bows of the Titanic with Kate Winslet type of love.

I haven't. It's a complete mystery to me. I bet hundreds of millions of people haven't been in love and yet some people act like it's as common as muck and all-pervading and the powerful glue that holds humanity together.

It's weird knowing you're going to your grave knowing you've never been in love and never been loved. I feel like I'm missing out.

People just aren't that interesting, what's to love? I don't get it. Have you any stories to tell?

The poll isn't public btw.

Effects

Sheridan81 wrote: »

It's weird knowing you're going to your grave knowing you've never been in love and never been loved. I feel like I'm missing out.

People just aren't that interesting, what's to love? I don't get it. Have you any stories to tell?

Yeah, loads of people have been in love the way you describe it.
I'm sorry it hasn't happened to you yet. It's great.

Birneybau

A couple of times, yeah. I'm not gonna spill here though.

sallyanne12

Sheridan81 wrote: »

Have you ever been in love?
.

Jeez you’re really fond of your love threads tonight
Why are you so curious about love? Don’t worry once you’re open to it, it should happen some day. What age are you? I’ve been in love too many times but to me being in love is the initial stage of loving someone before it develops into something much deeper but much less exciting. To me being in love is more chemistry and hormones. It’s not like I’d die for the person.

Metroid diorteM

Yep. Its like... I dunno. It's hard to describe but definitely unmistakable.

At peaks it was like having some kind of emotional orgasm and from day to day it was this kind of happy hazy silliness.

Unfortunately it didn't last forever as the person I was in love with dumped me after a few years. Getting over that was like losing an arm.

I've had moments like it in one or two other relationships but not in the same prolonged way.

I think long term relationships built on care and work are also rewarding in a different way.

sallyanne12

Metroid diorteM wrote: »

Yep. Its like... I dunno. It's hard to describe but definitely unmistakable.

At peaks it was like having some kind of emotional orgasm and from day to day it was this kind of happy hazy silliness.

Unfortunately it didn't last forever as the person I was in love with dumped me after a few years. Getting over that was like losing an arm.

I've had moments like it in one or two other relationships but not in the same prolonged way.

I think long term relationships built on care and work are also rewarding in a different way.

To me it was like being on drugs and addicted to the person (my first love)
He’s all I could think about and the butterflies when we kissed were magical

pgj2015

yes, twice. but when I look back on it now I had 2 very lucky escapes.

Sheridan81

pgj2015 wrote: »

yes, twice. but when I look back on it now I had 2 very lucky escapes.

Was it Ted Bundy and Richard Ramirez?

Sheridan81

sallyanne12 wrote: »

What age are you?

Not gonna reveal my age, but I'm certain it's not gonna happen for me; almost past it really. I think I might have schizoid personality disorder (not as scary as it sounds).

pgj2015

Sheridan81 wrote: »

Was it Ted Bundy and Richard Ramirez?

lol id nearly have been better off with them and im not even gay. its mad how you can be in love with someone who you later realize is an awful human being but its great while it lasts, especially your first love.

JupiterKid

Yes, I have been in love. And had my heart broken a couple of times.

I am very much in love with my partner.

As the saying goes: “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

Anonposter2020

Thought I was in love a couple of times. Had fun and loved their company but never thought about a future with them. Not seriously anyway.

Then I met my husband. I knew the second I saw him I'd marry him. We're together 18 years now. Still best friends, have a great relationship, have our ups and downs but both dedicated to making it work. It's funny because when my older sister told me she knew she'd marry her husband the first day they met I thought she was crazy..Then it happened to me..

Anyway I'm a firm believer in there being someone out there for everyone and also you'll find them when you stop looking.

Necro

Twice.

First time didn't end well, she didn't feel the same way (which was fine) but she toyed with me for years, almost broke me and put me off relationships entirely.

Second time I was much more cautious but it ended up being the best thing that ever happened. Married 7 years with two beautiful kids

Metroid diorteM

Sheridan81 wrote: »

Not gonna reveal my age, but I'm certain it's not gonna happen for me; almost past it really. I think I might have schizoid personality disorder (not as scary as it sounds).

It could happen at 50 or even 70. Seek and you shall find.

Here's a kiss to start you on your journey, X.

pgj2015

Anonposter2020 wrote: »

Thought I was in love a couple of times. Had fun and loved their company but never thought about a future with them. Not seriously anyway.

Then I met my husband. I knew the second I saw him I'd marry him. We're together 18 years now. Still best friends, have a great relationship, have our ups and downs but both dedicated to making it work. It's funny because when my older sister told me she knew she'd marry her husband the first day they met I thought she was crazy..Then it happened to me..

