DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

Thanks Biddy. Probably are things i can change but where to start? Am milking cows which gives me 'something to do' but am working for very little return. When things get bad i just go to bed and could easily spend 12 hours in bed which leaves further build up of work to be done. Heard health and personal physical health also not great. Living on own can be a blessing in disguise as there no pressure to keep bright side out the whole time. No problem being bright eyed an bushy tailed when talking to neighbours.

been there done that, lost loads of calves, bought in cows that died etc, we all have things to deal with. I found out why the calves where dying , now i can stop it. The thing about farming is no 2 days are the same, milking may seem monotonous at the minute but the evenings are getting brighter . I find even saying something on here takes a big weight off my shoulders , better out than in

knockmulliner wrote: »

no need for sorry, that's not a rant. Good to get it as you see it out there. First step in addressing any problem is to identify it.
Don't know what to say to you except I felt like that a few years ago around this time of the year, had a good chat with my doctor, he thought I was a bit depressed in my self and put me on a mild antidepressant for a short while, did wonders, "got me over a hump" as he described it. Explained as feeling down alters brain chemistry and a small intervention can reverse the process, and give a new outlook. Hope this helps.

i got the script but didnt use it, just talking to the doctor helped alot, still have the prescription, i know its out of date but its there if i needed it

there is a change coming, for years we all bottled up our feelings, eldest lad is in first year, this week was positive mental health week in his school, by having the young people eduacted on mental health- instead of hiding it and brushing it under the carpet- i feel people will not be afraid to go to gp etc and talk openly about their problems.. pity this wasnt done years ago

Different issues for me, I reckon I'm addicted to farming.I found that I was finding it harder to converse with non farmers for a while because and I reckon boards and the internet wasn't helping I was only looking at farm related stuff and not just watching a bit of telly or going out.the fact that we have children also contributed as you are a little tied as my wife works shifts so you are often tied up in the evenings.but like most issues I had to readjust the way I live and now make a point to try and broaden my outlook, hang out with non farmers and get out abit more

I have been reading this thread and the other related thread in AH for some months now but never had the courage to post.
My Dad died when I was 17 and that to this day, it is the most difficult time that I have gone through so far in my life. I think about him nearly every day.
Once upon a time I thought I was on the pigs back. I had my cattle, horses and an excellent well paid office job. I got married to a very nice person who was a farmer and life was wonderful. We had two healthy children together, a thriving suckler/pedigree herd and bred a few horses.
Unfortunately the dream didn't live for very long and my life shattered before me
The one thing that kept me sane was my inner feeling of responsibility to my children and animals. I know some people would scoff at the idea of been responsible to animals but I had worked hard during my teenage years to build up the herd. I knew the cows and mares inside out and they knew me. With the help of my family and close friends I got through the separation and subsequent divorce. I was a mental wreck during those years and lost a lot of weight, due to lack of sleep and basic anxiety about the marriage breakdown, my financial situation and the future.
My late Uncle gave me a bit of advice during the middle of this personal turmoil, he said, its a big wheel that keeps turning and all you need to do is learn how to control how fast it turns. When he said that to me I realised that I had been in a panic situation for a number of years and what I really needed to do was to step back and look at the situation. Easier said than done. I went for some counselling and it was one of the best things that I have done.
I consider myself lucky now. I have two super sons, a brilliant considerate partner, my own home with a few acres, another few acres that my Mam gave me (her half of her parents farm).
I feel that I am a better person then I was a few years ago as the counselling help me to look at things in a different perspective.
My advise - go talk to someone, be it a family member, a friend or a professional counsellor.

