General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

MistyCheese · 26-02-2015 12:28am

Toots wrote: »

I think this site was mentioned in one of those mumsnet threads, but if you haven't seen it, it's gold! Stumbled across it when I googled wedding etiquette while planning my own wedding. Hours of entertainment!

http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_wedding/weddingsfhell/weddingfromhell.shtml

Book...
...Marked!

Neyite · 26-02-2015 12:33am

I loved the canesten insult

Toots · 26-02-2015 12:38am

I have mumsnet to thank for my new favourite insult:

Cüntwhore! When calling someone a regular old whore just doesn't cut it!

Neyite · 26-02-2015 12:39am

Oh, and the one where the colleague trashed her desk because the 200 year old church she had her heart set on refused to take down a 200 year old tapestry because it didn't match her colour scheme.

I wonder though, do those Zillas ever look back in years to come and realise how badly they behaved?

Neyite · 26-02-2015 12:41am

I quite like twunt too.

LynnGrace · 26-02-2015 12:56am

That wedding thread I doubted was real, has been deleted on Mumsnet :P.

Toots · 26-02-2015 12:58am

Neyite wrote: »

I wonder though, do those Zillas ever look back in years to come and realise how badly they behaved?

I wonder do they, or I bet they're the sort who won't tolerate anyone else discussing their own wedding plans, and calls them a bridezilla for having the cheek to be looking forward to their own wedding!

ABajaninCork · 26-02-2015 10:35am

I seriously doubt ANY of the 'gold' threads are real. But boy, are they entertaining!!

Mind you - Having worked in the wedding industry, you do get some real pieces of work. Brides as well as Mums!!

Toots · 26-02-2015 7:07pm

LynnGrace wrote: »

That wedding thread I doubted was real, has been deleted on Mumsnet :P.

No way!! What happened?

liz lemoncello · 26-02-2015 7:23pm

Toots wrote: »

No way!! What happened?

Toots, if you click on the link, you get this:

Thread deleted

Message from MNHQ: Thread just seemed too button pushy to be true, didn't it?

I wonder what the final straw was?

allym · 26-02-2015 7:40pm

liz lemoncello wrote: »

Toots, if you click on the link, you get this:

I wonder what the final straw was?

Ah I was really enjoying that! Hopefully someone managed to catch the end!

Toots · 26-02-2015 8:26pm

Stupid mumsnet, ruining it for everyone (says the mod who shut down bridesmaidgate

)

LynnGrace · 26-02-2015 8:35pm

They usually do that when they have good reason to suspect a thread is not genuine. They were possibly getting a lot of reports about it as well. It was one of those that was a bit suspect, from the start, IMO. The OP was returning every so often with another juicy titbit, to keep the interest going.

I followed one a while back, on Mumsnet, not a wedding one. It was brilliant

, but in the end holes began to appear, in the story, and it got zapped.

Toots · 26-02-2015 10:10pm

Yeah, there's been one or two on here that have had a load of reported posts suggesting that it was a wind-up. Bridesmaidgate and its follow-up generated a slew of reported posts from people claiming it was all made up, but it was actually verified by a couple of different users by PM! Mental!! I reckon PI must get a fair few threads like that.

berrecka · 27-02-2015 2:37pm

I really don't want to offend anyone here, I know how touchy people can get when someone says the way they got married wouldn't be the preference.

Two of my really good friends got engaged (not to each other, you understand - four people in total) lately and are planning on getting married this year. None of them are religious and aren't even considering a church wedding. Ideally, both would like a Humanist wedding, but all celebrants are totally booked up. They don't think the Spiritualist thing is really for them either. They both hope to have Saturday weddings.

Is the only real option to do the fake ceremony thing - with the registry office formality during the week beforehand, and have a "ceremony" performed by a friend or family on the day in front of all of their guests?

ABajaninCork · 27-02-2015 2:41pm

berrecka wrote: »

I really don't want to offend anyone here, I know how touchy people can get when someone says the way they got married wouldn't be the preference.

Two of my really good friends got engaged (not to each other, you understand - four people in total) lately and are planning on getting married this year. None of them are religious and aren't even considering a church wedding. Ideally, both would like a Humanist wedding, but all celebrants are totally booked up. They don't think the Spiritualist thing is really for them either. They both hope to have Saturday weddings.

Is the only real option to do the fake ceremony thing - with the registry office formality during the week beforehand, and have a "ceremony" performed by a friend or family on the day in front of all of their guests?

AFAIK registrars in the Republic can only perform weddings Mon- Fri.

