Who's single?

TheBoyConor

I'd just like to clarify that I never intentionally ghosted anyone. It just tends to happen sometimes that after a few dates or whatever, contact tends to be less and less frequent and at some stage, it will come to an end. It just happens.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Ah here the way you're going on he's committed some war crime. When you've only shagged a bird a few times there's no need to be meeting up to have a mature conversation about ending things. She doesn't need to be Alfred Einstein to work out that you not texting her anymore means you're not interested.

Zorya

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Ah here the way you're going on he's committed some war crime. When you've only shagged a bird a few times there's no need to be meeting up to have a mature conversation about ending things. She doesn't need to be Alfred Einstein to work out that you not texting her anymore means you're not interested.

The lesser known Einstein I presume?

La.de.da

Tell me how wrote: »

Well apart from the benching or ghosting thing.

People do drift apart but making a conscious decision to treat someone in this way is poor in my view.

Young or old, male or female, be honest in your intentions whatever they are ffs.

Exactly. Doesn't even have to be a phone call, a text to say there's no longer interest there. That's a bit of respect.

Even if as said they only shagged a few times...... they shagged a person not a bit of meat. That macho bravado attitude puts a lot of people off dating. Would you wonder why?

Tell me how

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote:

Ah here the way you're going on he's committed some war crime. When you've only shagged a bird a few times there's no need to be meeting up to have a mature conversation about ending things. She doesn't need to be Alfred Einstein to work out that you not texting her anymore means you're not interested.

Sorry for taking him at his word, which he posted. And using terms like ghosting/benching implies a fair of knowledge of what his actions were.

No matter. He has clarified.

anewme

Patrick Gray Blowgun wrote: »

Ghosting and benching and referring to "had sex with" as "covered" is so cool and edgy.

It would make anyone with an ounce of sense run.

I'm a bit older but if people start Speaking like that in my company I'd find it very hard to keep a straight face

Gimme A Pound

Benching is completely calculating. It's throwing crumbs at someone who's mad about you after breaking up with them, giving them hope. A horrible thing to do to another person. Never mind lads trying to look macho in front of their "bros" and pretending it's nothing. If a woman behaved like that (and they can do) to a man, they'd tear shreds off her. And understandably so.

frozenfrozen

I am single and always get asked why am I single which is odd enough because I'm 23

Cutie 3.14

Karina Brief Rosewood wrote: »

Grand. So with your reasoning, the fella was abused too considering he couldn't look in a certain direction without being chastised.

Why do you have such a problem with what I'm saying!?
You don't know the full story for god sake.
I don't have to justify anything to you but this will be me my only reply to you.
My initial post was skirting around the issues because I didn't want to drag the thread off topic.

Yes it was abusive, I tried ending it numerous times only for him to threaten to kill himself if I left.
He flirted with women right in front of my face and if I had the audacity to be hurt by it he would say "well who else am I supposed to look at/talk to....YOU!? " and then proceed to look me up and down with disgust. There is SO much more I could write but there's no need.

If you don't like what I'm saying, I don't care.

Disposable1 wrote: »

The parts I have in bold above can sometimes be part of an abusive relationship. Not all abuse in a relationship is physical, it can be emotional or mental. He looks controlling to me, classic power games. Even if the OP's ex did not abuse he certainly treated her in a disrespectful way.

Thank you for sticking up for me:)



Back on topic: I'd love to meet a nice fella with the same morals and values as me. I just can't see it happening. But I'm quite happy being single. I know people who are always with somebody, bouncing from one relationship to the next very quickly, they just can't be alone for some reason.

No one asks me why I'm still single any more..

Tell me how

Deleted User wrote: »

No one asks me why I'm still single any more..

Yeah. I've been thinking that throughout the day.

All those complaining about being asked are they single, wait until they start getting wedding invites without a plus one and no expectation that it would be a problem.

anewme

Tell me how wrote: »

All those complaining about being asked are they single, wait until they start getting wedding invites without a plus one and no expectation that it would be a problem.

I'm still being asked.....even if I'm way past the wedding invite stage (well the first round) past the baptisms, in the middle of the divorces phase now, but when it moves into the funeral stage, I suppose I'll start worrying.

