If you were in charge, what rules would you make?

Winterlong · 02-06-2016 3:40pm

Middle lane hoggers get fed to the pigs.

corner of hells · 02-06-2016 3:58pm

Nose breathers , the loud variety , shall get thier nostils stitched closed with fishing line.

Eating with your mouth open , your lower lip shall be nailed to a pick axe handle.

quickbeam · 02-06-2016 5:43pm

Zaph wrote: »

- A breeding program involving willing Irish women and Lionel Messi will be instigated in an effort to breed a future generation of footballers who might actually be able to kick a ball without falling over.

Does Messi also have to be willing, or will he be kidnapped and forced into it?

dark crystal · 02-06-2016 6:11pm

Repeal the law on Good Friday alcohol sales.

Allow Off-Licences to open until pub closing times.

People who park over two spaces will be chained to their car and made to wear a dunce hat for 3 hours.

Not using an indicator - 2 points on your licence each time.

4 day working week

TV Licence fee only payable if you actually watch Irish channels.

Religion and Irish to become optional subjects at school, not mandatory. Replace them with useful subjects instead.

Collie D · 02-06-2016 6:11pm

quickbeam wrote: »

Does Messi also have to be willing, or will he be kidnapped and forced into it?

I'd imagine a lot of the Barcelona hipsters would be willing to jerk him off while he sleeps

Shint0 · 02-06-2016 6:18pm

quickbeam wrote: »

Does Messi also have to be willing, or will he be kidnapped and forced into it?

I'm sure he would participate willingly if we clear his tax bill for him.

BraveDonut · 02-06-2016 6:18pm

Whoever invented the USB connection would get a good kick in the b0ll0x and told to redesign it so that it goes in both ways round

Collie D · 02-06-2016 6:33pm

BraveDonut wrote: »

Whoever invented the USB connection would get a good kick in the b0ll0x and told to redesign it so that it goes in both ways round

Thank you...I have gone through years of torment thinking I was the only ****ing eejit doing that

mansize · 02-06-2016 6:36pm

All sports except Rugby Union are banned.

Muahahaha · 02-06-2016 6:37pm

Ormus wrote: »

A special driving licence allowing one to drive having consumed up to 5 alcoholic drinks if one can pass a special stringent driving test (conducted offroad at a special training centre) having consumed 10 alcoholic drinks (under supervision).

Hello Michael Healy-Rae :pac:

Collie D · 02-06-2016 6:39pm

Muahahaha wrote: »

Hello Michael Healy-Rae :pac:

In fairness to Michael he doesn't want the whole country pissed at the wheel...just his regulars

ahnowbrowncow · 02-06-2016 6:53pm

If someone is consistently driving 10% under the speed limit you'll be allowed bump into the back of them until they get the message and stop wasting your life.

Oymyakon · 02-06-2016 8:26pm

I'd ban fat people from driving cars

branie2 · 02-06-2016 9:17pm

I'd get rid of the government, and have us ruled by philosopher kings

Wanderer78 · 02-06-2016 9:29pm

implementation of a public banking system immediately, amongst other things

bonzodog2 · 02-06-2016 9:40pm

No TV licence
No Motor tax, transfer to levy on fuel
Reform sentencing
Reform insurance payouts leading to scandalous premiums
Special 'crested' school jumpers gone
Control the schoolbook publishers changing the books every couple of years so they can't be re-used by siblings
No more 'workbooks' where pupils fill in answers to an otherwise re-usable printed material - exercise books were fine
No more wasting Garda time taking non-fine-payers to jail for less than a day inside
Increased community service instead of fines, or take the fine out of SW payments/wages
No more 'poor box donations' in court
NEED an iPad for school? NO! A cheaper Android would do fine

I'm done for now....

Wonzy · 02-06-2016 9:53pm

Naked fridays

RayM · 02-06-2016 9:55pm

Oymyakon wrote: »

I'd ban fat people from driving cars

I'd ban people with terrible opinions from the internet.

