The one that got away. Sigh.

bitofabind · 23-08-2019 9:42pm #1

Do you have one? Is there someone you think about wistfully on a rainy sunday afternoon? Do you ponder their whereabouts or stalk their facebook or think about that trip you took together where it seemed like everything in the world made sense for a magical moment, before reality kicked in and pulled you apart?

i'm not sure if i have just one. i have moments that were so full of meaning and connection with guys that would transition out of my life days or weeks later. guys that i probably didn't have any real world potential with due to some very solid real-life circumstances, but that still left a part of me wondering. i'll always wonder about John from San Diego and the way he used to look at me. or that time Taylor kissed me out of nowhere outside of that bar in New York.

what i've learned in love and relationships is that it's not about those magical moments that make your head spin, it's about the gritty, boring, annoying, complicated ones in between and who is willing to stick around and stand beside you through them.

it seems to me though, as if so many people have that one person that they think about and wonder "what if...", no matter how good or how bad their lives are. Do you have one?

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

odyssey06 · 23-08-2019 9:45pm

I know what you mean ... you see your ex married and wonder wait could that have been me?

but lately I feel the opposite... I more wonder if I had got the one I got earlier how my life would have played out.

0lddog · 23-08-2019 9:51pm

You talking about the trout that got away ?

Was huge - must have been at least 6 lbs

It was a long time ago - still have regrets

leggo · 23-08-2019 9:54pm

Follow them on social media. You’ll realise then that they’re just another dickhead posting ‘Sunday Funday’ like everyone else and the only amazing things about them were things you imagined on their behalf.

PsychoPete · 23-08-2019 9:59pm

Yes but I did learn a valuable lesson from it, always make sure the padlock is on the basement door

fmpisces · 23-08-2019 10:01pm

Hell yeah, Summer romance of '94 with a guy on holiday's from Chicago in my hometown. My first "love", or at least the first guy who I really felt something special for. Two years later I moved to London, and apparently he came back to visit and had looked for me. This I found out when we reconnected through Facebook about 9 years ago. Like me, he had kids and had married but was getting divorced. We kept in contact for months and then I guess he moved on.

I think as we get older it's only normal to reminisce, and even though I thought about him sometimes ultimately we were not meant to be. Such is life!

pinkyeye · 23-08-2019 10:02pm

Yeah, I had a fella years ago and he brought me to some beautiful places in the world and was the greatest in bed I'd had before that and ever since and I finished it because I couldn't see us living together.

My loss.:o

banie01 · 23-08-2019 10:05pm

#UnansweredPrayers

23-08-2019 10:06pm

The past is a foreign country to me. Dwelling about what could have been is the most futile thing in the world.

freshpopcorn · 23-08-2019 10:17pm

One night I met somebody in The Bailey in Cork.(It was sort of a late bar and closed now).
She was sort of a friend of a friend.
We met at the bar and it was quite noisy and ended up in sort of a very quite smoking area where we basically chatted for the night and shared some personal stories about our lives.
I think we went for food afterwords.
It almost felt like the park scene from Notting Hill.
I could have kept it going.
I felt not good enough for her tough to be honest and thought she'd have a better life without me.
So, I didn't stay in contact with her.

Wibbs · 23-08-2019 10:23pm

bitofabind wrote: »

Do you have one?

I have two, the only two women I've ever truly loved and knew they felt the same. Occasionally I do ponder a certain and oft wistful what if alright. In both cases external circumstances were the rocks we foundered upon. Indeed the only arguments we had in both cases were those circumstances. The "us" part we never fought over, unlike every other medium or long term relationships I've had. If I had a time machine and could go back and remove those circumstances I do wonder would we be good, even great, with the usual small issues that pop up with any couples, or would the lack of circumstances show up incompatibilities by their absence, because they had been a "common enemy" we could focus on? But since I have neither an atomic powered DeLorean or a blue Police box, I'll never know.

what i've learned in love and relationships is that it's not about those magical moments that make your head spin, it's about the gritty, boring, annoying, complicated ones in between and who is willing to stick around and stand beside you through them.

Very true.

0lddog wrote: »

You talking about the trout that got away ?

