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Why people have children

124

Comments

  • #152
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    I think it's great that there will be no trace of the 'childfree' mob here when my first grandchild is growing up. It will be like they never existed.


  • #153
    Jack the Stripper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭Jack the Stripper


    To some I guess it's to tick the boxes of life. Get married, have kids and buy a brand new Dacia Duster on pcp.


  • #154
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    To some I guess it's to tick the boxes of life. Get married, have kids and buy a brand new Dacia Duster on pcp.

    Are there 📦's to tick to get through life :)


  • #155
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    To some I guess it's to tick the boxes of life. Get married, have kids and buy a brand new Dacia Duster on pcp.

    Don't worry Jack, you'll turn into a man one day.


  • #156
    BlinkingLights
    Closed Accounts Posts: 910 ✭✭✭BlinkingLights


    A lot of it is about economics.

    We've driven the cost of living way up. It was possible in the 1960s to run a family on a single income.

    If you try that now, unless one of you has a really amazing job, it wouldn't be possible to house yourself.

    We need to be back to a situation where parenting is taken as a serious job. It doesn't need to be the stay at home mammy of the 1950s but we could to a much better job of making child rearing viable.


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  • #157
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    REM76 wrote: »
    I think it's great that there will be no trace of the 'childfree' mob here when my first grandchild is growing up. It will be like they never existed.

    Interesting. In other words, this is the first generation that has had a choice to reproduce and everyone who does so is passing on genes for wanting kids?

    How do you explain people who don't want kids although their parents did, if it's solely genetic? :pac:


  • #158
    Arcade_Tryer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭Arcade_Tryer


    BlinkingLights wrote: »
    A lot of it is about economics.

    We've driven the cost of living way up. It was possible in the 1960s to run a family on a single income.

    If you try that now, unless one of you has a really amazing job, it wouldn't be possible to house yourself.

    We need to be back to a situation where parenting is taken as a serious job. It doesn't need to be the stay at home mammy of the 1950s but we could to a much better job of making child rearing viable.
    Not necessarily. Inflation has remained relatively constant overall, even during the Great recession and after.

    The problem, as people like Thomas Piketty have shown conclusively, is that wealth distribution has slowed considerably, causing Capital to dominate Growth. And nobody in power is bold enough, or cares enough, to address this fundamental problem. Any reaction against the system results in those such as Trump taking charge, which will only exacerbate and prolong growing economic inequality in developed countries. It's hilarious really.


  • #159
    Jack the Stripper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭Jack the Stripper


    REM76 wrote: »
    Don't worry Jack, you'll turn into a man one day.

    How is the new Dacia?


  • #160
    Caliden
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,982 ✭✭✭Caliden


    What I don't understand from parents is the constant 'competition' they have with other parents about how hard it is for them.


    It's like they don't get any enjoyment out of being a parent at all and that late nights, teething, etc. is something no other parent before them has ever had to deal with ever.


  • #161
    meeeeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    Caliden wrote: »
    What I don't understand from parents is the constant 'competition' they have with other parents about how hard it is for them.


    It's like they don't get any enjoyment out of being a parent at all and that late nights, teething, etc. is something no other parent before them has ever had to deal with ever.
    But isn't that the same for everything. You have people complain how hard they work, under how much stress they are, how broke they are, how stressful is to buy a house, how terrible is to rent... And if someone would say I have great lifestyle, my kids are perfect, house is lovely and so on they would be accused of gloating.


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  • #162
    Lux23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    I think questioning someone about why they want kids is as stupid as haranguing someone who doesn't want kids. We all have our reasons for the path we choose.


  • #163
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    Lux23 wrote: »
    I think questioning someone about why they want kids is as stupid as haranguing someone who doesn't want kids. We all have our reasons for the path we choose.

    But my life won't be perfect until everyone realises that I have the perfect life because I've made all the right choices in life*, ipso facto I have to disparage people whose lifestyle differs to mine and cajole them into admitting their lives are empty and meaningless.


    * In fairness, those prawns last Saturday weren't a good choice but apart from that everything has been spot on!