Gimme A Pound

Micky 32 wrote: »

You ever stare at another mans arse or whatever during a relationship, not even once??

Karina Brief Rosewood wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Yes it was lol

No it wasn't "lol". Crikey, some people would ignore reams in order to make the woman out to be hysterical.

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Just watching jessica ennis , man a savage ass

She better take it up the brown star

Fook all else that gets me into her lolo

ur kool

grindle

Cutie 3.14 wrote: »

I know people who are always with somebody, bouncing from one relationship to the next very quickly, they just can't be alone for some reason.

Besides the obvious possibility of low self-esteem it's possibly a lack of hobbies/interests beyond X-Factor or whatever Joe Duffy is yakking about that day which could exacerbate the newfound loneliness - they have to fill the gap the only way they know how. Learned behaviour really, it's why I always express to any hobby-less friend (including a couple of past girlfriends and the current FWB) that they need a hobby or two, otherwise any tight relationship ending could be overwhelming and they get stuck in a depressive rut.

It's also healthy while in a relationship even if just to keep the brain ticking over. It lessens pressure on any other party to keep you entertained or for you to entertain them which I've found to be a huge energy sap in the past.
Being passionate about something is attractive to others as well, it's a double-win!

jimbobaloobob

Sprinter Sacre wrote: »

Single for most of whole life and will be for the long term future. I am in my 20s but I don't believe in love and I don't buy into this settling down thing. The idea of settling down scares me as is. Like why would you want to settle in anything. I like the freedom, I like not being forced to do something or have to put up or listen to someone just because we share a house and she gives the ride once in the blue moon. Relationships are far too much work and effort and there simply isn't enough of a positive side. The level of cheating and people separating and getting divorced is horrifying as well and would only put you off more. Sex is everywhere so no fear of me that way but after a while you get bored of that. There are far greater pleasures out there but most men will never experience that anyway as they're settled down and in a sense stuck.

Keep telling yourself all those reasons mentioned above if it justifies it for you. 🙂

Yer Da sells Avon

I've been single for over a decade and I'm very happy together. I've got 99 problems, but having to hide my depressive personality and pretend to be normal for as long as it takes someone to grow rather attached to me ain't one.

jimbobaloobob

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

Keep telling yourself all those reasons mentioned above if it justifies it for you. 🙂

That's unfair.

Bitterness was mentioned earlier in the thread as was the assumption that a relationship means control and loss of freedom. There are those who have such views as a form of defense from the pain being single or heartbroken brings. I come in to contact on a regular basis with people who want so badly to find love but have themselves wrapped within a wall of "I'm better off anyway" and "most marriages end in divorce".

Do you understand how hard it can be to shake off that wall and be open and vulnerable? You may be capable of it but don't dismiss another persons position. In any event what I wrote above obviously doesn't apply to every single person so the poster you quoted may actually feel exactly as claimed.

anewme

Agree it's unfair.

Marriage and 2.4 kids is not the measure we all want to be assessed on. Or have any interest in.

people don't need to justify it to anyone. If people are happy in their own skin and fck the begrudgers then more power to them.

Yer Da sells Avon

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

I've been single for over a decade and I'm very happy together. I've got 99 problems, but having to hide my depressive personality and pretend to be normal for as long as it takes someone to grow rather attached to me ain't one.

You don't give yourself enough credit for who you are Da.

Daisybelly

Single and its complicated. Any place in the poll for that?

anewme

People in the main are still too concerned what other people think.

Auntie Flo is commenting you are getting on a bit and have too many cats.

My Dad was always slagging me that people were saying he got rid of my younger sister (she got married) but not me.

He's now in the latter stages of dementia, and while he knows us, he doesn't remember if I'm married or not.

It does not matter.

It really doesn't in the overall context of things, so be true to yourself and your beliefs, whatever they may be.

Gimme A Pound

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

Keep telling yourself all those reasons mentioned above if it justifies it for you. ��

Maybe the lady doth protest too much but maybe that's genuinely how they feel. You seem to be doing that thing of "there's no way they could feel any different to how I feel". Imagine if they told you you were kidding yourself by saying you're happy in your relationship.

jimbobaloobob

Yep hands up I was probably too harsh in my comment and well said by those that commented. I guess I was looking at it from my own perspective not just with relationships but with life ambitions where I have given myself enough excuses to soothe myself from the possibilities of what might never happen, play it safe and never take the gamble.