Was huge - must have been at least 6 lbs

It was a long time ago - still have regrets

A six pounder would be a loss alright OD. Mine would probably be a trout of about four pounds in old money, in a small river, so mahooosive in that setting. He gently sucked down a size 16 parachute Tups(parachute tyings being cutting edge at the time) on the edge of a riffle and I thought him to be a small fish. Until I struck. Jaysus, well I thought "oh oh, I'm gonna need water skis or a bigger boat".

I was running IIRC either a 6X or even 8X cast and but for a couple of years in the 90's I always had a silk line, which are fantastic but have no give at all, so I couldn't haul at him. I fought him for five odd minutes I reckon as he dogged down to the bottom as big brownies will, but then he went all rainbow trout and jumped a few times. That's when I caught sight of him. He was a beauty, golden brown with big red spots and a big wide tail. By this stage The Da(tm) had heard my profane invocations to various deities and had hotfooted over with sage advice. Precisely none of which I could even process and my replies never rose about "look at the size of him!!" with added expletives. He was showing no sense of tiring(the trout, not the Da) and on one of those mad dashes into the air, he threw the hook. Well, it was all I could do to not cry. But I was glad the line didn't break and leave the hook in him, so off he went muttering "dopey muppet" in the language of the fishes.

23-08-2019 11:00pm

All the time.

It was a long time ago, and in another country. We matched on Tinder. She was interested in all of the same things I was, she was perfect. I knew from the start I'd fuck it up. I was going through all sorts of personal things at the time, my Dad was terminally ill and I was probably having some kind of breakdown (I'm oversharing now, but I've started so I'll finish).

The first day we met, I was so nervous I was probably speaking 50Hz higher in pitch than usual, and kept stammering my words, which I do when anxious. I was anxious because she was exactly my type and (I cannot stress this enough), I knew I'd fuck it up.

So I met her outside her office and we went for coffee. After the nerves subsided, we had an immediate, intense connection. We shared a common love of Coen Brothers movies, Schopenhauer, Rimbaud and Marloboro Reds. When the waiter cleared our tables, we walked in the direction of her house, and sat on a park bench until the warden kicked us out.

We met again the next day and confirmed that we were both already mad about one another. I finally worked up the courage to kiss her, and walked three miles home with a tetanus-grin fixed to my face.

On the third day, she met my friends for drinks, and later came home to my apartment. We drank my flatmate's Jameson, I read her poems by Patrick Kavanagh and she quoted Robert Lowell by heart. It was at this moment, I knew I adored her, and so the end must be nigh.

On the fourth day, Saturday, I lost the plot. After she left, I went back to bed and didn't leave my room until the following Monday, except to go to the loo. I remember feeling extremely depersonalised, like I was watching myself through some kind of out-of-body experience. I can only relate it to coming down from a drug (I was sober throughout the previous few days).

I didn't turn my phone on until Sunday, then rather than explain anything to her I blocked her on Whatsapp and Instagram (real cnut behaviour, I know). If I felt anything, it was a deep despair that I was fcuking something up, and yet I wanted to fcuk it up.

Over the next few days, I started to tell myself that it had been a perfect relationship, the most perfect of my life, and do go any further would spoil it (very Schopenhauer). But for her, I'm the guy whom she probably thinks pretended to be fascinated by her (I was), slept with her, and then blocked her. By the time I got out of my funk and realised that, it was too late to go back and reassure her that I'd just gone temporarily insane.

I still wonder what would happen if I hadn't had thrown that wobbler, I know for sure I have never had such a connection with anyone else since. It sounds like a bad short story (and is the length of one, apologies), but it's entirely true and given that it paints me in such a bad light, not something I am proud of.

cml387 · 23-08-2019 11:12pm

Met someone who was a friend of my friends fiance in Galway 100 years ago (anyone remember McSwiggan's, yeah, around that time).
Had an identical sense of humour, really connected, but geography and carelessness on my part just let it fade away.

Years later my friend tells me he met her after a long time by chance and they fell to reminiscing.
When my name came up she sighed and said "Ah yes B****, the one that got away".

But it's just one of those things. Sliding doors.

bitofabind · 23-08-2019 11:21pm

@A Tyrant Named Miltiades!, it sounds like you were going through some dark stuff at the time. And it just wasn't the right time to be with this lady. So much of this is timing.

i think we can tend to romanticise the "connections" too, as they can seem so rare, but retrospectively i don't think that's usually the core ingredient that binds two people together in the longterm. it's more about the willingness to commit to each other and compatibility on teh more boring stuff. feeling a connection is the lovely chemicals, but without the other boring stuff its largely just a fleeting thing and no indicator of a real lasting love potential.

corner of hells · 23-08-2019 11:37pm

The "one" that got away.