  • #164
    Tigger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,705 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    Caliden wrote: »
    What I don't understand from parents is the constant 'competition' they have with other parents about how hard it is for them.


    It's like they don't get any enjoyment out of being a parent at all and that late nights, teething, etc. is something no other parent before them has ever had to deal with ever.

    I hate when people go on about how hard the next stage is going to be
    And then when I say it's sound they say well the. Next next stage is worse


  • #165
    Broken Hearted Road
    Closed Accounts Posts: 694 ✭✭✭Broken Hearted Road


    BlinkingLights wrote: »
    A lot of it is about economics.

    We've driven the cost of living way up. It was possible in the 1960s to run a family on a single income.

    If you try that now, unless one of you has a really amazing job, it wouldn't be possible to house yourself.

    We need to be back to a situation where parenting is taken as a serious job. It doesn't need to be the stay at home mammy of the 1950s but we could to a much better job of making child rearing viable.

    Spot on here with this. I know a couple and they would be lucky to see their kids for an hour each evening. I don't understand that all. Why have children to leave them in daycare or with a childminder or nanny from morning til evening/night?

    I'm approaching 35 this year and if I was asked many years ago if I wanted babies and children, I would have jumped at saying this. Now it wouldn't be viable at all, at all. If I was to go down the path of having a baby, taking my current circumstances, I'd be working just to pay out more in childcare. Where is the sense in that?


  • #166
    Lt Dan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,295 ✭✭✭Lt Dan


    abdulabduler wrote: »
    Ireland has(still?) the highest birth rates in European Union. I was thinking why would anyone want to have children. Seems to me like a self inflicted torture. Screaming, shouting pooping, huge responsibility for absolute minimum of 18 years. I was thinking maybe Ireland has highest birth rate because abortion is illegal? So people who don't want children are still forced to have unwanted children which results in abuse and children growing up and resorting to crime (proven by studies). For example Germany has lowest birth rate in Europe, can someone explain to me correlation between the birth rates of Ireland and Germany?


    Old article from Irish times
    I doubt much has changed


    IRELAND HAS the highest birth rate in Europe, according to the latest statistics from the Economic and Social Research Institute (ESRI).

    The birth rate of 17 per 1,000 of population, up from 14.4 per 1,000 in 2000, was the highest of any of the 27 countries of the European Union in 2009, according to the Perinatal Statistics Report 2009 published yesterday.

    How many of these new babies come from Non Irish National Families?

    Abortion? Unlikely.

    Who is forcing the parent to have the child? Send for adoption


  • #167
    andekwarhola
    Registered Users Posts: 4,639 ✭✭✭andekwarhola


    Just spent the afternoon having lunch while my 2 DS ran around showing their dirty nappies to people. Great craic. Going to get some Dutch Gold and WKD with the childrens allowance now and upload some pics of DS to Facebook and Instagram. Life is good xox


  • #168
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    How is the new Dacia?

    Jack, when you have children, you tend not to worry about this kind of thing. You get a better perspective on what matters in life.

    Like I said, you'll turn into a man one day.


  • #169
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    To some I guess it's to tick the boxes of life. Get married, have kids and buy a brand new Dacia Duster on pcp.

    I'd never buy a car on Angel Dust. You're asking for trouble…


  • #170
    BlinkingLights
    Closed Accounts Posts: 910 ✭✭✭BlinkingLights


    Arcade_Tryer wrote: »
    Not necessarily. Inflation has remained relatively constant overall, even during the Great recession and after.

    The problem, as people like Thomas Piketty have shown conclusively, is that wealth distribution has slowed considerably, causing Capital to dominate Growth. And nobody in power is bold enough, or cares enough, to address this fundamental problem. Any reaction against the system results in those such as Trump taking charge, which will only exacerbate and prolong growing economic inequality in developed countries. It's hilarious really.

    That basket of goods used to calculate inflation does not include housing.


  • #171
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Malari wrote: »
    Interesting. In other words, this is the first generation that has had a choice to reproduce and everyone who does so is passing on genes for wanting kids?