Anyway I'm a firm believer in there being someone out there for everyone and also you'll find them when you stop looking.

Thats mad, iv never come close to that. how did you know?

Kylta

Sheridan81 wrote: »

This thread has probably been done but the search function wasn't working for me so what the hell.

Have you ever been in love?

I'm not talking about loving your daughter or son or family or Jesus or anything like that.

I'm talking about the Dirty Dancing, Grease, standing on the bows of the Titanic with Kate Winslet type of love.

I haven't. It's a complete mystery to me. I bet hundreds of millions of people haven't been in love and yet some people act like it's as common as muck and all-pervading and the powerful glue that holds humanity together.

It's weird knowing you're going to your grave knowing you've never been in love and never been loved. I feel like I'm missing out.

People just aren't that interesting, what's to love? I don't get it. Have you any stories to tell?

The poll isn't public btw.

If people aren't that interesting why do you want to know about them? And why would you be interested in their stories?

Sheridan81

Kylta wrote: »

If people aren't that interesting why do you want to know about them? And why would you be interested in their stories?

I guess I have little interest in anything and need to pass the time really.:(

Anonposter2020

pgj2015 wrote: »

Thats mad, iv never come close to that. how did you know?

I really wish I could explain it but I can't. I just knew. A few days later I made it my business to talk to him and it felt like we knew each other forever.

Sheridan81

Man this is quickly turning into a depressing poll for me and a few others.:D

Granny Smyth

Yes truly madly deeply in love. I give myself completely when I fall in love. But as the song goes love hurts and I have felt all of that too. But its better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all.

Alain Badiou on the necessity of love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CytC6A-K8c4

Sardonicat

How do you know you've never been loved, OP? For all you know you could have blown someone's mind. You could even be doing so now.

Kylta

Sheridan81 wrote: »

I guess I have little interest in anything and need to pass the time really.:(

Is their nothing you could pass the time with that interests you? A person who has no interest in anything are they sad? Lonely?
How would you describe yourself?

SusieBlue

I have.
I can’t really explain it, there’s truly no other feeling like it.
I think I was love drunk for a solid year after we first met, I was just so deliriously happy. That dopamine release is no joke!
I thought he was the greatest most amazing person on earth, and he thought the same of me.
It’s a connection, bond and deep feeling that are really hard to put into words.
It was like having a best friend and lover all in one, who only wants the very best for you.

We spent many happy years together and I hope I get to experience that feeling again with someone else in the future.

Anonposter2020

Sheridan81 wrote: »

Man this is quickly turning into a depressing poll for me and a few others.:D

Try not to look at it that way. I know it's a cliché and probably really annoying but love will find you when you least expect it. Sorry you're probably sick of hearing that but it's true. I can only speak from experience but I found my soul mate when I was genuinely happily single.

Church on Tuesday

Yes.

She was also my best friend. When you are in love OP it's very easy, you feel like you have known each other for ever as corny as that sounds.

I'm sure you will feel it some day too. Make sure you cherish it.

Sheridan81

Kylta wrote: »

Is their nothing you could pass the time with that interests you? A person who has no interest in anything are they sad? Lonely?
How would you describe yourself?

Like Meursault in Albert Camus' The Outsider. :cool:

gogo

Yes, it’s different, I had boyfriends before and always thought I’d been in love but it’s ... well different.

I was going out with another guy when I met my now husband, we managed to sneak away that night and stayed up the whole night chatting, it’s not as romantic as it sounds, we were hanging around the town after a night club, but I didn’t get home until 6 or 7 the next morning, hoarse from just talking to him. But I knew this guy I was with was amazing, it was different... we just talked, nothing else and he walked me home.
I met him again a friends house party, there was some boxing match on in the middle of the night and the lads including him stayed up to watch it.. he was sitting at the far side of the room away from me and I, half asleep, asked some dumb question on boxing, no one answered me, no one heard me and then he did.. he heard me despite being, about fifteen people and half a room away.. I knew he was for me, it’s sounds stupid, but I knew. If people ask me when I knew I loved him it was that moment... That night going home he told me I had the most amazing green eyes... my eyes are as blue as day, I didn’t say anything, we were drunk and had only met up twice, but the next day he called me on the landline which musta have been hard enough with the parents 100% going to answer and the first thing he said was.. ‘your eyes are blue btw, I know your eyes are blue, there beautiful’. I don’t know why I’m recounting these stories but they always stick out in my mind of when I think of falling in love with him ...
There was no big explosion, no grand gestures, it just is. It just happened.

We are together nearly 20 years now and he’s still my best friend. He still tells me I have the most beautiful green eyes he’s ever seen

cannotlogin

Yes and it's the best feeling in the world even though it probably knocks a fair chunk off your IQ and is sort of like being in a permanent, tipsy, high on life feeling.

