Who's single?

anewme · 15-10-2018 12:16am

People in the main are still too concerned what other people think.

Auntie Flo is commenting you are getting on a bit and have too many cats.

My Dad was always slagging me that people were saying he got rid of my younger sister (she got married) but not me.

He's now in the latter stages of dementia, and while he knows us, he doesn't remember if I'm married or not.

It does not matter.

It really doesn't in the overall context of things, so be true to yourself and your beliefs, whatever they may be.

Gimme A Pound · 15-10-2018 12:31am

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

Keep telling yourself all those reasons mentioned above if it justifies it for you. &#55357;&#56898;

Maybe the lady doth protest too much but maybe that's genuinely how they feel. You seem to be doing that thing of "there's no way they could feel any different to how I feel". Imagine if they told you you were kidding yourself by saying you're happy in your relationship.

jimbobaloobob · 15-10-2018 1:15pm

Yep hands up I was probably too harsh in my comment and well said by those that commented. I guess I was looking at it from my own perspective not just with relationships but with life ambitions where I have given myself enough excuses to soothe myself from the possibilities of what might never happen, play it safe and never take the gamble.

When i read the original post the lyrics of a Josh Ritter song came to mind. "i'd rather be the one who loved, than to be loved and never even know".

Sephiroth_dude · 15-10-2018 1:19pm

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I have no problem getting dates luckily but none of them go anywhere because I don't want them to.. Essentially, I date as a hobby to fill in the odd day when I've nothing on. Some i end up having sex with a few times, others I I get bored of and ghost or bench. I've been called called everything from a really decent gentleman to a headwreck shyster who don't know what I want. But equally I've been ghosted by some girls too. So, swings and roundabouts. I had everything from a fling with a Romanian woman to Galway girl and I've even covered a Japanese english student.

Where do you meet all these women? on dating apps or do you approach on the street or where ever you may be?

PlaneSpeeking · 15-10-2018 1:20pm

Single and f**king blissfully content.

I swear I've got colleagues who react the same when going "oh, you'll meet someone" as they would to "oh you'll get the new kidney you need".

Annoying wagons to a woman!

TheBoyConor · 15-10-2018 4:08pm

Sephiroth_dude wrote:

Where do you meet all these women? on dating apps or do you approach on the street or where ever you may be?

Dating apps for the most part. I have found POF to be the most productive one of the lot.

The girl who turned out to be a really good friend was also one of my POF dates originally.
Some people think we are together but we aren't but I understand why they think that because we hang out once a week or so, spend time together and are somewhat affectionate. But it's platonic and there's no sexual stuff or commitment like in a relationship. But we would help each other now and again if need be.

Basically we both have the positive aspects of gf/bf without the commitment or the sexual stuff. We are both free to do whatever we like.

Best of all worlds.

PlaneSpeeking · 16-10-2018 9:31am

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Dating apps for the most part. I have found POF to be the most productive one of the lot.

The girl who turned out to be a really good friend was also one of my POF dates originally.
Some people think we are together but we aren't but I understand why they think that because we hang out once a week or so, spend time together and are somewhat affectionate. But it's platonic and there's no sexual stuff or commitment like in a relationship. But we would help each other now and again if need be.

Basically we both have the positive aspects of gf/bf without the commitment or the sexual stuff. We are both free to do whatever we like.

Best of all worlds.

Sounds like me and the best mate. Friends for 20 years and no patty fingers if you please!

No boyfriend or husband would ever match up quite frankly and tbh I'm not arsed looking. I like my life!

16-10-2018 9:35am

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

When i read the original post the lyrics of a Josh Ritter song came to mind. "i'd rather be the one who loved, than to be loved and never even know".

Ritter fan myself so the lyric always pops into my head too when this subject comes up. However did Ritter not then later in his career go on to sing:

"Supposedly it was a wise wise man
Who said it’s better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all, never to have loved.
How many times does the truth that you take to be true
turn out to be truth falling apart at the same speed as you"

A nice image. If you and a truth you cling to are falling apart at the same time and speed - do you even notice certain truths falling apart? Or does it always seem true in relation to where you are at - even as it decays.