Superhorse · 02-06-2016 9:55pm

Massive social housing programme

Make corporations pay more tax

The immediate abolishment of the TV licence fee

Scrap car tax and make it payable at the pump (the more you drive the more you pay)

Any citizen of the republic who doesn't vote at a general election because they are too lazy should be fined directly or through taxes/welfare etc..

Stop forcing students to do Irish in school and force them to do at least 1 hour of sports every day. Also make sports a part of the leaving cert.

And finally we inform the European union that we are to hold a referendum in 2017 to leave/stay in the EU.

rubadub · 02-06-2016 10:09pm

reason vs religion wrote: »

It's somewhat more socially acceptable for men to go without shaving than women to go without sanitary pads. Women are expected also to shave.

there are reusable alternatives to sanitary pads, washable ones and cup devices.

The shaving thing is more fashion. There was a recent thread about women wearing high heels at work, some making out like women were being forced to do so by men or for their benefit. But almost invariably when I hear women asked if they wear high heels, makeup, or shave their legs for the benefit of men or to attract men they almost always say no way in hell, they do it "for themselves" or to impress other women, making it very clear they do not give a damn what men think -some will admit otherwise of course.

reason vs religion wrote: »

It's not the mere fact that it's essential; it's that it is an essential that is required of only half the population.

In the (also ludicrous) free food example most organisations say men require 500kcal more per day than women, so would have to be subsidised in that way if there was "free food".

If you want to talk about the clean up after involuntary bodily emissions then if there are free sanitary towels there should similarly be allowances for semen emission, involuntary "nocturnal emmissions" so give them money for new sheets or washing powder, dry cleaning or some male sanitary towel.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_emission

The frequency of nocturnal emissions is highly variable. Some reported that it is due to being sexually inactive, with no engagement in either intercourse or masturbation. Some men have experienced large numbers of nocturnal emissions as teenagers, while others have never experienced one. In the U.S., 83% of men will experience nocturnal emissions at some time in their life.[5] For males who have experienced nocturnal emissions the mean frequency ranges from 0.36 times per week (about once every three weeks) for single 15-year-old males to 0.18 times per week (about once every five-and-a-half weeks) for 40-year-old single males. For married males the mean ranges from 0.23 times per week (about once per month) for 19-year-old married males to 0.15 times per week (about once every two months) for 50-year-old married males.

corner of hells · 02-06-2016 10:14pm

rubadub wrote: »

there are reusable alternatives to sanitary pads, washable ones and cup devices.

The shaving thing is more fashion. There was a recent thread about women wearing high heels at work, some making out like women were being forced to do so by men or for their benefit. But almost invariably when I hear women asked if they wear high heels, makeup, or shave their legs for the benefit of men or to attract men they almost always say no way in hell, they do it "for themselves" or to impress other women, making it very clear they do not give a damn what men think -some will admit otherwise of course.

In the (also ludicrous) free food example most organisations say men require 500kcal more per day than women, so would have to be subsidised in that way if there was "free food".

If you want to talk about the clean up after involuntary bodily emissions then if there are free sanitary towels there should similarly be allowances for semen emission, involuntary "nocturnal emmissions" so give them money for new sheets or washing powder, dry cleaning or some male sanitary towel.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_emission

Take yourself off to the Gulag.

PLL · 02-06-2016 10:18pm

Women get paid to Breastfeed in public places, so it becomes normal in the mind of every member of society that this is the healthiest way to nourish your child.

dasdog · 02-06-2016 11:51pm

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Invade Iceland

That's an idea I've had for years. The plan is to send some of our drunken feuding native ethnic minority families as a landing party and once the locals flee the chaos put the office of public works in charge of that unpronounceable volcano that was erupting a few years ago. The place would be wrecked in no time.

Gwynplaine · 03-06-2016 12:16am

Guillotine for anyone over the age of 12 who uses text speak.

Dial Hard · 03-06-2016 12:22am

16. People ruining lighthearted threads by taking them too seriously shall be forced to participate in a Hunger Games-esque debate to the death where both sides are actually arguing the same point but just haven't been told.