But it hurts like hell when it goes wrong but yet when you recover from that, you still want to experience it again cos it's so good.

I'd love to feel it again but imo there's very few people that you can ever potentially feel that way about but still you have to be optimistic about it...

YellowBucket

Once and it led to a serious and longterm relationship. It turned sour and ended and I would never, ever expose myself to that level of heartbreak and extreme stress again. It's just not worth it.

Arghus

Yes.

You are a bit mad in the head at the time, but in the best way possible.

Almost anything feels possible and the things that aren't don't really matter.

Arghus

Arghus wrote: »

Yes.

You are a bit mad in the head at the time, but in the best way possible.

Almost anything feels possible and the things that aren't don't really matter.

The first bit, yes. Not sure if I've ever experienced the second bit. Anytime I've fallen in love, which I'd say is two and a half times, it's been a painful experience. Painful is the wrong word, but an ordeal.

Because you're trying to balance your old independent life with wanting them around, and then the multiplied sadness when petty arguments turn into rows, and all the intensity of a relationship. Being willing to do anything for someone and then arguing over trivial things, it's a very confusing time in a person's life

I've never had a fairytale loving relationship, I wonder how common it is.

dd973

Unrequitedly yes, but not worth the bother of putting yourself through the wringer if it's not a mutual brain melt, come to the conclusion that pretty much most of the successful relationships and marriages you see have that 'arranged' vibe about them, akin to a mutual pact for social status, money, having children before the bio clock ticks out.

Yeah..a couple of times probably..

I kind of came to the conclusion that you get three chances at a major love..

But you can't take your eye off it.. once you take it for granted it can be lost..

At this stage I don't know if I believe in love for myself anymore..I definitely still believe in it for others though, so that kind of still brings me some consolation..

I think it's quite sad that some people are saying they've never been in love.. I think in the current times of internet dating and pick up artists and everything I think we're in danger of losing proper romantic love.. It would be the most tragic loss..

Gremlinertia

Tldr, anyone asked about non-romantic love?.

Heckler

Yup. A lot of good years that unfortunately ended. Best days of my life. Waking up of a morning with someone you love curled around you, breathing their warm breath into your neck, asleep but grasping your hand. Being in love is amazing.

Surely

It must have been love
But it's over now

ILoveYourVibes

Nope.

But I love romantic stories!

DoozerT6

No. Never been in love, never been loved.

And please stop saying "it's better to have loved and lost...", and "it'll happen when you least expect it" etc, because for those whom it never happened for, it's a knife twist in the guts. Just say nothing.

Deja Boo

I have... but can't say it's better to have loved and lost, cos losing bites.

notsoyoungwan

For me,it was the sense that whenever I was with him, I was ok. I was safe, we were together, we’d be fine. We could be in a desert, up a mountainside, anywhere, but as long as we were side by side we’d be grand.

Deja Boo

Deja Boo wrote: »

I have... but can't say it's better to have loved and lost, cos losing bites.

Experience is king.

Better to have the experience as it prepares you {somewhat} for the next time. It gives you the perspective regarding what's important, and helps to avoid the pitfalls that went before (although we might step into those traps voluntarily)

Wanderer78

Sheridan81 wrote:

Not gonna reveal my age, but I'm certain it's not gonna happen for me; almost past it really. I think I might have schizoid personality disorder (not as scary as it sounds).

Was thinking you could be autistic, but as you said you maybe a cluster a, very similar issues, I'm autistic myself, and I've been in love a couple of times, currently am, I've generally found it to be an extremely painful experience unfortunately

friendlyfun

I did at 21, I am 25 atm. Haven't had love only on that occasion. I was very heart broken and the first time in my life I experienced mental health problems. I think what I found hard to accept was that I thought the other person loved me, when really they didn't have the same feelings they did before. Like a candle burning to the end of the wick I guess, when its gone its more or less gone.

Wibbs

JupiterKid wrote: »

As the saying goes: “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

I'd change that slightly to "it is better to have loved and lost interest than to never have loved at all".

Yep. Twice. A fantastic feeling indeed, though can be self delusional and maddening at times too and the resultant hangover when it goes south is the polar opposite of fantastic.

As for "love at first sight", never had that. I've had interest at first sight alright and a fairly rapid infatuation of sorts, but the love at first sight thing is, unless someone believes in magical things(which love tends to make you prone to), by definition a fancy of the mind, a self delusion based on a mix of happenstance, sexual interest and projection of an inner template of the "perfect partner" onto a effective stranger. One of potentially millions of people the same person might feel the same about.