But there is an alternative. If they marry in the UK (over the border perhaps) in a civil ceremony, then only 15 days notice is required and the registrar will perform a Saturday wedding. It'll cost more though.

rainbow kirby · 27-02-2015 2:45pm

berrecka wrote: »

Two of my really good friends got engaged (not to each other, you understand - four people in total) lately and are planning on getting married this year. None of them are religious and aren't even considering a church wedding. Ideally, both would like a Humanist wedding, but all celebrants are totally booked up. They don't think the Spiritualist thing is really for them either. They both hope to have Saturday weddings.

Is the only real option to do the fake ceremony thing - with the registry office formality during the week beforehand, and have a "ceremony" performed by a friend or family on the day in front of all of their guests?

There's a lot of freedom with the spiritualists to have the ceremony exactly the way you want (including completely free from religion) - if there is no humanist celebrant available it's not a bad option.

Could be worth considering the Unitarians too if they were considering getting married in Dublin, but likely to be booked up and it would still be in a church venue.

pooch90 · 27-02-2015 2:45pm

berrecka wrote: »

Two of my really good friends got engaged (not to each other, you understand - four people in total) lately and are planning on getting married this year. None of them are religious and aren't even considering a church wedding. Ideally, both would like a Humanist wedding, but all celebrants are totally booked up. They don't think the Spiritualist thing is really for them either. They both hope to have Saturday weddings.

Is the only real option to do the fake ceremony thing - with the registry office formality during the week beforehand, and have a "ceremony" performed by a friend or family on the day in front of all of their guests?

Basically, yes.
They should talk to the Spiritualists, they don't push any beliefs on you or the ceremony. They are just like the Humanists only I found the Spiritualists a lot more friendly and kind.
We booked the Humanists first but got annoyed with them, then booked a Spiritualist celebrant and he was just a lovely gent to deal with. No talking to spirits involved.

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 3:07pm

Do you not have to go in and sign the papers before doing the spiritualist or humanist ceremonies also..

rainbow kirby · 27-02-2015 3:08pm

They're done on site as part of the ceremony, in the same way as they would be done in the church for an RC ceremony or in the ceremony room for a civil ceremony where the registrar comes out to it.

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 3:18pm

Oh ok sorry I thought it was still that you had to go into the reg office beforehand to sign the papers etc...

pooch90 · 27-02-2015 3:18pm

Before last summer you did have to but now they have legal status so it's all done the one day.

berrecka · 27-02-2015 3:26pm

Yea that's what I mean about the fake ceremony - in that you go in and do the paperwork in HSE buildings with 2 witnesses. And then have the "ceremonial" part on another day (that isn't really your wedding day).

Whereas if you do it in a church, or with a registered solemniser (Humanist, Spiritualist, any other?), or HSE Registrar, it is all done at the same time in front of your guests.

They are both in Galway.

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 3:59pm

Oh wow that is great news so it is, sorry missed that one with the wedding bubble.

I wouldn't think of it as a fake wedding "berrecka" you just have to think outside of the box..
Just because it is said you have to do it this way, because that is what has been done for years, doesn't mean you have to do it that way.. A friend done it where I think they went in two weeks before to sign the papers and then had their wedding day later and that was it, it was there wedding day..

I find it stranger as such that people who aren't religious in anyway feel like that have to go the humanist/spirtulist route (I know this will open a can of worms) I get it, like we are going civil (both of us aren't religious) and because it can be done on the same day etc.. But there is nothing wrong with doing the paper work and then just having a very nice speaker or having a few friends say a few nice words...

rainbow kirby · 27-02-2015 4:04pm

Milly33 wrote: »

I find it stranger as such that people who aren't religious in anyway feel like that have to go the humanist/spirtulist route (I know this will open a can of worms) I get it, like we are going civil (both of us aren't religious) and because it can be done on the same day etc..

When you are travelling back to Ireland for the wedding, it's quite useful to be able to get everything done on one day rather than having to stay longer to do a separate civil ceremony!

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 4:23pm

Oh yes things like that of course but if travel wasn't an issue

berrecka · 27-02-2015 4:43pm

I don't know about that! The idea behind the Humanist wedding is to allow non-religious people to have the same life celebrations (births, deaths, marriages) as have always been offered (to us, in Ireland) by the Church. Like so much with Catholicism, these celebrations have become part of our culture in Ireland.

It was very important to me that I got married, officially in front of my loved ones. Other people will find other things important, and wont care that their actual wedding day (according to their marriage cert) is not the same as the day they celebrated their marriage with all the friends and loved ones, or that they are saying vows (or whatever this other ceremony entails) but are already married.

tinkerbell · 27-02-2015 4:53pm

berrecka wrote: »

Yea that's what I mean about the fake ceremony - in that you go in and do the paperwork in HSE buildings with 2 witnesses. And then have the "ceremonial" part on another day (that isn't really your wedding day).

