Positive/negative thinking

mr_fegelien · 11-11-2019 10:04pm #1

Do you believe any of it? It's been a feature of pop-psychology over the last 20-30 years that all we need to do is have "positive thoughts" and things will be okay but it's bull**** in a sense no?

No doubt that some people may have a problem with self-pity but if you're in a **** situation then thinking positively won't make it better. You need to make it better. Even when it's in your mind, a lot of our thoughts aren't controllable. Actions to a certain extent yes but chemicals firing in the brain can change how you feel thus think thus act thus "feel good" messages don't work. If they did we wouldn't have any recreational drug use because people would just will themselves to be happy.

Ipso · 11-11-2019 10:07pm

I kind of agree with the idea of staying positive to avoid getting into a rut (although you run into people who confuse reality with negativity), but not the new age tosh of positivity where the universe rewards you.

barneygumble99 · 11-11-2019 10:10pm

I work with someone who is extremely negative and would gladly drag you down to his level if you listened to him every day. Hates the job, hates the company, hates dealing with the public, just a miserable bast**d all round. Big dark cloud following him all day. It would start to get in on you if you stopped to talk to him.

Mr. Incognito · 11-11-2019 10:15pm

Im not sure how much a positive attitude will help you but I really know a negative attitude to everything will destroy your life

mr_fegelien · 11-11-2019 10:18pm

barneygumble99 wrote: »

I work with someone who is extremely negative and would gladly drag you down to his level if you listened to him every day. Hates the job, hates the company, hates dealing with the public, just a miserable bast**d all round. Big dark cloud following him all day. It would start to get in on you if you stopped to talk to him.

Any friends or is he a loner?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 11-11-2019 10:19pm

Thinking positively won't result in positive outcomes in life but living a life full of negative thoughts doesn't lead to any good.

But, a word of advice, don't over think things. And leave the obsession with recreational drugs aside until you've matured somewhat.

11-11-2019 10:20pm

barneygumble99 wrote: »

I work with someone who is extremely negative and would gladly drag you down to his level if you listened to him every day. Hates the job, hates the company, hates dealing with the public, just a miserable bast**d all round. Big dark cloud following him all day. It would start to get in on you if you stopped to talk to him.

I know someone like that in work but they're completely different when they're off the clock. Sometimes work is just **** and it's grand if you can separate it.

I don't like to be too positive in any respect personally as you can never be too disappointed then at least.

Muppet Man · 11-11-2019 10:20pm

barneygumble99 wrote: »

I work with someone who is extremely negative and would gladly drag you down to his level if you listened to him every day. Hates the job, hates the company, hates dealing with the public, just a miserable bast**d all round. Big dark cloud following him all day. It would start to get in on you if you stopped to talk to him.

Taxi driver?

Sharp MZ700 · 11-11-2019 10:22pm

Always connect the earth first is all I'd advise.

Ipso · 11-11-2019 10:22pm

Muppet Man wrote: »

Taxi driver?

A life coach?

Stacksofwacks · 11-11-2019 10:24pm

barneygumble99 wrote: »

I work with someone who is extremely negative and would gladly drag you down to his level if you listened to him every day. Hates the job, hates the company, hates dealing with the public, just a miserable bast**d all round. Big dark cloud following him all day. It would start to get in on you if you stopped to talk to him.

Its quite possible your colleague has depression. A constant pessimistic outlook is one of the symptoms. Or else he's just one of these self absorbed toxic people who you should just steer clear of. Either way you should ask him if he has ever spoken to someone about whatever issues he has.

wylo · 11-11-2019 10:32pm

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Do you believe any of it? It's been a feature of pop-psychology over the last 20-30 years that all we need to do is have "positive thoughts" and things will be okay but it's bull**** in a sense no?