Lyaiera · 03-06-2016 12:43am

I'd nuke everything.

rawn · 03-06-2016 12:43am

Ormus wrote: »

A special driving licence allowing one to drive having consumed up to 5 alcoholic drinks if one can pass a special stringent driving test (conducted offroad at a special training centre) having consumed 10 alcoholic drinks (under supervision).

Loads of people have probably responded to this already but had to weigh in.

I hope you are never in charge cos that's a terrible rule! You might be fine on 5 drinks one day cos you had a hearty dinner but you could drink 2 drinks another day and be worse off but think "ah sure I was grand with 5, 2 is nothing!"

Robsweezie · 03-06-2016 12:45am

noise pollution within earshot of a sleeping/resting/ill/headached person will get you a large fine.

The Young Wan · 03-06-2016 12:58am

Deleted User wrote: »

Huh. You're right.

I thought I'd try on a feminist hat. One where perspective is missing. Didn't like it.

Instead, can we remove the "luxury item" tax on tampons, pads, etc?

In my world, everyone would get a free book on their birthday. And three day weekends, your choice of the Friday or the Monday off, on the agreement you work an extra hour each of the four remaining days (ie 8-5 or 9-6, or however applicable.)

The Young Wan · 03-06-2016 1:07am

dark crystal wrote: »

Repeal the law on Good Friday alcohol sales.

Allow Off-Licences to open until pub closing times.

People who park over two spaces will be chained to their car and made to wear a dunce hat for 3 hours.

Not using an indicator - 2 points on your licence each time the linker flashes.

4 day working week

TV Licence fee only payable if you actually watch Irish channels.

Religion and Irish to become optional subjects at school, not mandatory. Replace them with useful subjects instead.

FTFY

Zaph · 03-06-2016 1:09am

The Young Wan wrote: »

Instead, can we remove the "luxury item" tax on tampons, pads, etc?

You mean the current zero rate of tax?

The Young Wan · 03-06-2016 1:10am

RayM wrote: »

If I was in charge, I'd force everyone who complains about social welfare to live on it for a year.

See also: everyone is required to take a mandatory year working in customer service/retail. It looks different from the other side of the counter, let me tell you.

The Young Wan · 03-06-2016 1:11am

Zaph wrote: »

You mean the current zero rate of tax?

Obviously not enforced in Ireland so, my apologies. I live in the UK at the moment and it's a strong debate here.

CruelCoin · 03-06-2016 9:09am

1 - If you're on the dole and able bodied, then you shall give 20hrs p/w to charitable/community causes. Rubbish, granny visitation, lollipopping, etc. (because, face it, you do not spend anything like 20, let alone 40 hours a week looking for a new job)

2 - Increase the drink drive limit to whatever blood alcohol level 2 pints is for the average height, average build person.

3 - Increase the working week for all public sector employees to 45hrs.

4 - Everyone should resit their driving test every 10 years.

Sh1tbag OToole · 03-06-2016 9:39am

I'd ban all imports from China just to see what would happen

Either people will be very quick off the mark in producing at home whatever comes from there or else they'll just sit there and moan endlessly about how they're not able to get the latest Huawei or iPhone. I'm hoping the former, though it's a long shot.

Repopulate the Blaskets with Syrian refugees, supply them with building materials so they rebuild all the old houses and return the blaskets to their glory days

Build a massive theme park filled to the brim with rollercoasters.

Remove the insurance industry's grip on power and get rid of the ridiculous 3rd party injury claims.

cowboyBuilder · 03-06-2016 10:12am

Proper separation of church and state.

No religious schools.

No changing local customs to suit the precious snowflakes who get offended if we don't - integrate or f*ck off home!!

TheWarChicken · 03-06-2016 10:36am

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

Proper separation of church and state.

No religious schools.

No changing local customs to suit the precious snowflakes who get offended if we don't - integrate or f*ck off home!!

I thought we sent cowboy builders to the gulag? Or did someone close it. If they did I'm opening it again and putting people who text when eating a meal with someone in there.

fryup · 03-06-2016 10:40am

I'd ban GAA

we should be concentrating on international sports, not that insular parochial muck

Superhorse · 03-06-2016 10:58am

CruelCoin wrote: »

1 - If you're on the dole and able bodied, then you shall give 20hrs p/w to charitable/community causes. Rubbish, granny visitation, lollipopping, etc. (because, face it, you do not spend anything like 20, let alone 40 hours a week looking for a new job)

2 - Increase the drink drive limit to whatever blood alcohol level 2 pints is for the average height, average build person.

