Are you a good person?

smartyfarts · 11-03-2019 4:16pm

Yes I am a good person. I believe that God looks fondly upon me.

11-03-2019 4:18pm

jimgoose wrote: »

Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.

Oh I could be a nemesis! Don't have the nerve though to exact the retribution needed and would ultimately be the loser I'm sure.

hgfj · 11-03-2019 4:18pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I've noticed that those who should feel guilty, don't. I know a guy who is incredibly toxic and has left a long line of destruction behind him. He has a track record of ditching people going through a hard time (including his best friend when her new husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, myself when going through severe depression and various ex-girlfriends when they displayed any kind of emotional need), he's done some really sketchy things (pressured women into sex to the extent of it almost being predatory, used sex workers in developing countries...) and he still manages to create a narrative in his own head that he's a good person. He's obscenely selfish and callous, but good fun to be around, so people try to believe the best of him until they can't anymore. I tried to point out to him once how much he'd hurt me by ditching me during a terrible time, and he just didn't answer or engage. Mad.

Sounds like a bit of a sociopath.

Tell me how · 11-03-2019 5:47pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think having others tell how they see you is a good idea. Their opinion may be shaped by their own prejudices and of course projections. It can also give a sense of power to the "teller" if they are that way inclined. No it's far better to develop our own inner eye and be sure of who we are without input from others.

I am not a bad person certainly but I do feel there are aspects of myself which aren't very pleasant. Funnily enough I'm suspicious of those who hold themselves to lofty heights of "I am so kind and caring and haven't a bad bone in my body". I believe we all have what Jung termed "the shadow self" and its vital to be aware of this part of ourselves.

Edited to clarify what I meant by input from others. Sometimes we do need help getting to a deeper understanding of ourselves but that's different to having someone say "I think you are x and y".

The premise of what I was suggesting was that the other people would talk to the therapist on the subject of you. The therapist would guide the questions and conversation in order to try to gain an understanding (to some degree) of how others perceive you in real life. It would be a conversation which would not include direct questions such as "Are they a good person" "What are their strengths" but would be down to the skill of the therapist to build a picture of the person who is not in the room in order to help working with them when they do return.

As I said previously, I can see pitfalls with such an idea but I think it would have potential to fill in a lot of gaps which could ultimately benefit the person seeking help.

I think so many people end up in therapy because of a lack of clarity of their place in the world and the 1 to 1 environment means that everything is understandably tailored from just one persons view. Having more opinions may allow for consistent views to emerge more quickly.

Funkfield · 11-03-2019 5:50pm

I'm chaotic good

Mad_maxx · 11-03-2019 5:53pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh I could be a nemesis! Don't have the nerve though to exact the retribution needed and would ultimately be the loser I'm sure.

Know what you mean

Tacklebox · 11-03-2019 5:54pm

I'm not very good at looking at myself, to be honest there's good and bad in me.
I meet them both in the middle.

So I'm probably a bit black and white.

11-03-2019 6:05pm

Tell me how wrote: »

The premise of what I was suggesting was that the other people would talk to the therapist on the subject of you. The therapist would guide the questions and conversation in order to try to gain an understanding (to some degree) of how others perceive you in real life. It would be a conversation which would not include direct questions such as "Are they a good person" "What are their strengths" but would be down to the skill of the therapist to build a picture of the person who is not in the room in order to help working with them when they do return.

As I said previously, I can see pitfalls with such an idea but I think it would have potential to fill in a lot of gaps which could ultimately benefit the person seeking help.

I think so many people end up in therapy because of a lack of clarity of their place in the world and the 1 to 1 environment means that everything is understandably tailored from just one persons view. Having more opinions may allow for consistent views to emerge more quickly.

I was imagining myself in a room while those closest to me took turns to say how they see me

Therapy is all about learning who you are but I'm not sure about becoming better placed to understand how one is perceived. I need to think about it. Of course we don't live in isolation so it matters that we are aware of how we may or may not impact others. The danger though is becoming too caught up with other peoples opinions of us. For a person say who had built their whole identity on external validation to then delve deeper in to others percept of them, well I don't know.

Also my head is a bit fuzzy right now. Thank feck I'm on a train and not in work! :pac:

11-03-2019 7:03pm

I'm embarrassed at how selfish I can be, even if I don't act on the selfish impulse it's usually there. I'd love to be one of those spectacular people who will hide three hundred people from the Nazi's in the spare bedroom without a thought for my own safety, but I'm not. I'd be a total coward. I haven't got as much patience as I'd like to have with people I don't like and I can be quite judgy. I could be more charitable in both thought and deed. I can be sharp tongued when it's deserved, and sometimes when it's not. I've a horrible tendency to be passive aggressive and not even recognize it for what it is.

On the positive side, I have spectacular manners and I rarely raise my voice or allow myself to lose my temper, even if sorely provoked. I'm good at dealing with arguments and differences of opinion and I'm even-tempered. I try to learn from mistakes and when I look back on things where I've let myself down I resolve to do better. I try to be thoughtful and kind, and I go out of my way to be reassuring to people under stress or in distress. I don't gossip or put people down behind their backs. I think most people who know me would say I was a nice person.

pxdf9i5cmoavkz · 11-03-2019 7:19pm

hgfj wrote: »

Sounds like a bit of a sociopath.

I think narcissistic is a better description for that one.

blade1 · 11-03-2019 7:22pm

That money was just resting in my account!