We actually lived beside each other as kids ,her with her mop of curls and me showing absolutely no interest whatsoever in her , didn't even like her.

We met again when both of us were in our early twenties .
She had now grown into someone beautiful in my eyes. She still her curls but now smiled at me when spoke to me , held hands with me when we were out and was what seemed my soul mate

And then it happened , she left Ireland to study abroad , we promised we'd stay in touch and planned visits .

It never really was going to work and eventually fizzled out.

Years later , with a failed marriage behind me , I heard through an acquaintance that she was back in Ireland after her own marriage has ended .

One Christmas as I was shopping in Liffey Valley this small figure walked past me , same curls , walk and shape .
I couldn't believe my eyes , I quickly caught up with her , reached out , touched her shoulder and called her name .

It wasn't her at all.

bo0li5eumx12kp · 23-08-2019 11:37pm

bitofabind wrote: »

Do you have one? Is there someone you think about wistfully on a rainy sunday afternoon? Do you ponder their whereabouts or stalk their facebook or think about that trip you took together where it seemed like everything in the world made sense for a magical moment, before reality kicked in and pulled you apart?

i'm not sure if i have just one. i have moments that were so full of meaning and connection with guys that would transition out of my life days or weeks later. guys that i probably didn't have any real world potential with due to some very solid real-life circumstances, but that still left a part of me wondering. i'll always wonder about John from San Diego and the way he used to look at me. or that time Taylor kissed me out of nowhere outside of that bar in New York.

what i've learned in love and relationships is that it's not about those magical moments that make your head spin, it's about the gritty, boring, annoying, complicated ones in between and who is willing to stick around and stand beside you through them.

it seems to me though, as if so many people have that one person that they think about and wonder "what if...", no matter how good or how bad their lives are. Do you have one?

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

To be honest - I don't think that's ever happened to me.

It's more frequent I think about and them this surging relief - "dodged a damn bullet there" - floods over me, then I smile wistfully - so I guess we got the "wistful" in common, though perhaps mine is more, "wince wistfully".

When I was a pimple faced kid and hooked up with this blonde, several levels above me on a school tour - I was heartbroken when he basically blanked me after, but all this sh1t is relative.

Now I'm a stacked alpha stud with two college degrees, and sometimes when I look in the mirror - it hurts - hurts so good.

All that being said - I'm reasonably confident some chicks feel that way about me - but not the me from back then.

Only if they've seen me more recently and bore witness to the sex machine I have become.

Snotty · 23-08-2019 11:48pm

Mine ones that got away are all girls I should have had sex with but didn't because I was too nervous.

The one that i made sure never got away is laying beside me here snoring her little heart out.

Dual wheels · 23-08-2019 11:55pm

pinkyeye wrote: »

Yeah, I had a fella years ago and he brought me to some beautiful places in the world and was the greatest in bed I'd had before that and ever since and I finished it because I couldn't see us living together.

My loss.:o

Bad flatulance had he?

Tammy! · 23-08-2019 11:57pm

I use too but I don't feel he was anymore. It was a teenage thing for me and he was a bit older. Not old enough that it was bad but old enough that it wouldnt really have been appropriate and he technically never crossed the line. We barely ever talked. The tension between us was really strong though and so awkward.

I remember sitting down watching TV and he was sitting beside me and he had his arms folded but started stroking my side. The sexual tension at that stage was so built up that it was the most bizarre feeling but nice like our breathing was in sync..it was strange.

Anyway I returned the favour to him one night when we happened to end up sat very close to one another and leaned my elbow in towards his side and he choked!! He turned around to say something to his sister who was sat next to me and was like 'eh eh eh'...some jibberish

I went out to the toilet and he had moved seats

My family moved away a while after that. Theres a bit more to it but met him out once a good while later. He said something mean to me, then apologized...