No doubt that some people may have a problem with self-pity but if you're in a **** situation then thinking positively won't make it better. You need to make it better. Even when it's in your mind, a lot of our thoughts aren't controllable. Actions to a certain extent yes but chemicals firing in the brain can change how you feel thus think thus act thus "feel good" messages don't work. If they did we wouldn't have any recreational drug use because people would just will themselves to be happy.

Recreational drug use and unhappiness are not interdependent you know.

Regarding your overall point, it depends on what you're referring to, if its just the general "have a positive attitude and good things will come your way" point of view, then, to be fair, there is some merit in it. But not because of mysterious forces, but because if you are prone to a positive attitude you are probably more likely to find yourself in good situations due to improved motivation, more willing to take risks, being more likeable and easy to get on with, not to mention simply perceiving things as positive.

On the other hand, if someone is depressed or grieving badly or is experiencing awful news I dont think anyone is claiming "think positive" will fix them these days, especially not any decent therapists. That said, CBT IS a more controlled, respectable version of this, but that is more about realising things are not true that perceived as negative.

s7ryf3925pivug · 11-11-2019 10:33pm

Yeah inappropriate positivity is the new opium of the people. Hippies used to be activists, protesters - successful ones. Then they got sold the idea of disappearing up your own buttholes instead.

I've found that being appropriately negative and outspoken has benefitted me, for example, in advancing my career, increasing my remuneration and getting the best medical care for my family. The most positive cheerful people are the ones cheerfully sitting in junior roles and working late regardless of having plenty of experience and apparent ability.

freshpopcorn · 11-11-2019 10:37pm

I think finding the write balance is the way to go.
I don't really believe on telling people just believe you can achieve it and you will achieve it. When the circumstances will never allow it.
Also being a real whinger doesn't help things.

Potential-Monke · 11-11-2019 10:44pm

I'm quite negative these days, but I usually keep it to myself in real life. Thankfully have Boards to vent! But we're constantly surrounded by negativity, especially in the news, because no one would tune in/read papers if it was mostly good. I stopped reading papers as it was putting me in a bad mood, similarly I don't watch the news anymore. If it's not something about someone getting murdered, or some other shocking article, it's articles from the entitled giving out because life wasn't easy and they deserve more.

Nowadays, I surround myself with things I like and am interested in, and that's call I care for. People may call me a hermit, but I'm happier now than I have been for a long time. People make other people negative imo.

Stacksofwacks · 11-11-2019 11:05pm

Yeah I don't know what it is about bad news/negative stories that people find fascinating..maybe it gives people some kind of solace that there are worse things in life out there? I'm sure there is some psychological reason behind it, otherwise the Main stream media would be out of buisness

barneygumble99 · 12-11-2019 8:25am

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Any friends or is he a loner?

Married with two kids.

barneygumble99 · 12-11-2019 8:26am

Muppet Man wrote: »

Taxi driver?

Nope, mechanic.

barneygumble99 · 12-11-2019 8:28am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Its quite possible your colleague has depression. A constant pessimistic outlook is one of the symptoms. Or else he's just one of these self absorbed toxic people who you should just steer clear of. Either way you should ask him if he has ever spoken to someone about whatever issues he has.

I wouldn’t say he’s depressed, all the stuff he has a down on, he wouldn’t change. I said to him once, if you hate the job so much why don’t u change. His answer was better the devil you know. I actually think he’s happy being miserable.

AndrewJRenko · 12-11-2019 8:34am

There is a whole industry around sports psychology persuading professional sport people to think positively, visualise themselves winning etc

Black Swan · 12-11-2019 8:37am

Some of us have been lucky, if that be a positive. Then again... "If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."

seamus · 12-11-2019 8:38am

Studies over the last decade or so how shown that "positive thinking" in general has a better effect on one's mental health. Even "fake it till you make it" has been shown to have an improving effect on mild depression.

Which sounds like new agey bullsh1t, but the data is there.