Whereas if you do it in a church, or with a registered solemniser (Humanist, Spiritualist, any other?), or HSE Registrar, it is all done at the same time in front of your guests.

They are both in Galway.

A fake ceremony? It's not a fake ceremony, there's nothing fake about it. It's a civil marriage.

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 4:55pm

But that's the thing everyone thinks differently.

Like you saying it was' important to you but it might not be important to them.. You can round and round in circles and it always comes down to it and I have never heard it mentioned so often, until I got into the wedding scene. Do what ye like to do, what is important to ye as that is what it is about! That's it what other people think or do really has nothing to do with what you would like..

berrecka · 27-02-2015 5:03pm

tinkerbell wrote: »

A fake ceremony? It's not a fake ceremony, there's nothing fake about it. It's a civil marriage.

Oh no, sorry I don't mean the civil ceremony is fake - quite the opposite. I mean, when a couple, because they don't want to have their wedding on a weekday (or for whatever other reason), get married in a registry office, and then get a friend or someone to perform a ceremony at a later date (usually the following weekend) in the dress, with all the guests and the party afterward.

To me, the wedding day is the date on the marriage cert, the date you signed everything in front of the registered solemniser (or registrar in this case).

My friends (the ones who trying to figure out their options) feel the same, they would like to get married in front of their guests (on a Saturday), that's why Im asking...

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 5:13pm

There aren't really many more options for them other than re-arranging their date to suit when a celebrant is free. Could try a celtic priest or something like that..Did someone mention on this before about going to a non denomination church would they do it

berrecka · 27-02-2015 5:20pm

Yea its mad, most Humanist Celebrants are fully booked up for all of 2015, and some for 2016 too.
And Civil Ceremonies can only take place Mon-Fri.

So for non-religious people in Ireland, looking to get married, they either have to wait a year or do it on a weekday.

Milly33 · 27-02-2015 5:21pm

Alope!! haha

rainbow kirby · 27-02-2015 5:23pm

There's also the NI/GB option - only 15-16 days notice needed and civil ceremonies can be done any day of the year if you're willing to pay what they're asking.

If we had wanted the most absolutely basic option in our area it would be £50 to get married in Islington town hall on a Monday or Tuesday morning.

berrecka · 27-02-2015 5:26pm

Milly33 wrote: »

Alope!! haha

If I were doing it all again, I would!!!

But no-one wants to hear that when they are in the middle of all the excitement (and stress) of planning

K4t · 27-02-2015 7:11pm

Good place in Dublin to buy a men's navy/black overcoat anybody?

blackbird 49 · 27-02-2015 8:07pm

After read some of these, I asked a friend of mine who is a marriage registrar, what are the requirements for a marriage to take place. HSE will only do marriages between Monday and Friday, A church will do Monday to Saturday, very rarely will you get a Sunday wedding in a church unless maybe you know the priest very well, I know of somebody that did, A humanist / Spiritualist will mostly do Monday - Sunday, You must give 3 months notice your intentions to marry, and no matter whether it is a CHURCH or CIVIL marriage, you must ring up HSE office and make a appointment for your paperwork, ie both of you will be ask to bring in a form of identification usually passport/ driving licence, you also need your birth certificate and one utility bill, plus your PPS number, and divorce papers if applicate, if all is in order the next stage is just turning up on your wedding day,

MistyCheese · 27-02-2015 9:31pm

blackbird 49 wrote: »

After read some of these, I asked a friend of mine who is a marriage registrar, what are the requirements for a marriage to take place. HSE will only do marriages between Monday and Friday, A church will do Monday to Saturday, very rarely will you get a Sunday wedding in a church unless maybe you know the priest very well, I know of somebody that did, A humanist / Spiritualist will mostly do Monday - Sunday, You must give 3 months notice your intentions to marry, and no matter whether it is a CHURCH or CIVIL marriage, you must ring up HSE office and make a appointment for your paperwork, ie both of you will be ask to bring in a form of identification usually passport/ driving licence, you also need your birth certificate and one utility bill, plus your PPS number, and divorce papers if applicate, if all is in order the next stage is just turning up on your wedding day,

I just want to add to this excellent list. You will both need your passports, they won't accept drivers licences. My husband and I had to both get passports as we didn't have them and they wouldn't accept our drivers licenses.