    How do you explain people who don't want kids although their parents did, if it's solely genetic? :pac:

    It's a new breed of self-obsessed loudmouths, who don't have the foresight to realise that having children is not 20 years of changing nappies and supermarket tantrums.

    They don't even have the balls to admit they are not able for it, they will use excuses like population control to weasel out.

    Their parents, by definition, had the strength to raise children. These people don't. That's why those genes dying off are good for society.


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  • #172
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    I fcuking hate parents who look down on others for not wanting or having kids. They're usually far worse than the people they attempt to patronise.


  • #173
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    whoopsadoodles wrote: »
    I fcuking hate parents who look down on others for not wanting or having kids. They're usually far worse than the people they attempt to patronise.

    My problem is not someone not wanting children, it's the bull**** excuses they use.....population control, don't have the money, my career is too important, have dogs/cats, and my favourite "I don't like children". That's the best one....the moronic assumption that they would have the same feeling for their own child as they would for the one crying in Tesco.

    Give me a break, if they were honest about it and admitted they wouldn't be able for it, I'd have respect for them.


  • #174
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    REM76 wrote: »
    It's a new breed of self-obsessed loudmouths, who don't have the foresight to realise that having children is not 20 years of changing nappies and supermarket tantrums.

    They don't even have the balls to admit they are not able for it, they will use excuses like population control to weasel out.

    Their parents, by definition, had the strength to raise children. These people don't. That's why those genes dying off are good for society.

    Right, but that wasn't the question. What do you think "those" genes are for exactly, and what makes you think they are dying out?


  • #175
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Malari wrote: »
    Right, but that wasn't the question. What do you think "those" genes are for exactly, and what makes you think they are dying out?

    Weak genes. They die out because weak people aren't able or willing to put their needs aside and raise a child (those with the choice obviously), therefore no weak genes passed on.

    I think some fella called Darwin mentioned it before.

    It's a good thing, a very good thing. Been happening in the animal kingdom for centuries.


  • #176
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    REM76 wrote: »
    My problem is not someone not wanting children, it's the bull**** excuses they use.....population control, don't have the money, my career is too important, have dogs/cats, and my favourite "I don't like children". That's the best one....the moronic assumption that they would have the same feeling for their own child as they would for the one crying in Tesco.

    Give me a break, if they were honest about it and admitted they wouldn't be able for it, I'd have respect for them.

    No one needs to justify their reasons to someone like you.

    A lot of the folk who don't have the faintest clue how to bring a child up right are popping them out left right and centre and the kids are the ones suffering because of it.

    I'm glad the people who don't want them aren't bringing kids into the world just because people like you don't like their excuses.

    Edit: I'm sick and tired and that's my excuse for feeding the troll. More fool me. Carry on.


  • #177
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    REM76 wrote: »
    My problem is not someone not wanting children, it's the bull**** excuses they use.....population control, don't have the money, my career is too important, have dogs/cats, and my favourite "I don't like children". That's the best one....the moronic assumption that they would have the same feeling for their own child as they would for the one crying in Tesco.

    Give me a break, if they were honest about it and admitted they wouldn't be able for it, I'd have respect for them.

    Personally, I admire people who have the guts to own up and make that decision based on their feelings.

    My mother wasn't that brave, she caved in to social pressure, and regrets it to this day.

    Even my gran advised me to never have children, but in her time she really didn't have much of a choice.


  • #178
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    whoopsadoodles wrote: »
    No one needs to justify their reasons to someone like you.

    A lot of the folk who don't have the faintest clue how to bring a child up right are popping them out left right and centre and the kids are the ones suffering because of it.

    I'm glad the people who don't want them aren't bringing kids into the world just because people like you don't like their excuses.

    Calm down dear.

    Your point is amazing. Parents who don't know what they're doing are having loads of kids, while those that might are having none.

    And you are glad about that.

    Maybe you should stop contributing your populist opinions, although your "thanks" statistics must be off the scale at this rate.