And naturally, people who are more positive about things and who act outwardly in a more positive way, will have better outcomes - mentally, socially & financially - than someone who is always negative and acts outwardly negative.

enfield · 12-11-2019 8:39am

I knew this woman once and she had a bad opinion on everything, as my father used to say 'All things look yellow to a jaundiced eye' type of thing. I said it to her that she has nothing good or positive to say, she replies " I am just being realistic". The thing is all her realism is negative.

seamus · 12-11-2019 8:41am

enfield wrote: »

I knew this woman once and she had a bad opinion on everything, as my father used to say 'All things look yellow to a jaundiced eye' type of thing. I said it to her that she has nothing good or positive to say, she replies " I am just being realistic". The thing is all her realism is negative.

Pessimists never think of themselves as pessimists, they always think they're realists.

Because the entire world looks negative to them. If anyone ever says, "I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist", then you know they're definitely a pessimist.

Black Swan · 12-11-2019 8:52am

seamus wrote: »

Studies over the last decade or so how shown that "positive thinking" in general has a better effect on one's mental health. Even "fake it till you make it" has been shown to have an improving effect on mild depression.

Martin, MW (1997), Caring About Clients, Professional Ethics, Vol. 6, Nos 1 & 2, discussed how "pretending to care" about clients positively affected their cure. It was required reading for students learning to be nurses attending university across the pond. I was at a US conference awhile back and there were a group of nurses laughing about the article, especially when they thought about some of the GPs they had known, who seemed to be more interested in money than their patients. They had a lot of pretending to do.

anewme · 12-11-2019 9:01am

You only have to read some of the threads around here to see negative people in full flight.

The whingey thread about holidaying in Ireland, the constant woman/dole/foreigner bashing stuff. While no one is expected to be a smiling ray of sunshine 24/7, and everyone can have down days, being constantly negative must be draining.

Negative people spend too much time whinging about what others have rather than focusing on themselves.

Agree there is an industry based on positive thinking and "can do" attitude and most of it is basic common sense."I CAN do it" is a powerful statement rather than 20 reasons why I can't.

You see some people overcome challenging situations and do well, for example, people with physical disabilities completing marathons and their attitude is paramount to their success. People like that are an inspiration.

12-11-2019 9:15am

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Do you believe any of it? It's been a feature of pop-psychology over the last 20-30 years that all we need to do is have "positive thoughts" and things will be okay but it's bull**** in a sense no?

In a sense, for sure. But I think there is so much packed up in "Positive Thinking" that it is hard to say. It tends to mean different things to different people.

Certainly happy slappy thinking is not going to shoot magical rays out into the universe and modify it to your benefit. And I do not put much stock in those positivity tapes where you repeat mantras to yourself about your self worth and so forth.

But all that said - positive outlooks can lead you to take chances in life where more negative people might wallow in a situation they do not like but at least feels secure. While certain kinds of negative thought - especially worry and stressful ones - can manifest in actual health impacts. Not to mention the social impacts of whether people want to be around a happy person or a negative downer.

But the whole "Positive Thinking" thing can backfire and be harmful too - and much of the data for it is questionable.

For me I try to deal with the world through a range of thinking types - rather than focusing on looking at everything positively or negatively exclusively - I try to do both and more in between. See it from all sides in all ways. And I deal with harmful thoughts and emotions and issues of self esteem in ways other than merely trying to inject my thoughts with happy slappy feelz.

Fr_Dougal · 12-11-2019 9:57am

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Do you believe any of it? It's been a feature of pop-psychology over the last 20-30 years that all we need to do is have "positive thoughts" and things will be okay but it's bull**** in a sense no?

No doubt that some people may have a problem with self-pity but if you're in a **** situation then thinking positively won't make it better. You need to make it better. Even when it's in your mind, a lot of our thoughts aren't controllable. Actions to a certain extent yes but chemicals firing in the brain can change how you feel thus think thus act thus "feel good" messages don't work. If they did we wouldn't have any recreational drug use because people would just will themselves to be happy.