But to mind also jumps the line in Men In Black when Will Smith trots out the cliche of "Well it is better to have loved and lost....." and Tommy Lee Jones just perfectly delivers the line "try it".

Or Nat King Cole singing "Is it better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all? I wonder (I wonder) As my lonely teardrops fall".

I would be between the camps on this one myself. I have invested _a lot_ in the relationship I am in and I love it and never want to lose it.

If however I did lose it and ended up single again I think I would stay that way. I do not think I would have any interest in going down that road again - and I would find hapinesses and paths in life "going it my own way". So I can very much understand the people who say they are single and intend to stay that way forever. I do not think they are "making excuses" or "justifying" anything.

PlaneSpeeking · 16-10-2018 9:37am

...... when Will Smith trots out the cliche of "Well it is better to have loved and lost....." and Tommy Lee Jones just perfectly delivers the line "try it"

God that kills me that scene!

:(:(:(

fryup · 16-10-2018 5:17pm

so 51.27% (as i type this) are sad bastards

,,,reassuring to know i'm not the only one :cool:

Eircom_Sucks · 16-10-2018 9:27pm

fryup wrote: »

so 51.27% (as i type this) are sad bastards

,,,reassuring to know i'm not the only one :cool:

Speak for yourself

ToddyDoody · 17-10-2018 6:52am

Who cares? What difference does it make? Society is a great big galloping moron

Wibbs · 17-10-2018 8:35am

Deleted User wrote: »

I would be between the camps on this one myself. I have invested _a lot_ in the relationship I am in and I love it and never want to lose it.

If however I did lose it and ended up single again I think I would stay that way. I do not think I would have any interest in going down that road again - and I would find hapinesses and paths in life "going it my own way".

+1 and that's pretty much happened with me. After my last long termer went south, my interest in that kinda thing just went away TBH. Not in any dramatic woe is me way either, more like the circuit involved overloaded and burnt out.

ancapailldorcha · 17-10-2018 8:39am

Deleted User wrote: »

If however I did lose it and ended up single again I think I would stay that way. I do not think I would have any interest in going down that road again - and I would find hapinesses and paths in life "going it my own way". So I can very much understand the people who say they are single and intend to stay that way forever. I do not think they are "making excuses" or "justifying" anything.

Wibbs wrote: »

+1 and that's pretty much happened with me. After my last long termer went south, my interest in that kinda thing just went away TBH. Not in any dramatic woe is me way either, more like the circuit involved overloaded and burnt out.

Interesting. I think I can somewhat relate without the actual relationships. I think people who've never had it happen go down either one of two roads. They either get bitter (and have it reinforced online) or they make do with what they have and try and enhance their lives in other ways.

Segotias · 19-10-2018 2:57pm

Completely single. Not sure if it's by choice or not. Only seem to attract men who want a bit on the side.

Never wanted kids but wouldn't have said no to a relationship with a bit more substance then previous ones.

Having said that going solo allows for freedom to pretty much do as I please, holidays etc.

Imitimacy side is all that's lacking though according to a male friend that should never be an issue as women have no problem finding blokes especially for that.

19-10-2018 3:21pm

Segotias wrote: »

...........

Imitimacy side is all that's lacking though according to a male friend that should never be an issue as women have no problem finding blokes especially for that.

I dunno, genuine intimacy and getting the ride are fairly independent IMO

Segotias · 19-10-2018 3:32pm

Augeo wrote: »

I dunno, genuine intimacy and getting the ride are fairly independent IMO

This tends to be part of my argument with him, yes I could shag the blokes who make the offers or if I got drunk enough on a given night out hook up with someone but that's just a ride. Nothing intimate there!!

ginandtonicsky · 19-10-2018 3:38pm

Relationship sex is a different ballpark to casual sex IME. Two totally different creatures.

suicide_circus · 19-10-2018 3:47pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Relationship sex is a different ballpark to casual sex IME. Two totally different creatures.

totally different. one is more thrilling, the other more competent.