  • #179
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    REM76 wrote: »

    Your point is amazing.

    Aw thanks hun xoxox


  • #180
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Shenshen wrote: »
    Personally, I admire people who have the guts to own up and make that decision based on their feelings.

    My mother wasn't that brave, she caved in to social pressure, and regrets it to this day.

    Even my gran advised me to never have children, but in her time she really didn't have much of a choice.

    So your mother regrets having you. That's not something I'd be openly admitting. Although I haven't met your mother, she may have a very good point.


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  • #181
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    Shenshen wrote: »
    My mother wasn't that brave, she caved in to social pressure, and regrets it to this day.

    Christalmighty, that must be rough to hear from your own mother. What way did she express this towards you? Did she show love towards you?
    Shenshen wrote: »
    Even my gran advised me to never have children, but in her time she really didn't have much of a choice.

    Would your mother's attitude spring from your grandmother? Did she express regret at having children to your mother who in turn did the same thing to you?

    I have to say that sounds like a pretty unpleasant family dynamic.


  • #182
    sashafierce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • #183
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    whoopsadoodles wrote: »
    Aw thanks hun xoxox

    Good comeback. So your 'point' was nonsense then.


  • #184
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Please don't have any children.


  • #185
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    REM76 wrote: »
    My problem is not someone not wanting children, it's the bull**** excuses they use.....population control, don't have the money, my career is too important, have dogs/cats, and my favourite "I don't like children". That's the best one....the moronic assumption that they would have the same feeling for their own child as they would for the one crying in Tesco.

    Give me a break, if they were honest about it and admitted they wouldn't be able for it, I'd have respect for them.

    If they don't want kids, that's prerogative - it doesn't mean they wouldn't be able for it. Better than popping out a load of sprogs that they don't give two shíts about.


  • #186
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    REM76 wrote: »
    So your mother regrets having you. That's not something I'd be openly admitting. Although I haven't met your mother, she may have a very good point.

    Why wouldn't I?
    It wasn't my fault she had me and my brothers. It was a decision she made, but under pressure, and a decision she regrets. She's not a very maternal type, never felt she wanted to be a mother, never had much patience with children or teenagers. But the done thing at the time was to marry and have babies, and she simply wasn't one to buck the trend.

    I do admire her for being honest now, though, rather than continuing the lies that caused her to make the wrong choice.


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  • #187
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    If they don't want kids, that's prerogative - it doesn't mean they wouldn't be able for it. Better than popping out a load of sprogs that they don't give two shíts about.

    It does mean they wouldn't be able for it. There's no other way to cloak it. They are not able to take on being a parent and raising a child. They are not willing or fit to take it on.


  • #188
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    REM76 wrote: »
    Weak genes. They die out because weak people aren't able or willing to put their needs aside and raise a child (those with the choice obviously), therefore no weak genes passed on.

    I think some fella called Darwin mentioned it before.

    It's a good thing, a very good thing. Been happening in the animal kingdom for centuries.

    Ah, I see, the gene coding for "weakness of character".

    :D:D:D:D:D


  • #189
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Christalmighty, that must be rough to hear from your own mother. What way did she express this towards you? Did she show love towards you?



    Would your mother's attitude spring from your grandmother? Did she express regret at having children to your mother who in turn did the same thing to you?

    I have to say that sounds like a pretty unpleasant family dynamic.

    She always did her best, as did my grandmother. But they both of them realised that caring for children simply wasn't anything that came naturally to them, or anything they particularly enjoyed. I don't see anything wrong with it, some people enjoy that, others don't. The notion that everything would be different once the kids are your own is mighty naive in my view.

    I'm not sure my mom's attitude would come from my gran - it took my gran a lot longer to be honest. From what I understand, at the time she herself had been putting pressure on my mother to have babies. Because, "What should we say to the neighbours?", you know? ;)

    Why would people think it's rough, though? I knew my mom was rubbish around children, that wasn't exactly news to me. She really did her best, she did look after us well, we all turned out ok, but it wasn't a secret to anyone with eyes in their head that it was a chore not a joy for her.
    It's a lottery who you get born to.