3 - Increase the working week for all public sector employees to 45hrs.

4 - Everyone should resit their driving test every 10 years.

There is a fair percentage of people on the dole I wouldn't want anywhere near minding granny territory tbh.

checkyabadself · 03-06-2016 11:17am

Mandatory prison sentence for those after a second violent crime committed. No jail time for silly TV licence type offenses.

All politicians elected to work on national and general politics and councillors to handle individual pothole complaints. The attendance in Leinster house is poor to say the least.

Pay nurses what they're fleeing to the UK for. Pay for it by cutting the ludicrous percentage of admin staff in the hse.

Make broadband a basic right like Finland. It might be a loss leader but it's the same as An Post driving miles out of the way to deliver a postcard. People shouldn't be economically disadvantaged because there's no commercial interest for a private company to connect 1 house in rural areas.

Stop making Irish mandatory so that someone who can't get an A1 in it is hindered from entering medicine or other top courses that require near perfect points.

Stop privatising everything like the NCT and speed cameras that end up being profit driven rather than safety driven. We're too quick to sell off our assets for short term gain and usually short change ourselves.

A ban on upward only rent reviews.

I could go on and on. I really can see why so many people emigrate.

mansize · 03-06-2016 11:18am

One off rural housing to be banned

The Young Wan · 03-06-2016 11:49am

mansize wrote: »

One off rural housing to be banned

Oh dear.

Zaph · 03-06-2016 1:11pm

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Repopulate the Blaskets with Syrian refugees, supply them with building materials so they rebuild all the old houses and return the blaskets to their glory days

The Blaskets??!! Do you not think those poor people have suffered enough?

HigginsJ · 03-06-2016 1:25pm

Zaph wrote: »

- There will be a bounty placed on the heads of Daithí Ó Sé, Gay Byrne, Ryan Tubridy, Ray D'Arcy and Hector. I don't mind if nobody catches/kills them, but at least it'll keep them off the airwaves when they go into hiding.

By far the best rule suggested so far, make it happen!!

kupus · 03-06-2016 2:14pm

Every single person that has said that ireland needs refugees gets to keep and pay for them..... in their own house. All those doctors and engineers may even contribute to the household.

Dial Hard · 03-06-2016 2:28pm

17. "Graduations" from creches/montessoris/anything other than college will be banned.

jigglypuffstuff · 03-06-2016 2:28pm

From a perspective of pure interest i'd ban alcohol and all recreational drugs ...ensure there would be zero access to either

I'd absolutely love to see what would happen...not that id realistically want to restrict people...but I imagine that the behaviour would be something to behold

Caoimhgh1n · 03-06-2016 2:34pm

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Work camps for vegans

Work camps for scumbags, scangers, etc

So you're comparing vegans to scumbags?

jahalpin · 03-06-2016 7:19pm

If I was in charge I'd ban people getting tattoos on their faces and send anyone with a top-knot straight to the barbers to get a real haircut

I'd also ban anyone that serves drinks in jars from running a bar or restaurant

I'd also send anyone that suggests that TDs are overpaid to a "re-education centre"

I'd also reform the civil and public service as it is the most inefficient organisation in the country

jahalpin · 03-06-2016 7:20pm

Deedsie wrote: »

Reduce the alcohol % allowed to drive to zero.

I'd be in favour of a lot of public shaming. Photos of people who fly tip, litter, drink on the streets, violent assaults etc on billboards, newspapers etc

I'd make recycling centres open 24 hours a day and I'd tax shopping centres, off licences and take aways etc to pay for it.

I'd settle for reasonable sentencing for repeat offenders.

They already pay tax for recycling\ waste management, it's called Business Rates and if they are in Dublin City Centre, the BIDS levy as well

If you were in charge, what rules would you make?

Comments