This is what your posts are like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NjISA-FIIA

Captain_Crash · 12-11-2019 10:55am

I can see some sense to it all. I agree that thinking positively about a situation wont make that situation any better, but I do think positive thinking will likely result in a better mindset, which in turn will drive someone to make positive changes... so kind of yeah positive thinking does work, but it drives other factors which in turn can pull someone our of a bad place and improve their situation.

Our biggest critic is our own mind, but it can also be our biggest weapon.

Andreas77 · 12-11-2019 11:17am

was same for you or different?

nkl12xtw5goz70 · 12-11-2019 11:34am

anewme wrote: »

Agree there is an industry based on positive thinking and "can do" attitude and most of it is basic common sense."I CAN do it" is a powerful statement rather than 20 reasons why I can't.

I see your point, but I believe we can easily fall victim to the "You can do it!" strain of positive thinking. Many people pursue careers in areas like music, acting, art, creative writing, and so on, telling themselves that they can succeed if they just have the right attitude — even if the number of aspiring actors, artists, or novelists who end up becoming big names, or even making a decent living, is infinitesimally small.

There was a thread recently about a young woman who spent her 20s pursuing a music career in New York, waitressing on the side, only to wind up back in Ireland, about to turn 30, with virtually nothing to her name and struggling to figure out a way forward.

Positive thinking, following your dreams, etc., is all very well, but it can also blind people to an objective, realistic appraisal of their talents, abilities, and prospects. That's when it becomes dangerous.

anewme · 12-11-2019 11:55am

Rylan Puny Knickknack wrote: »

I see your point, but I believe we can easily fall victim to the "You can do it!" strain of positive thinking. Many people pursue careers in areas like music, acting, art, creative writing, and so on, telling themselves that they can succeed if they just have the right attitude — even if the number of aspiring actors, artists, or novelists who end up becoming big names, or even making a decent living, is infinitesimally small.

There was a thread recently about a young woman who spent her 20s pursuing a music career in New York, waitressing on the side, only to wind up back in Ireland, about to turn 30, with virtually nothing to her name and struggling to figure out a way forward.

Positive thinking, following your dreams, etc., is all very well, but it can also blind people to an objective, realistic appraisal of their talents, abilities, and prospects. That's when it becomes dangerous.

Personally, I am not talking about taking it to that level. We all see people chasing Stardom trying to be the best footballer etc when they are just not at that level.

We will have bad days, when someone we love passes away, when we lose our job, when bad things happen.

We all have good days, when we find a tenner, when you finish a project at work, a family event.

Then there are the in-between days, the mundane weeks, the Monday to Fridays where life just goes on. I can be very easy during these times to whinge or get down, for example as I said in relation to the Negative Nelly Threads, but just as easy to be positive.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Baz Luhrmann

Aongus Von Bismarck · 12-11-2019 11:56am

I may have mentioned it before, but mindfulness based mediation is a transformative way of being able to slow down and observe the way you are thinking. We seem to live in a world where people are becoming increasingly afraid of being bored, or actually 'checking in' with themselves to take note about how they are feeling. Negative thoughts aren't actually a bad thing, and meditation is a phenomenal way of being able to recognise them, how they sit in your body, and how they come and go in awareness. Most of you should also recognise that you are hopelessly addicted to your smartphone, and that it is making you tremendously unhappy.

Morning is the best time to meditate, and ease into the day , and my routine is as follows:

5:15 am - My Sonos is programmed to wake me up to the latest podcast from the monks of the Abbeye du Barroux. They publish the chants of the Divine Office on a daily basis. I'm not particularly religious, but I am a deeply spiritual man, and find the Gregorian chants to have an extremely profound and almost hypnotic effect on me. I'm considering taking a 3 day retreat there early next year.

5:30 - Meditation - Mindfulness. I've tried other types, but find it to be the most effective for those of us who live a busy life. I use a meditation stool, and have an area set aside in my apartment for my meditation practice. I don't use any of those guided meditation apps anymore, preferring just a simple bell to begin and end the practice.