Of those who have told me that they "just knew from the first moment" over the years I'd reckon half of them aren't with that person any more. The other half are and reinforced in their belief in the fate of it all(which also makes them work harder for the relationship, even if and when it's meh). How many are with their first love? Very few these days and when in the throes of that the notion of an end in sight was impossible to conjure.

For the half still in it it's great, not so much for the half that are not. Though people can have easily overwritten memories which helps. Then again it's one of our strongest impulses designed to make us hook up and make little genetic copies of ourselves and if delusion is required or not then...

Cynical? Moi? Though as a sure proof of how powerful the emotion/neurochemical mix is I was in love twice.

quickbeam

No, not ever, and not for a "daughter or son or family or Jesus" either.

Maybe it's not in my DNA to be capable. Though I have felt love for pets, so I don't know.

Gruffalux

The love at first sight as pure projection is a tad cynical. I remember clearly what I felt the first time I saw my husband. He was on a bus. At a distance from me. He had a lopsided smile, he did not see me. He had golden hair on his arms and legs. He was so relaxed in his body, like a free animal. Just totally at peace and content He was wearing cut up denim shorts, sandals, a short sleeved shirt open down the front- it was a warm place abroad. He worn a red bandana knotted around his neck and his hair was curly and shoulder length. I felt a completely overwhelming almost psychedelic sensation, it was not sexual, it was an innocent sense of being mesmerised, like a psychic recognition or deja vu, or some kind of compression of time where the whole of past and future contracted. It was literally as though he was illuminated by one of those angelic shafts of light in esoteric paintings.
I got off the bus and presumed I would never see him again and that did not matter. I did not even think anymore about it, just flowed on with what I was doing in my life at that time. It was a whole experience worthy of being beginning middle and end and I just felt a sort of happiness and confidence that all was well with the world.

I did see him again, as it happened.

touts

Sheridan81 wrote: »

I'm talking about the Dirty Dancing, Grease, standing on the bows of the Titanic with Kate Winslet type of love.

I haven't. It's a complete mystery to me.

The Dirty Dancing, Grease, Titanic type isn't love. It's Holiday lust. At best it's Holiday romance. They are great. But they aren't love. They are two weeks of intense intimacy and lust. Two weeks that you will probably remember for the rest of your life. It is like a great one night stand repeated every day over two weeks. Towards the end as you both lie in bed realizing the flights are now hours not days away you might even think you are in love. But it isn't love.

Love is different to those experiences. Perhaps those experiences could develop into love (one woman I know met her husband on a holiday, and were married 2 years later) but it is no different to any other way of meeting a future partner. I love my wife in a way I never felt about any other girlfriend I had over the years.

So if you have never had a Dirty Dancing or Titanic type experience that's a pity but that's all it ia. It does not mean you will not find love so don't lose hope OP.

Not really no


Fair play and all to those,who do though

Wibbs

Gruffalox wrote: »

The love at first sight as pure projection is a tad cynical.

It is, though it's far more based in reality and provably so too.

I've had a couple of oh wow transcendent moments similar to what you describe, though maybe my previous usage of hallucinogenics has primed me to be aware of how the oul brain chemistry can conjure up fancies. Now in those cases if I had ended up with one then it was "fate" if I didn't it was also "fate" though both positions are a delusion. The result is the result.

I have found women to be much more prone to these kind of moments of transcendental feelings around love and more prone to explain them away in "magical" terms and the sexual is usually hidden for want of a better word. Romantic fiction is one of the most popular worldwide phenomenons and is translated into a multitude of languages and seems to go over just as well in Bali as well and Belgium and they're chock full of that stuff. It's nearly always the exact same colour by numbers narrative too. So it's clearly appealing. Men's fiction tends more towards tech and bombs and guns and pneumatic dolly birds(who are often also genius scientist types though not smarter than Our Hero™) and usually a queue of them. Simple creatures we are.

Deja Boo

Deja Boo wrote: »

Tis a wise thought, and I understand what you mean, completely.

But for me, he always was and always will be the only one, regardless. You can say what you will about "move on" and "next time" - my love seems to run much deeper than that - which isn't ideal, but it is what it is.

Ahh no.. I'd never tell someone to move on... because I never have myself.

The heart is limitless. There's room in there for every person you ever love.. and for me, my own three experiences of love were different to each other. I love them all still, and I expect I always will.

My first love is from over two decades ago, and I still remember her scent, and the way she smiled in the morning. Just as with my last love, I also remember her particular scent, and the way her face scrunched up when she saw something she thought was cute.

For me, my memories of my past loves are extremely important. I don't dwell on them, but they're a constant presence in my mind.