Segotias · 19-10-2018 3:52pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

totally different. one is more thrilling, the other more competent.

But which is which...in some cases casual can be boring and unfulfilling..assuming thats the one you're thinking of as being thrilling

This Fat Girl Runs · 19-10-2018 3:55pm

I'm single. Duh.

SusieBlue · 19-10-2018 4:01pm

I'm recently single after coming out of a long term relationship.
I'm still too hurt and emotionally scarred to even consider dating right now.
But I remember the happiness, contentment, companionship and sheer bliss brought on from being committed to a person you truly adore, who adores you in return, and I hope to feel that with someone else some day & share my life with them.

For now, I'm focusing on myself and working on healing the emotional issues I carry from my last relationship.
I've been asked on a few dates but it wouldn't be fair of me to even go - I'd only be wasting another persons time and I won't do that. I remember when I was last actively dating, there was nothing worse than meeting someone great only to realise a few dates in they were still hung up on an ex.
So I'm going to wait until I feel ready, but I do hope to get married one day in the future, even if it seems like a distant dream right now

Pug160 · 19-10-2018 8:47pm

Yeah, I guess I'm in the usual suspect category here. I have a solo trip planned for next year and a few other things to keep myself occupied. I've been lucky enough to have avoided any kind of pressure or ridicule from family, thankfully. I know some people may not have been so lucky. I guess the only noteworthy thing about it all is the seeming fact that my sexuality has never been brought into question. I think it's always been assumed that I have chosen to be single. It's hard to be truly certain what people think, although I don't care too much anyway.

puppieperson1 · 19-10-2018 9:00pm

anewme wrote: »

Bitterness only effects the bitter party.

Red wine, cheese, Nazi Death Squad, Super vet, with Linda Mc c sausage rolls, then 80's Spotify.
gym tomorrow, maybe, maybe not. Maybe get up st 10 and di a cycje if it's not raining. The bike is in the sitting room, some ppl don't like that!

Sleep like a starfish and snore like a pig.

Love being single.

good for you you have it sussed...... not everyone is needy and cut out for relationships. I bet you have a very good bicycle to boot !!

19-10-2018 11:13pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

totally different. one is more thrilling, the other more competent.

Some of the best sex I've ever had has been outside of a relationship. I don't know what that means or if it means anything at all but it's interesting.

SusieBlue · 19-10-2018 11:19pm

puppieperson1 wrote: »

good for you you have it sussed...... not everyone is needy and cut out for relationships. I bet you have a very good bicycle to boot !!

I don’t think being more suited to relationships makes you needy, in the same way that I don’t think that being more suited to being single makes you a loner.
I would consider myself fiercely independent but still more suited to being in a relationship.

puppieperson1 · 20-10-2018 2:17pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

I don’t think being more suited to relationships makes you needy, in the same way that I don’t think that being more suited to being single makes you a loner.
I would consider myself fiercely independent but still more suited to being in a relationship.

It wasnt meant that way but some people are very needy , some people like relationships and some people are compromised & suffer in relationships. i am single tried marriage then tried living with someone hate the compromise i have to make as i am a strong woman . So now i see someone occasionally but mostly prefer to be alone with my pets and doing solo things like cycling horses - dogs - swimming- reading all things i can do in peace with out anyone interrupting.

Dickie10 · 22-10-2018 11:14pm

35 single male. was with a good few girls over the years shifting and drifting , never went out with a girl for more than 2 months. had loads of opportunitties but any of the girls i was really interested in , didnt want me after i showed too much interest. not overly bothered since the last girl i went out with for two months decided to just stop texting ,calling etc out of the blue one day. she wouldnt reply to any calls , texts nothing she could have been dead for all i knew. eventually replied about 18 months later at 4 am one night after i drunkenly texted. anyway that was enough hardship for me for a while so not too bothered about dating, or really looking for it unless i was very interested in the girl. i do worry though that i have never gone out with s girl for more than 2 months and im 35

Grayson · 22-10-2018 11:17pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

I don’t think being more suited to relationships makes you needy, in the same way that I don’t think that being more suited to being single makes you a loner.
I would consider myself fiercely independent but still more suited to being in a relationship.