5.47 - Brush my teeth.

5.50 - Exercise. My favourite way to exercise is to get outside and go for a run, but I recently bought a Peloton bike and will sometimes take a spinning class instead. I always cool down with a yoga-inspired stretching regime.

6.30 - Shower, shave, sauna, shower.

6.50 - A cup of coffee. None of your Nespresso rubbish, but a bean-to-cup Jura machine.

7.00 - My newspapers, fresh bread, free range-eggs, and laundry are delivered.

7.05 - Freshly squeezed orange juice, prepare breakfast, listen to the radio, browse the headlines in the newspapers. My midweek breakfast usually features eggs, tomatoes, greens from my balcony, mushrooms, some pickled vegetables, and bread.

7.40 - Check my iPhone or iPad for the first time. Usually start by seeing how my personal portfolio is doing. My emails are scheduled to start arriving from 7.45 in the morning.

pgj2015 · 12-11-2019 12:12pm

positive thinking is the only way to go, for example, if you were thinking of starting a new college course or starting a business, a positive person would imagine the good things that could happen if he/she takes a chance and starts the course or business, a negative person will see all the things that might go wrong and likely not pursue the course or start the business.

no one wants to around a negative person.

ben.schlomo · 12-11-2019 12:13pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I may have mentioned it before, but mindfulness based mediation is a transformative way of being able to slow down and observe the way you are thinking. We seem to live in a world where people are becoming increasingly afraid of being bored, or actually 'checking in' with themselves to take note about how they are feeling. Negative thoughts aren't actually a bad thing, and meditation is a phenomenal way of being able to recognise them, how they sit in your body, and how they come and go in awareness. Most of you should also recognise that you are hopelessly addicted to your smartphone, and that it is making you tremendously unhappy.

Morning is the best time to meditate, and ease into the day , and my routine is as follows:

5:15 am - My Sonos is programmed to wake me up to the latest podcast from the monks of the Abbeye du Barroux. They publish the chants of the Divine Office on a daily basis. I'm not particularly religious, but I am a deeply spiritual man, and find the Gregorian chants to have an extremely profound and almost hypnotic effect on me. I'm considering taking a 3 day retreat there early next year.

5:30 - Meditation - Mindfulness. I've tried other types, but find it to be the most effective for those of us who live a busy life. I use a meditation stool, and have an area set aside in my apartment for my meditation practice. I don't use any of those guided meditation apps anymore, preferring just a simple bell to begin and end the practice.

5.47 - Brush my teeth.

5.50 - Exercise. My favourite way to exercise is to get outside and go for a run, but I recently bought a Peloton bike and will sometimes take a spinning class instead. I always cool down with a yoga-inspired stretching regime.

6.30 - Shower, shave, sauna, shower.

6.50 - A cup of coffee. None of your Nespresso rubbish, but a bean-to-cup Jura machine.

7.00 - My newspapers, fresh bread, free range-eggs, and laundry are delivered.

7.05 - Freshly squeezed orange juice, prepare breakfast, listen to the radio, browse the headlines in the newspapers. My midweek breakfast usually features eggs, tomatoes, greens from my balcony, mushrooms, some pickled vegetables, and bread.

7.40 - Check my iPhone or iPad for the first time. Usually start by seeing how my personal portfolio is doing. My emails are scheduled to start arriving from 7.45 in the morning.

No morning constitution? Wanna get your get yourself checked out there Avb. I like to take mine to the sounds of Wagner or maybe Mozart, depending on the mood.

Midster · 12-11-2019 12:20pm

I’m a big fan of thinking positive. Mostly because of my parents teaching me when I was younger how little point there is in worrying about the things you cannot change.
However, for the other things were action is needed, if the action is carried out correctly then there shouldn’t be any need to worry anyway.

And when paranoia strikes, and you feel in your gut that something might be about to happen that you cannot control, remember, you can’t stop it, but you can change the after effects after what is going to happen has happened.