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

See what i mean about making a mess of the posting!!!
Borrowing not be classified as big by many, just over 150k, but it making the repayments- 1000 a month- that is the problem. Herd health, mainly fertility, left less milking than normal this last few years. But lack of motivation to do anything about it is biggest problem.

have been there, lying awake at night with a million thoughts going through my head, thinking out a load of different scenarios, driving myself crazy. Every month i write down what i owe in my diary, i write beside it what i can afford to pay, then put a line through it when paid. Even putting a line through a debt can give a small boost to me. If the bank repayments are tough , tell them, no use lying awake thinking about it. Have had nights where something has broken in the yard and i wonder how will i pay for it or if one of the kids is sick how will i pay for that. It all seems crap at the time and it seems there is no end in sight but baby steps will sort it out. I am not in a position if i am awake at night to go back to bed during the day so i end up worse as i get over tired and short tempered which makes thinks worse and there is no answer in the bottom of a wine bottle either. Make an appointment with the bank to either prolong the loan or make it interest only for a while.

i remember last spring i think the ifa had word out to look out for your neighbour, i remember thinking how the fook am i supposed to look after my neighbour when i cant look after myself

biddy2013 wrote: »

have been there, lying awake at night with a million thoughts going through my head, thinking out a load of different scenarios, driving myself crazy. Every month i write down what i owe in my diary, i write beside it what i can afford to pay, then put a line through it when paid. Even putting a line through a debt can give a small boost to me. If the bank repayments are tough , tell them, no use lying awake thinking about it. Have had nights where something has broken in the yard and i wonder how will i pay for it or if one of the kids is sick how will i pay for that. It all seems crap at the time and it seems there is no end in sight but baby steps will sort it out. I am not in a position if i am awake at night to go back to bed during the day so i end up worse as i get over tired and short tempered which makes thinks worse and there is no answer in the bottom of a wine bottle either. Make an appointment with the bank to either prolong the loan or make it interest only for a while.

Its amazing the amount of people that have seem to be affected by depression to some degree or another. I could often go a week without a proper nights sleep, avoiding the neighbours (I wouldnt even drive down the road in the daytime incase I'd meet them), Not answering the phone, Not eating properly and just not wanting to do any work. It used to happen me a lot more often but not so much lately.

i owed alot of money- still owe a bit- i texted(couldnt face ringing) the people i owed and said i know i owe and it will be paid. There was a stage where i didnt bother opening my post, but that wasnt going to solve anything. I owed 25k to a local feed company. paid bit by bit over the year and rang them before christmas , they knocked over 1k off of interest and i cleared my account before the year end. Was great to get the statement of account for the end of december owing zero.

biddy2013 wrote: »

how do you get someone competent that you can trust, no point paying someone if you are worried they are not doing the job right, fair enough no one will ever do the job as good as you think you do it:cool: but theres no point paying someone that costs you more in the long run, been there done that and am alot better off since he's gone

Grave yard is full of people who think they couldn't be done without, if you get sick or have an accident you'll have to let someone else do it, so what's the difference in letting them do it when you take a fortnights holidays and maybe avoid sickness or an accident.
I had serious problems 30 yrs ago, borrowed money at 10% that eventually went to near 20%, and then 5 years nursing home bills, so the sleepless nights etc went on for years, until the stress eventually affected my heart so I had to slow up. I sold land (...the shame!!!!!) and restructured the loans and you know what, things don't seem to go wrong as much when you're not under stress.
Stress will waste the best years of your life if you let it because it soaks your energy

biddy2013 wrote: »

was fixing dairy roof a few weeks ago and i found the head and handle of my pick axe up there, like wtf, do you think it is the work of a competent worker to throw something they have broken up on the roof of a shed rather than fix it or tell someone you have done it, i laughed as i am well rid and although i had looked for the pick axe the roof of the dairy was not a place i thought of looking:o

Well you got a wrong one there, he's surely the exception, surely there's loads of young farmers out there looking to supplement their income, especially on drystock farms

bob charles wrote: »

I have a good few lads I could ring now and say look after the place for the next few days as im away, there are loads of competent people about, the guys I would leave in charge would do everything better than I would do it myself, There would take no shortcuts taken. whereas if it was me :rolleyes:

my lads look after milking herds aswell. Thinking that no one can do a job better and cheaper that yourself is foolish. or else your wonderwoman:D

YUP I AM FOOLISH and looking back a part of my stress problems was the guy i had working for me. I now have a guy who i can trust 100% and there is no need for me to be here when he is here. He does a few milkings a week and will do a few hours if i want him, he also doesnt answer me back and belittle me which helps a bit too