I think of myself a suitable for a relationship with the right person. And some of the girls I've dated have been close but generally not. And that's why I'm generally single rather than in a relationship.

I'm wondering what it's like to be in a relationship for a very long time. It's never happened and so i do wonder what it'd be like.

Dickie10 · 22-10-2018 11:35pm

same here,im sometimes fascinated about what might have happened if i passivley went along with some of the saturday night shifts over the years and started going out with those girls , the thought horrifys me tbh

misstearheus · 23-10-2018 2:02am

Funnily enough, - I was just today feeling a bit hyper/bored etc. and got into thinking about ways to find a fella. And what came into my head, was......, Tesco!!!!! Next time I'm there, or even go there intentionally and if I like the look of any fella I see ask him if he'd like to go on a date if he's single. Or indeed just ask a few and see how I go! And then, if I do end up finding a nice guy to go out with, I can change my Tagline on the Online Sites to We actually really did meet in Tesco! :P:D:pac::pac:

grindle · 23-10-2018 9:15am

Grayson wrote: »

I'm wondering what it's like to be in a relationship for a very long time. It's never happened and so i do wonder what it'd be like.

As somebody who's spent 11 of the past 12 years in two relationships - there are a lot of compromises and efforts to be made and one of the two always compromises more and/or makes more effort than the other. With two headstrong people that has a high probability of leading to resentment for one or both.

On the positive side when things are going good it feels like somebody's always got your back and you can trust them with anything - it really can feel like you're one half of a whole. Sex tends to get better as time goes on and you get to know eachother better although the frequency generally dips - if it doesn't dip you're a rare outlier couple.

More negatives: eh... Total devastation as it clicks in your head that the person you've built up as an ideal isn't actually ideal (but don't worry because recognising they're not the ideal and opting out of the relationship is better for both parties than trudging through and building negatuvity!) & the possibility for your self-esteem to be ground to a fine dust if you haven't kept up any interests that don't depend on the relationship to exist - maintain separate hobbies or a hobby that you might share an interest in but you can do separately as it's quite likely you'll have to depend on that hobby if the most likely outcome comes to be.

Plopsu · 23-10-2018 10:37am

Single at 50. Just under a year out of a seventeen year marriage. Can't see myself getting involved again.

Dickie10 · 23-10-2018 11:56am

id love to wonder what is happening with people that don't seem to be able to be single for any more than a month or so. these people are very strange to me. id love to know how there minds work compared to mine. why am I the opposite that I can go 6-9 months or even a few years without having any meaningful contact with someone on that relationship level

grindle · 23-10-2018 12:21pm

Dickie10 wrote: »

id love to wonder what is happening with people that don't seem to be able to be single for any more than a month or so. these people are very strange to me. id love to know how there minds work compared to mine. why am I the opposite that I can go 6-9 months or even a few years without having any meaningful contact with someone on that relationship level

There are multitudes of reasons but the way you phrase it indicates that you think being single is positive vs being in a relationship?
Neither situation is some universal positive or negative.

Some people like company more than others, some people have great luck hitting it off with people or have magnetic personalities, some are needy to the point of clingy obsession, some have such low self-esteem they'll settle for literally anybody, some people have high sexual needs even a relationship on it's last legs has a better chance of delivering sex than going on a Tinder-binge (for men at least).
Conversely, some people have no inclination towards compromising their time or beliefs or comfort, some people are very hard to get along with, some have very little need or want for another's affection whether emotional or physical.

Huge grey area, not much black or white.

nthclare · 23-10-2018 12:37pm

I love being single it's great.

Humble bragging here I may be.
But being single in your mid 40's is wayyyy better than the late 20's up until at least 41

Women are less superficial in their late 30's they go for a more alpha strong guy rather than the mangina blue pill guy they got tired of. He's usually kicked to the kirb by the time she's 34 5 to 7 year's a woman will put up with a puddy cat.

Then when she's sick of his pandering to her every need but under current control,and he's reduced her to a quivering wreck because he just simply is too jealous passive controling and sensitive,her instincts kicks in.

She starts finding the guy with the broad shoulders, beard and tattoos more appealing.
She has her career well tuned,so she doesn't need Mr Blue pill no more.

I find dating in my mid 40's is a whole new level, women in their mid 30's to 50s + want a good strong empathic man who'll be more honest,less demanding and confident.

His bank account doesn't really matter, because the workaholic is always busy.
The average guys has more time for her and he's more than likely never been married either.
So he's likely to have less baggage, than the guy who's divorced or separated.

I love being single love it....

Segotias · 26-10-2018 1:00pm

nthclare wrote: »

I love being single it's great.

Humble bragging here I may be.
But being single in your mid 40's is wayyyy better than the late 20's up until at least 41

Women are less superficial in their late 30's they go for a more alpha strong guy rather than the mangina blue pill guy they got tired of. He's usually kicked to the kirb by the time she's 34 5 to 7 year's a woman will put up with a puddy cat.

Then when she's sick of his pandering to her every need but under current control,and he's reduced her to a quivering wreck because he just simply is too jealous passive controling and sensitive,her instincts kicks in.

She starts finding the guy with the broad shoulders, beard and tattoos more appealing.
She has her career well tuned,so she doesn't need Mr Blue pill no more.

I find dating in my mid 40's is a whole new level, women in their mid 30's to 50s + want a good strong empathic man who'll be more honest,less demanding and confident.

His bank account doesn't really matter, because the workaholic is always busy.
The average guys has more time for her and he's more than likely never been married either.
So he's likely to have less baggage, than the guy who's divorced or separated.

I love being single love it....

These 2 points jump out at me...

I've always found men to be more superficial...."men attracted with their eyes and women with their ears" kinda thing??

I'm 41 so not quite mid 40's but find dating non existent regardless of the type of man out there.

Interesting to see from the male perspective

CruelCoin · 26-10-2018 1:43pm

A lot of "strong independent women" types in this thread, of the cat food, meals for one and wine variety.

Tell me how · 26-10-2018 3:01pm

CruelCoin wrote:

A lot of "strong independent women" types in this thread, of the cat food, meals for one and wine variety.

I'm pretty sure nthclare is male...

Segotias · 26-10-2018 3:55pm

CruelCoin wrote: »

A lot of "strong independent women" types in this thread, of the cat food, meals for one and wine variety.

Sounds like a plan!!! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Swapping for dog food, batch cooking and vodka!!!!

:):P:P

QuestionTime18 · 27-10-2018 4:29am

I find the opposite is true, when women are young they want the broad shoulders and tall men, when they older height becomes less of a requirement (Or at least i prey it does). But yeah i think when women are young, they are all requiring height and good looks, but as they get older they are more about whats on the inside or at least that's what i've been told.

nthclare wrote: »

I love being single it's great.

Humble bragging here I may be.
But being single in your mid 40's is wayyyy better than the late 20's up until at least 41

Women are less superficial in their late 30's they go for a more alpha strong guy rather than the mangina blue pill guy they got tired of. He's usually kicked to the kirb by the time she's 34 5 to 7 year's a woman will put up with a puddy cat.

Then when she's sick of his pandering to her every need but under current control,and he's reduced her to a quivering wreck because he just simply is too jealous passive controling and sensitive,her instincts kicks in.

She starts finding the guy with the broad shoulders, beard and tattoos more appealing.
She has her career well tuned,so she doesn't need Mr Blue pill no more.

I find dating in my mid 40's is a whole new level, women in their mid 30's to 50s + want a good strong empathic man who'll be more honest,less demanding and confident.

His bank account doesn't really matter, because the workaholic is always busy.
The average guys has more time for her and he's more than likely never been married either.
So he's likely to have less baggage, than the guy who's divorced or separated.

I love being single love it....