  • #190
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Shenshen wrote: »
    Why wouldn't I?
    It wasn't my fault she had me and my brothers. It was a decision she made, but under pressure, and a decision she regrets. She's not a very maternal type, never felt she wanted to be a mother, never had much patience with children or teenagers. But the done thing at the time was to marry and have babies, and she simply wasn't one to buck the trend.

    I do admire her for being honest now, though, rather than continuing the lies that caused her to make the wrong choice.

    Sounds like the script for Psycho. "Buck the trend", it wasn't wearing flares, people have been having children for hundreds of thousands of years.

    Man that is one messed up family. Good luck with that, rather you than me.


  • #191
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    REM76 wrote: »
    It does mean they wouldn't be able for it. There's no other way to cloak it. They are not able to take on being a parent and raising a child. They are not willing or fit to take it on.

    Well, then, isn't it better they realise that before they have children? :confused:
    Weren't you the one blaming people who say they just don't want to have children for being stupid and dishonest somehow?


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  • #192
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    REM76 wrote: »
    Sounds like the script for Psycho. "Buck the trend", it wasn't wearing flares, people have been having children for hundreds of thousands of years.

    Man that is one messed up family. Good luck with that, rather you than me.

    Sorry, but I have to ask : Are you honestly trying to say that you never noticed that while some people are good with children, others aren't? This can't be the first time you heard of that.


  • #193
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Shenshen wrote: »
    Sorry, but I have to ask : Are you honestly trying to say that you never noticed that while some people are good with children, others aren't? This can't be the first time you heard of that.

    I have heard of people regretting having children due to not being love with partner, stuck in hometown etc.

    I have never heard someone say they would prefer not to have had their actual child.

    I have never, ever heard of a mother telling her child I wish I never had you, except in the aforementioned film Psycho, which was fictional.


  • #194
    Jack the Stripper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭Jack the Stripper


    REM76 wrote: »
    Jack, when you have children, you tend not to worry about this kind of thing. You get a better perspective on what matters in life.

    Like I said, you'll turn into a man one day.

    Is it 3 or 5 years pcp you took out?


  • #195
    Shenshen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,453 ✭✭✭Shenshen


    REM76 wrote: »
    I have heard of people regretting having children due to not being love with partner, stuck in hometown etc.

    I have never heard someone say they would prefer not to have had their actual child.

    I have never, ever heard of a mother telling her child I wish I never had you, except in the aforementioned film Psycho, which was fictional.

    Well, isn't it nice that she didn't say that, so?
    She simply said that for her, having children had been a mistake. She never turned to any of us telling us she wished we didn't exist. I don't for a moment doubt that she loves all of us.

    I'd say google it, there are actually plenty of people out there who regret having had children.


  • #196
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Jack the Stripper wrote: »
    Is it 3 or 5 years pcp you took out?

    Jack you still don't get it, as you are not a man yet. You're not ready for it. It's ok, we've all been there. I remember thinking that people that didn't like the Prodigy,who mowed their lawn at the weekend and brought their children to crappy childrens' playgrounds were all sad and not as cool as me.

    Then I grew up.

    And one day Jack, you will too.


  • #197
    jameorahiely
    Registered Users Posts: 825 ✭✭✭jameorahiely


    Why do some people think that others have to explain to them why the do/do not have children?

    I'd give some glib answer, I wouldn't be explaining myself.


  • #198
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    Shenshen wrote: »
    I'd say google it, there are actually plenty of people out there who regret having had children.

    I'm sure there is. Google can find any amount of oddballs.


  • #199
    sashafierce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • #200
    REM76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 147 ✭✭REM76


    jameorahiely wrote: »
    Why do some people think that others have to explain to them why the do/do not have children?

    I'd give some glib answer, I wouldn't be explaining myself.

    If I were you, I'd just be honest and say you're not ready/fit/able for it. No need to lie.


  • #201
    Jack the Stripper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭Jack the Stripper


    Time to stop feeding it.


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