So if your cheating on your partner and you think that there’s a good chance that there going to tell on you, and if you’ve tried everything you possibly can to try and prevent it from happening, but despite your efforts it looks like it’s going to happen anyway. Start thinking of the fall out, and how you can effect it for the better.

Abel Ruiz · 12-11-2019 12:22pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

7.00 - My newspapers, fresh bread, free range-eggs, and laundry are delivered.

Thats really good for the environment.
Maybe you should just get them for yourself on your jog?

bnt · 12-11-2019 12:22pm

The way I understand it, it helps to try to recognise negative thoughts and understand them, rather than deny them or try to force positivity. I think "mindfulness" is aimed at that too, but I didn't come at it from that angle. It's like having a negative thought, stepping back a little, thinking "ooh, I'm having a negative thought, why is that then?"

Johnny Sausage · 12-11-2019 12:23pm

i positively think you are a fruitloop

Potential-Monke · 12-11-2019 10:32pm

The problem is, what can you do/tell someone who can't get the negative thoughts out of their heads? As I said previously, I'm quite negative these days, but aware of it so keep to myself and avoid getting myself into situations where the negativity comes out. And I also understand the aspects making me negative are not something I can change, and with no change in sight I just have to live with it. But I'm not always negative, it depends on the situation and conversation.

For example, I had the unfortunate luck of eating in the same room that the news was on, and it put me into a terrible negative mood. I already have a 'scratchy' throat (working nights, they haven't figured out the heating yet), and then the misery and misfortune that the news brings; a couple with over 150 charges of rape/aggravated sexual assault/sexual assault on up to 5 minors, farmers who aren't making profit from beef but refuse to change to the profitable tree farming, LGBT+ kids telling us how hard their lives are in school, calls of racism in the Dail (a giant playground for giant overpaid kids), EU fining us €5m for some windfarm craic and €15k a day until it's resolved, the fact that the government are even entertaining the idea of letting that terrorist back into the country... It's all negative! And why i usually don't watch the news.

Regrading the mediation above, I personally think it's a load of ****. I've tried it, and it's not for me. But the same is with anything where people try to tell me to think positive, even in the gym I detest the 'GO ON! PUSH IT! ONE MORE REP!!!' people! What works for me is staying away from people outside my friend group in general.

And the hardest part of it? Other people telling me how wrong I am with how I'm dealing with it. Telling me that living at home with my parents at 36 is wrong. Telling me my pastimes and hobbies are childish. Even worse are the people, including those on here, who are telling me that being single is bad and unless I find a wife and have kids my life will be incomplete. That's the most damaging, and people don't even realise they're doing it (recent Emma Watson thread as proof).

anewme · 12-11-2019 10:54pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

And the hardest part of it? Other people telling me how wrong I am with how I'm dealing with it. Telling me that living at home with my parents at 36 is wrong. Telling me my pastimes and hobbies are childish. Even worse are the people, including those on here, who are telling me that being single is bad and unless I find a wife and have kids my life will be incomplete. That's the most damaging, and people don't even realise they're doing it (recent Emma Watson thread as proof).

Who are these people though and why do you even care one bit?

Potential-Monke · 12-11-2019 11:29pm

anewme wrote: »

Who are these people though and why do you even care one bit?

They're everywhere. Family, friends, random people on boards. It's not until you're happy being single that you see the anti-single comments and people stating that having a partner/kids is the way to happiness. And I did care, so much that it negatively affected me. Thankfully, i'm over that, but it took a long time and lots of mental anguish to accept that yes, I actually am happy being single, being a gamer, etc.

Why did I care? I wish I knew, like someone addicted to smoking, I couldn't just flick the switch and turn it off. I had to surround myself with people who didn't judge or pass (albeit sometimes in jest) comments which don't immediately appear damaging, but the more you hear it the more one would rightly expect to start believing it, when it's near constant.

As a result, I'm fairly negative about life, but i've found happiness in my own little bubble which works for me.