When i read the original post the lyrics of a Josh Ritter song came to mind. "i'd rather be the one who loved, than to be loved and never even know".

Sephiroth_dude

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I have no problem getting dates luckily but none of them go anywhere because I don't want them to.. Essentially, I date as a hobby to fill in the odd day when I've nothing on. Some i end up having sex with a few times, others I I get bored of and ghost or bench. I've been called called everything from a really decent gentleman to a headwreck shyster who don't know what I want. But equally I've been ghosted by some girls too. So, swings and roundabouts. I had everything from a fling with a Romanian woman to Galway girl and I've even covered a Japanese english student.

Where do you meet all these women? on dating apps or do you approach on the street or where ever you may be?

PlaneSpeeking

Single and f**king blissfully content.

I swear I've got colleagues who react the same when going "oh, you'll meet someone" as they would to "oh you'll get the new kidney you need".

Annoying wagons to a woman!

TheBoyConor

Sephiroth_dude wrote:

Where do you meet all these women? on dating apps or do you approach on the street or where ever you may be?

Dating apps for the most part. I have found POF to be the most productive one of the lot.

The girl who turned out to be a really good friend was also one of my POF dates originally.
Some people think we are together but we aren't but I understand why they think that because we hang out once a week or so, spend time together and are somewhat affectionate. But it's platonic and there's no sexual stuff or commitment like in a relationship. But we would help each other now and again if need be.

Basically we both have the positive aspects of gf/bf without the commitment or the sexual stuff. We are both free to do whatever we like.

Best of all worlds.

PlaneSpeeking

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Dating apps for the most part. I have found POF to be the most productive one of the lot.

The girl who turned out to be a really good friend was also one of my POF dates originally.
Some people think we are together but we aren't but I understand why they think that because we hang out once a week or so, spend time together and are somewhat affectionate. But it's platonic and there's no sexual stuff or commitment like in a relationship. But we would help each other now and again if need be.

Basically we both have the positive aspects of gf/bf without the commitment or the sexual stuff. We are both free to do whatever we like.

Best of all worlds.

Sounds like me and the best mate. Friends for 20 years and no patty fingers if you please!

No boyfriend or husband would ever match up quite frankly and tbh I'm not arsed looking. I like my life!

jimbobaloobob

jimbobaloobob wrote: »

When i read the original post the lyrics of a Josh Ritter song came to mind. "i'd rather be the one who loved, than to be loved and never even know".

Ritter fan myself so the lyric always pops into my head too when this subject comes up. However did Ritter not then later in his career go on to sing:

"Supposedly it was a wise wise man
Who said it’s better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all, never to have loved.
How many times does the truth that you take to be true
turn out to be truth falling apart at the same speed as you"

A nice image. If you and a truth you cling to are falling apart at the same time and speed - do you even notice certain truths falling apart? Or does it always seem true in relation to where you are at - even as it decays.

But to mind also jumps the line in Men In Black when Will Smith trots out the cliche of "Well it is better to have loved and lost....." and Tommy Lee Jones just perfectly delivers the line "try it".

Or Nat King Cole singing "Is it better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all? I wonder (I wonder) As my lonely teardrops fall".

I would be between the camps on this one myself. I have invested _a lot_ in the relationship I am in and I love it and never want to lose it.

If however I did lose it and ended up single again I think I would stay that way. I do not think I would have any interest in going down that road again - and I would find hapinesses and paths in life "going it my own way". So I can very much understand the people who say they are single and intend to stay that way forever. I do not think they are "making excuses" or "justifying" anything.

PlaneSpeeking

...... when Will Smith trots out the cliche of "Well it is better to have loved and lost....." and Tommy Lee Jones just perfectly delivers the line "try it"

God that kills me that scene! :(:(:(

fryup

so 51.27% (as i type this) are sad bastards

,,,reassuring to know i'm not the only one :cool: