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Child Item

The one that got away. Sigh.

bitofabind

Do you have one? Is there someone you think about wistfully on a rainy sunday afternoon? Do you ponder their whereabouts or stalk their facebook or think about that trip you took together where it seemed like everything in the world made sense for a magical moment, before reality kicked in and pulled you apart?

i'm not sure if i have just one. i have moments that were so full of meaning and connection with guys that would transition out of my life days or weeks later. guys that i probably didn't have any real world potential with due to some very solid real-life circumstances, but that still left a part of me wondering. i'll always wonder about John from San Diego and the way he used to look at me. or that time Taylor kissed me out of nowhere outside of that bar in New York.

what i've learned in love and relationships is that it's not about those magical moments that make your head spin, it's about the gritty, boring, annoying, complicated ones in between and who is willing to stick around and stand beside you through them.

it seems to me though, as if so many people have that one person that they think about and wonder "what if...", no matter how good or how bad their lives are. Do you have one?

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

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ardinn

Yes

My first proper gf. Lets call her ms jackson.

Stunning, wild, beautiful inside and out and she was my girl for nearly three years. She was so far out of my league I was forever jealous and petrified a good looking rich guy would take her away - and due to this I probably smothered her, would get angry when she spoke to lads I felt as a threat and became paranoid to a huge degree.

In the end I broke up with her, and she tried and tried to to get us back together but I was a gobshíte of the highest degree.

I see the same thing happening now with a girl who works for me, I want to tell her he will pull through like I did, but its something you have to learn I think. I used to think what if, but, looking back, what we both learned from the experience probably bettered us both.

She ended up fúcking one of my best friends not long after, that broke me, I was destroyed for a while after, but again got over it. I hope she is doing great - I havnt spoken to that friend in about 10 years tho, I hope he has a terrible, painful death.

Tammy!

ardinn wrote: »

Yes

My first proper gf. Lets call her ms jackson.

Stunning, wild, beautiful inside and out and she was my girl for nearly three years. She was so far out of my league I was forever jealous and petrified a good looking rich guy would take her away - and due to this I probably smothered her, would get angry when she spoke to lads I felt as a threat and became paranoid to a huge degree.

In the end I broke up with her, and she tried and tried to to get us back together but I was a gobshíte of the highest degree.

I see the same thing happening now with a girl who works for me, I want to tell her he will pull through like I did, but its something you have to learn I think. I used to think what if, but, looking back, what we both learned from the experience probably bettered us both.

She ended up fúcking one of my best friends not long after, that broke me, I was destroyed for a while after, but again got over it. I hope she is doing great - I havnt spoken to that friend in about 10 years tho, I hope he has a terrible, painful death.

So you have mixed feelings about it all

ardinn

Tammy! wrote: »

So you have mixed feelings about it all

Ye - still think about it all - have great memories, but i still get a twitch in my gut on what they did!

Tammy!

ardinn wrote: »

Ye - still think about it all - have great memories, but i still get a twitch in my gut on what they did!

Sorry I was joking and originally only half read your post. Of course you do!

Outlaw Pete

Yeah, the summer after the leaving met this girl. We used to just drive around and listen to Radiohead all the time. On her 18th birthday we got the same tattoos. I remember we used to steal her parents alcohol and climb up on her roof and talk about the future and stuff. Never thought one day I'd have lost her. Someone told me she had the tattoo removed. Can't help think that in another life she'd still be mine.

leggo

The one that got away? Ah yes, I remember well. She was seriously fast. I later heard she won a medal for the 100m.

DEFTLEFTHAND

The first cut is the deepest.

You never forget the first person who you fell in love with.

I'll always remember mine. I fcked it up so badly. We were going out but I was a 16 yr old kid who had a tendency to stray with drink on board.

I wish I had her now. I think of her sometimes when having relations with my partner.

Shefwedfan

Never....moved on

I wonder about career choices more, what if I didn’t leave the Tesco you department job, if I stayed what would I be doing now etc etc

Ladies, well no....at this stage majority I can’t remember names just details like she had red hair....Facebook stalking? Nope either....pointless exercise

tea and coffee

Snotty wrote: »

The one that i made sure never got away is laying beside me here snoring her little heart out.

Awwwww. That's lovely

bee06

I almost did. Years of friendship and skirting around the clear attraction that was there. Thankfully we both copped ourselves on and now we’re married. The song we had our first kiss to played on the radio yesterday. Still got that butterfly feeling in my stomach remembering that kiss.

Earthhorse

One? I have several...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzdF77CoLE0

ArchXStanton

Wibbs wrote: »

I have two, the only two women I've ever truly loved and knew they felt the same. Occasionally I do ponder a certain and oft wistful what if alright. In both cases external circumstances were the rocks we foundered upon. Indeed the only arguments we had in both cases were those circumstances. The "us" part we never fought over, unlike every other medium or long term relationships I've had. If I had a time machine and could go back and remove those circumstances I do wonder would we be good, even great, with the usual small issues that pop up with any couples, or would the lack of circumstances show up incompatibilities by their absence, because they had been a "common enemy" we could focus on? But since I have neither an atomic powered DeLorean or a blue Police box, I'll never know.

Very true.

A six pounder would be a loss alright OD. Mine would probably be a trout of about four pounds in old money, in a small river, so mahooosive in that setting. He gently sucked down a size 16 parachute Tups(parachute tyings being cutting edge at the time) on the edge of a riffle and I thought him to be a small fish. Until I struck. Jaysus, well I thought "oh oh, I'm gonna need water skis or a bigger boat". I was running IIRC either a 6X or even 8X cast and but for a couple of years in the 90's I always had a silk line, which are fantastic but have no give at all, so I couldn't haul at him. I fought him for five odd minutes I reckon as he dogged down to the bottom as big brownies will, but then he went all rainbow trout and jumped a few times. That's when I caught sight of him. He was a beauty, golden brown with big red spots and a big wide tail. By this stage The Da(tm) had heard my profane invocations to various deities and had hotfooted over with sage advice. Precisely none of which I could even process and my replies never rose about "look at the size of him!!" with added expletives. He was showing no sense of tiring(the trout, not the Da) and on one of those mad dashes into the air, he threw the hook. Well, it was all I could do to not cry. But I was glad the line didn't break and leave the hook in him, so off he went muttering "dopey muppet" in the language of the fishes.

I know the feeling, landed a 4lb a few weeks ago, after catching a few tiddlers, I struck into a fish, but it was different.. It felt like a concrete block moving through the water and all I could think was oh **** the drag is tightened, followed by a whizzing reel after I loosened it, heart in the mouth stuff when your in a battle with a fish like that, I actually got down into the river trying to land it, I would have lost sleep for weeks if he broke me off or threw the hook

[Deleted User]

Tammy! wrote: »

[Deleted User] wrote: »

One always sticks out for me. A truly great friend that could have been more. She was good friends with my cousin and told her she fancied me. She told me that she fancied me.

I was too busy chasing wans that had not the remotest of interest in me haha. Of all the wans I met in me teens, I regret not seeing if things would work with her. To this day I don't think I've gotten on with someone so well.

Awh that's nice ...I mean that you got on so well! Not related but Im like that with an old friend of mine and one of my old neighbours who has since passed away - two of the most funny people I've ever met!! The type that would make you laugh at any of occasion and into a fit of giggles

I think there's things like 'the one who got away' and then there's the reality of actually living, staying with someone etc. That's why it's so nice when you see first loves who stick together because they've kind of had the fantasy part and stuck through the boring parts...and find other ways or are just super compatible..

Second part is spot on. About a month after I finished school I moved into a place with my gf at the time. We had been good friends throughout senior cycle in secondary school and started going out a couple of months before finishing.

Living with someone is a whole new world.

Things ended amicably and we still chat away if we bump into each other but living with someone is a stern test.

Reviews and Books Galore

You know, I was drinking craft beer* with a french guy and a Taiwanese guy and during the lull in the conversation, I glanced outside and saw a blonde girl with curly hair walking past in the sulphuric yellow smoggy air. I started to think about what it would be like to go home with her and so on and so forth. It was a bit of a wistful moment and I do remember the weirdness of drinking foreign beer around foreign people and how transient that pleasure actually was.

In reality, I was dissatisfied with my life and my current gf (eh, dissatisfied is a wrong term, more just two people who were at one stage and then changed to another), and the wishfull thinking towards another person was just a kind of negative space for your dissatisfactions with your current mode of living.

Still, woulda rode my friend. Would have rode.

*Sounds douchey but it is oddly important

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

There was one guy who came on to me on the dance floor of a loud, crowded pub but then when we went to the bar and he heard me speak went "ah you're not Polish" and walked off.

Absolute ride so he was. If I had kept my mouth shut (well...) for another while, who knows?

Earthhorse

You weren’t Polish but you looked "as good as" a Polish woman.

What weird logic.

Your Face

I'm sure I do but I don't dwell on it.
I hope you lads can get over it at some stage.

Porklife

I feel if they got away they weren't yours to keep.
Still have one though. My Berlin holiday romance. Of all the bars in all the world he walked into mine. We spent a week cycling around Berlin, listening to Beach House, drinking beers, swimming in lakes. I'll never forget him.

touts

The one that stands out as "got away" was an English girl I met while in college. Heard her on the BBC a few months ago and now she is a lawyer specialising in women's rights and stuff and I couldn't help remember our time together. Back then she was very clear about what she wanted and no problem showing me how to help her get there. I remember a few days in we had the what's your number conversation and she certainly had lots of experience and confidence in that regard especially compared to a relatively innocent Irish lad. We were together for a few months before it ended pretty amicable due to her moving to England for a postgrad and me staying in Ireland and I've no problem saying I credit her with teaching me most of what I know about women and it served me well. Happy memories when I heard her on the radio and I wasn't surprised that she now fights to put women first.

Porklife

touts wrote: »

The one that stands out as "got away" was an English girl I met while in college. Heard her on the BBC a few months ago and now she is a lawyer specialising in women's rights and stuff and I couldn't help remember our time together. Back then she was very clear about what she wanted and no problem showing me how to help her get there. I remember a few days in we had the what's your number conversation and she certainly had lots of experience and confidence in that regard especially compared to a relatively innocent Irish lad. We were together for a few months before it ended pretty amicable due to her moving to England for a postgrad and me staying in Ireland and I've no problem saying I credit her with teaching me most of what I know about women and it served me well. Happy memories when I heard her on the radio and I wasn't surprised that she now fights to put women first.

That's brilliant

irishguitarlad

When I was 15 I managed to have an absolute bombshell of a gf. It was only for a few months and then she broke up with me to be honest we probably had nothing in common and I think It was because she was my "first love" that I think about her now and again. Apparently she went riding all round her after she left me and was caught in the bathroom of Fabric(tralee) being rode by a forty year old man(she was 16 at the time). I searched for her on a few social networks recently and I couldn't find her. I hope nothing happened to her and she's getting on fine.

[Deleted User]

Oh stop. The scales are tipped towards men doing the walking away so I don't have any what ifs in that way. I do wonder about one of them though. He was "all of the things". This is the way life goes. You think it will be one way, then you blink and its another.

Blueshoe

She nearly got away but luckily I had more cable ties in the glove box.
Body is in a shallow grave in the Dublin mountains, clothes burnt and life assurance collected. Bye bye mortgage

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh stop. The scales are tipped towards men doing the walking away.

Really P? In my experience and that of mates, men and women, it was very much the opposite. Yes I've known slightly more men who walked away later in life, but certainly in the 18 to 30 age bracket it was more often the women calling time, on medium to long term relationships anyway. One reason can be that in general an average women in that age bracket has more options for getting another partner or relationship.

[Deleted User]

Wibbs wrote: »

Really P? In my experience and that of mates, men and women, it was very much the opposite. Yes I've known slightly more men who walked away later in life, but certainly in the 18 to 30 age bracket it was more often the women calling time, on medium to long term relationships anyway. One reason can be that in general an average women in that age bracket has more options for getting another partner or relationship.

Absolutely Wibbs. My last three relationships were ended by the man. Then there were the ones that didn't get past the dating stage. All with similar reasons; "I thought I loved you" or "I don't feel what I should feel". Relationships are a two way street so I have needed to look at my part. What was going on that I encountered so many men who thought they felt something but changed their minds. It still hurts though.

bitofabind

Deleted User wrote: »

Absolutely Wibbs. My last three relationships were ended by the man. Then there were the ones that didn't get past the dating stage. All with similar reasons; "I thought I loved you" or "I don't feel what I should feel". Relationships are a two way street so I have needed to look at my part. What was going on that I encountered so many men who thought they felt something but changed their minds. It still hurts though.

Lemme know if you find any answers to this one

I’ve faced it a bit myself since I became single. Guys that demonstratedly were into me and all about me until suddenly they weren’t. It is as you say, very painful. Granted in a few cases there were things like geography or men that had so much baggage I should really have seen it coming. Two way street though so I’m spending a lot of time looking at myself these days.

Dog Man Star

Worked with a married woman back in the early 2000s. She was beautiful, sexy and really funny. She was obviously married, those types don't stay single. We got closer and closer and eventually ended up alone after a night out. She told me if she wasn't married she would be with me. That was all I needed to know. I walked her home arm in arm and she kissed me briefly before going into her home. It was enough for me, I didn't need to actually take it on, to make a mess of her life, her telling me that was enough.

Definitely if I'd met her earlier, I would be with her. She went on and had a baby and I was very pleased for her. I was very glad I met her and I slightly envy her husband! She was something else.

Distance is the secret, it's been ages since I've thought of her, until I saw this thread.

Dog Man Star

Wibbs wrote: »

Really P? In my experience and that of mates, men and women, it was very much the opposite. Yes I've known slightly more men who walked away later in life, but certainly in the 18 to 30 age bracket it was more often the women calling time, on medium to long term relationships anyway. One reason can be that in general an average women in that age bracket has more options for getting another partner or relationship.

In my limited experience, I've seen a number of my friend's relationships end suddenly around the 30 mark, almost always the woman getting out. It's a good thing. Women have a lot more to lose by staying with a moron after they hit 30. I should know, I was that moron.

Sheridan81

The one that got away for me was an American named Norma Jeane. This was back in the early sixties. She told me she was a small time actress just trying to make a buck. Blonde bombshell she was. We had sex morning, noon and night for a year or so. One day she called me and said she felt I was the one but she 'couldn't dump John now that he's in office'. I had no idea who John was-probably some dull accountant- but regardless, I never heard from her again. I like to think she's stuck in a boring marriage with this mysterious 'John' and still thinking about me, like I think of her to this day.

Pretzill

^^^
Sorry to break it to you Sheridan81 I heard she lived her life like a candle in the wind...