It's like any idea, if it's reinforced by enough people, others will start to believe it and think if they're not achieving it that there's something wrong or missing in their life. Dangerous words touted from people who don't know any different unfortunately.

anewme · 12-11-2019 11:42pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

They're everywhere. Family, friends, random people on boards. It's not until you're happy being single that you see the anti-single comments and people stating that having a partner/kids is the way to happiness. And I did care, so much that it negatively affected me. Thankfully, i'm over that, but it took a long time and lots of mental anguish to accept that yes, I actually am happy being single, being a gamer, etc.

Why did I care? I wish I knew, like someone addicted to smoking, I couldn't just flick the switch and turn it off. I had to surround myself with people who didn't judge or pass (albeit sometimes in jest) comments which don't immediately appear damaging, but the more you hear it the more one would rightly expect to start believing it, when it's near constant.

As a result, I'm fairly negative about life, but i've found happiness in my own little bubble which works for me.

It's like any idea, if it's reinforced by enough people, others will start to believe it and think if they're not achieving it that there's something wrong or missing in their life. Dangerous words touted from people who don't know any different unfortunately.

Glad you've found what works for you. I just smile at the anti single comments.

For me I could look at it two ways:

Negative: 50 year old woman, no husband, no children
Positive: 50 year old woman, no husband, no children

moonage · 12-11-2019 11:43pm

"I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNx_gU57gQ4

Potential-Monke · 12-11-2019 11:58pm

anewme wrote: »

Glad you've found what works for you. I just smile at the anti single comments.

For me I could look at it two ways:

Negative: 50 year old woman, no husband, no children
Positive: 50 year old woman, no husband, no children

That's where I'm at now, at 36, but up until 3 years ago I was worried because people were telling me to be worried (basically). I have my own stress, but thankfully it doesn't include the stress of kids/mortgage (any more, sold) on top of it, which I reckon would push me over the edge.

Now I know that it's perfectly fine to be single and not want kids, as long as that is what I want (it is). I wouldn't say no to a partner, but I'm not too worried about it now, and the 'selection pool' is limited, as most women in the 30+ age category who are single still want kids (going by profiles on dating Apps and speaking to the few single women I know). When one doesn't want kids, it really limits the choice. But again, I'm ok with that for now! And I reckon it's harder for women to admit they don't want kids, can only imagine the remarks they get!

Leg End Reject · 13-11-2019 12:15am

Potential-Monke and anewme!

There's a bit of positive thinking right there!

PTH2009 · 13-11-2019 12:22am

A few years ago I felt depressed and was prescribed anti depressants along with some other anti anxiety medication which I was on previously. Not once did it make me better and made me balloon in weight along with waking up in a bad mood. I was told by my doctor these would make me feel better. It took me 2 years to lose the weight these caused me and refuse to take any more. The sedation they cause is bad and i feel you get the same feeling/sensation off drink as you do them. I dont to be walking around a zombie thanks to a doctors advice

Waiting rooms in public mental health services are torture

Midster · 13-11-2019 1:24am

Fake it till you make it.... works for me

mr_fegelien · 13-11-2019 9:05am

PTH2009 wrote: »

A few years ago I felt depressed and was prescribed anti depressants along with some other anti anxiety medication which I was on previously. Not once did it make me better and made me balloon in weight along with waking up in a bad mood. I was told by my doctor these would make me feel better. It took me 2 years to lose the weight these caused me and refuse to take any more. The sedation they cause is bad and i feel you get the same feeling/sensation off drink as you do them. I dont to be walking around a zombie thanks to a doctors advice

Waiting rooms in public mental health services are torture

I'm surprised that the anti-anxiety meds (benzos) didn't work. Maybe the antidepressants were cancelling them. You should have felt more relaxed.

LaFuton · 13-11-2019 2:45pm

God loves u.

Bobblehats · 13-11-2019 2:47pm

Remember that

Positive/negative thinking

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