Gimme A Pound · 27-10-2018 6:36am

CruelCoin wrote: »

A lot of "strong independent women" types in this thread, of the cat food, meals for one and wine variety.

And the men who say they're happy being single - players right?

Eircom_Sucks · 27-10-2018 8:25am

CruelCoin wrote: »

A lot of "strong independent women" types in this thread, of the cat food, meals for one and wine variety.

Exactly and i bet nothing to look at too , and up their own rear end too

Alf Veedersane · 27-10-2018 9:01am

The right relationship should make your life better. It should add to it.

So maybe those people who are single and contentedly so happen to value themselves rather than getting into a relationship thats just hardship....as opposed to bring up their own holes, cat ladies or players etc.

Gimme A Pound · 27-10-2018 11:05am

I get being unhappy after a break-up or missing the good bits of a relationship, and wanting to meet someone, but people who are unhappy all the time with being single - they strike me as quite needy. Ditto people who cannot for the life of themselves understand how a person could be happy single.

That said, I think most people (most) would like to meet someone ultimately.

But there are good things about being single and being in a relationship. It's not a case of one or the other.

Dalomanakora · 27-10-2018 11:11am

Recently enough single (29, female). 5 year relationship ended on not so great terms about 2 months ago.

Obviously it's upsetting and I miss the guy, but I'm coming around to the stage of enjoying being single. I like having no obligation towards anyone for now.

In the future, obviously it's not a chore to keep the right person in mind when you make any decisions, because you'll want to include the right person.

But for now I'm enjoying having no obligation to be considerate of a guy's feelings, and being able to do what I want.

Maybe in a year or so I'll look into dating again but not yet.

I think being in the right relationship is amazing, but equally so is being single! They both have perks

Gimme A Pound · 27-10-2018 11:23am

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

The right relationship should make your life better. It should add to it.

So maybe those people who are single and contentedly so happen to value themselves rather than getting into a relationship thats just hardship....as opposed to bring up their own holes, cat ladies or players etc.

And if someone is going to be an insulting arsehole, they should be egalitarian about it instead of insulting women only.

Eircom_Sucks · 28-10-2018 1:54am

Dalomanakora wrote: »

Recently enough single (29, female). 5 year relationship ended on not so great terms about 2 months ago.

Obviously it's upsetting and I miss the guy, but I'm coming around to the stage of enjoying being single. I like having no obligation towards anyone for now.

In the future, obviously it's not a chore to keep the right person in mind when you make any decisions, because you'll want to include the right person.

But for now I'm enjoying having no obligation to be considerate of a guy's feelings, and being able to do what I want.

Maybe in a year or so I'll look into dating again but not yet.

I think being in the right relationship is amazing, but equally so is being single! They both have perks

How you doin

omerin · 28-10-2018 2:42pm

whoever came up with the phrase it is better to have loved and lost then never have loved didn't consider my scenario. I knew a girl from work for 3+ years, was friendly and there was a connection but nothing happened. She went back to her home country last year and returned this year. During this time we stay in touch. In August I met her and asked her out, and generally we had a great time. Earlier this month I tried to contact her, she lives in a remote part of the county, alone, and she didn't respond or so I thought. She had sent a imessage where we normally communicated through WhatsApp. I had my notifications turned off so I didn't see it and thought something was wrong. I phoned in the morning and she didn't answer so I drove for one hour to see she was ok. She was and she said she was shocked (not in a good way) that I would call unexpectedly. The next day we met and she broke it off, apparently one of her exs did something similar and now she believed she was getting the same feeling about me.
Now I was shocked and she even said that it didn't make sense but was basing her decision on a feeling.
This month has been the worse month of my life, but hoping she will change her mind or talk to someone. I have given her a few weeks space but she is ignoring my messages. It's bad enough losing your gf and on top of it losing a friend as well.

Dalomanakora · 28-10-2018 2:54pm

Mate, you need to leave that girl alone. Ye dated for a month, you thought she ignored you for a day when she didn't, so arrived at her house?

Sorry but that's fcuking bananas and behaviour like that is why many women choose to stay away from men.

Who's single?

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