I don't feel anything now but at the time it would have been nice

anewme · 24-08-2019 12:13am

He was 37, I was 17 (he was 36, I was 19) but all else applies

Dual wheels · 24-08-2019 12:14am

Tammy! wrote: »

I use too but I don't feel he was anymore. It was a teenage thing for me and he was a bit older. Not old enough that it was bad but old enough that it wouldnt really have been appropriate and he technically never crossed the line. We barely ever talked. The tension between us was really strong though and so awkward.

I remember sitting down watching TV and he was sitting beside me and he had his arms folded but started stroking my side. The sexual tension at that stage was so built up that it was the most bizarre feeling but nice like our breathing was in sync..it was strange.

Anyway I returned the favour to him one night when we happened to end up sat very close to one another and leaned my elbow in towards his side and he choked!! He turned around to say something to his sister who was sat next to me and was like 'eh eh eh'...some jibberish I went out to the toilet and he had moved seats

My family moved away a while after that. Theres a bit more to it but met him out once a good while later. He said something mean to me, then apologized...

I don't feel anything now but at the time it would have been nice

I’d say he went out to the jacks to knock one out

Tammy! · 24-08-2019 12:29am

Dual wheels wrote: »

I’d say he went out to the jacks to knock one out

Maybe, I don't know

I was going to say something there but I won't say anymore

Pretzill · 24-08-2019 12:42am

corner of hells wrote: »

It wasn't her at all.

bizidea · 24-08-2019 12:46am

Worked in london in my late teens on a building site beside a garden centre one day an old scottish guy who was a bit out there told me when I was walking up to the shop at lunchtime to look into the green house of the garden centre that there was an angel there for me I was thinking wtf is this mad old fkr on about so on the way I glanced in there was the most amazing looking girl id ever seen she glanced up and smiled right at me. That afternoon I was standing on the site and just as I looked out here she was again she smiled and I smiled back I seen her many times over the next two or three weeks it was so weird it was nearly like we could sense each others presence it was like even though we were busy or engrossed in our work we just looked up and smiled when the other passed by.one evening I was working right beside the footpath I looked up and there she was I smiled and she smiled I said hi she said hi she stopped and I stopped she waited but I was a silly shy teenager and said nothing she said nothing then she carried on walking the scottish guy was working nearby came over and said I told you she was an angel for you. But that was it I never seen her again I often wondered what would have happened if I wasn't that awkward teen and had just said anything to her I can still see her now absolutely beautiful dark haired girl its mad

Deja Boo · 24-08-2019 12:48am

thread needs a poll

:pac:

Blueshoe · 24-08-2019 1:00am

Iv seen her slowly get fat over the past few years and her "new" fella left her recently due to her mentalness.

Bullet dodged in hindsight

RhubarbCrumble · 24-08-2019 1:06am

PsychoPete wrote: »

Yes but I did learn a valuable lesson from it, always make sure the padlock is on the basement door

Username checks out :eek:

jaxxx · 24-08-2019 1:12am

The one that got away? Yeah I remember it well. Was a dark cave. And then it happened... a shiny Mewtwo. Then the battery died :mad:

24-08-2019 1:16am

One always sticks out for me. A truly great friend that could have been more. She was good friends with my cousin and told her she fancied me. She told me that she fancied me.

I was too busy chasing wans that had not the remotest of interest in me haha. Of all the wans I met in me teens, I regret not seeing if things would work with her. To this day I don't think I've gotten on with someone so well.

ardinn · 24-08-2019 2:00am

0lddog wrote: »

You talking about the trout that got away ?

Was huge - must have been at least 6 lbs

Dont talk to me, never seen one like it!

Tammy! · 24-08-2019 2:10am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

One always sticks out for me. A truly great friend that could have been more. She was good friends with my cousin and told her she fancied me. She told me that she fancied me.

I was too busy chasing wans that had not the remotest of interest in me haha. Of all the wans I met in me teens, I regret not seeing if things would work with her. To this day I don't think I've gotten on with someone so well.

Awh that's nice ...I mean that you got on so well! Not related but Im like that with an old friend of mine and one of my old neighbours who has since passed away - two of the most funny people I've ever met!! The type that would make you laugh at any of occasion and into a fit of giggles

I think there's things like 'the one who got away' and then there's the reality of actually living, staying with someone etc. That's why it's so nice when you see first loves who stick together because they've kind of had the fantasy part and stuck through the boring parts...and find other ways or are just super compatible..

The one that got away. Sigh.

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