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Gasligthing. Ever been told you are over reacting when you are not?

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Comments

  • #52
    Tigger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,247 ✭✭✭Tigger99


    Nope, that makes sense :)

    You know the phrase passive agressive bully is a good one in the context of gaslighting.

    It was such a relief the the first time I heard this behavior described, after my breakup, I second guessed everything I did because of his bs words and actions previously. It took me a while to acknowledge that my concerns were valid and should have been listened to.


  • #53
    irishh_bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,700 ✭✭✭irishh_bob


    ive just realised that i misinterpreted the tone of this thread , its about abuse stemming from couple break ups , my experience was not based on that and thus irrelevant

    so long folks


  • #54
    Tigger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,247 ✭✭✭Tigger99


    Um, its not just breakups, itd about anybodies concerns being dismissed by saying that they are overreacting. More from the ladies point of view, but without dismissing experiences from either sex.


  • #55
    Storminateacup
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,424 ✭✭✭Storminateacup


    The more I think about it the more I realise girls will try do this to other girls, girls they're supposed to be friends with.. Frenemies if you will..

    I've never been the kind of person who was bullied, because I could always give as good as I got and I'm quite good at standing up for myself. I personally wouldn't 2nd guess myself or feel inferior next to another person.

    I guess while I'm not everybodys cup of tea, I have an incredibly strong (to the point of it being a fault) personality and should some miscreant be unfortunate to undermine my feelings or reactions, I'd give it to them with both barrells, be it boyfriends, teachers, or frenemies.


  • #56
    G86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    irishh_bob wrote: »
    ive just realised that i misinterpreted the tone of this thread , its about abuse stemming from couple break ups , my experience was not based on that and thus irrelevant

    so long folks
    Listen, I know it's hard to think that anyone else could have ever been in your position, and I know that sometimes acknowledging that they have and they've got through it can feel dismissive of just how bad you feel. But the thing is, just because other people have shared your pain doesn't make it any less significant. Just because other people have got through it doesn't mean it was easy, and it doesn't make you any less of a person for the way you feel right now.

    I don't think it matters what anyone says in reply to you here, I know you can't change how you feel with the flick of a switch. But please just know that no-one means to hurt you with their comments, and I'm sure everyone here deeply sympathises with what you went through, and no-one doubts for one second just how horrific it must have been.

    Maybe you're right, maybe you can't be happy like you were before; so don't try - work on a new future for yourself and try to create a new kind of happy. Because that's all any of us can do, we just try our best in life and no matter what it throws at us we just keep going.

    You're in a bad place right now, but remember this - you're still here, you kept going. That's something to be proud of.


  • #57
    Tigger99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,247 ✭✭✭Tigger99


    Storm, just to pick up on something you mentioned. If the behaviour starts off very subtle by a person who says they love you, its not always easy to recognise it. In fact, if someone is in denial about the behaviour of their oh, they mightn't see it until they get out of that situation

    It's not as simple as letting someone second guess you :).

    The reason I'm saying this is if other women reading this blame themselves, and they shouldn't. Ive seen the normally most strident of women have this happen to them and its not always easy to recognise.


  • #58
    irishh_bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,700 ✭✭✭irishh_bob


    G86 wrote: »
    Listen, I know it's hard to think that anyone else could have ever been in your position, and I know that sometimes acknowledging that they have and they've got through it can feel dismissive of just how bad you feel. But the thing is, just because other people have shared your pain doesn't make it any less significant. Just because other people have got through it doesn't mean it was easy, and it doesn't make you any less of a person for the way you feel right now.

    I don't think it matters what anyone says in reply to you here, I know you can't change how you feel with the flick of a switch. But please just know that no-one means to hurt you with their comments, and I'm sure everyone here deeply sympathises with what you went through, and no-one doubts for one second just how horrific it must have been.

    Maybe you're right, maybe you can't be happy like you were before; so don't try - work on a new future for yourself and try to create a new kind of happy. Because that's all any of us can do, we just try our best in life and no matter what it throws at us we just keep going.

    You're in a bad place right now, but remember this - you're still here, you kept going. That's something to be proud of.


    your post is sincere and appreciated but i dont think anyone has hurt me on this thread , not for a second did i think that , an internet forum is not somewhere you can really hurt someone IMO tbh


  • #59
    Scarinae
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 11,362 ✭✭✭✭Scarinae


    Storminateacup wrote: »
    The more I think about it the more I realise girls will try do this to other girls, girls they're supposed to be friends with.. Frenemies if you will..
    Definitely, I've experienced it myself. I had two 'friends' in school do this to me, it was so gradual I'm not even sure when it began. Nothing was off-limits for their b1tchy comments - my hair, my weight, my boyfriend, things I said, things I did - but if I pulled them up on it, they'd be like "It was a JOKE, what is wrong with you, why are you so sensitive?!" Frequently, if I was trying to say something I'd be interrupted by "Yeah, no one cares". I know it seems trivial compared to what a lot of people on this thread have experienced, especially since we were only 14/15, but it really did knock my confidence for a long time, even after I snapped and moved to a new group of friends.


  • #60
    KittyeeTrix
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,239 ✭✭✭KittyeeTrix


    I hate it to be told I'm being overly sensitive especially when I'm not. It is an attempt in my opinion to undermine a persons opinion :(

    It can make you question yourself which i suppose was the intention of the person who suggests it in the first place. I usually take time to think about my position and then if I have been overly sensitive on a particular issue I'll admit it and move on


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  • #61
    Dubhlinner
    Registered Users Posts: 456 ✭✭Dubhlinner


    horrible thing to have done to you. should be illegal. If you any way go against the grain and the people benefitting from the grain don't like what you're saying the charismatic bully will have you destroyed.

    I'd say people who are "alternative" get it the worst. Girls with piercings/tattoos. Guys with long hair. Perhaps why these people are often perceived as quiet by co-workers.

    A good defence is to joke to these people that they are "showing off" or "acting the bully"

    the latter may scare the sh*t out of them: no one in a modern office environment wants the b-word bandied about. but screw them its exactly what they are.

    Sadly though nothing is likely to change. Prominent gaslighter types tend to be ridiculously popular.

    Ugh wish I didn't read this thread. So many angry memories flooding back


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