Autosport · 11-03-2019 8:09pm

I am a legend

and the best thing that's never happened to you

mzungu · 11-03-2019 9:44pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think having others tell how they see you is a good idea. Their opinion may be shaped by their own prejudices and of course projections. It can also give a sense of power to the "teller" if they are that way inclined. No it's far better to develop our own inner eye and be sure of who we are without input from others.

I am not a bad person certainly but I do feel there are aspects of myself which aren't very pleasant. Funnily enough I'm suspicious of those who hold themselves to lofty heights of "I am so kind and caring and haven't a bad bone in my body". I believe we all have what Jung termed "the shadow self" and its vital to be aware of this part of ourselves.

Edited to clarify what I meant by input from others. Sometimes we do need help getting to a deeper understanding of ourselves but that's different to having someone say "I think you are x and y".

Aye, that can be a big red flag. People that let you know all about their good deeds are usually awful people beneath it. In a lot of cases, they piggybacked on the good deeds of others and took the credit for it.

Thespoofer · 11-03-2019 10:11pm

I've hurt some people in the past.
I regret it and now have to live with my actions and the bad desicions I've made.
If I had a chance to speak to these people again I would apologise but I won't get that chance because some have died since and others have erased me.
I now go through every day trying to do good towards my family and the people I interact with through daily life.

Inside I know I'm a good person.

coffee_cake · 11-03-2019 10:21pm

I'll go with chaotic good as well

Agricola · 11-03-2019 10:29pm

I'm a bit of a strange character. On the one hand, I'll give homeless people a couple of quid routinely and will help any little old ladies who need to get across the road.

But if you cross me...... I will rain down an un-Godly fúcking firestorm upon you. You're gonna have to call the fúcking United Nations and get a fúcking binding resolution to keep me from fúcking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfúcker! I will massacre you! I WILL FÚCK YOU UP!

Tell me how · 11-03-2019 10:36pm

Agricola wrote: »

I'm a bit of a strange character. On the one hand, I'll give homeless people a couple of quid routinely and will help any little old ladies who need to get across the road.

But if you cross me...... I will rain down an un-Godly fúcking firestorm upon you. You're gonna have to call the fúcking United Nations and get a fúcking binding resolution to keep me from fúcking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfúcker! I will massacre you! I WILL FÚCK YOU UP!

What happens to old ladies who cross slowly in front of you as they try to get across the road?

Agricola · 11-03-2019 11:04pm

Tell me how wrote: »

What happens to old ladies who cross slowly in front of you as they try to get across the road?

I wait patiently for them to exit the crossing. Im not a crazy person like.

janfebmar · 11-03-2019 11:17pm

Like everyone else I have my flaws and am not perfect, but overall I'm a good person

bodice ripper · 11-03-2019 11:19pm

Mostly harmless.

janfebmar · 11-03-2019 11:24pm

I'm only harmful when there is a full moon.

Stacksofwacks · 11-03-2019 11:34pm

Agricola wrote: »

I'm a bit of a strange character. On the one hand, I'll give homeless people a couple of quid routinely and will help any little old ladies who need to get across the road.

But if you cross me...... I will rain down an un-Godly fúcking firestorm upon you. You're gonna have to call the fúcking United Nations and get a fúcking binding resolution to keep me from fúcking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfúcker! I will massacre you! I WILL FÚCK YOU UP!

That sounds very extreme. You will always get people in life who will cross you either on purpose or not. I just try to take it mostly in my side. resentment and anger gets you nowhere

take everything · 12-03-2019 12:08am

Tell me how wrote: »

I was discussing this to someone recently.

Instead of going to therapy for x number of sessions, imagine if you could send in 3 or 4 people individually who know you and have them speak honestly as to how they find you. Your strengths, weaknesses etc.

I think that that might be very progressive for a lot of people in therapy who are consumed by a lack of identity or feelings of self doubt as to their place in the world.

Trouble is, how truthful would these people be. Would they just try to make you look good? Or would they tailor their stories so as to make them look better where relevant as they might feel they were being judged.

Interesting concept if likely unworkable.

That's interesting.
Reminds me of the Always Sunny therapist episode with Dennis only interested in talking about how screwed up the others were.

But it's something that always intrigues me. Where does the truth lie. Social vs individual truth.

As others have said, other people can be deeply unreliable in their perception of you.
With their own prejudices, projection etc.

I'm slowly learning that the social truth trumps literally everything. Relationships are stronger than any truth and people will bend and break rules to preserve those bonds.

Simple as that.
Individual truth perishes easily in that environment.

In short, I'm screwed. 😋

Mad_maxx · 12-03-2019 12:24am

There is nothing I could do to one particular individual on this earth which would even out what they did to me, twenty one years after last speaking to them and not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind once

Some scars don't heal

Gimme A Pound · 12-03-2019 12:27am

I'm a well wisher... in that I don't wish others any *specific* harm.

Tacklebox · 12-03-2019 12:36am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

There is nothing I could do to one particular individual on this earth which would even out what they did to me, twenty one years after last speaking to them and not a day goes by that they don't cross my mind once

Some scars don't heal

Excuse the pun, but some people are far better off left beyond the Thunderdome....

There's one I left there a few months ago....

BeerWolf · 12-03-2019 5:33am

According to some, in politically related topics, I am literally worst than Hitler. :pac:

Are you a good person?

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