If either (or both) of you were not born in the Republic of Ireland (so that includes Northern Ireland) you will need an Apostille Stamp as well as your birth certificate. (This is just a document that verifies your birth certificate and can be got from the embassy of the relevant country). Unless you were born in Denmark, Italy, France, Belgium or Latvia, they don't issue Apostille Stamps but you'll still need a verification letter.

If either (or both) of you have birth certificates that are not issued in English you will need to have them translated into English. I'm pretty sure your birth cert would be okay if it's in Irish but I'm not 100% on that.

Obviously that's for two single people. If either (or both) of you have been divorced, widowed or had an annulment then there are further docs required. Basically proof of divorce/annulment, death certificate and also marriage certificate for that marriage (in the case of a widow/er).

XxMCRxBabyxX · 27-02-2015 10:25pm

This isn't a big concern for me right now seeing as I'm not even engaged but is the apostille stamp for the birth cert even if you're an Irish citizen? That's going to cause me fun in the future!

Faith · 27-02-2015 10:30pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

This isn't a big concern for me right now seeing as I'm not even engaged but is the apostille stamp for the birth cert even if you're an Irish citizen? That's going to cause me fun in the future!

Yep, if you were born outside of the 26 counties.

MistyCheese · 27-02-2015 10:38pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

This isn't a big concern for me right now seeing as I'm not even engaged but is the apostille stamp for the birth cert even if you're an Irish citizen? That's going to cause me fun in the future!

Irish citizen but born abroad? You will need the Apostille Stamp I'm afraid. Even if you were born in the North you'd need the Stamp. Unless you were born in Denmark, Italy, France, Belgium or Latvia, they don't issue Apostilles.

Outside of Europe there are a few other countries that don't issue Apostille Stamps but the majority of countries do. I found a pretty extensive list here.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 27-02-2015 11:07pm

MistyCheese wrote: »

Irish citizen but born abroad? You will need the Apostille Stamp I'm afraid. Even if you were born in the North you'd need the Stamp. Unless you were born in Denmark, Italy, France, Belgium or Latvia, they don't issue Apostilles.

Outside of Europe there are a few other countries that don't issue Apostille Stamps but the majority of countries do. I found a pretty extensive list here.

That doesn't seem to have my country on it! Maybe I should start looking into sorting it out now just so I can have it ready when I need it :-D

teggers5 · 27-02-2015 11:12pm

MistyCheese wrote: »

I just want to add to this excellent list. You will both need your passports, they won't accept drivers licences. My husband and I had to both get passports as we didn't have them and they wouldn't accept our drivers licence.

Must be different depending on what county your in.
We used our drivers license when registering our intent to marry.

MistyCheese · 28-02-2015 12:06am

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

That doesn't seem to have my country on it! Maybe I should start looking into sorting it out now just so I can have it ready when I need it :-D

You might need a letter from the relevant embassy, I don't know what someone would do if they were born in a former country like Czechoslovakia or East Germany!

teggers5 wrote: »

Must be different depending on what county your in.
We used our drivers license when registering our intent to marry.

Okay, I guess not every county needs passports. I rang ahead to check because we didn't have them. So I can confidently report that Laois and Offaly require them. Or did last year anyway.

ABajaninCork · 28-02-2015 1:57am

Didn't need a stamp. Just brought my passport, birth cert (AFAIK only the long version of a UK birth cert is acceptable here), utility bill for my London addy, and off we went.

fits · 28-02-2015 8:39am

teggers5 wrote: »

Must be different depending on what county your in.
We used our drivers license when registering our intent to marry.

We went in on thursday. All she required was passport and birth cert. She didnt even look for utility bill " because you have the passport" that said i would still bring it.

MistyCheese · 28-02-2015 8:50am

So its definitely worth a call to the local registrar if you need to confirm anything. Seems to be up to each individual one exactly what they'll accept.

rainbow kirby · 28-02-2015 10:06am

We were in just before Christmas in Limerick. We had our passports, birth certs (long form only accepted - when we gave the postal notification my OH sent in a copy of the short form of his and they asked him to bring in the longform), we posted the printed copy of our council tax bill to cover both of us for proof of address (because it gives both of our names and our address) but brought separate ones on the day.

teggers5 · 28-02-2015 1:13pm

MistyCheese wrote: »

So its definitely worth a call to the local registrar if you need to confirm anything. Seems to be up to each individual one exactly what they'll accept.

Exactly, no harm in ringing ahead to see what they'll need on the day.

teggers5 · 28-02-2015 1:13pm

MistyCheese wrote: »

So its definitely worth a call to the local registrar if you need to confirm anything. Seems to be up to each individual one exactly what they'll accept.

Exactly, no harm in ringing ahead to see what they'll need on the day.

General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

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